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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Copycat Friend

214 replies

NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 12:19

Can't believe I'm writing this in my 30s as it seems incredibly petty but here I am anyway!

My friend and I have known each other since we were 4 and have always been good friends but not best friends, I.e. see each other maybe once a month and text weekly.

I now have a 6 month old and she has a 2 month old. The issue (petty though it is) is that she is copying a lot of my sons things and it's driving me nuts. Since the babies have been here, we've been seeing each other much more for walks/ coffee etc. She had really bad baby blues and I like to think I've supported her with it as best I can by having a listening ear etc. She is now feeling well again. The things she is copying are clothes, snowsuits, some of his toys. I don't know how she knew where they were from as I specifically never told her. I could cope with this- they grow out of them so quickly that I don't really care as they're into something new quickly. However she has now escalated and has picked the same nursery wall paper and furniture (the furniture has little silver cross badges on, I specifically didn't tell her where it was from).

AIBU to find this annoying and if so, how can I bring it up without ruining our friendship?

OP posts:
MrzClaus · 26/11/2021 12:26

Hmmmm IMO, YABU to find this annoying. You aren't buying bespoke pieces - when you buy from shops you know many other people will be buying them too, you don't "own" the item to the extent others can't buy it.

I've had this with a close friend (copied furniture, lights, paint colours and accessories) but tbh I'm just flattered I have such good taste!

I don't think there is a reason to bring it up personally, I'd just let it go - does it really have an impact on your life to the extent you'd potentially ruin a friendship over it?

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 12:27

@MrzClaus

Hmmmm IMO, YABU to find this annoying. You aren't buying bespoke pieces - when you buy from shops you know many other people will be buying them too, you don't "own" the item to the extent others can't buy it.

I've had this with a close friend (copied furniture, lights, paint colours and accessories) but tbh I'm just flattered I have such good taste!

I don't think there is a reason to bring it up personally, I'd just let it go - does it really have an impact on your life to the extent you'd potentially ruin a friendship over it?

Not a big impact but I spent a lot of time choosing things and just feel annoyed that she's copied so much. I don't know why it annoys me so much but I can't help it Confused
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FestiveMayo · 26/11/2021 12:28

Clothes and stuff like that, there are only so many major places to get clothes and popular toys so I think its depends how niche your choices are.

PleasantBirthday · 26/11/2021 12:31

If she had really bad baby blues she might be struggling to trust her own judgement at the moment and is trying to do the things that people who look like they're doing well are doing.

MrsFin · 26/11/2021 12:36

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, dontcha know?

But in reality, if she has the same taste as you, it's not beyond the realms of possibility that she's seen it in the shop/online and liked, and bought it, without a second thought as to "I wonder if any of my friends have bought this wallpaper too".

Unless you've had it specially imported from an exotic place where dusky handmaidens have hand painted the motifs onto handcrafted paper sourced from some very rare trees.

If that's the case YANBU, but if it's bog standard B&Q paper (or similar), then you a BU.

Obviously the analogy would also apply to snow suits, toys, or anything else you buy).

Sally872 · 26/11/2021 12:36

Wallpaper is a bit much but most babies have same toys and snowsuits etc are often similar.

Would make allowances for good friend who is a new mum and struggling though. Just try and notice its annoying then let it go. Notice the feeling but don't let it determine how you react/think of friend (so my mindfulness app tells me anyway. Easier said than done.)

mistermagpie · 26/11/2021 12:40

@PleasantBirthday

If she had really bad baby blues she might be struggling to trust her own judgement at the moment and is trying to do the things that people who look like they're doing well are doing.
A million times this.

Plus, does it really matter? There are only so many designs of snowsuit or whatever on the market and maybe she's seen your babies and liked it? It's not hurting you or taking anything away from your baby.

Also, forgive me, but it's all a bit PFB sounding to me. My baby daughter is my third baby and is dressed mainly in hand me downs etc, her comfort and warmth is the driving factor - not the style. I think with first babies we get a bit hung up on them looking nice, but they aren't dolls and nobody else really notices.

Anyway even if your friend is copying you, if she is your friend and is struggling right now, I really think it's a bit petty of you to focus on her wallpaper, when for all you know she's just trying to get through the day.

SeasonFinale · 26/11/2021 12:41

She only had her baby 2 months ago. She may have PND. Just because you think she is feeling better or presents herself as feeling better she may well not be.

As someone else said perhaps she simply can't face choosing and has taken an easy option of choosing someone she likes choices too.

Why not instead of "calling her out" on this suggest that if she can't find things she likes you can direct her to other websites you liked but didn't end up choosing from?

Mamette · 26/11/2021 12:44

Aw, I feel sorry for your friend. What skin is it off your nose if her baby has the same stuff as yours? She probably wants the best for her baby and you are her role model. Come on. Don’t be mean.

Helpstopthepain · 26/11/2021 12:45

Why would you bring it up other than to say ‘ah we have the same wallpaper in Tarquin’s nursery’

She’s your friend.

Cloakedmerry · 26/11/2021 12:46

Best form of flattery and all I wouldn’t think too much about it, I have a friend who always seems to be really well put together and sometimes I’ll get the same top/ bag etc she had because I think it looked nice. I think your friend sounds a bit ott but I’d leave her to it it’s not harming you in any way x

Camomila · 26/11/2021 12:47

If her baby is only 2 months old she may not have the head space to research every baby thing she buys - she probably just thinks NearlyThereMum has a similar age baby and that jumper looks cozy/toy looks fun and gets it.

Plantstrees · 26/11/2021 12:50

I think YABU and you should be flattered that she is copying you. That makes you a trend setter!

If you are a good friend you could encourage her by suggesting next time you go shopping together and then help her choose stuff that is similar but not identical perhaps.

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 12:50

@PleasantBirthday

If she had really bad baby blues she might be struggling to trust her own judgement at the moment and is trying to do the things that people who look like they're doing well are doing.
That's why I've let it go, I thought she may be feeling a bit overwhelmed and maybe thinks if someone else is doing it then it must be safe?
OP posts:
Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 12:51

@Sally872

Wallpaper is a bit much but most babies have same toys and snowsuits etc are often similar.

Would make allowances for good friend who is a new mum and struggling though. Just try and notice its annoying then let it go. Notice the feeling but don't let it determine how you react/think of friend (so my mindfulness app tells me anyway. Easier said than done.)

Love this advice Thank you I will try it
OP posts:
Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 13:00

@MrsFin

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, dontcha know?

But in reality, if she has the same taste as you, it's not beyond the realms of possibility that she's seen it in the shop/online and liked, and bought it, without a second thought as to "I wonder if any of my friends have bought this wallpaper too".

Unless you've had it specially imported from an exotic place where dusky handmaidens have hand painted the motifs onto handcrafted paper sourced from some very rare trees.

If that's the case YANBU, but if it's bog standard B&Q paper (or similar), then you a BU.

Obviously the analogy would also apply to snow suits, toys, or anything else you buy).

I thought my taste was rubbish so thank you I'll take this on board haha
OP posts:
Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 13:02

@SeasonFinale

She only had her baby 2 months ago. She may have PND. Just because you think she is feeling better or presents herself as feeling better she may well not be.

As someone else said perhaps she simply can't face choosing and has taken an easy option of choosing someone she likes choices too.

Why not instead of "calling her out" on this suggest that if she can't find things she likes you can direct her to other websites you liked but didn't end up choosing from?

I wouldn't call her out as such, it's just annoying but completely understand it's not an issue in the grand scheme of things
OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 26/11/2021 13:02

Wow who cares, I don’t think I would notice let alone care, I think it’s nice and she obviously likes the same stuff I wouldn’t give it a second thought

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 13:03

@Mamette

Aw, I feel sorry for your friend. What skin is it off your nose if her baby has the same stuff as yours? She probably wants the best for her baby and you are her role model. Come on. Don’t be mean.
I'm not being mean, I have not spoken to her about it, i think I can find something annoying and not be made to feel bad about it. It's not like I've been nasty to her....
OP posts:
Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 13:03

@Helpstopthepain

Why would you bring it up other than to say ‘ah we have the same wallpaper in Tarquin’s nursery’

She’s your friend.

Would this really not annoy you if it was multiple times though? I know it's not a huge issue but I think I'm justified in feeling a bit peed off
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Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 13:03

@Cloakedmerry

Best form of flattery and all I wouldn’t think too much about it, I have a friend who always seems to be really well put together and sometimes I’ll get the same top/ bag etc she had because I think it looked nice. I think your friend sounds a bit ott but I’d leave her to it it’s not harming you in any way x
Ok thanks
OP posts:
Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 13:04

@Plantstrees

I think YABU and you should be flattered that she is copying you. That makes you a trend setter!

If you are a good friend you could encourage her by suggesting next time you go shopping together and then help her choose stuff that is similar but not identical perhaps.

That's a lovely idea, will try this, thank you
OP posts:
FatCatThinCat · 26/11/2021 13:29

This would never be an issue between me and my friend. We copy each other all the time because we have similar tastes. Why does it bother you that your friend likes the same things that you like?

Helpstopthepain · 26/11/2021 13:33

‘Would this really not annoy you if it was multiple times though? I know it's not a huge issue but I think I'm justified in feeling a bit peed off’

No, it really wouldn’t. She’s your friend, try being a little more … friendly.

RosiePosieDozy · 26/11/2021 13:37

This honestly wouldn't bother me in the slightest. She's your friend and buys things that you have probably because she likes you and likes your taste. She might be doing it as a pp said because she can't face choosing things herself.

Please don't call her out on it. Let the woman live.