IN wanting to set up a Mumsnet No Man's (Mum's) Land between BFers & FFers?

[Iklboo]

We're NEVER going to agree on this subject so I'm setting up a nice quiet bunker somewhere in the middle entitled

"I DID WHAT WAS BEST FOR MY BABY AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS LA LA LA LA LA"

Not being flippant, disrespecful, rude or anything like that. Just neutral.

Formula tins say superior to COWS milk NOT breastmilk

Austin, it's really not like that for me. If someone looks at me oddly or asks questions about why I'm not bfing then I'm quite happy to tell them to mind their own or tell some outrageous lie about why I can't, depending how the mood takes me. The pain is in me, not induced by other people, because in my heart I know I was failed and so I failed my daughter. What I think some posters are failing to get is that telling me it doesn't make that much difference makes me feel worse although the intention may be to make me feel better.

och desi, that's not the point and you know it. the fact that no-one on here is a scientist doesn't make all science null and void.

Beewisemen did you try and BF?

People FF who feel they should be BF - just get over it FFS!!! what do you think will happen to your DC - they will grow horns?? FFS your kids will be past any kind of FF OR BF before you even know it. Get a grip.

Get over it? Get a grip?

brilliant, frantic, just brilliant.

Oh, I've just watched Hide and Seek on the same channel, with Robert de Niro. It was a gratuitous little blood-fest, it must be said. Pretty disturbing all round, in fact.

Nastily compelling

Anyhow, we're cool. The debate rages on, and I will join Iklboo in the nomansland which is MN speak for couldn't give a shit what you do as long as your kids are happy

goodnight, Austin... get off this thread before you start to get distracted from the clearly intelligent view you have of the whole thing! ' bye , all. Enjoy your bitching, but perhaps read back over my postings before you condemn me to hell?!

I'm going to wade in here and say I think we are in need of a no-mans land for respite from both sides.

I b/f both my DC for more than a year each, I struggled a lot, especially with DS1, but I am pig headed in the extreme and didn't give in and I am proud of that. Breast is best but for a majority of people it won't matter in 20 years time whether they were bf or ff because, whatever happens to them in the future, so many other factors will influence their health and well-being that how they were fed for the first months of their lives will have a reduced impact. It won't be the most important thing in their lives. I think that, to an extent, that is where Polly is coming from.

What saddens me in these threads is the mothers who come on here torn up with guilt because they have struggled and struggled with bf, they have had support and they have given it their best shot and can do no more and yet there are still people who tell them not to give the ff, to keep trying because bf, that everything will be OK if they just listen to advice. Well, sometimes it won't and those women just need a break. They need to be allowed to say enough is enough and they have given it their best shot and it is OK if they take the next best option. There is a point at which support just becomes just another pressure that a new mother can do without.

I am not saying don't give support but be prepared to back down and give somebody space if they really can't hack it any more.

So yes, make that no-man's land where they can go and not be judged or pressurised.

So now I will stand back and wait to be flamed for not being 100% behind bfing.

i think its quite human to not be 100% behind anything. as in you are open minded and thats good

oh austin , it's all too much to go into really. Tried, failed, could maybe have tried harder, might not have made any difference or I might have driven myself mad if I'd tried - usual story really and I'd bore both of us recounting it. And I'm trying to get through how I feel but people telling me it doesn't matter is about as helpful as telling someone who is depressed to pull themselves together. Or indeed telling anybody in distress to get a grip.

Niecie, you're a star. You've basically said what I'v been trying to say. Just caught yr post before going to bed! i suppose others will now come on and say you (and I?) are utter monsters. But hey, ....

neicie, can you link me to a thread where what you describe has happened? does it happen often? i don't tent to go on the bfing threads that much because i didn't really bf, but that sort of blanket advice doesn't sound much like MN where you rarely get one opinion per thread.

polly you really are being weird about this, you know. neicy didn't say what you were saying, there would be no reason to call either of you monsters.

Aitch, try to get over it. Really. It's fine.

Polly you spoke too soon

try to get over what? what's fine?

Telling a woman who can't breastfeed, for whatever reason, that it's a small issue is rather like the unhelpful comments you get when you can't conceive - if it's meant to be it will happen, etc. etc. The fact is that if a woman's body does not work how it is meant to work, especially when this relates to having and feeding children, this matters a very great deal. It is foolish to say otherwise.

There was no need for this thread to go beyond Hunker's first post IMO. She summed it up perfectly. For many of us there was no choice, and for those people their lack of choice matters a great deal, so why the hell make it worse by fighting about it?

Iklboo - your "nice quiet bunker in the middle" is going swimmingly I must say!!!

I'd like to climb into no man's land.

I got absolutely slated on a post last night for a fairly innocent comment about bf pressure making women feel crap.

Mad me wonder whether the people who were, frankly, offensive to me would behave like that in real life??? I bloody hope not cos bf or not what the hell sort of example is that to set their children?

But who's telling a woman who can't breastfeed that it's a small issue?

Absolutely no-one.

I can breastfeed, but I hated it. It was pants. Six weeks, and I was out of there. Sorry, but not everyone has an emotional angle on this. Some women just chose the bottle over the breast.

No one should have to explain themselves. It ain't sisterly ..

lol Austin - yr right!

i just think a little ego boost is needed to everyone. No that anything I say will do any good but man, after you have given birth you should feel like superwoman you have carried and nourished this little thing for nine months and now you are going to love it and care for it the rest of your life and that is what we have over everyone else in the world and thats good enough for me. Whether I/you get our norks out is irrelevant IMHO.

Throws in hand grenade and runs

PMSL Austin yr right - when I think back to all that pushing and shoving and childbirth stuff, everything else pales into insignificance!AND i did the homebirth thing too, so don#t tell me i didn't give it a good shot! at the end of the day, we are all still here, as will be the future generations.

tc, everyone