Copycat Friend

[NearlyThereMum]

Can't believe I'm writing this in my 30s as it seems incredibly petty but here I am anyway!

My friend and I have known each other since we were 4 and have always been good friends but not best friends, I.e. see each other maybe once a month and text weekly.

I now have a 6 month old and she has a 2 month old. The issue (petty though it is) is that she is copying a lot of my sons things and it's driving me nuts. Since the babies have been here, we've been seeing each other much more for walks/ coffee etc. She had really bad baby blues and I like to think I've supported her with it as best I can by having a listening ear etc. She is now feeling well again. The things she is copying are clothes, snowsuits, some of his toys. I don't know how she knew where they were from as I specifically never told her. I could cope with this- they grow out of them so quickly that I don't really care as they're into something new quickly. However she has now escalated and has picked the same nursery wall paper and furniture (the furniture has little silver cross badges on, I specifically didn't tell her where it was from).

AIBU to find this annoying and if so, how can I bring it up without ruining our friendship?

@Penistoe

You probably own multiple things you have seen other people have. This is why all the unnecessary things you have for your child was sold to you. Its capitalism.

You're very judgemental and your assumptions are based on nothing. I'm assuming you live off the land and make all your own clothes?

I don’t understand why you would be annoyed. Is it because you think people will notice you have the same stuff and compare you?

@SarahBellam

I don’t understand why you would be annoyed. Is it because you think people will notice you have the same stuff and compare you?

No I just find it annoying when numerous things I've chosen are then being copied. I'm not kidding the amount of stuff is unreal. Clothes etc I wasn't overly fussed about but the wallpaper and furniture were what I would consider bigger purchases and so really annoyed me. They will be used for a long time whereas clothes and toys are Quickly grown out of

I have a friend who does this. Actually, her and her husband do it. I don’t even want to invite her over anymore because she literally gets everything the same and passes it off as ‘her ideas’. She keeps up with the Joneses which is more to do with her lack of confidence so I empathise but it feels disingenuous. I think you either do friendships like that or you don’t. I don’t. She is being false and that’s the bigger issue for me. And also, get your own style!

@ForcedOut123

I have a friend who does this. Actually, her and her husband do it. I don’t even want to invite her over anymore because she literally gets everything the same and passes it off as ‘her ideas’. She keeps up with the Joneses which is more to do with her lack of confidence so I empathise but it feels disingenuous. I think you either do friendships like that or you don’t. I don’t. She is being false and that’s the bigger issue for me. And also, get your own style!

I think there are quite a few people in the same boat. I'm not sure why it doesn't bother some people, the bigger items really annoyed me at the time. I'm thinking I would be better meeting her somewhere other than my house and being careful what I post online if it's going to be something I'd be annoyed about her copying

@Penistoe snowsuit in winter, furniture, pretty necessary I would say.

@NearlyThereMum I think its because they haven't experienced it, this thread really got me thinking last night as I haven't seen the friend who used to do it in a long while to me. It honestly is really unsettling. This is how it started with me and I found it mildly annoying but it really escalated to the point of weirdness.

And, I think people are using the wrong examples other friends and I have loads of similar/same things we're we've recommended them to on another or I've asked they've asked. But what is nearly always the case here....as someone mentioned up thread is that the copier never says 'oh that's nice' ',that's lovely, do ypu mind of we get one' this friend I'm talking about never once complemented me, my home but ended up looking and buying things which were identical.

[quote Knickynackynoo]@NearlyThereMum I think its because they haven't experienced it, this thread really got me thinking last night as I haven't seen the friend who used to do it in a long while to me. It honestly is really unsettling. This is how it started with me and I found it mildly annoying but it really escalated to the point of weirdness.

And, I think people are using the wrong examples other friends and I have loads of similar/same things we're we've recommended them to on another or I've asked they've asked. But what is nearly always the case here....as someone mentioned up thread is that the copier never says 'oh that's nice' ',that's lovely, do ypu mind of we get one' this friend I'm talking about never once complemented me, my home but ended up looking and buying things which were identical.[/quote]
That's it, I think you've hit the nail on the head there. People like to think they would be 'above' this perceived pettiness but as someone who takes time to choose things and. It rush into purchases, this is really annoying. She's done it with other things too- her dad got a new car and was so proud of it, was showing it off (he is my neighbour) and said he had been wanting one for a while and finally bit the bullet etc. Honest to god my friend came round two weeks later with the exact same car (same colour) and I can't help thinking it must have hurt her dads feelings

[quote Knickynackynoo]@Penistoe snowsuit in winter, furniture, pretty necessary I would say.[/quote]
Plenty of shops with plenty of items to choose from I would say

[quote Knickynackynoo]@NearlyThereMum I think its because they haven't experienced it, this thread really got me thinking last night as I haven't seen the friend who used to do it in a long while to me. It honestly is really unsettling. This is how it started with me and I found it mildly annoying but it really escalated to the point of weirdness.

And, I think people are using the wrong examples other friends and I have loads of similar/same things we're we've recommended them to on another or I've asked they've asked. But what is nearly always the case here....as someone mentioned up thread is that the copier never says 'oh that's nice' ',that's lovely, do ypu mind of we get one' this friend I'm talking about never once complemented me, my home but ended up looking and buying things which were identical.[/quote]
Sorry I have replied to your other comment by accident 😂 too much going on!

I’d be irritated if I’m honest. Of course she may well be struggling, she might have no imagination, she might think you’re the oracle of good taste…and everything everyone else has said.
It’d still bug me though if I was you!

I'm not sure why it doesn't bother some people

Because I honestly don't understand why it should. Whenever someone says that they like something I have, I'm happy to tell them where I got it from. And of course I wouldn't then be surprised if they got the same. With some friends we actually buy matching clothes for our kids on purpose, they look cute. I guess the only situation where I would be bothered was if someone for example bought the same dress to wear to the same event, knowing they look way better than me in it

Or do you mean the friend claims the items are not inspired by your choices and they just accidentally found and bought all the similar stuff?

@G5000

Of course in your case with some matching clothes you don’t see why it would bother someone.

But would it really not perplex/bother you if you went round to your friend’s house, stepped into the living room, and found that their carpet, couch, coffee table, television stand, right down to the art on the walls, was all the same as your living room? I don’t think many people wouldn’t be uncomfortable or annoyed with that.

I mean sure if it looked like Single White Female territory, it would be a bit unnerving. But some clothes and same nursery set is probably not too psycho.