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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Copycat Friend

214 replies

NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 12:19

Can't believe I'm writing this in my 30s as it seems incredibly petty but here I am anyway!

My friend and I have known each other since we were 4 and have always been good friends but not best friends, I.e. see each other maybe once a month and text weekly.

I now have a 6 month old and she has a 2 month old. The issue (petty though it is) is that she is copying a lot of my sons things and it's driving me nuts. Since the babies have been here, we've been seeing each other much more for walks/ coffee etc. She had really bad baby blues and I like to think I've supported her with it as best I can by having a listening ear etc. She is now feeling well again. The things she is copying are clothes, snowsuits, some of his toys. I don't know how she knew where they were from as I specifically never told her. I could cope with this- they grow out of them so quickly that I don't really care as they're into something new quickly. However she has now escalated and has picked the same nursery wall paper and furniture (the furniture has little silver cross badges on, I specifically didn't tell her where it was from).

AIBU to find this annoying and if so, how can I bring it up without ruining our friendship?

OP posts:
WakeUpLockie · 26/11/2021 13:37

If I was you it would annoy me because I did all the research and she just mindlessly bought whatever you did. Just stop telling her what you’ve got ‘oh I’ll have to check’ (and then never do), ‘I can’t remember where that’s from’ (and change subject) etc.

jetadore · 26/11/2021 13:37

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?

PooWillyNameChange · 26/11/2021 13:37

These posts crop up on MN once in a while and they baffle me as I've never met anyone in real life, over the age of 16, who cares about 'copying'!

BubbleCoffee · 26/11/2021 13:40

Just because you think she is feeling better or presents herself as feeling better she may well not be.

I agree. If she's still doing it in a few years you could ask her if she realises, but now probably isn't the time.

Cheermonger · 26/11/2021 13:41

@PleasantBirthday

If she had really bad baby blues she might be struggling to trust her own judgement at the moment and is trying to do the things that people who look like they're doing well are doing.
This ^^
Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 13:42

@WakeUpLockie

If I was you it would annoy me because I did all the research and she just mindlessly bought whatever you did. Just stop telling her what you’ve got ‘oh I’ll have to check’ (and then never do), ‘I can’t remember where that’s from’ (and change subject) etc.
Yeah will do. Thanks- I think a lot of people are kidding themselves on saying it wouldn't annoy them.
OP posts:
Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 13:47

@FatCatThinCat

This would never be an issue between me and my friend. We copy each other all the time because we have similar tastes. Why does it bother you that your friend likes the same things that you like?
It feels like plagiarism - I've spent time looking at things and choosing things I think are nice/useful etc and then she just takes all of my ideas. I don't understand why people wouldn't find that annoying
OP posts:
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 26/11/2021 13:49

I suspect that she is a bit overwhelmed with a tiny baby and following your lead means easier choices and less thinking. Perhaps expressing doubt about your own choices might push her into thinking for herself. For example "it's a nice outfit but they also had it in red and I wish I'd gone for that" or "the coat is ok but it would have been better to get a warmer one instead".

HollowTalk · 26/11/2021 13:51

@PleasantBirthday

If she had really bad baby blues she might be struggling to trust her own judgement at the moment and is trying to do the things that people who look like they're doing well are doing.
This is such a good point. Maybe ask her if she wants help choosing things for the baby?
TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot · 26/11/2021 13:52

@WakeUpLockie

If I was you it would annoy me because I did all the research and she just mindlessly bought whatever you did. Just stop telling her what you’ve got ‘oh I’ll have to check’ (and then never do), ‘I can’t remember where that’s from’ (and change subject) etc.
Maybe she did do her own research and just happened to come to the same conclusion as the OP about which products were the best? The OP does say she specifically didn't tell her where most of the things came from.

NearlyThereMum I think your friend just has the same taste as you, as friends often do. Should she not buy the wallpaper she really likes just because she knows someone who already has it?

Does it matter if another baby has all the same toys as yours? Do they become less fun for him if someone else has them too?

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 13:53

@PooWillyNameChange

These posts crop up on MN once in a while and they baffle me as I've never met anyone in real life, over the age of 16, who cares about 'copying'!
Maybe these people don't spend any time choosing things carefully just for other people To copy them? There's so much choice nowadays I don't understand why people do it. It's not like we are forced to use the same one shop?
OP posts:
OmgIThinkILikeYou · 26/11/2021 13:57

What wallpaper is it OP? I'm guessing it is Dalmation print. I love this wall paper, have for ages. My friend has just used it for her babies room. I am still going to when we eventually decorate. It's hardly a shocker that friends have simular tastes, especially if they have known each other since they were 4!

Notimeforaname · 26/11/2021 13:59

It feels like plagiarism - I've spent time looking at things and choosing things I think are nice/useful etc and then she just takes all of my ideas. I don't understand why people wouldn't find that annoying

This says more about you than her, the problem lies in you.
Nothing wrong with her buying things she's seen and liked. That's how most of us find the stuff we like, we see it. Wherever.

You sound like a child who doesn't want to share.

You cant stop someone from buying something they like, even if you 'thought of the idea first' this is quite weird.

fabricfanatic · 26/11/2021 14:00

I can imagine it might be annoying, but remind yourself that there are still more differences than similarities in your nurseries, your children's clothing, etc. She's not stealing your child's experience or your experience as his mother. (Though imo the wallpaper takes it a bit far! It's strange she doesn't have more of her own sense of style, but maybe she's still struggling, as pp have said.)

If this persists and she's buying duplicates of everything your child has for her own child in some sort of competitive or otherwise unpleasant way, then I'd say something or distance myself from her, but for now, they're just babies. They won't notice, much less care.

Notimeforaname · 26/11/2021 14:00

It's odd to be annoyed about something like that.

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 14:01

@fabricfanatic

I can imagine it might be annoying, but remind yourself that there are still more differences than similarities in your nurseries, your children's clothing, etc. She's not stealing your child's experience or your experience as his mother. (Though imo the wallpaper takes it a bit far! It's strange she doesn't have more of her own sense of style, but maybe she's still struggling, as pp have said.)

If this persists and she's buying duplicates of everything your child has for her own child in some sort of competitive or otherwise unpleasant way, then I'd say something or distance myself from her, but for now, they're just babies. They won't notice, much less care.

Love this, thank you. You're right, more differences than similarities. Thanks for a new perspective
OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 26/11/2021 14:01

Maybe these people don't spend any time choosing things carefully just for other people
To copy them?

This sounds like kids in school...

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 14:02

@Notimeforaname

It's odd to be annoyed about something like that.
Really? Would you be annoyed if someone took credit for your idea at work? Same idea
OP posts:
PleasantBirthday · 26/11/2021 14:03

Maybe these people don't spend any time choosing things carefully just for other people to copy them?

Do you talk a lot about your choices and the amount of time you spend researching them? It comes across as very important to you that you have a uniquely curated baby situation.

Is there any chance that you're overly focused on the significance of these things? Just from the point of view of the amount of upset this is causing you?

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 14:04

@OmgIThinkILikeYou

What wallpaper is it OP? I'm guessing it is Dalmation print. I love this wall paper, have for ages. My friend has just used it for her babies room. I am still going to when we eventually decorate. It's hardly a shocker that friends have simular tastes, especially if they have known each other since they were 4!
No not Dalmatian print. It's from a boutique store, not a big chain like b and q etc which is why I think it's annoyed me so much. I spent a lot of time looking for things and now feel it's been ripped off. Im not expecting to be the only person to have it but think my friend getting the same is a bit much
OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 26/11/2021 14:06

Really? Would you be annoyed if someone took credit for your idea at work?Same idea

🤣🤣 ah stop now this has to be a joke. Took credit 😂
They're on sale..in public. Give over

Notimeforaname · 26/11/2021 14:06

This isn't work. Its baby clothes.

shouldistop · 26/11/2021 14:07

I have 2 sons, this isn't something I'd care about at all.

Notimeforaname · 26/11/2021 14:08

Coming up with an idea for work is not the same as buying something ready made on sale and calling it 'your work' or your creation or idea. It's not the same thing. At all Grin

Notimeforaname · 26/11/2021 14:11

Well op , if you want to be the 'best girl' with the best ideas, spend way more money on it..more than you know she can afford. So you can be sure she wont buy anything you do.. 🙄