In not wanting to use a dummy with DC?

[21dolly]

I never used a dummy with DD because I didn't see any reason too. She had a bit of reflux when she was a baby but that settled quite quickly with gripe water and so on.
DP always wanted to use a dummy as he said 'that's just what you do with babies.'
We always had comments from his side of the family like 'why doesn't she have a dummy' and blah blah blah.

I'm currently pregnant again and DP is ADAMANT he wants this baby to have a dummy. I personally don't see the obsession with a dummy as some babies are able to be soothed without one (no judgment for parents who choose to use dummies btw and I'd definitely use one if I felt it would help DC!)

I really don't understand the dummy thing and why he's pushing for it so much without DC even being born yet. I'm not sure what I'm actually asking but I just thought I'd come on MN to hear opinions and see if I'm missing something here!

I know my mother thought they were very "common". She didn't say anything when I tried it on my first baby. I think the baby initially thought he might get something out of it but seeing that wasn't working he spat it out. My mother had a little smile.

So good luck with your DH's plan. Remember he has to all the cleaning and sterilisation and picking the dummy up off the floor. And get up at night when the baby is crying because it's lost the dummy.

Didn't use with dd1 but dd2 has one when I'm desperate and it helps a lot. I will wean her off by 6 month latest though

Dummies give me the ick. I hate seeing a plastic nipple stuck in a baby's mouth (or worse, a grizzling toddler wandering around with one). My husband kept suggesting using one too, and I think we tried one out of desperation once, but my daughter wasn't interested so we never used them.

Aside from the ick factor, there's also being woken up multiple times a night because the dummy is lost, teeth, speech, etc to be weighed against the SIDS point.

I loved the dummies when mine were small! Total godsend.

Neither of mine used dummies but they are finger suckers. My 5yo has an overbite and pressure is on to get her to stop before her adult teeth come in. A dummy would have been easier to ditch but I don’t really like seeing them on older toddlers. I can see why they l like them (given my older one still likes her fingers) so I don’t know why it gives that reaction when they are probably much more hygienic than fingers.

I didn't use them on my 3 children.

I just find the whole dummy thing a bit weird. I saw friends who's children were dummy obsessed or having to constantly pick up/clean them. I didn't want to go down that road.

None of mine developed thumb sucking and I always bf to sleep.

I don't judge other people for using them though - as long as parents are loving and kind to their children, it's all ok for me.

We tried a dummy and it only helped a little for a very short time and we gave up on them while DD was still very little. It's a bit weird to be adamant they'll be used but I think its sensible to be flexible about it if it could made a big difference soothing a baby (my friends found it helped a lot with their DC though prior to having them didn't want to use dummies at all)

Dummies are brilliant. Mine had one from when it was suggested by one of her s NICU nurses. He used it for comfort and didn't give it up til he was 3. He used it in the day all the time too. I don't care what anyone thinks of this. He loved his dummies. He is now extremely articulate and his teeth are straight, by the way.

DS1 never needed or wanted one but my daughter does find hers helpful at bedtime. She doesn't ever have it outside her bedroom though.

The Lullaby Trust recommend using a dummy for nap and bed time to reduce the risk of SIDS. We used it just for those times and not awake times.

@21dolly

I never used a dummy with DD because I didn't see any reason too. She had a bit of reflux when she was a baby but that settled quite quickly with gripe water and so on. DP always wanted to use a dummy as he said 'that's just what you do with babies.' We always had comments from his side of the family like 'why doesn't she have a dummy' and blah blah blah.

I'm currently pregnant again and DP is ADAMANT he wants this baby to have a dummy. I personally don't see the obsession with a dummy as some babies are able to be soothed without one (no judgment for parents who choose to use dummies btw and I'd definitely use one if I felt it would help DC!)

I really don't understand the dummy thing and why he's pushing for it so much without DC even being born yet. I'm not sure what I'm actually asking but I just thought I'd come on MN to hear opinions and see if I'm missing something here!

I'm with you. You shouldn't use a dummy just because. There should be a need for it. They can have negative impacts so shouldn't really just use it for the sake of it.

I was very very anti dummies but used one for my child as I was so terrified something would happen to her and had read they help with SIDs. I should've then stopped it but as I was back at work allowed it to continue and have only just stopped it recently at 2 by taking the cold turkey approach which worked (I was told it would take 3 days for child to be ok with it. Was close to that though occasionally she asks but without drama).

Ultimately if you can do without, do without. Use it if you need to. But then be stricter than me if you can and stop use as soon as you can.

@eurochick

Dummies give me the ick. I hate seeing a plastic nipple stuck in a baby's mouth (or worse, a grizzling toddler wandering around with one). My husband kept suggesting using one too, and I think we tried one out of desperation once, but my daughter wasn't interested so we never used them.

Aside from the ick factor, there's also being woken up multiple times a night because the dummy is lost, teeth, speech, etc to be weighed against the SIDS point.

I figured I'd rather have an alive child who had some issues with speech/teeth than one who succumbed to SIDs. So that benefit for me clearly overrode any negatives.

That said, I shouldve gone cold turkey with it when teeth were coming in yet didnt. To be honest, my daughter's speech is fantastic for her age. Not always clear but neither is that of those of her peers who didn't have dummies. She rarely woke in the night because she lost it - usually once she was asleep, it didn't matter if it fell out. And though her teeth aren't perfect they aren't bad at all - and any issues way more likely to be hereditary. Both my husband and I needed orthodontic treatment as kids and neither of us had dummies, sucked thumbs or anything like that (even though a dentist accused my mum of using one dipped in sugar (!) because of my sister's teeth when she never used one at all and we didn't have juice or sweets).

So though I wish I had stopped her using it a bit sooner than now, I genuinely don't think a dummy has caused any negative impact on her.

It does amuse me that many posters like to ignore SIDS guidance about pacifier use, but follow every other guidance like it’s the law.
Sleep on back = check
Keep baby in room until 6 months = check
Avoid food/drinks during pregnancy = check
Recommend use of pacifier = nope because it might ruin their teeth/looks cheap

Weird thing to get snobbish over (not you OP).

I wish my DC had wanted a dummy :(

I used one at certain sleep times, not just constantly, to aid sleep, up until 12 weeks. It was so useful, but I used it as a tool. It also helps reduce SIDS to a degree, apparently.

I gave mine the dummy at 4 days old. He kept constantly wanting to suck the life out of me (bf) and instead of me falling asleep on him and causing sids, I stuck a dummy in his mouth where I got undisturbed sleep for 4 hours for the first time in days which was a godsend after 24 hours of labour, 48 hours in hospital and the second sleepless night at home. I would do it again as it's been a life saver for me. We still use the dummy at 2.5 but only for sleep and I remove it once he falls a sleep but leave it at arms reach if he wants it. We never restricted the use, he stopped using the dummy during the day from 9 months old when he was cruising around and crawling and was happier to be active.

I forgot to add. Each baby is different and apparently I never used a dummy and point blank refused it from the day I was born but sucked my thumb until I was a teenager and was speech delayed even before that. My brother on the other-hand, used a dummy until he was 4, has better teeth than me and spoke earlier than me. The dummy has allowed me to stay sane and get a better nights sleep and also kept a unhappy baby content just a little bit and comforted without being glued on me 24/7 and on my boobs which was exhausting for me having to look after a high needs baby.

@21dolly
Our first wasn't BF no so he was always heavily involved in bonding with DD and so on. He literally just thinks it's something every baby should have 'just because'😂

Well then, I've no idea! I'll give up trying to apply logic to your DP! I can never apply it to mine either!!

Re the sids comments there's great information here www.basisonline.org.uk/dummies/
which basically says it's not proven and therefore the department of health doesn't recommend using a dummy to prevent sids.

I wonder if this is a mother in law issue masquerading as an OH issue? has she been getting at him?

Love dummies, glorious stfu plugs! All 3 of mine had them, and yes it was to give me 5mins peace while I flopped my tit out/got a bottle ready depending on which kid it was. My youngest had hers for much longer then I would have liked but not only is she a diva, she's also been through a hell of a lot and if that bit of plastic gave her comfort then I was happy.