Daughter refusing to wear most of the clothing she owns

[Pinklilly123]

Is this normal?

She’s 7. Won’t wear jeans (mostly as they aren’t comfortable which I understand), won’t wear anything too girly or flowery, no dresses or skirts. She puts them on and changes her mind. It’s honestly infuriating me! She begs me to buy things in shops which I will because I just want her to wear something that isn’t a holey pair of leggings in black or grey and a grey or black hoody. She won’t wear anything but this even to parties. I buy stuff they she removes the tags and never wears it. We try it on first if we can before buying but some changing rooms remain closed so that’s not easy. I replace leggings often but realistically they get worn a few times and they end up with holes or stains even m&s or gap ones. Her much loved hoody’s are so worn they make her look unkempt. Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal for a 7 yo? My friends girls are into pretty dresses still and will wear anything. Her style is so particularly it’s driving me around the twist not to mention all the wasted money and bags of practically brand new clothes I’ve given away to friends and charity shops

I might add that she would happily wear crop tops if she could but I refuse to let her wear them at her age

Hmmmm she’s being a bit entitled isn’t she? This is the problem with letting kids dictate too much, it becomes ingrained.
Stop shopping, if she has enough clothes that fit she has to wear them or go naked!! Chick out anything that’s got holes or is going tatty. Once she doesn’t have so many choices and realises mum’s purse is closed she might be a bit more savvy about what she actually wants, and make wiser choices when she does get new stuff.

Does she have sensory issues?

Try cutting out all the tags and buying second hand clothes - some kids prefer the softness of previously worn clothes.

Mum of 3 girls and this sounds like all mine at this age. Youngest is 6 and already like this. It’s exhausting.
I’m sure you will get lots of people coming along telling you that she’s 7 and she should wear what you tell her, but that never worked for us.
I haven’t found a solution and eldest is a teen! I also just buy anything I think they will like/shoe an interesting in, only for it to be worn once and then rejected.

And in future schedule just a few clothes shopping trips across the year to coincide with the seasons. Get her to go through her clothes in advance and list what she actually needs.

Start from what she wears and work outwards! So buy lots of what she will wear, possibly better quality so that it looks a bit better.
Encourage her to add to it when she wants to look nicer for special occasions- maybe a badge, a scarf, a necklace. Expand on that- a different T-shirt in a brighter colour, for example.

Just stop buying the stuff she doesn't wear. If she was a boy, would you be as worried?

My girl is the same. She’s 5 and has always been fussy about clothes.

@SushiGo

Does she have sensory issues?

Try cutting out all the tags and buying second hand clothes - some kids prefer the softness of previously worn clothes.

I was going to ask the same thing. My LG has sensory processing disorder and lives in tights and long tops with no labels or frilly things. She also gets distracted with patterns.

My oldest boy is just so picky with clothing at 6 years old and now I just set money aside and let him choose his own clothes in that budget

I would stop giving in to the demands and just buy her basic leggings, joggers, t shirts and hoodies. It sounds to me as if she wants to be 'the same' by insisting on the new clothes but when it comes down to it she just isn't comfortable. Teach her that her own style is perfectly acceptable and she will feel more comfortable - and not just in her clothes.

It's fine for her to live in leggings. You need to take a bit more control. You shouldn't have bought anything else until she'd worn what's already been bought. You have 14 days minimum to return things, there was no need to lose out on any money. Stop wanting her to wear what your friends children are wearing. She's her own person.
I think that you've turned it into a battle. Back off and she'll find her own style. I had the same with my youngest DD, now 23, still wouldn't wear a dress, but does now do colour. My eldest GC went from black leggings to colourful tracksuits and tie dye board type shorts/t shirt over last summer. She's 7.

We used to buy a lot of second hand bundles but because she didn’t like the colours and styles we stopped. Yes she’s definitely got sensory issues but is also very entitled being the only girl out of four. From as young as two years she was fussy about what she wore but never to this extent. I think stopping purchases is a good idea.

At that age I remember feeling too ugly for certain clothes, like I didn't deserve to wear them.

I also detested my shoulders for some reason.

I guess what I'm saying is, does she have low self esteem/confidence? She clearly likes the clothes enough to buy them, but then doesn't feel like she wants to wear them. And seems to hide in hoodies?

She’s not a doll and just because your friend’s daughters are in to “pretty, frilly dresses” doesn’t mean she might.

Is she maybe asking for these things in the shop to try and make you happy?

I would be looking at sensory issues too - and I speak as a mother who makes most of her child’s clothes because he won’t wear what he’s chosen!

Sounds normal and it goes on for years. I have 3 girls. One of mine(19) gave my a big black bin liner full of clothes she no longer wore. I opened it with great excitement in anticipation of getting some different clothes. It turned out that they were pretty well all mine anyway🧐

@MissyB1
"Hmmmm she’s being a bit entitled isn’t she? "

No, she's being forced into dresses because her Mum wants her to look like her friends children.

I would search for and invest in a few REALLY HARD WEARING comfy itemsleggings, and short/long sleeved t-shirts and hoodieschecking she is OK with the ones I buy but also telling her plainly that these are all she is getting, and that if she rejects these, no more clothes will be forthcoming.

You could try looking among boys' items or outdoor-wear-type shops for really hard wearing clothes. Or get some recommendations on here.

[quote Ponoka7]@MissyB1
"Hmmmm she’s being a bit entitled isn’t she? "

No, she's being forced into dresses because her Mum wants her to look like her friends children.[/quote]
Gosh this was me as a child.

Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal for a 7 yo? My friends girls are into pretty dresses still and will wear anything

It's hard to say if you are being unreasonable without knowing how you are reacting to her and managing the situation.

Are you putting pressure on her to wear "pretty dresses"?

If you are, then stop, because that could be the root cause of this whole thing. My mum used to put a lot of pressure on me to be "girly" and it resulted in me being extremely defiant and I was very unkempt for 2 years of my childhood, which really wasn't necessary - I would have happily worn leggings, joggers, a nice t shirt etc. but she totally pushed me in the other direction by trying to make me wear pink dresses.

There can be a strong psychological element to clothes for kids, even at this young age.

What's wrong with her wearing leggings and hoodies? If she likes them buy her new ones. No new non-basic clothes until she starts wearing the ones she has.

@Pinklilly123, if she's your only daughter and you have three sons, why isn't it ok for her to want to dress like they do? Why does she have to be put in a dress while your son's wear practical clothing?

Thank you all great ideas and points of view. I’m pleased to see its quite common. I don’t have an issue with her not wearing what my friends kids wear it’s more that it seemed unusual in my friendship circle. I totally embrace the person she is just wish she’d look a little smarter. I think starting wii leggings and basics and building up from there is a great idea and is exactly what I’m going to try.

Sweatshirt dress? Leggings+Vest top in the same colour + fun cropped top or sweater. It’s a similar look but her tummy would be covered. Buy her a really nice cosy warm hoodie in a colour she likes and then it will look smarter. Would she wear jogging bottoms instead of leggings ? Warmer in winter and less likely to go into holes.

My 8 year old lives in leggings, hoodies and t shirts. I also let her wear crop tops (what’s the issue? There’s nothing sexualised about this it’s just clothing). She hates jeans. Wears dresses occasionally but loves jumpsuits.

I was that child that had sensory issues around how clothing feels. I never wore dresses or anything that “itched”. Just let your kid have her own style and wear clothes she feels comfortable in . She’s seven - why does she have to be wearing pretty dresses? Buy the same outfit a few times so they don’t wear out so quickly?!

Why can't you buy her good quality, thick leggings and jogging trousers and hoodies? That's what half the young adults live in too, so hardly unusual. Buy what she actually wears, not what you wish she wore - the same way adults should own good quality, well fitting clothing which is practical and they feel good in for their real life not have a wardrobe full of barely worn clothes suited to the life they wish they led and nothing perfect for their real daily life.

Just stop buying her clothes. Buy a few pairs of leggings and a couple of T-shirts and hoodies.