In not wanting to use a dummy with DC?

[21dolly]

I never used a dummy with DD because I didn't see any reason too. She had a bit of reflux when she was a baby but that settled quite quickly with gripe water and so on.
DP always wanted to use a dummy as he said 'that's just what you do with babies.'
We always had comments from his side of the family like 'why doesn't she have a dummy' and blah blah blah.

I'm currently pregnant again and DP is ADAMANT he wants this baby to have a dummy. I personally don't see the obsession with a dummy as some babies are able to be soothed without one (no judgment for parents who choose to use dummies btw and I'd definitely use one if I felt it would help DC!)

I really don't understand the dummy thing and why he's pushing for it so much without DC even being born yet. I'm not sure what I'm actually asking but I just thought I'd come on MN to hear opinions and see if I'm missing something here!

I used one with my DS because I was a thumb sucker & didn’t want DS to be the same. He used it for about 3 months, discovered his fingers, sucked them until he got teeth, and now neither uses a dummy nor sucks his thumb/fingers!

It's up to you, OP. I don’t judge dummy use as the people I know with dummy sucking toddlers use them for specific reasons, but even if it was "just" a comfort I wouldn't judge. Do what works for you

I didn’t want to use a dummy with my dd but she needed to comfort suck all the time and dummies were the only thing that ever worked so I caved. I had dummies ready for ds but he never took to them. Preferred to duck his blanket instead

@Treacletartandcustard is right and that was my only reason for using a dummy so I voted YABU. Here's a link on the SIDS aspect.
www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/your-babys-health/what-watch-out-for/dummies-pros-and-cons-your-dummy-questions-answered

My daughter has a dummy, she was premature and tube fed, it helped her gain her suck and stop feeding aversion (she also had cmpa). There is also research to say it can prevent sids. Shes 15 months now and only has it for naps and when unwell. I personally see no issue with it, what's the difference between that and the baby breastfeeding for comfort? or a baby sucking their thumb. You don't ever see an adult with a dummy do you? There's an awful lot of judgment on dummies, why don't you just see whether your baby needs it/wants it.

sorry, vote

Thank you for the amount of replies in such a short time. I had no clue about dummies helping to prevent SIDS as I never came across that in any research so that's good to know.

I also can't stand it when you see toddlers walking round with them in their mouths for no proper reason.

I think this is my fear!!! I don't know why but I just think if I start them off with a dummy, they'll be aged 2/3 even maybe 4 still attached to a dummy and we're struggling to get them off of it. But maybe I guess it's all about giving it to them in moderation as opposed to them having it in their mouth 24/7

Ds1 &2 had one until they were about 3/4

Ds3 had one for a while, was given it in nicu where they mentioned helping to prevent sids. After I'd spent a week in hospital when he was 6 months mil, who hated them had weaned him off it. Instead he became bottle obsessed.

Ds4 wouldn't take one but bf to sleep until 3. I'd have preferred a dummy!

None of them have had problems with their teeth or speech . Entirely up to you what you do. Especially if it will be you trying to find the lost dummy in the middle of the night!

Never used one with first baby as I was worried about nipple confusion. As a result by the time I wanted her to use one (when she was using me as a dummy) she did not want to take it. As a result I pushed it on the second from birth and it worked like a charm. Was so good to have a way to soothe her that wasn’t my nipple. But she did just give it up suddenly and wanted nothing more to do with it aged about 10 months, so I was lucky that I never had to wean her off of it. I have seen with friends and family that that can be the trickiest bit.

I find it so bizarre that your dp would want to give a baby a dummy without even having a reason for it yet.
My son screamed all the time when he was a baby and the health visitor recommended a dummy. We were at the end of our tethers so we gave him one, but he got so addicted to it for much much longer than we were comfortable with. I also think it affected his sleep as he would wake up every time it fell out.
I would never choose to use one if I didn’t have a good reason to.

Oh and the older 2 only had them at night and naps after they turned 1

You don't need a dummy if you breastfeed on demand and allow the baby to suckle for comfort.

Most people don't do that though so babies need dummies to replicate natural behaviour. Adults who "don't like dummies" as usually thinking of their own aesthetics rather than their baby's needs ime.

Like PP, I use a dummy because my midwife advised it was linked to a reduced risk of SIDS.

Neither you or your husband have the right to make the decision alone (your in-laws should butt out though!).

Can’t you discuss the risks and benefits together and make a joint decision?

I used one with dc. She was born suckling and it really helped when not being fed. As she got older we used it for sleep or when really upset (unwell/ teething) and it was a lifesaver. She associated it with sleep and was easy to get down for a nap and to bed at night. Was sleeping through by 10 weeks. Got rid of it naturally before age 2 (was only having it then at night). Doesn't have any speech problems and didn't affect teeth. There is research to say it reduces risk of SIDS.

Dummies are such a cultural thing. I grew up somewhere very few people use them (very old fashioned rural community in back of beyond with high BFing rates). None of my 3 had one and DBro's 3DC didn't either. All BF so I suppose my solution was always to BF in the situations where you're suppose to use a dummy. But not having grown up with them I wasn't very sure when exactly you were suppose to use them!

I suspect the link with low SIDS is mimicking the very strong BFing link to low SIDS.

Dummies reduce the risk of SIDS. I don’t see why you would t use one, tbh. It also avoids the issue of thumbsucking which can be a damaging habit and a difficult one to break.

I’m trying to get my newborn to use one but he’s not very interested at the moment.

I think dummies are another invention which make things easier for parents and therefore must be bad. See also store-bought baby food, screen time etc

I was very anti dummies until DD was born. She had horrendous colic and would scream from 4pm until about 11pm. I said no to dummies for weeks until MIL asked me to just consider it and at that point I was so frazzled and felt so awful for her screaming herself hoarse that I’d do anything to help soothe her. It wasn’t a silver bullet but often it’d calm her for 5 minutes which was sometimes long enough to break a purple crying cycle.

She’s now 15 months and sometimes has them for sleep but tbh she can fall asleep easily without one so I’m having a go at phasing them out before the 18 month sleep regression and arrival of her little brother or sister in May.

I was a massive dummy snob tbh and I’m still not wild about seeing children (especially older kids) walk around with them in, but I think there’s definitely a place for them with babies. I was a thumb sucker and tried to quit the habit for years in my teens (eventually managed but it was such hard going) and knowing that I can take away the dummy makes me feel far better. If she needed to suck to soothe then I’d rather it was using a dummy not a thumb.

I’ll have some in for DC2 when they arrive, but again I’ll only offer if they seem to really need it. All kids are so different.

@Treacletartandcustard

My Dh is the same, *@21dolly*, I don’t understand it. He seems to think that the dummy is a necessity like a nappy! As a result, we have a dummy-obsessed almost 12 month old.

Oh no @Treacletartandcustard I feel your pain😂 DP talks about a dummy as if it's as important as our baby getting fed! You'd think I'm seriously depriving her of nutrition if you heard the conversation without any context!! It's so strange to me haha

DS had a dummy at birth as he was in neonatal and the nurses gave him it as it reduces SIDS and encourages sucking reflex.

Prior to that I’d been very much of the view that I’d use one if I needed to but wouldn’t if I didn’t need to. DH was similarly not fussed. When we found out about the SIDS research it changed our minds. As it happens DS was a dreadful baby and the dummy was a lifesaver in the early days. From six months he just had it for sleep. We took it off him with no fuss and at 2 he doesn’t have one.

I think research about SIDS reduction is a valid enough reason for using one from birth. Doesn’t sound like your DH is basing it on that though!!

I didn't use one with DS1 and I regretted it because he's now a thumb sucker. I did use it with DS2 but if he wasn't sucking on something he cried and after 2 days of him being constantly attached to my boob I popped a dummy in his mouth and he was settled and happy.

They both now chew in tshirts constantly (early teens) and always have wet patches on their neckline during the day so not entirely sure it's made a difference long term.

I also think it’s pretty appalling seeing toddlers and older with dummies. I don’t get it. DD 1 yr has a dummy for sleep and when she’s poorly. I never wanted to use one but she had horrendous reflux (blood in spit up, long term omeprazole) for her first 5 months and it was the only way any of us could get any sleep, she was just in so much pain lying down.

I have always been pretty strict about taking it away as soon as she doesn’t need it - we’ve gradually been reducing her use of it. I’m planning on taking it away over Christmas (when born DH and I are off work) and not too worried about doing so.

@Binjob118

I don't understand why people use dummies. 5 kids, never used. They have been linked to teeth problems and speech delay. I don't see it as a normal part of baby's development but used by some just to keep baby quiet.

@Binjob118 My daughter (10 months) has one because thats the only way she'd settle.

If your DC needs one, you'll know it. If they don't need one, then there is not point forcing them to have one.

I used dummies with both DC to different degrees.

I think you need to get to the bottom of why DH thinks your DC needs one? My DH was a bit odd about making sure DS1 'slept through the night'. By this point he was actually 3 months old and going 7 hours at night.

Oh and DS2, who had the dummy, swapped it for a muslin by himself when he was about 1 year old. That actually was horrid because he would shove so much of it in his mouth it was like one of those circus acts when you were pulling it out, it seemed never ending! Plus the fact that he would trail it on the ground then want to out it in his mouth.... I used to have to carry around dozens of the damn things so I could give him clean ones constantly.... a dummy would have been easier.....

I don’t understand being set on it one way or the other really. We had one with DD, she was quite difficult to soothe so we thought it might help but she refused to have anything to do with it so we left it. We only tried a handful of times but it just upset her more and if it did go in her mouth she just spat it straight back out.

There's an awful lot of judgment on dummies, why don't you just see whether your baby needs it/wants it.

@Daisy95 there's no judgement in my post whatsoever. I have a pack of dummies in the cupboard and have had them since DD was newborn, she just never needed/wanted them.

All I was saying is I don't understand DP's obsession with dummies especially how our second baby isn't even here yet so there isn't a reason why they MUST have it. That's all