... if you've every learned something totally surprising about a close friend?

[BSideLeeSide]

This is no biggie, just something very surprising for me.

I've a very close friend that I'd known for 10+ years, we met through work several years ago. A few weeks ago I was helping her move/unpack to a lovely new house, and staying there for the weekend.

The house had a piano. I was amazed to discover that she is an incredible pianist. Really really amazing! She says she was somewhat of a prodigy when young, but lost interest and motivation in teen years, and is just re-connecting with it as a hobby.

Sadly, if I was that good at something I'd have let everyone know :(

@calvados

Good advice here. Her boundaries are off but the husband should have forbidden her dad to be left alone with the children. You have a duty to safe-guard those children via social services if others are not.

The husband doesn't sound much better, given his wife moved in with him when he was 26 and her only 15.

My best friend voted for brexit. I was shocked

Unrelated - but I'm still confused about this comment by a pp:

She is not-quite-white-passing (think Cliff Richard's colouring). Cliff is white . Being tanned doesn't make you 'not-quite-white-passing' unless what pp meant was 'doesn't look British'?

Anyway, my story. Not a nice one. Not a close friend but family.

My uncle, youngest son of the family and my dad's younger brother died a few years ago. He was a bit of a black sheep - I never knew why, assumed it was because he was a bit of a jack the lad type - gambled, borrowing money all over the place, abandoned his wife and kids...you know the type.

Turns out it's actually because his daughter accused him of sexually abusing her. Nothing (legal) ever came of it, but she moved half way across the world and as far as I know has no inclination to come back.

My mum told be this year. I'm 39. I'm was absolutely gobsmacked.

not a friend but my (nearly)daughter in law, she has been with my son for 10 years now and living together for 9 of them, but has decided that 2 weeks ago was the time to annnounce on facebook that she is bi! ok i dont give a monkeys arse about the sexual relationship preferences of anyone, but frankly after this amount of time together why the need to come out now? son already knew, although he isnt part of what she decides to do or who with! and frankly whose business is it anyway? its not going to change anything for anyone involved with her and i just feel like it was some cry for attn really

My good friend told me, after knowing her for over 30 years, that she is closely related to someone famous.

At a friends wedding, we discovered that a good friend (of approx 15 years) could breakdance. Late in the evening, DJ played a couple of 80s hiphop tracks and he drunkenly wanders up to the dance floor, did some pretty impressive breaks and floor spins and finished in some kind of press headstand. He was not at all athletic and very quiet, which made it all the more surprising. Apparently he’d taught himself in his bedroom in the 90s.

Took a while of nagging but she gave it a try and got lots of lovely comments about her amazing hair!
Finding out a sad secret she had (I hadn't previously known about) I think contributed to her wanting the hair changed tbh. Changing it back was a massive deal. Maybe she was just ready to face it.

Found out one of my DDs teachers had a criminal record, I found out through school gate gossip and didn’t believe it as she was the most lovely lady who would go way above and beyond for anybody. Anyway by the time I’d got home the other mum had sent me a news link and there she was it was. It had gone to court only a few weeks prior to me finding out so wasn’t historical. Normally I’d have very little sympathy for people who’d done what she’d done but after reading the details of what happened it never changed my opinion of her, I was still happy for her to teach my DDs and I still think she’s an amazing and lovely woman.

There's this bloke who sleeps in a hedge at the end of our road. I recently found out he is the Prime Minister of Great Britain

@Beaglelegs

At a friends wedding, we discovered that a good friend (of approx 15 years) could breakdance. Late in the evening, DJ played a couple of 80s hiphop tracks and he drunkenly wanders up to the dance floor, did some pretty impressive breaks and floor spins and finished in some kind of press headstand. He was not at all athletic and very quiet, which made it all the more surprising. Apparently he’d taught himself in his bedroom in the 90s.

I think this is my favourite - bedroom breakdancer revealed!

@takenforgrantednana she came out because it's still a big thing for other people who haven't come out yet - maybe haven't admitted their feelings to themselves yet - that being gay, or bi, or pan, is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. That's the point. Not attention seeking.

It also doesn't make her more likely to be unfaithful, if that's what you mean by "son already knew, although he isnt part of what she decides to do or who with!".

Gah, that "other people who haven't come out yet" needs a "to see that" before the "being gay etc is perfectly normal"

[quote DameFanny]@takenforgrantednana she came out because it's still a big thing for other people who haven't come out yet - maybe haven't admitted their feelings to themselves yet - that being gay, or bi, or pan, is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. That's the point. Not attention seeking.

It also doesn't make her more likely to be unfaithful, if that's what you mean by "son already knew, although he isnt part of what she decides to do or who with!".[/quote]
@DameFanny then im sorry but if she hasnt already been with someone else while with my son, then i really dont see the need to upset the apple cart in announcing to the world, ok yes talk to my son about it and discuss it and how that affects both of them, but for the rest of us, its info we really didnt need to know so i stand by my original comment

@MinnieJackson

At a bbq my friends 75 year old dad grabbed my ass. I went 'wah!' and scuttled away. I told my friend that he might have had a bit too much beer and Sun and that he'd touched my bum. Im not assertive at all and was a bit awkward and tried to kind of laugh it off. My friend said 'wouldn't surprise me', deadpan. I didn't realise her husband had seen and he went absolutely ballistic, saying he was going to call the police. After my friend calmed down and the dad had gone home she told me her dad repeatedly molested and raped her when she was young and her husband obviously despises him. I've seen the dad since and I get really, really anxious. Friend also has three daughters, eldest 14, youngest 6, and she allows him to watch them while she goes to the shop

As someone who works together with Social services, this is very serious and needs reporting!!

[quote Bangolads]@VolareVia er you feel ‘angry’ she didn’t trust anyone with her secret. No one is obligated to tell you secrets about themselves that have nothing to do with you. You’re reaction of anger might be a clue as to why she didn’t want to divulge.[/quote]
yep. Wasn't there an entire thread with everyone telling you the same thing? if so, you really, really need to stop making it about you.

After 6 years found out a male co-worker moonlighted as a S&M sex worker.
More for the sex than the money as it turns out… he has quite specialised ‘tastes’ and it can be hard to find likeminded gents apparently…

Mine isn’t as juicy as a lot of these. My friend in her mid 40s had literally never heard of a radio-controlled clock. The whole technology had entirely passed her by.

not a friend but my (nearly)daughter in law, she has been with my son for 10 years now and living together for 9 of them, but has decided that 2 weeks ago was the time to annnounce on facebook that she is bi! ok i dont give a monkeys arse about the sexual relationship preferences of anyone, but frankly after this amount of time together why the need to come out now?‘

Because it’s part of who she is, and as someone who is bisexual she isn’t suddenly straight because she has a boyfriend and anymore than she would be a lesbian if she had a girlfriends instead.
Maybe she got tired of being in the closet.

I found out when I was 36 my late father had been married before and I had two half brothers I first know it had. They were born in the 30s. I am a 60s baby

It's a long messy story I'm not going to go into. Needless to say 1 brother has just passed at 85. The younger of the two brothers is 85 next year.

They are and were in very good health. My eldest bro got cancer and passed within 3 months. My 2nd bro is still going strong.

It's sounds like some wonderful story like off "Long Lost Famolies" or for those old enough "Surprise, Surprise"

No it isn't. The trail of emotional damage my late father left behind fills a book. Its called "Family secrets--what you don't know can hurt you"

It's like something out of a Cathleen Cookson or Victoria Holte novel.

I did find my brothers and hqve a good relationship with them. Family secrets aren't always s good things. Things never added up as a child. I got lucky to find out and get therapy for the various damage through my life

Regarding other people. Yes I have two friends with secrets that surprised me.

One was very personal aand sensitive so I'm not sharing it.

The other was a friend who had been married in another country and divorced him there too.

Then you're being homophobic @takenforgrantednana, and you should be very careful how you talk about this with your son and his GF if you don't want to alienate them.

I was invited to my good friend’s son’s christening and only found out then that she was a practising catholic. She’d never mentioned anything remotely linked to religion to me, and I was genuinely stunned. It was a lovely christening and quite interesting to an atheist to be part of.

@DameFanny

Then you're being homophobic *@takenforgrantednana*, and you should be very careful how you talk about this with your son and his GF if you don't want to alienate them.

@DameFanny i am not being anything of the sort, and if you knew me personally then you would know how wrong you are. it serves no purpose and is no business of anyone other than the 2 people concerned. to continue to do so only means one thing that she is outing herself for any possible attn she may gain from doing so

Would you say the same if she was talking about being left handed @takenforgrantednana? Or having epilepsy? Or being a twin? Or anything else that's always been a part of her but that you have known/noticed?

You're assuming that the only reason she would out herself is to get attention and probably hookup with not-your-son. That's homophobic.

@starrynight21

I've known my friend for over 40 years - both in our 60's. Last year I spent a few weeks with her and we had some deep conversations. She told me that because her father had sexually molested her, she has avoided getting close to any man and that she is a virgin.

I was so shocked ! I'd thought that we'd been totally frank with each other during our teens , as you do, but she'd kept the stuff about her father very quiet. She said he never raped her, but constantly used to touch her . Ugh . She never wanted a man to touch her again after that.

Oh the poor girl. Heartbreaking. @starrynight21