New man not reading messages

[HildegardeCrowe]

Have started seeing someone, early days but going swimmingly. He’s attentive and thoughtful, really seems to like me, had a few lovely dates and made further plans etc. However I sent him a couple of WhatsApp messages yesterday around 6pm and he was online all night and last seen on WhatsApp at around 2am and he hasn’t even bothered to read them (I can tell from the ticks they were successfully delivered but not read). AIBU to be pissed off? Or am I over-reacting (I’m good at that!).

Don’t message again op- it’ll just look needy

You can't say anything, it sounds ridiculous! He's within his rights not to reply straight away, and you'll just embarrass yourself if you tell him you're obsessing about whether he's read your messages.

This is the bit where you work out if someone is right for you, not the bit where you try to change what people do.

Op, if someone likes you, they will answer you and be keen to solidify plans/chat. It sounds like he's keeping his options open now he knows you are a sure thing in terms of liking him enough to see him again. What you can do is keep your options open too. I know his behaviour would annoy me and put me off someone.

Yes good point @rehuth “This is the bit where you work out if someone is right for you, not the bit where you try to change what people do”.

I’m actually pissed off at myself because we agreed that I’d book cinema tickets for the end of the month and I have. I guess if it doesn’t work out I’ll just go with a mate instead! We met briefly yesterday morning before I messaged him and agreed to do something this weekend. Shall I just not message him and see if he contacts me?

I changed my settings that don’t show when I’ve read them because I got ‘breezy’ messages like that.
The joy of this technology is you don’t need to reply straight away, regardless of who it is. Sometimes people just need a break.

You’ve sent him messages, the balls in his court now, sadly I think this is par for the course these days where everything seems to be fine and then you are ghosted.

Yes, you've messaged twice so the ball is in his court. If he'd messaged got last night, you would have messaged hack trying to instigate a chat and then it turns into a chore. Hopefully he will reply over the next day or so.

Don’t message him.

Something or more likely someone has got his attention last night. Last seen at 2am. Hmmm.

Ignoring you as already reeled in.

I think this guy is probably a player. Don’t be a pawn in his game.

Don’t say anything, it will come across as really needy. As others have said, he more than likely read your messages without actually opening them. Maybe he’s distracted with something else… or maybe he’s just taking a bit of breathing space before he replies. I think it’s normal after the first intense period to take a slight step back as you work out how you feel. Someone telling me they wanted an immediate reply to a non urgent message in the early days of a relationship would make me feel pressured and wary.

Don’t make any comment on him not replying to or reading messages…it will just seem overbearing and intense. I don’t always open or respond to messages immediately either…in fact, I’ve just replied to one fro a good friend with whom I was out on Saturday night and who messaged me Sunday morning. I was too preoccupied yesterday to put the effort required into a response. Nothing sinister.

I actually think it's really rude not to reply to a message if you've seen it and been on WhatsApp until 2am. He's got time at 2am to be on there, it takes seconds to type out 'lovely thankyou, looking forward to it' especially if someone's gone to the trouble of booking something for you.

ThorsLeftNut you shouldn't need a break from someone you've just started dating and he obviously doesn't need a break if he's on there at 2am.

Do not text him again OP.

I turned the setting off that shows when you're online on WhatsApp when an ex questionned why he'd seen me online but not read his innane messages. Not that I should have to justify who I chat to when I'm not with him, but my bffs dad had died and I was messaging her, with zero heads pace for him.

You sound needy op. I presume the cinema trip was discussed, agreed and planned prior to you booking the tickets, in which case there's really nothing urgent you need from him?

@allyjay

Online all night but couldn't be bothered to read or reply to your message? Nah that's not for me. I wouldn't be bothering with this one

Nah, I'm with @allyjay on this one

Sorry

He's a player. If he's online all night he's talking to other women. Avoid like the plague.

Oh wow you need to chill out. He's not obliged to answer you straight away. Turn off the tick colours, put your phone down and get on with your day.

And definitely don't start playing silly games

I’m actually pissed off at myself because we agreed that I’d book cinema tickets for the end of the month and I have. I guess if it doesn’t work out I’ll just go with a mate instead! We met briefly yesterday morning before I messaged him and agreed to do something this weekend. Shall I just not message him and see if he contacts me?

So you saw him yesterday, said you would message him early in the week. Messaged him twice the same day. Already stressing he’s ghosting you because at 7am on Monday you haven’t arranged what you’re doing next weekend.

Calm. Down.

It’s been just under a month. He’s already popped round with flowers (he lives down the road) and told me how much he wants to see me. This seems a bit hit/cold to me and I’m just going to carry on and make other plans and absolutely not message him again!

@Eesha

Op, if someone likes you, they will answer you and be keen to solidify plans/chat. It sounds like he's keeping his options open now he knows you are a sure thing in terms of liking him enough to see him again. What you can do is keep your options open too. I know his behaviour would annoy me and put me off someone.

This.

Are you sure "he was online" until 2am, or do you mean he sent a message at 2am?
It is possible that he wasn't catching up with messages to other people for 6 or so hours.

I think you are overreacting btw. Calm down a bit

@HildegardeCrowe

Yes good point *@rehuth* “This is the bit where you work out if someone is right for you, not the bit where you try to change what people do”.

I’m actually pissed off at myself because we agreed that I’d book cinema tickets for the end of the month and I have. I guess if it doesn’t work out I’ll just go with a mate instead! We met briefly yesterday morning before I messaged him and agreed to do something this weekend. Shall I just not message him and see if he contacts me?

I don’t think you should be sending those “breezy” messages, which are definitely not breezy. But you have messaged twice with no answer, so I probably would wait and see what today brings.

Meh. The oh so causal crowd are probably wrong here OP. I think he should have replied, given he's been online.

Definitely don't message again unless he's in touch confirming plans.

Honestly, I would take a step back. The first part of dating is the most exciting part, when you find the right person you will message all the time. There won’t be the games around waiting a certain amount of time to reply , or ignoring someone.

For future I would also turn your last seen function off. It’s not good for you to be looking constantly and seeing what someone else is up to, you’ll start overthinking things

He may have been out with a friend, doing some work at home. I completely agree with the 'a text takes two minutes to send' but I get invested in something sometimes and don't reply to people, then think oh it's too late now I'll wait till the morning.

Don't send any more texts. Just wait and see if he replies today.

I'm not really up-to-date on all these new-fangled messaging systems.

In my day we would send a telegram via the GPO, and it would be delivered by a young lad on a little red motorbike. He would hand you the telegram and wait so you could read it and then send a reply which he would take back with him.

We seemed to have gone backwards with all this new stuff. Mind you in those days sugar was rationed and you couldn't find a banana for love or money. (Are they still yellow?)

I am not a messenger. I find it a bit overwhelming as I get so many.