New man not reading messages

[HildegardeCrowe]

Have started seeing someone, early days but going swimmingly. He’s attentive and thoughtful, really seems to like me, had a few lovely dates and made further plans etc. However I sent him a couple of WhatsApp messages yesterday around 6pm and he was online all night and last seen on WhatsApp at around 2am and he hasn’t even bothered to read them (I can tell from the ticks they were successfully delivered but not read). AIBU to be pissed off? Or am I over-reacting (I’m good at that!).

My messages pop up on my screen when I’m not on WhatsApp and I can read them without the ticks going blue.

Were you actually asking him any questions or are you expecting him to text back and forth as in a chat?

I don’t always open messages straight away I normally wait until I am ready to reply otherwise I will forget to reply!

I was confirming a date and the other was just a chat. It just seems odd after he’s been so attentive and wanting to see me...

Some people don't like messaging, so perhaps that's it?

Yes maybe @CatonMat. Do you think I should casually say something to him about it? When his messages pop up I can’t wait to read them!

I suppose you could try and casually bring it into a conversation.
I'm not the best person to ask here, having been single for around 200 years!

Me too actually first hint at anything in a long time!

I suppose you could just ask outright "Do you mind me messaging you"?

Or is that too full on?

This seems really needy.

Chances are he read the messages when they popped up on the screen but it didn’t register because he hadn’t clicked on them.

What would you actually say to him?

Online all night but couldn't be bothered to read or reply to your message? Nah that's not for me. I wouldn't be bothering with this one

Well we agreed that I’d message him about meeting up early in the week so I might breezingly say something like “ I’m not sure if you’re getting my messages....” I think messaging is a really important part of dating and I know I’m pissed off! I definitely won’t bin him over this but if it carries on I think I’d have to call him to tell him I’m messaging him but he’s not reading them.

If he’d read them @PurpleDaisies I’d have expected a reply- one of them was confirming that I’d booked cinema tickets.

Well we agreed that I’d message him about meeting up early in the week so I might breezingly say something like “ I’m not sure if you’re getting my messages....”

There’s no way that will sound breezy.

Is it just tonight that he didn’t reply to your (two?) messages?

@HildegardeCrowe

If he’d read them *@PurpleDaisies* I’d have expected a reply- one of them was confirming that I’d booked cinema tickets.

How long has it been?

The joy of messages is that you can reply at your leisure though.

I wouldn’t think replying to a message about someone having booked cinema tickets was urgent.

He might have been busy with anything, - out on a night out and messaging people who were meeting him, something could have happened with family and he was busy with that but needed to message them. He could have accidentally not realised you messaged him - if he's talking to others he may just be clicking on their messages from notifications and if he's missed yours at the notification stage, he's not clicking back to his list of chats and seeing them.

I think if you 'breezily' send a message now you risk looking needy and putting him off. It's also 6am and he went to bed at 2am earliest, so he probably won't reply for ages anyway and you'll get even more put out.

Wait for while.

Well we agreed that I’d message him about meeting up early in the week so I might breezingly say something like “ I’m not sure if you’re getting my messages....” there is no way this sounds "breezy"

@HildegardeCrowe

Yes maybe *@CatonMat*. Do you think I should casually say something to him about it? When his messages pop up I can’t wait to read them!

I think after a couple of dates, no, I wouldn't. It comes on a bit strong to be honest to be so needy about messaging at this stage. There's not really a way to mention it "casually" because you are putting expectations and demands on him.

Once you've been together a couple of months then yes, if it's still bothering you then talk to him about it.

...so I might breezingly say something like “ I’m not sure if you’re getting my messages....

That's really not breezy, it's needy/ demanding. Chill out a bit. Some people just don't message as much and don't put at much emphasis on it.

yabu
I have changed the setting on my messenger to not show when read.
plus what others say about reading messages on the screen and not the app.

Just carry on with your life and see how you feel if/when he messages

I’d be put off by this too. If you’re newly dating someone and into them then it’s exciting when they message and you usually have to try delay replying a bit so you don’t seem too keen - but not even reading them when he’s online all night? No. From the men I’ve dated this always ends up with them being one of those who like to blow hot and cold and play games, ignore you for a few days then come back all nice to confuse you. I wouldn’t do anything now, just wait. There’s no way to breezily bring it up, but if he keeps doing it then I’d walk away. Mind games are horrible and turn you into someone you don’t recognise. What you’ve done all evening - fret over why he’s not reading or replying when he’s clearly online - is exactly what they want you to do. It’s rude and tedious.

I often don't answer messages.
I see the bit of text on screen then don't bother to open them unless they're important looking (which they never are)

I dunno, OP. Whilst I am firmly in the crowd of “I’ll answer my messages when I’m ready” etc, in my extensive experience of dating, if someone likes you, they’ll answer as soon as they can. If he was online all night and chose not to answer you then that doesn’t bode well. Sorry OP.