New man not reading messages

[HildegardeCrowe]

Have started seeing someone, early days but going swimmingly. He’s attentive and thoughtful, really seems to like me, had a few lovely dates and made further plans etc. However I sent him a couple of WhatsApp messages yesterday around 6pm and he was online all night and last seen on WhatsApp at around 2am and he hasn’t even bothered to read them (I can tell from the ticks they were successfully delivered but not read). AIBU to be pissed off? Or am I over-reacting (I’m good at that!).

There have been many posts on here, about this very subject, where people have new dates, and pretty soon, they will get anxious about the other person not replying to their messages, or constant messaging. Why is everyone so eager,, its very annoying to people.

I'm really glad my DH and I were grownups when we started dating and neither of us thought like you.

Waiting by your phone so you can gleefully text him a fucking childish message like "you snooze you lose" when it's been mere hours is really really ridiculous behaviour.

Please never follow that advice OP

@SexyNeckbeard

I'm really glad my DH and I were grownups when we started dating and neither of us thought like you.

Waiting by your phone so you can gleefully text him a fucking childish message like "you snooze you lose" when it's been mere hours is really really ridiculous behaviour.

Please never follow that advice OP

I don't think OP should wait by her phone at all. He's obviously not interested and has made that obvious. I suggested she back off and simply send a polite message if he turns up at some point in the future. I thought that was clear, but I do apologise if it confused you.

I know some people on these threads talk about the fact that other people aren't big texters, they're busy, they don't have to reply immediately... but - this is a change of pattern. I have found that if a man likes you, he is able to make this perfectly clear. He's been messaging other people all evening and until the early hours but hasn't replied to you, so you're not a priority to him. It's not dramatic or needy to know that that's just what it is. It's also what I find myself doing when I don't really fancy someone any more. OP, if you take too much stock from the 'needy' comments you may find yourself accepting other hot and cold behaviour out of worry that you're being needy/dramatic. Which you aren't.

@whistleryukon

I know some people on these threads talk about the fact that other people aren't big texters, they're busy, they don't have to reply immediately... but - this is a change of pattern. I have found that if a man likes you, he is able to make this perfectly clear. He's been messaging other people all evening and until the early hours but hasn't replied to you, so you're not a priority to him. It's not dramatic or needy to know that that's just what it is. It's also what I find myself doing when I don't really fancy someone any more. OP, if you take too much stock from the 'needy' comments you may find yourself accepting other hot and cold behaviour out of worry that you're being needy/dramatic. Which you aren't.

Totally agree with this. Onwards and upwards, OP

Nah fuck that it's rude, online but not replying to you. I got ignored for 5 hours on Saturday. Could see he was online so I sent 👍 and was told not to start.
It's rude

I suggested she back off and simply send a polite message

There’s nothing polite about a strange and immature text saying “you snooze you lose” and pretending that you have a new date for your planned cinema trip. It’s the behaviour of a 12 yr old, and it’s just embarrassing

I’ve decided that at the very least it’s rude and it doesn’t make sense after being so full on at the beginning. I’m not initiating contact and have really cooled towards him so may decide not to see him again if he asks.

@beastlyslumber

After one day? "You snooze you lose!"

Yep. How long do you wait around for someone who's supposed to be into you to answer a message? How long does it take to say "great, see you then"? He's clearly not into her, so why is she supposed to sit there waiting for his text? Find a man who likes you and doesn't mess you about instead of hanging on like some kind of desperado for someone who isn't bothered.

We all don't crave or need constant validation.

@rrhuth

You can't say anything, it sounds ridiculous! He's within his rights not to reply straight away, and you'll just embarrass yourself if you tell him you're obsessing about whether he's read your messages.

This is the bit where you work out if someone is right for you, not the bit where you try to change what people do.

That second paragraph needs to be a Mumsnet mantra. WORD.

@Derbee

I suggested she back off and simply send a polite message

There’s nothing polite about a strange and immature text saying “you snooze you lose” and pretending that you have a new date for your planned cinema trip. It’s the behaviour of a 12 yr old, and it’s just embarrassing

OP said she was going to go with a friend instead. It's not "immature" it's just lighthearted. Whatever. You can write your own text. Or not send a text at all.

Getting a bit fed up now of people piling on to me. Calling me insane, childish, immature, embarrassing... why? Because I would send a text letting someone know I was no longer interested? Or because you don't like the wording but don't have the imagination to change it to something more suitable yourself? Or because you really can't imagine walking away from a man, no matter how uninterested in you he shows himself to be?

I've honestly no idea why people are having a go at me, but just so you know, your words say a lot more about you than they do about me.

I'm very surprised at the number of people who think a woman needs to accept contact on a man's terms. Surely in this day and age women don't have to second guess their actions all the time in case a man doesn't like it and (horrors!) Is put off? If a man is going to be frightened off by a woman asking if he received her message, then she is better off finding one who can cope with an assertive woman, rather than sitting passively waiting for him to message her when he feels like it.

@HildegardeCrowe

I’ve decided that at the very least it’s rude and it doesn’t make sense after being so full on at the beginning. I’m not initiating contact and have really cooled towards him so may decide not to see him again if he asks.

It is rude.

If you'd met a friend yesterday and then arranged tickets and messaged them about it and they didnt reply that would be rude, and I would even consider binning them and taking someone else.

The fact that it's a bloke who's supposed to be interested in getting to know you better, and he's not has the decency to reply tells you everything you need to know.

I got ignored for 5 hours on Saturday. Could see he was online so I sent 👍 and was told not to start.

This is why I turn off instant messaging for some people and make sure they can't see whether I'm online or not. They can be a close friend, a relative, someone I'm in a relationship with. I can love them very much but not want them to know whether or not I'm online right now and think that therefore I should be available to them. I have work, friends, relatives, hobbies, I would like to decide how I divide up my time. I don't love someone less if I think 'okay, I'll ping you a message later, I'm in the middle of this right now'.

I do find it incredibly invasive of my personal space to have someone monitoring whether I'm online or not and then demand attention accordingly. Fortunately my OH wouldn't know WhatsApp if it bit him and doesn't have a Facebook account. He's been known not to respond to my texts at all, if he thinks they don't need a response. I do the same thing. It wouldn't suit everybody but for the two of us it's much more relaxed than going on the warpath because someone's seen your message and somehow been so 'rude' as to not message back within whatever given timeframe it is that they have in their heads, but one that seems to be measured in minutes rather than days or hours. It's exhausting.

I’m left wondering how quickly people expect others to reply to messages after reading this thread. It’s very normal for me to take a whole day to reply to messages if it’s social and not urgent.

@Summerfun54321

I’m left wondering how quickly people expect others to reply to messages after reading this thread. It’s very normal for me to take a whole day to reply to messages if it’s social and not urgent.

Depends. Some friends I know aren't on the phones much, maybe a few days. A new relationship with an established pattern of quick responses, pretty quickly, especially if I knew they were on their phone.

Messaging a friend or a long standing partner is very different from messaging someone t the early stages of dating. If someone didn't reply to me saying I'd booked tickets for a date I would assume they just weren't that into me. Especially if they were clearly online.

How old are you?i assume 18/19.first love.maybe your new partner is a bit older and has grown out og the teenage type messaging on whatsapp.calm down.

Ha ha how old am I? 57 😊 clearly out of practice. I agree with the posters who say he’s rude and I’d never behave like that with a friend or prospective love interest. So I’m just evaluating how he behaves over the next few days and certainly won’t be making contact.

@BertramLacey

I got ignored for 5 hours on Saturday. Could see he was online so I sent 👍 and was told not to start.

This is why I turn off instant messaging for some people and make sure they can't see whether I'm online or not. They can be a close friend, a relative, someone I'm in a relationship with. I can love them very much but not want them to know whether or not I'm online right now and think that therefore I should be available to them. I have work, friends, relatives, hobbies, I would like to decide how I divide up my time. I don't love someone less if I think 'okay, I'll ping you a message later, I'm in the middle of this right now'.

I do find it incredibly invasive of my personal space to have someone monitoring whether I'm online or not and then demand attention accordingly. Fortunately my OH wouldn't know WhatsApp if it bit him and doesn't have a Facebook account. He's been known not to respond to my texts at all, if he thinks they don't need a response. I do the same thing. It wouldn't suit everybody but for the two of us it's much more relaxed than going on the warpath because someone's seen your message and somehow been so 'rude' as to not message back within whatever given timeframe it is that they have in their heads, but one that seems to be measured in minutes rather than days or hours. It's exhausting.

Agree with all of this. I really don't want anyone stalking me online and making judgments about how I use my time.

It's one thing if a time sensitive response is needed: do we want the flight at 7am or 9am; they are booking up fast. But in that case I'd phone.

Just "booked flights as agreed" is informative & doesn't require a response esp immediately.

@HildegardeCrowe

Ha ha how old am I? 57 😊 clearly out of practice. I agree with the posters who say he’s rude and I’d never behave like that with a friend or prospective love interest. So I’m just evaluating how he behaves over the next few days and certainly won’t be making contact.

Yes seems very sensible

He really should have responded

Wait for him to contact you

@HildegardeCrowe has he still not responded?

It would annoy me. No need not to reply if he likes you as much as you like him.

I don't always believe an app when it shows people as online. I once messaged my daughter who was appearing as inline when in fact she was at work in a prison where phones are obviously not allowed. Hope you've picked a film your friend will enjoy if be really hasn't been arsed to reply to you though

I got a “hope you’ve had a good day” message a while ago, no thanks for booking the cinema tickets or asking to meet up. So agree he probs isn’t that into me and that’s fine and will go to see film with a mate 😊