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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not wanting to use a dummy with DC?

221 replies

21dolly · 01/12/2021 07:57

I never used a dummy with DD because I didn't see any reason too. She had a bit of reflux when she was a baby but that settled quite quickly with gripe water and so on.
DP always wanted to use a dummy as he said 'that's just what you do with babies.'
We always had comments from his side of the family like 'why doesn't she have a dummy' and blah blah blah.

I'm currently pregnant again and DP is ADAMANT he wants this baby to have a dummy. I personally don't see the obsession with a dummy as some babies are able to be soothed without one (no judgment for parents who choose to use dummies btw and I'd definitely use one if I felt it would help DC!)

I really don't understand the dummy thing and why he's pushing for it so much without DC even being born yet. I'm not sure what I'm actually asking but I just thought I'd come on MN to hear opinions and see if I'm missing something here!

OP posts:
Notbornwithit · 02/12/2021 11:32

Contented

DappyApple · 02/12/2021 11:33

I assessed each of mine after they were born,. Ds1 had a dummy as I’d be feeding around the clock otherwise, as a result he settled really quickly. Ds 2 wasn’t interested and kept spitting it out so didn’t bother. He was a poor sleeper until 18 months, wouldn’t settle or stay asleep for any length of time. Was a nightmare.
Dd was a Thumb sucker, ( I have a scan photo of her sucking her thumb before she was born) also a good sleeper.

No speech delay or teeth problems but thumb sucking much harder to break. Dd only stopped a couple of years ago, she 18.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 02/12/2021 11:33

It literally never occurred to me with my 2 to use a dummy. I think they are often misused and I won’t be using one with my 3rd. I think they have their place - premature babies etc but I’m generally not a fan and I’m amazed at how many people use them.

phoenixrosehere · 02/12/2021 11:44

YANBU

My oldest didn’t have one until my mum brought one over. I gave in and let her give him one and he liked it, however, I only used it as a last resort and once he was about 6 months he would pop it in himself and spit it out when he didn’t want it. He gave it up on his own once his teeth came in a few weeks after his first birthday. I tried it once with my second but he didn’t like them and it caused a bit of nipple confusion so didn’t try it again. He also hated bottles. He skipped from breast to sippy cups in the end.

There is plenty of time to try one and they are easily available. No need to try it unless you’re struggling with soothing.

Skeumorph · 02/12/2021 11:47

Missing out? How totally bizarre!

Iamtired123 · 02/12/2021 11:49

I'm 27 and still suck my thumb 😭😭

HalloHello · 02/12/2021 11:55

I didn't use one with my first because I had all the time in the world to hold her, BF her and rock her to her hearts content. She was a contended baby because she usually had a nipple in her mouth or was getting 100% of my attention.

With my 2nd, I didn't have the same time for him because my daughter is 3.5 so I couldn't give him my full attention. A dummy helped him settle to sleep, and just calm him or distract him long enough for me to finish what I needed to do.

Everyone is different.

Lansonmaid · 02/12/2021 13:14

DS hated dummies and spat them out, DD found them very comforting. She gave them up with no problem and her speech and teeth seem fine (she's nearly 25). Just see how it goes.
I would add that I had post natal psychosis with my daughter and couldn't cope with breastfeeding let alone using the breast as a comforter...

sillysmiles · 03/12/2021 09:41

@21dolly I wonder if your husband feels the he missed out on being able to comfort your first because your first was BF or something? Obviously I'm just guessing.

HW1989 · 03/12/2021 10:54

I’d prefer not to use one when mine is born, though wouldn’t be opposed if it genuinely seemed needed.
I’ve worked as a nanny (including night nannying) for a long time and found that babies without slept better as they didn’t wake up looking for the dummy.

SweetsAndChocolates · 03/12/2021 11:00

@21dolly we ended up with dummy for DS, just because he was premature and whist in nicu the nurses were adamant we use it (otherwise I wouldn't leave his side because he wouldn't settle :( ) we ended up using one until about 8 months (no nipple confusion). He didn't even twitch at no dummy (was only using it at bedtime).

With DD, initially wasn't going to use one, but with so many things going on (had to pump and feed) ended up using one. With her took it away before she got close to second birthday. DD was also only using dummy at bedtime, so the first night it took a little bit longer to settle but we were done within 2 days.

I did go cold turkey with both, but it was only at bedtime that they used them so wasn't hard at all.
I hate seeing toddlers walking around with dummies too!

Camii · 03/12/2021 11:16

Used one with my first and he became totally addicted to it and was one of those toddlers wandering around with as mentioned by pp. It was a permanent stress having to have a clean one and spares with me when we went out. He lost his favourite one etc...
I think it depends on child and parent and absolutely don't judge anyone who uses one.
But I didn't use them with any other kids and it was easier for me and I hope for them obviously.
I would keep an open mind and see the temperament of this next baby. But I do find it weird that dh is so into it

Original poster
21dolly · 03/12/2021 13:30

[quote sillysmiles]@21dolly I wonder if your husband feels the he missed out on being able to comfort your first because your first was BF or something? Obviously I'm just guessing.[/quote]
Our first wasn't BF no so he was always heavily involved in bonding with DD and so on. He literally just thinks it's something every baby should have 'just because'😂

OP posts:
DeepaBeesKit · 03/12/2021 17:15

Weird to be so insistent on using it before DC even born. Plenty of babies just dont need them, equally for some (especially bottle fed babies) who are very sucky they are probably a god send.

DC1 never had one.

DC2 was given one by nurses when seriously ill & tube fed at about 3m old. Once we got home we only used it a handful of times at night when she wouldn't settle any other way, it was gone by the time she was 6m.

Where I live you regularly see huge 2 year olds with them in a lot of the time, wide awake, which I detest. My friend's son has teeth which you can very clearly see a dummy shaped gap .

OnPaper · 03/12/2021 17:40

httpswww.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/dummies-and-sids/

I haven't read all 8 pages of your thread, OP so maybe another poster already linked this. If not, then this has some useful information about dummies.

JMKid · 03/12/2021 18:05

I hate dummies and never used one for DC. No issues with him not having one.

Hankunamatata · 03/12/2021 18:56

1st dc didnt have dummy but he was bottle fed. My others were breast fed and dummy was a life saver

hulahooper2 · 03/12/2021 19:24

I do t understand why he is so keen , my eldest didn’t need one at all , I was advised to give my 2nd one to stop her thumb sucking but if only lasted 2 weeks till she was no longer interested in it, Not every child needs one , just wait and see if yours needs one

FurrFeather · 03/12/2021 19:27

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Notbornwithit · 03/12/2021 19:43

@FurrFeather

Dummies are to shut babies up, quite literally.

And because so few women breastfeed they have to give them a plastic "tit" to suck on.

Sad, pathetic, but true.

Seriously? Babies need comfort, the sucking reflex is soothing to them. They are out in the scary big world and they need comfort. I took my children to a Christmas fairground at the weekend. The baby was terrified of all the loud noises and music. Thank goodness she likes her dummy because I had very little other means to soothe. It wasn’t to ‘shut her up’ . Even if I was breastfeeding her I wouldn’t want to get my boob out in that scenario
Youseethethingis · 03/12/2021 22:20

I breast fed and gave a dummy because Shock theres no point martyring yourself on principle. I slept, the baby slept, my poor nipples got a rest, everyone was happy.
Sad, pathetic but true Hmm

Scatterlingsofafrica · 03/12/2021 22:59

YANBU.I never understood why people use dummies with their babies. I had three children and none of them ever had a dummy. If they were niggly I would clean my finger my little finger and stick it into their mouth (HV advice!) - worked like a charm . Seems bizarre now but it did work!

HoppingPavlova · 04/12/2021 00:06

Dummies are to shut babies up, quite literally. And because so few women breastfeed they have to give them a plastic "tit" to suck on. Sad, pathetic, but true.

Not really. I breastfed and some of mine had dummies, some not. As I said earlier the ones that didn’t just preferred their own fingers and once around 5/6 weeks discovered that of all their fingers they had this thing called a thumb which was magical.

Sometimes dummies are also used, not to shut them up as such but to soothe them when they need to wait briefly for a feed or cuddle, for example- you have a toilet training toddler in the middle of business at the same time baby decides it wants a feed or to be held, or the toddler is half-way through what to them is an important achievement and wants your full attention, sometimes the better option is the dummy for 5 minutes and that is no crime. Similarly, setting off for the school run and have to wake baby up, baby not happy and the dummy soothes them.

I agree, with one baby it’s generally possible to drop everything and completely rework what you need to do around them so they are pretty much always satisfied but once you have multiple kids the baby often has to fit around other commitments and is also often placed in environments where it needs to wait it’s turn sometimes or appreciates extra comfort and soothing such as loud toddler parties, schoolyard rush, being dragged around to pick up a sibling and being overtired etc. They appreciate a dummy for comfort and those that don’t like a dummy just generally self-soothe using the thumb anyway so no real difference.

Ionlydomassiveones · 04/12/2021 00:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Fidgetty · 04/12/2021 00:56

You absolutely don't have to if you don't
want to and some babies simply won't take to them but I personally loved them (after being adamant I didn't want to use them Grin). It kept them from using my poor cracked nipples as a soother. It helped make them fantastic sleepers. It became a sleeping cue so I could just drop them in the cot wide awake, hand them the dummy and walk away while their eyes dropped. It helped calm many a hairy situation and it was a breeze to get rid of aged 2. No teeth issues and my both my DDs speech was advanced so no issues there. For me they were a win win. Especially with my second child who would have used me as her pacifier every second of every the day if I let her and I would have lost my mind.

They can be great but if they don't work for you then don't bother!