Daughter refusing to wear most of the clothing she owns

[Pinklilly123]

Is this normal?

She’s 7. Won’t wear jeans (mostly as they aren’t comfortable which I understand), won’t wear anything too girly or flowery, no dresses or skirts. She puts them on and changes her mind. It’s honestly infuriating me! She begs me to buy things in shops which I will because I just want her to wear something that isn’t a holey pair of leggings in black or grey and a grey or black hoody. She won’t wear anything but this even to parties. I buy stuff they she removes the tags and never wears it. We try it on first if we can before buying but some changing rooms remain closed so that’s not easy. I replace leggings often but realistically they get worn a few times and they end up with holes or stains even m&s or gap ones. Her much loved hoody’s are so worn they make her look unkempt. Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal for a 7 yo? My friends girls are into pretty dresses still and will wear anything. Her style is so particularly it’s driving me around the twist not to mention all the wasted money and bags of practically brand new clothes I’ve given away to friends and charity shops

Give her a choice of a few leggings/soft trousers and jersey tops.

Order them. Let her try them on at home to see if they’re comfortable.

Cross posted at exactly the same time OP, sorry!

Some of the advice here is horrible 'Just stop buying her clothes' what? So because she has sensory issues and likes soft and stretchy fabrics she isn't allowed to have any new clothes?

My DD started finding her own style at 7. Pink, fluffy, sparkly stuff was definitely out. If she wears black leggings and hoodies, that's what you buy. You only need to replace when she's grown out if it. I don't know how she goes through leggings after 3 wears though, my DDs always lasted longer -ASDA best! There is no reason that she has to wear dresses.

Just take the drama out of it. If she likes leggings, tshirts and hoodies then make sure she has sufficient in her wardrobe, in good repair, for her to choose from. So what if she wears then to parties? No one would bat an eye at a boy turning up to a birthday party in a tracksuit.

Stop the shopping trips. Just pick up stuff as needed yourself. Put them away in her wardrobe without a word.

Every so often drop a slightly more colourful top or something a little less boring in but dont speak of it. Just see if she puts it on.

What happens with her school uniform?

I think there is an assumption on this thread that I’m forcing my daughter into pretty dresses. Not at all! I just thought that’s what a lot of girls of this age generally like to wear but clearly it’s not the case. She loves girly dolls and things and pretty clothes for them. I want to make it clear that it’s fine if she wants to wear leggings it’s just that she’s nagging me to buy non basic clothing and wasting money and leggings and hoody’s tend to look scruffy after a few wears even from slightly better quality high street shops. I think it’s probably going to be a case of investing more money in better quality basics. I want her ti wear clothes she is comfortable in and absolutely never force her ti wear anything she doesn’t want to wear it’s just a shame she keeps getting me to buy stuff and then not wearing it.

Whats wrong with crop tops on girls? Do you think they're sexual in some way?!

She isnt a doll. There could be many reasons she will not wear certain clothes. Ive long since stopped choosing my children clothes.

My ds wont wear trousers. Of any kind. Shorts in all weathers. I think he time travelled from the 1950’s. He says he gets too hot. He will wear long socks with them in winter. He is very fussy about socks and sock material and will not wear uncomfortable socks at all. His socks do not have to match, or even nearly match, they just have to feel comfortable.

My dd chooses her own clothes too. Mainly leggings. Their focus for clothes is Comfort all the way.

DD is 7, she likes the look of pretty sparkly stuff in the shop but realistically only wants to wear leggings/joggers, tshirt and jumper. I now only buy her stuff I know she will wear and a pretty dress for parties/special occasions. Leggings/pants from next as the sizes and quality are good. Tshirts from primark in a size up and jumpers from sainsburys. I don't find that the leggings wear out within a couple of wears, she does however seem to be growing out if everything at mega speed this year.

Oh and joggers are from the boys section as they are much thicker and have pockets compared to the girls ones which are thin and tight with no or small pockets.

@LennyMurdoch

I would stop giving in to the demands and just buy her basic leggings, joggers, t shirts and hoodies. It sounds to me as if she wants to be 'the same' by insisting on the new clothes but when it comes down to it she just isn't comfortable. Teach her that her own style is perfectly acceptable and she will feel more comfortable - and not just in her clothes.

Agree, just buy more of what she likes. It maybe a phase it maybe her style for life, stop wasting money on things you (and her) think she should be wearing and buy what she does wear.

I think there is an assumption on this thread that I’m forcing my daughter into pretty dresses. Not at all! I just thought that’s what a lot of girls of this age generally like to wear
This is sexism. It is ingrained in so many of us isn't it. You'll have to retrain your thoughts from thinking girls are frilly and glittery quirt and passive etc.

It also sounds like whoever does the washing in your house is overloading the washing machine. Maybe using too much detergent or washing too hot.

it’s just a shame she keeps getting me to buy stuff and then not wearing it

Well, to be fair, you are the grown up here. It would be at this point you say "no darling, because you never wear them".

One my daughters went from wearing gorgeous dresses and hats, like a little doll to leggings and hoodies.

I just let her at it.
She was clean and comfortable and happy.

I couldn't get excited about it.

Also buying clothes was a waste of time.

She rewore about 4 pairs of leggings and hoodies on rotation, lots of her friends were similar.

I think after tge uniform for school they wanted comfort.

She grew to love fashion in her teens.

I never bought from posh shops for my DCs when they were small - usually supermarket, but their clothes didn't look scruffy after only a few wears. What temperature do you wash things at? Do you tumble dry?

My 11 year old has been pretty much the same since about the age of 8. We tend to browse the boys section of shops as she is more inclined to find things she likes there, I also buy leggings/hoodies/joggers in grey, black or navy. She will not wear anything pink or sparkly or jeans or anything she deems uncomfortable.

I've given up trying to make her look "smart" she is happy as she is.

I have a child who is autistic who is very particular avout her clothes. For her it is as much about the "look" as the feel and is very black and white about it.

My other child isn't diagnosed autistic but has sensory issues as far as I can see. She lives in leggings (hates the feel of a trouser waist around her middle or anything pushing there) she walso likes the compression feeling. This means she now wears cycling shorts under her school skirt as she has to be wearing leggings or cycling shorts...

We have just gone with it. We replace leggings reularly. For her with some trial and error we found she likes the mountain warehouse tunic dresses - they are very soft, so she wears these like a uniform. And hoodies. I have some nice saltrock/fatface ones as well as cheaper ones.

You say she has sensory issues.... and then that she is entitled. That doesn't show a very good understanding of sensory issues. You need to work with what youve got. Clothes are directly on your body so if its something you're sensitive too its important to get right sometimes you can see something in the shop and want it... but get home and find its all wrong.

Whats wrong with crop tops on girls? Do you think they're sexual in some way?!

I also would not let a young boy or girl child wear a crop top, nor a vest, nor tops with inappropriate logo. It is not unreasonable to have rules it doesn't mean I think they are sexual.

I'd ignore it and stop buying any clothes for her. No comments on what she wears. Without the attention and cajoling she probably will stop messing about as she is getting a lot of attention from this. It'll be cheaper for you too!

Tokyo did you see she has sensory issues??? No these don't go away just because a parent would like them to. 🙄

My DDs lived in plain leggings, t-shirts and hoodies from 7 to 11 or so. Just get her these things or you will be wasting a lot of money. DD1 was always fussy about scratchy labels, lace on underwear and so on, so I went with it.

@Ducksurprise

Whats wrong with crop tops on girls? Do you think they're sexual in some way?!

I also would not let a young boy or girl child wear a crop top, nor a vest, nor tops with inappropriate logo. It is not unreasonable to have rules it doesn't mean I think they are sexual.

Your reasons are disturbingly sexual though. The same reason you wont let your child wear leggings because they ‘outline their genitals.’

@MissyB1

Hmmmm she’s being a bit entitled isn’t she? This is the problem with letting kids dictate too much, it becomes ingrained. Stop shopping, if she has enough clothes that fit she has to wear them or go naked!! Chick out anything that’s got holes or is going tatty. Once she doesn’t have so many choices and realises mum’s purse is closed she might be a bit more savvy about what she actually wants, and make wiser choices when she does get new stuff.

Having raised two girls, suggest this.^ Too many choices is not good at that age. Wash any new clothes and use fabric softener and dry in dryer so they aren't stiff. Cut out tags. Throw out the ratty torn leggings etc. Then let her choose from what she has.

Grew up with two brothers, my parents - especially my dad - tried to make me wear dresses and girly things. I clearly remember that one pair of leggins I insisted to wear like forever. No holes but the black fabric was almost completely white at my knees. And they were too short for my size. Also I almost always wore old shirts from my brothers, so XXL style t-shirts. All my friends wore girly things. I didn't care, I was just a "tomboy".
Not that it matters, but I wear "girly things" now a lot.

I would just stock up on leggings and hoodies and not give into pester power.

Wash with non-biological powder on a lower heat.