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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Copycat Friend

214 replies

NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 12:19

Can't believe I'm writing this in my 30s as it seems incredibly petty but here I am anyway!

My friend and I have known each other since we were 4 and have always been good friends but not best friends, I.e. see each other maybe once a month and text weekly.

I now have a 6 month old and she has a 2 month old. The issue (petty though it is) is that she is copying a lot of my sons things and it's driving me nuts. Since the babies have been here, we've been seeing each other much more for walks/ coffee etc. She had really bad baby blues and I like to think I've supported her with it as best I can by having a listening ear etc. She is now feeling well again. The things she is copying are clothes, snowsuits, some of his toys. I don't know how she knew where they were from as I specifically never told her. I could cope with this- they grow out of them so quickly that I don't really care as they're into something new quickly. However she has now escalated and has picked the same nursery wall paper and furniture (the furniture has little silver cross badges on, I specifically didn't tell her where it was from).

AIBU to find this annoying and if so, how can I bring it up without ruining our friendship?

OP posts:
nitsandwormsdodger · 26/11/2021 14:15

I’d find it a bit creepy to be honest rather than annoying as well adult I know would do this

Can you take photos of yours and photos of hers and show her mum / husband ? To get them realising she may not be well ? ( find a way to do that sensitivity if course)

Maybe it’s way of bonding with you, that maybe she isn’t doing with her child ??

Summerrain123 · 26/11/2021 14:29

I think YABU, sorry. She clearly likes your style and some people are just not creative. She has enough going on with PND and copying rather than having to make decisions might be a huge help for her. Does it really matter that she is copying you? I would really try to get over it and try to turn it into a positive. It's a compliment and your are helping her.

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 14:30

@nitsandwormsdodger

I’d find it a bit creepy to be honest rather than annoying as well adult I know would do this

Can you take photos of yours and photos of hers and show her mum / husband ? To get them realising she may not be well ? ( find a way to do that sensitivity if course)

Maybe it’s way of bonding with you, that maybe she isn’t doing with her child ??

Don't think I'm quite there yet but definitely getting wound up by it
OP posts:
Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 14:32

@Summerrain123

I think YABU, sorry. She clearly likes your style and some people are just not creative. She has enough going on with PND and copying rather than having to make decisions might be a huge help for her. Does it really matter that she is copying you? I would really try to get over it and try to turn it into a positive. It's a compliment and your are helping her.
That's a nice way to look at it Smile
OP posts:
Inlander · 26/11/2021 14:32

Please be kind to your friend OP. She is going through a tough time and she might be picking the same clothes/ wallpaper without consciously intending intending to copy you. Even if she is, it doesn’t really matter because your child’s experience will be different and it’s not as if you do everything together. There are only so many retailers that sell baby clothes so it’s only natural for there to be overlap.

Also, I appreciate your point about you putting thought into what you get but it’s not as if you are the artist or designer of these clothes/wallpaper and some one is ripping off your work. She’s not profiting from dressing her baby in the same clothes. It’s really very minor in the grand scheme of things.

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 14:34

@Notimeforaname

Well op , if you want to be the 'best girl' with the best ideas, spend way more money on it..more than you know she can afford. So you can be sure she wont buy anything you do.. 🙄
Wow you really have got a lot of resentment built up 😂😂 have you been called out for copying someone before? Don't know why you feel the need for that sarky comment
OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 26/11/2021 14:34

Can you take photos of yours and photos of hers and show her mum / husband ?To get them realising she may not be well ?( find a way to do that sensitivity if course)

What am I reading??!! 😂 we now need to tell her mummy and husband that shes a copy cat ?

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 14:35

@Notimeforaname

Coming up with an idea for work is not the same as buying something ready made on sale and calling it 'your work' or your creation or idea. It's not the same thing. At all Grin
It is if you've not copied a whole outfit or display and have actually put some effort into things
OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 26/11/2021 14:36

NearlyThereMum I'm giving my opinion. It's ok if you dont like it. I couldn't get worked up about you thinking I'm snarky. I find the thread a bit funny 😆

Notimeforaname · 26/11/2021 14:37

It is if you've not copied a whole outfit or display and have actually put some effort into things

You didn't design or make the clothes? You just bought them in a shop. Where they are on sale for anybody.

HoseMeDownWithHolyWater · 26/11/2021 14:38

The wallpaper may be a step too far. It depends on how "unique" it is. But, clothes and toys are pretty standard items. I'm quite fussy with clothes (no cheesy slogans or animal ears!) so out of the millions of options, I'd probably only like a handful. If my friend had bought her child something I also liked, I wouldn't think twice about buying it as well.

And really, how do you know that you've bought it first? Your child is older so will be hitting the next stages first. That doesn't mean she didn't start buying toys and clothes for a six month old the second she found out she was pregnant.

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 14:40

@Notimeforaname

NearlyThereMum I'm giving my opinion. It's ok if you dont like it. I couldn't get worked up about you thinking I'm snarky. I find the thread a bit funny 😆
I don't know why you need to comment so many times just to give an opinion? You disagree, that's all there is to say really
OP posts:
3luckystars · 26/11/2021 14:43

Just keep away from her if she is pissing you off. Don’t say anything about the copying, you both know it’s happening, but it might push someone who is struggling, a bit over the edge and really upset her.

Tell her you are busy and avoid her for a few months. Good luck.

newyearsresolurion · 26/11/2021 14:43

None issue. Poor friend

SisterAgatha · 26/11/2021 14:45

My SIL does this, you often get to her house to find she has the same mug/dress/candle. Or she knows where you have bought something without any way of her knowing except that she has googled your stuff. She is like it with everyone in her life. That’s annoying and if your friend were like that I would 100% say YANBU.

But because it’s a new thing, you’ve both had babies so maybe she likes them being the same, thinks it’s sweet or whatever, then YAB a bit U because like others have said, there’s not a huge amount of choice out there. Esp for boys.

Notimeforaname · 26/11/2021 14:45

You replied to me again, so I've replied back.

Hopefully you cheer up a bit and become less bothered by your friend buying things she likes.

Or as suggested,buy things out of her price range or straight up tell her to stop it and how you feel about it.
Have a good weekend op

imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 26/11/2021 14:46

It feels like plagiarism - I've spent time looking at things and choosing things I think are nice/useful etc and then she just takes all of my ideas. I don't understand why people wouldn't find that annoying

This comment makes you sound utterly ridiculous and childish. Perhaps she also spends time looking at things and chooses the things that are nice/useful? It's not a great stretch of imagination to think that if you are friends you might have the same taste. Do you imagine your baby is uniquely in their clothing, toys, nursery decoration? Anything you have bought will also have been bought by thousands of people across the country. Perhaps spend some time thinking about why this really annoys you. Are you insecure? Did you grow up having to share everything? Did someone always copy your homework at school? Whatever the real reason, let it go.

ChristmasScrooge · 26/11/2021 14:46

Strange thing to be annoyed about. Most baby items are the same at that age.

Rocktheboat56 · 26/11/2021 14:48

To be fair I see what others are saying but I think it would annoy me a little to. You are clearly a trend setter and finding the time to find really nice things. Perhaps the annoyance is a little bit of jealousy.

This reminds me of a few tv programs where the under dog wants to dress and be like the cool kid. I'm 50:50 on this one.

Helpstopthepain · 26/11/2021 14:50

Really? Would you be annoyed if someone took credit for your idea at work? Same idea

Oh dear.

ellyoctober · 26/11/2021 14:52

"It feels like plagiarism - I've spent time looking at things and choosing things I think are nice/useful etc and then she just takes all of my ideas. I don't understand why people wouldn't find that annoying"

But your effort and time expenditure is exactly the same whether she copies you or not @NearlyThereMum Confused

Also the silver crosses on furniture are intriguing me, is it vampire themed?

NotImpossible · 26/11/2021 14:52

The thing is, it takes nothing from you and makes her happy. The work/thought you put in isn't less important because she has it too and your baby doesn't lose out because she has the same.
If you'd spent time researching something less emotionally charged - say, new boilers, or good electricans - would you resent sharing recommmendations with friends to save them having to do the research themselves?
I get your feelings but they are illogical - the above is the sort of pep talk I'd give myself in a similar situation!

User5252727 · 26/11/2021 14:54

This is your issue to deal with, not hers, so you shouldn't bring it up. Regardless of whether or not it annoys you, she hadn't done anything wrong and you don't have the right to ask her to stop. You can only work on dealing with your own feelings about it.

Josette77 · 26/11/2021 14:57

I have friends who copy my home and it has never bothered me. Ever. I love my home and think it's pretty. I have also gotten ideas from one of my best friends and her from me. We both love interior design. Never been an issue.

Original poster
NearlyThereMum · 26/11/2021 15:07

@Notimeforaname

You replied to me again, so I've replied back.

Hopefully you cheer up a bit and become less bothered by your friend buying things she likes.

Or as suggested,buy things out of her price range or straight up tell her to stop it and how you feel about it.
Have a good weekend op

You too
OP posts: