In not wanting to use a dummy with DC?

[21dolly]

I never used a dummy with DD because I didn't see any reason too. She had a bit of reflux when she was a baby but that settled quite quickly with gripe water and so on.
DP always wanted to use a dummy as he said 'that's just what you do with babies.'
We always had comments from his side of the family like 'why doesn't she have a dummy' and blah blah blah.

I'm currently pregnant again and DP is ADAMANT he wants this baby to have a dummy. I personally don't see the obsession with a dummy as some babies are able to be soothed without one (no judgment for parents who choose to use dummies btw and I'd definitely use one if I felt it would help DC!)

I really don't understand the dummy thing and why he's pushing for it so much without DC even being born yet. I'm not sure what I'm actually asking but I just thought I'd come on MN to hear opinions and see if I'm missing something here!

I breastfed my DD for a year, she had a dummy for the first few months to help her settle when she didn’t need a feed. She stopped using it about 5/6 months old by herself.

I didn't want my baby to have a dummy because 1) I don't like they way they look 2) I breastfed and didnt want to miss feeding ques. She did have one when she was nil by mouth as she needed something to suckle for comfort but as soon as she could feed the dummy was gone! I had them if desperately needed (in the car) but then she was never really interested.

I far prefer a dummy to a thumb. I haven’t seen teeth issues from dummies but the blasted thumb pushes the palate forward and changes the shape of the front teeth resulting in major orthodontics at a later date.

Loving all the judgemental horror on here from all the perfect parents.

FWIW as a retired Speech and Language Therapist I always used to joke with my colleagues that my registration would be rescinded because both my DC had dummies.

Can also remember one snotty woman giving me her unsolicited "advice" in M&S about how my DD shouldn't have a dummy. It never ceases to amaze me how people are so keen to judge others when knowing zero about their circumstances.

My DC never had speech problems due to dummies but then as DC of a Speech Therapist they were subjected to non-stop language stimulation which is one of the perils of being born to an SLT

@hotmeatymilk too true, I need to up my entertainment value

@CityMumma78 me too! I have a bent index finger from sucking it as a child. My mother was against using dummies. I have not used dummies for my DC but I breastfeed whereas my Mum did not. I think maybe a dummy would have been preferable to my finger in that case!

My DS breastfed like he'd been here before from the word go, perfect teeth, speech very well developed for his age. He's always had a dummy, still has it at night aged 2 although he often just likes to hold it "just in case mummy". Fair enough. Not sure what all the angst is about. Better than sucking a thumb as those aren't made to be teeth friendly and can't be taken away.

My mum never gave them to me or my brother and my nan never gave them to my mum or her brother either. I don't think I will want to use them either in fear of poor speech/dental development... but come to think of it, my brother and I sucked our thumbs as toddlers...

Never used one for any of my three. They were very laidback babies, though.

DD point blank refused a dummy since birth. So I have no idea how life is like with one! We actually have more dummies at home that anyone else because I bought every single brand and variation possible in hopes of getting her to take one! She has a favourite stuffed toy to take around as a soother and that seems to work just fine. She also never sucked her thumb and grew out of mouthing things quite early (18-20months).

I think there are other ways of soothing a baby. Dummy should be a last resort IMHO. So making the decision before baby is born is bloody bizarre!
I'm inclined to think his family don't like babies unless they are silent...
I prayed to all the gods that DD would take to one as she was incredibly hard to settle. In the end she stayed dangling off a boob for 9 months
Shes nearly 4 now, and I do see some of her nursery class mates with dummies and inside a little, and I wonder how hard it must be to get them to give it up if they insist on keeping it till that age.
But its definitely worth a try if you find baby just will not settle otherwise.

Thank you for all the comments all.

No insights into why DPs so obsessed with dummies but really interesting to hear people's personal experiences! I was quite naive and thought people used dummies just to keep their kids quiet and would use it at any given opportunity. Really interesting to hear about the benefits of reducing SIDS, helping/soothing colicky babies and so on. Thank you:)

@21dolly

So neither you nor your husband are right, because it's silly to have a determined idea about something which depends entirely on the kind of baby you have.

I never said, 'I absolutely refuse to give a dummy to our second baby as I'm so against it' or whatever. So I'm not sure where you got the idea of me being determined from. As another poster said, I'm actually very neutral to the idea especially as I tried it with my DD when she was a bit younger.
I just don't understand DPs obsession with both kids needing the dummy. That's all

Apologies. When you said you didn't want to use a dummy for your DC, I assumed you meant you didn't want to use a dummy for your DC.

I breastfed as long as could and was so worried about nipple/teat confusion I daren't use a dummy. They don't look nice and it's a battle you can avoid when they're of walking age and still got it stuck in their mouths.
There is a lot of snobbery because it's seen as the "easy choice" - put the plug in and it'll be quiet for a bit. I guess sometimes it's necessary and useful so parents just give in.

@colourfulpuddles

YANBU. People give babies dummies to shut them up and all they do is mask what the real issue is, affect their speech development and ruin their teeth.

But we were EBF so I was all the comfort my baby needed and I didn’t want to shove a dummy in her mouth just so I could put her down and bugger off.

I EBFd as well. But I wasn't all the comfort my baby needed because she turned out to have horrendous issues with dairy. So she got a dummy because after feeding constantly for her to be even more in pain, my nipples were bleeding to the point where the thought of doing it all again 5 minutes later was reducing me to considering where the most convenient cliff was and I was hallucinating that there were flocks of birds in the flat from not having slept more than 22 minutes in three months, I decided that my sanity and her physical comfort was far more important than the pursed lips of people like you and her grandmother, who was gleeful about how she deliberately taught her children to suck their thumbs, fingers and one their hand because it looked cute. The children who all needed extensive orthdontic treatment later because they were still sucking thumbs/fingers/hand aged 10, by the way.

The other advantage I found was that I could sterilise a dummy and, possibly even more useful, I could take it away. But the main one was that I didn't kill myself.

@shrunkenhead what’s wrong with the easy choice though, are you somehow a better parent for picking the hard choice?

Before we used a dummy I used to spend hours walking up and down the hallway because it was the only thing that stopped my colicky baby screaming. She screamed between about 5 and 8 every single night, whatever we did. She stopped immediately when we introduced a dummy. It was win win, she didn’t scream for hours, I wasn’t exhausted from spending hours pacing the hall.

I don't claim to be a "better parent" - I just felt that if I gave my dd a dummy I'd failed at yet another hurdle, I had to get breastfeeding right and didn't want any temptations to stop. They breastfeed on demand and a dummy is a substitute I didn't need to up my milk production.

Never used dummies for either the dc.

I never wanted to use a dummy with either of my DC, but considered it in the end for DC1 because he was constantly comfort sucking, sometimes until he was sick, and I thought it might be comforting for him. Guess what - he wouldn't keep a dummy in for more than 5 seconds. For the first 3 months or so of his life, until he was capable of being entertained, only a warm nipple would do. DC2 was a very contented baby from the start. I gave him a dummy once just to see what would happen, and he kept it in for a couple of hours, but then he would have been perfectly happy without it too. So in my very limited experience, the sort of baby who might benefit from a dummy is unlikely to accept one anyway, and I couldn't really see the point of giving one regularly to a baby who didn't seem to need comforting.

For what it's worth, neither of them was ever remotely interested in sucking their thumbs or fingers. I wouldn't have forbidden it but I don't see much point in positively encouraging that either.

My brother still sucks his thumb. He’s 31. He’s tried so often to stop but struggles and there’s nothing the GP can recommend that he hasn’t tried.
So, my children have dummies, because I can bin a dummy but I can’t cut their thumbs off! My oldest got rid of hers on her 3rd birthday, it wasn’t much of a trauma, we spoke about it beforehand for a few weeks, the first night took her a little longer than usual to fall asleep and then after that was fine. My youngest we’ll do the same when he gets to 3. He had fairly serious reflux as a baby, and even now sometimes suffers and the dummy definitely helps.

None of mine had them. I don't mind them in babies but always remember a relatives toddler walking around talking with one in his mouth and put me right off. Luckily mine all settled without

There is a lot of snobbery because it's seen as the "easy choice" - put the plug in and it'll be quiet for a bit.

Not directed at you @shrunkenhead necessarily, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making the perceived “easy choice” when it leads to a baby that will settle happily. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting a baby to stop crying, because the sound of a baby wailing can drive anyone to drink.

Generally speaking, not everything parenting wise has to be the hardest way to go. Of course, some parents won’t want to give a pacifier to a newborn until breastfeeding is established, but using one after that point if it helps soothe a colicky baby or helps a fractious parent get some peace and quiet for a cup of tea, isn’t automatically going to lead to a lifetime of speech impediments or ruined teeth as is being implied here.

Other than that, all talk of pacifiers being “ghastly” is hilariously Hyacinth Bucket. The word “Ghastly” has become a MN euphemism for “low class”.

I didn’t use one with my first because I had a tricky time with breastfeeding and I was terrified a dummy would make it more difficult (no idea if it would have done or not, but that was what I was anxious about). I wouldn’t say I regret the decision not to use one but I do wonder if a dummy would have made that first year easier and more enjoyable for me.

Now pregnant with my second and I’m definitely not ruling one out this time - particularly given I have a toddler too now!