Daughter refusing to wear most of the clothing she owns

[Pinklilly123]

Is this normal?

She’s 7. Won’t wear jeans (mostly as they aren’t comfortable which I understand), won’t wear anything too girly or flowery, no dresses or skirts. She puts them on and changes her mind. It’s honestly infuriating me! She begs me to buy things in shops which I will because I just want her to wear something that isn’t a holey pair of leggings in black or grey and a grey or black hoody. She won’t wear anything but this even to parties. I buy stuff they she removes the tags and never wears it. We try it on first if we can before buying but some changing rooms remain closed so that’s not easy. I replace leggings often but realistically they get worn a few times and they end up with holes or stains even m&s or gap ones. Her much loved hoody’s are so worn they make her look unkempt. Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal for a 7 yo? My friends girls are into pretty dresses still and will wear anything. Her style is so particularly it’s driving me around the twist not to mention all the wasted money and bags of practically brand new clothes I’ve given away to friends and charity shops

Get better leggings n hoodie...if she trys them on and likes them then wash them.....my dc dont like the feel of new clothes to wear but can to try on...I know lots of kids that like wearing the same things again and again. .
Maybe get something like a mini boden catalogue they have lots more thick cotton stuff that washes better
And let her pick a couple of things .
Next and sainsbury not bad but not quite as long lasting...gap I found hit n miss
Spend more on less....why does she need to look smarter? She's 7!

If you find something she likes buy 2 ..I know dpme kids that like tight fitting and others that like baggy some like more designed others plain or snuggly

Its not something to make a deal of as long as she's comfortable and clean! once your both more relaxed about it gets easier

I'm a bit confused by your posts op.

Why do leggings and hoodies get worn out and holey after a few wears? I have two sons and they always wear joggers, jersey tops and hoodies. They don't look unkempt and aren't full of holes, so why would it be any different for your daughter? What do your sons wear?

I'm also a bit confused about why you mention jeans and frilly dresses. The truth is that jeans and pretty dresses are usually uncomfortable, impractical and quite frankly shit. So be glad that she doesn't want to wear them.

My son likes to wear hideous shiny polyester jogging bottoms but they're the ones he likes, so I just buy 6544677 pairs of the things and he's happy.

I gave up years ago caring what my dc look like as long as they are clean and comfy.

My daughter is the same, she wants to wear her too small, worn clothes still, rather than the new clothes I do buy her, she’s the same with her coat, I bought her a warmer coat that’s bigger but she’s still insistent on wearing the one that’s too small. When she goes to parties, she will often wear joggers or jeans, she stopped wearing dresses about aged 3, I have never pushed it though and have always said ‘Would you like me to buy you a dress for your friends party!’ If she answers no, the conversation stops there.
I was very much the same as a young girl though and was a leggings and jeans kinda girl!

OP, I share your daughter's sensory issues, and there are loads of occasions on which I've bought something which I love the look of, tried it on at home, and found that it's uncomfortable in some way (fabric, scratchy labels - including some labels at the bottom of dresses - I'm like the Princess and the Pea with a scratchy label, fit, etc, etc. I have never owned any jeans because they feel wrong). So I can see why she wants you to buy things which she then doesn't wear.

However, I disagree with your desire for her to look "smart". She's just a child. My experience of having a girl with older brothers is that she wanted to wear the same as them and had no interest at all in frills and dresses. I admit that I enjoyed dressing her up like Princess Charlotte when she was a toddler, but she soon decided she was wearing her brothers' old t shirts and cords and shorts (all very soft and well worn and washed). Plus leggings. She went to a girls' school, and the girls were a mixture at your DD's age - some were very frilly, and others weren't. I don't think there's any particular pattern.

A PP suggested ballet flats - but I'd say that a child of 7 should be running around and playing, so they need shoes that are suitable for that, not something decorative.

Forget about her looking smart, and focus on her being strong and healthy. Above all, don't turn clothes into a battle ground.

BTW, I agree with you about crop tops on young children.

For good basic clothes try tresspass. They may be expensive but if you watch they have good sales.

I never would have shopped there at one time but adult dd took me in. I have bought lovely soft hard wearing dresses ( no zips frills or anything) just practical and so comfortable. Their hoodies are great also and so soft. So it might be worth a look

Hoping this helps.

My DS is similar. He was some sensory issues and dislikes change. I buy him a few good quality basics approved by him, which he then wears to death. Trying to hunt down a similar fleece lined shirt as his current one is faded and holey but he insists on wearing it out with friends.

My child wears mostly black and grey leggings and hoodies too. It's because she wants to fit in with the kids at the skate park. She's 7, they are 15. Haha. Anyway, I don't care what she wears.

Stop buying stuff, even if she begs. Do you have friends with older girls - would anyone give you their handmedowns? I’m really lucky as have 2 people who pass their girls clothes on - means it doesn’t matter if my girls choose not to wear it!!! I just buy extra basics like leggings & t-shirts.

Next leggings last. At the risk of sounding 100 it is 'the fashion' to wear hoodies T-shirt's joggers and leggings. My make up mad girly 13 dd lives in them.

If it was a Ds who wanted to wear the same jeans and T-shirt's you'd probably think he's just comfy and not interested in clothes. She might be the same.

I agree, but what they say they want and want they will wear varies. I bought my DS a Halloween top, but he wanted a Christmas one it seems. I may have called him a brat which wasn't helpful really, but if I listened to him he'll only wear blue.

H&M are quite good for kids stuff, can get patterned leggings or George at Asda for cheapy stuff also nice patterns and hoodies.

My nearly 7 year old has been fussy about clothes since she was 2. She is the opposite though in that she will only wear dresses, and I struggle to get her to wear more practical clothes for playing in the park, going for a walk when it's freezing cold etc. She refuses jeans and trousers, but will wear leggings if pushed. It's partly sensory, and partly that she's decided that anything else makes her look like a boy (no influence from us there, I'm always trying to encourage trousers/leggings/shorts/more practical clothes). I used to make her wear leggings or jogging bottoms for nursery and there was one little madam there who used to be mean to her about her clothes, so possibly from that.
She also doesn't like anything on her feet or head, and is not keen on coats (socks come off the second she's inside and we have had many many battles over the years about socks and tights).

Leggings and long line hoody may be the answer!

I buy practical clothes that fit and let them choose from what's in their drawers. Both my kids love bright colours so tend to buy that. They look hideous most of the time in brightly coloured clashing outfits, but they think they look fabulous and I'd rather happy kids in hideous outfits than many kids I've had to fight to get dressed. Clothes are not the hill I'm prepared to die on! Others may feel differently though.

Meant to say, that I've given up now (haven't bought her any jeans this winter). I normally order on line and get her to tell me which she likes/ doesn't like. She still doesn't wear half of it, which is infuriating. So this autumn/ winter I've bought a lot less than normal to see if that helps.

Also a note on wearing things that are too small.

My youngest child had a Christmas top a toddler that he would never wear. He suddenly took a liking to it a year or so later, it was too small and he wanted to wear it all year round. He squeezed into that top until he really could no longer.

My teenagers favourite choice is an old football top covered in paint. Dh insisted we buy him a bigger one to grow into and he's never grown into it.

My eldest is 11 so I’m sure harder ages are to come but I personally found 7 the toughest with all 3 of them. They all developed a major attitude and just started being difficult. My DD went through a phase at 7 of insisting on wearing a different jacket every day at school, she didn’t want to wear her main winter coat every day . My DS went through a phase at 7 of not smiling on photos at all so have a year of photos with him pulling faces…

It’s just a difficult age OP, hang in there.

@LorenzoVonMatterhorn

Whats wrong with crop tops on girls? Do you think they're sexual in some way?!

She isnt a doll. There could be many reasons she will not wear certain clothes. Ive long since stopped choosing my children clothes.

My ds wont wear trousers. Of any kind. Shorts in all weathers. I think he time travelled from the 1950’s. He says he gets too hot. He will wear long socks with them in winter. He is very fussy about socks and sock material and will not wear uncomfortable socks at all. His socks do not have to match, or even nearly match, they just have to feel comfortable.

My dd chooses her own clothes too. Mainly leggings. Their focus for clothes is Comfort all the way.

Crop tops in this weather are totally inappropriate but in all honesty I don’t like them on kids. They are little girls in my opinion and shouldn’t wear crop tops this young. It’s just a grown up look and she’s 7 not 17. Crop tops are fine for slightly older children. That said I’m not particularly offended by others that do wear them I just don’t encourage mine to wear them.

Leggings and hoodies seem a good clothing choice. Jeans can be uncomfortable and dresses and skirts can cause a feeling of excess material just flopping around you.

I am not sure what the mini Boden leggings are like these days, but my dd had about 6 pairs and lived in them for years. They didn’t wear out after washing frequently and got passed on after she had finished with them. As well as that, they were soft and comfortable and the price, with a 20% off code was well worth in, compared to buying cheap ones over and over.

its normal.

both my daughter and my neice hate anything 'pink and frilly' pretty much as soon as either of them were allowed an opinion, they dressed entirely in leggings, trackies, t-shirts and hoodies.

DD wears a lot of her brothers hand-me-downs, recently took her shopping at 12 and she did most of her buying out of the leisure wear ranges.. wouldn't even look sideways at anything that wasn't a tracksuit/t-shirt. Her cousin is living in jeggings and giant hoodies.

You're better off buying her the basics and then occasionally adding in a brighter t-shirt as an accent.

My DD is exactly like this. I think she might have mild sensory processing disorder as she also refuses to touch any metal (puts socks on her door handles, won't touch coins, hates the idea of jewellery etc). I let her strip back her wardrobe and gave 90% to charity. I gave her a budget of £50 to spend in Sports Direct to buy cheap leggings and t shirts. If she wants any other clothes they have to be birthday or Christmas presents. She is 11 so understands she has to wait until December for her birthday. For uniform I have to take her into the shop to choose, she will only wear soft jersey trousers for example, no rigid waistbands or buttons on the waist.

It is a pain but I have tried to work with her rather than against her and if she wants branded clothes she has to use her pocket money or wait for her birthday, because I'm not prepared to spend loads of money, having given away perfectly good clothes that still fit her.

My dd is like this

She's 12. It drives me absolutely batty. She's so picky with clothes too ...I have tried taking her shopping and just giving a (fairly generous) budget gone round the shops for several torturous hours and she's bought nothing

Don’t take her shopping. Do shopping yourself and spend a little more on her leggings / hoodies. I would probably go for soft denim leggings as they will last longer.

@MissyB1

Hmmmm she’s being a bit entitled isn’t she? This is the problem with letting kids dictate too much, it becomes ingrained. Stop shopping, if she has enough clothes that fit she has to wear them or go naked!! Chick out anything that’s got holes or is going tatty. Once she doesn’t have so many choices and realises mum’s purse is closed she might be a bit more savvy about what she actually wants, and make wiser choices when she does get new stuff.

Entitled??? What an awful comment. She's not entitled. She's a child

It sounds like your dd dresses like a girl who's at secondary (the 13ish year olds round here dress like your dd)

You need to let go the idea of her looking smart. If the clothes are clean and not so tatty that you've thrown them away (holes) then let her be. She might go back to dresses when she's older, she might not.

When my dd was that age I came to realise that fewer clothes was better because it means she wore a bigger percentage of them. Like pp she had the odd item that was too small but she was attached to eg a dress that became a tunic She looks at pics of her in it now and remembers how much she liked it but can't explain why

@WholeClassKeptIn

I have a child who is autistic who is very particular avout her clothes. For her it is as much about the "look" as the feel and is very black and white about it.

My other child isn't diagnosed autistic but has sensory issues as far as I can see. She lives in leggings (hates the feel of a trouser waist around her middle or anything pushing there) she walso likes the compression feeling. This means she now wears cycling shorts under her school skirt as she has to be wearing leggings or cycling shorts...

We have just gone with it. We replace leggings reularly. For her with some trial and error we found she likes the mountain warehouse tunic dresses - they are very soft, so she wears these like a uniform. And hoodies. I have some nice saltrock/fatface ones as well as cheaper ones.

You say she has sensory issues.... and then that she is entitled. That doesn't show a very good understanding of sensory issues. You need to work with what youve got. Clothes are directly on your body so if its something you're sensitive too its important to get right sometimes you can see something in the shop and want it... but get home and find its all wrong.

She certainly has comfort issues whether these could be seen as ‘sensory’ issues I don’t know. I hate the feel of labels and itchy fabric. Does that me I have sensory issues? In other areas of life she can be quite challenging at times with her behaviour despite alot of positive parenting tactics used so yes at times she can come across as quite entitled. I understand sensory issues which is why I never force her to wear anything that is uncomfortable for her but when she has actively chosen to buy something and then won’t wear it, it’s annoying. Once the labels have been removed you can’t just take it back to the shop. We tell her don’t remove labels. She insists on first wear she will wear it then won’t.

Having seen multiple opinions on the matter I feel that my frustration has been unnecessary given that she is just more comfortable in hoody’s and leggings. I’m cool with that. Just wanted to know if it was common, and ways to manage the issue so it doesn’t break the back and she looks clean and tidy even if wearing a hoody and leggings! I want her to be happy at the end of the day. I would never force her into a dress which multiple people seem to believe I’ve been doing 🤦‍♀️