Page 9 | Daughter refusing to wear most of the clothing she owns

JeffVaderneedsatray · 05/11/2021 20:03

My DD is 14 and we have been struggling with clothes since she was about 2.
She has an ASC and ADHD and a raft of sensory issues.
She basically lived in leggings and t shirts for a few years before changing to cycling shorts under flippy little skirts.(The shorts stop the skirt fabric rubbing on her legs)
GAP was my salvation - she loved the cropped leggings (which were too long when we bought them at about aged 10 and are now cropped at 14 - they've lasted and lasted)
We did go through a phase of her choosing clothes, insisting they were fine until after the first wear and then them never getting worn again - she wanted the pretty things but then couldn't cope with how they felt.
Then I stopped taking her and was often to be found wandering the clothing sections muttering about stupid sequins and silly seams!
School uniform was (and is) a complete nightmare. I made her primary school uniform and, luckily, her secondary school has been remarkably willing to make 'reasonable adjustments' so she wears a modified uniform.
I have wept over her clothing - usually when she desperately wanted to wear something special but just couldn't. I have made pretty much all the dresses she's worn to special events.
Now she has her own sense of style and an attitude to match and I love her dearly and wouldn't change her at all.

heaveho · 05/11/2021 20:15

Once the labels have been removed you can’t just take it back to the shop. We tell her don’t remove labels. She insists on first wear she will wear it then won’t

My daughter won’t try on clothes with scratchy tags attached. So I now just to return the tags with the clothes and explain - haven’t had an issue yet. I’ve also returned items that are deemed itchy after 1 wear. I mean how can you tell if an item is irritating without wearing it? Wish I’d had this attitude years ago

ThistleTits · 05/11/2021 20:39

@Pinklilly123

Is this normal?

She’s 7. Won’t wear jeans (mostly as they aren’t comfortable which I understand), won’t wear anything too girly or flowery, no dresses or skirts. She puts them on and changes her mind. It’s honestly infuriating me! She begs me to buy things in shops which I will because I just want her to wear something that isn’t a holey pair of leggings in black or grey and a grey or black hoody. She won’t wear anything but this even to parties. I buy stuff they she removes the tags and never wears it. We try it on first if we can before buying but some changing rooms remain closed so that’s not easy. I replace leggings often but realistically they get worn a few times and they end up with holes or stains even m&s or gap ones. Her much loved hoody’s are so worn they make her look unkempt. Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal for a 7 yo? My friends girls are into pretty dresses still and will wear anything. Her style is so particularly it’s driving me around the twist not to mention all the wasted money and bags of practically brand new clothes I’ve given away to friends and charity shops

Get yourselves on Vinted

Diverami · 05/11/2021 21:28

I had (still have) an autistic grandson. In primary school, he refused to wear shoes and would cry at the thought of going to a shoe shop (he wore crocs). He had longish hair and would cry at the thought of going into a barber shop. Thank heavens, shortly before a tough head took over the school and insisted on uniform, he decided he wanted to wear the same as an older bigger boy he admired and went on to wear a standard school-type shoe (Clarks), and the barber thing went away as well (I think we cut/shaved his hair at home for a while). I cannot quite remember when or how everything got better: he now buys (with help from his mother) "desirable" trainers and he takes himself off to the barber, sometimes returning with a strange hair-cut (Jong il Sung?). He has developed other issues now - to do with social mixing and prefers his parents/Grandma not to be around. He choses his own clothes - track suit bottoms, similar shorts, t-shirts with motifs or tie-dyed by himself. He has problems (doesn't everybody) but they seem to change as he matures.

msgreen · 05/11/2021 21:44

At this age ,not a good idea to buy loads of clothes anyway, keep it simple 3 things she's cool with ,wash ,wear, and its drying!
wash on low temps use eco washing liquid etc and use less clothes last better that way.
and buy secondhand

FreddieMercurysCat · 05/11/2021 22:03

I’m nearly 47. I was the same as your DD at that age. I’m still the same now.

simiisme · 05/11/2021 22:50

Aged 7 I looked like an urchin and lived in trousers or dungarees.
Mum insisted on scrubbing me, doing my hair nicely and putting me in a frock a couple of times per year for photos.
No reason for her to be in holey leggings; throw them out & buy new ones.

Bertiebiscuit · 06/11/2021 00:58

Insanity is persisting in doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome - why not just buy new versions of the clothes she does wear, there is nothing wrong with hoodies and leggings, that is what most little girls wear - what is your issue with this?????

LucentBlade · 06/11/2021 01:10

I used to buy boys clothes as soon as I could buy my own clothes and clothes from army surplus. I wear seamless socks and underwear because I hate feeling clothes on me at all. Fortunately I worked in higher education so no one cared what I was wearing and I’m now retired.

I have never been diagnosed with anything but could read proper books by age 4 and was self taught and can remember every telephone number I have ever dialled a few times. I hate having my hair cut or touched. I’m sure I should have a label but well,whatever. I had a career I loved with other brainiac nerds and married one, I found my tribe.

Let your DD wear what she wants I remember my Mother sticking me in frocks and hating every second.

RachaelN · 06/11/2021 06:46

My daughter went through this stage when she was six, it didn't last long. She would literally cry and have a meltdown. She is 8 now and is enjoying wearing lots of different things. I always bring her with me to buy clothes so she has a choice. Could be a confidence thing?

Imissmoominmama · 06/11/2021 07:46

I would only wear my male cousin’s cast offs at that age. Soft jeans; Adidas t-shirts and well worn sweatshirts.

Now, I live in sportswear- mostly bamboo.

Boden do leggings and sweatshirts in funky colours and patterns, if she needs party wear. Teamed with converse, they look miles nicer than frilly stuff anyway!

icedcoffees · 06/11/2021 08:50

If she won't wear certain things, why do you keep buying them for her?

Just get her a whole load of basics - leggings, t-shirts or long jersey tops/dresses and hoodies. It doesn't have to be expensive - supermarket clothes are fine at that age as they grow so fast anyway.

If you're washing and looking after them properly then there's no reason for them to be ruined as quickly as you say.

Forgottenwhatsleepis · 08/11/2021 11:47

I voted YANBU. It is completely normal, my eldest daughter was the same around the same age- and even now she's 14 she flicks between girly or tomboy!
What you are, however, being unreasonable about, is that you are allowing her to remove the tags and then not wearing them!
How about, moving forward-
When you buy them, you let her try them on at home, then take them away from her for a week or so. If she still wants the item, then the tag is removed. If she doesn't, you take it back and get a refund.

Original poster

Pinklilly123 · 16/11/2021 20:16

Just an update… went to H&M and bought a load of their brushed cotton leggings in different colours. Mostly neutrals and a few sparkles here and there. She is very happy. Bought some soft cotton sweatshirts in next (felt the fabric first), offered to remove the labels but she’s very happy. Sold all her skinny jeans (hardly worn) on eBay for about 20 quid. Happy days! She looks neat, tidy and she’s comfortable. We’re all happy. We also talked about why she likes certain styles in shops but then won’t wear it. She admits she likes the look of it but finds it itchy. To be honest I understand that. Certain clothes I own I avoid because the fabrics are itchy.

OP posts:

Twowilldo50 · 14/12/2021 15:28

I don’t know if this has been suggested, but could it be a sensory thing? Is she also sensitive to food textures, smells, sounds, that kind of thing?

Popcornriver · 14/12/2021 15:41

Glad she's found something she's happy with OP. I don't agree with forcing them into things they don't want to wear. My daughter prefers leggings/hoodies too and there's no sensory issues. She just finds them more comfortable. I don't really care if she's the only girl not in a party dress at a party as long as she doesn't.