Daughter refusing to wear most of the clothing she owns

[Pinklilly123]

Is this normal?

She’s 7. Won’t wear jeans (mostly as they aren’t comfortable which I understand), won’t wear anything too girly or flowery, no dresses or skirts. She puts them on and changes her mind. It’s honestly infuriating me! She begs me to buy things in shops which I will because I just want her to wear something that isn’t a holey pair of leggings in black or grey and a grey or black hoody. She won’t wear anything but this even to parties. I buy stuff they she removes the tags and never wears it. We try it on first if we can before buying but some changing rooms remain closed so that’s not easy. I replace leggings often but realistically they get worn a few times and they end up with holes or stains even m&s or gap ones. Her much loved hoody’s are so worn they make her look unkempt. Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal for a 7 yo? My friends girls are into pretty dresses still and will wear anything. Her style is so particularly it’s driving me around the twist not to mention all the wasted money and bags of practically brand new clothes I’ve given away to friends and charity shops

I have a daughter with sensory issues and there was no way she was going through what I went through as a child when I was made to wear fabrics that I couldn’t stand - I was so ridiculously uncomfortable a lot of the time. My daughter asks for things she would like to wear because everyone else is and occasionally I will buy them, and she’ll wear them a couple of times and then won’t. I don’t make an issue of this, I can pass things on. I’m not spending a lot. She’s growing out of it a bit at the moment, at 10. Just let her wear what she feels comfortable in but set boundaries around buying the other items.

Another that agrees that this is very common.

My 12 year old lives in jogging bottoms and hoodies (and vests and his dressing gown as he is always cold).

My 9 year old lives in shorts (made of sweatshirt material) and short sleeved t-shirts. He will not wear trousers or long sleeves (including to school, though he does wear tailored shorts and short sleeved shirts to school). He doesn’t own a jumper or trousers as he won’t wear them. He will wear one specific type of coat and I’ve bought that every year for the past six years.

I’ve given up caring what they wear and buy them what they want.

Haven't RTFT but my son has ASD and sensory issues and is VERY fussy about clothes. He won't wear any trousers other than joggers (and one particular brand of school trousers) and has rejected more tops than I can count because they don't feel right or have got scratchy seams. When he gets home from school he takes all his clothes off and just sits around in his pants until bedtime!

I've accepted that's just him and I'd rather him be comfortable and wear what he feels ok in than try to push him to wear other clothes that then makes him struggle with other parts of his life because he can only concentrate on how uncomfortable he feels.

Uniqlo and Gap both do fleecy leggings, I believe. They have good sales if you keep an eye out.
Thermal base layers are excellent too. Aldi do merino thermals cheaper than the well-known brands like Icebreaker (although you can get expensive-brand merino ones at TK Maxx if you're lucky/keep looking.
Uniqlo do synthetic-fabric thermals in a lovely range of colours if you'r happy with synthetic and want to go cheaper.

I remember endless problems as a child. My parents bought me smart new clothes but they never felt comfortable. My dad had a big thing about looking smart at all times. By the way I'm not suggesting you are like that OP. I went along with the clothes buying, even picking things out because I thought I had to and I didn't realise how uncomfortable they would be to wear. Turns out I have ASD.

My 14 yo has ASD and will only wear very specific things. Blue jeans or black joggers, white, grey, navy blue and black t-shirts and grey, navy or black hoodies.

My 9 yo DD - may have some traits. She is definitely sensitive with clothes. Will only wear leggings or joggers as hates the waistband on trousers/jeans. She likes loose tops and dresses. I have to buy her knickers a few sizes up or she finds them uncomfortable.

Buy some nice black jeggings or comfy strachy trousers just for wearing when you go places (not for play) and a few comfortable dress tops and tell her she HAS to wear them for parties/events etc...

I think we all go through phases like this though, I would ONLY wear Puma for about 2 years and it drove my mam insane. One Xmas I refused to wear a coat at all because nowhere sold a Puma one and I wouldn't wear the Nike one she bought instead.

Just like adults, kids express identity through certain clothes and they often look ridiculous but they have to learn that on their own the more adults push the more they push back in this pre-teen and early teen stage (so about 8-17 lol).

@Lovelydovey

Another that agrees that this is very common.

My 12 year old lives in jogging bottoms and hoodies (and vests and his dressing gown as he is always cold).

My 9 year old lives in shorts (made of sweatshirt material) and short sleeved t-shirts. He will not wear trousers or long sleeves (including to school, though he does wear tailored shorts and short sleeved shirts to school). He doesn’t own a jumper or trousers as he won’t wear them. He will wear one specific type of coat and I’ve bought that every year for the past six years.

I’ve given up caring what they wear and buy them what they want.

my 12 year old wears a hoody every waking hour... it would be 24/7 if we didn't demand PJs.

He will even wear the bloody thing in a heatwave... its not a hill I'm willing to die on, he looks stupid walking around in 30+ degree weather dressed in full joggers and a hoodie but he thinks its so 'cool and edgy bruh' that I'll just let him look stupid until he learns it's not 'cool' to pass out from overheating.

(wish I could say I was smarter but I did similar at 15 lol fashion over practicality)

I have 2 DD's and both are very specific about what they will / won't wear. So many clothes go unworn in favour of plain black leggings and sweatshirts from Asda. It's infuriating but I just go with it now and don't waste my money. As long as they are dressed appropriately for their age / weather / occasion then I let them wear what they want.

'You'll have to retrain your thoughts ...'. Mother of God, the arrogance, the overweening, prancing arrogance, of some posters is simply astonishing.

My DD has been opinionated fussy about clothes since she was about 2! I would get her dressed and she would just take it off and put something else on! She was difficult about eating and sleeping so I couldn't bear clothes to be another battleground.
She's a teenager now.
I've never been able to buy her clothes without her, or as a surprise but the frustrating thing was often like your DD, OP she would actively choose clothes and then not wear them. Her GP bought her a dress for Xmas and MIL specifically said she wasn't sure if she would like it and she would exchange it if she didn't like it. She assured us she did like it....but then never wore it.
I did find it especially wearing when she was probably 6-10 but now she chooses and buys her own clothes and its much easier except when she wants a certain outfit washed and dry within an unreasonable timeframe

DS however is very easy to buy clothes for. He lives in tshirts and shorts or joggers and hasn't yet got label conscious. He has always hated jeans though and has no actual trousers apart from school ones.

Could you buy a couple of cheap clothes bundles (maybe girls and boys), sort through it with her and resell what she doesn't like?

I have a DD who is sensitive to how clothes feel. You need to buy clothes for the child you have, so if she's happiest in leggings and joggers, why bother buying pretty dresses? Jersey dresses with leggings would be a good compromise if you feel she has to have something smarter. Buy baggy jeans if the skinny ones aren't comfortable, DDs last 2 pairs of jeans she will actually wear have been boys straight leg ones, not so tight and restricted. Joggers are more hard-wearing than leggings.

With a girl with sensory issues you have to recognize that the vast majority of the clothing being sold is actually really uncomfortable. She may like it in the store. She may even think it’s ok when she tries it on for a minute. Once she tries wearing it for a full day, she feels every scratchy bit and uncomfortable seam.

I used to share your frustrations. I wasted so much money on clothing she swore she loved.

You need to start really strategizing your purchases. Buying from sensory friendly brands is helpful, but they are all so plain and she likely won’t want to be so restricted. Look for words like “softest”, “cozy”, “brushed”. In winter, chenille sweaters are fragile, but are amazingly soft. Things from the athletic section, particularly items marketed towards runners also tend to be hits.

Also do as much shopping online as possible. Trying things on at home allows for a better sense of whether or not it will work.

If you find something she absolutely loves, go back and see if it comes in other colors. Buy a variety of the same item.

@LennyMurdoch

I would stop giving in to the demands and just buy her basic leggings, joggers, t shirts and hoodies. It sounds to me as if she wants to be 'the same' by insisting on the new clothes but when it comes down to it she just isn't comfortable. Teach her that her own style is perfectly acceptable and she will feel more comfortable - and not just in her clothes.

Absolutely this.

H&M have good 5-pack and 7-pack sets of leggings, t-shirts and long sleeved tops in plain colours - just get her a few of these and let her wear her leggings and comfy tops!

Thank you all for your responses. I have some great ideas now. Going to stock up on thicker leggings for winter (will try her first to make sure she’s comfortable in them) then buy basic soft T-shirts and some plain coloured hoodies. To be honest at least without patterns everything is cohesive which is a bonus. Hopefully a comfortable kid will be a happy one!

If you find something she absolutely loves, go back and see if it comes in other colors. Buy a variety of the same item.

That's a good tip - buy an item see if it's liked and worn for a while then stock up on different colours and possibly next size up as well.

Stop buying her stuff, obviously replace worn out items but perhaps keep a set separate so she has a tidy set when you need / want her to look neater.

I’m lucky in that DD wears pretty much anything I buy (she seems to like my taste which is just pure luck I think!) — but I also don’t go for patterns or designs unless they’re really subtle. I prefer block colours on myself and tend to buy them for DD - things like navy leggings, plain white cotton H&M long sleeved tops, navy hoodies, plain cord skirts and tights from JL, then the odd patterned skirt or comfy dress to wear over them on special occasions. H&M also do cotton dresses in long or short sleeves which are comfy and low-fuss. M&S and JL also good for plain things and soft cotton basics - M&S has a good soft unisex hoodie range (though I find the M&S stuff for over 7 girls less good and a bit too fashion-led and frilly).

DD also hates the feel of jeans and trousers, but I found a design from Nutmeg that are very leggingy jeggings that are really soft, and she’ll wear those.

Actually I envy the kids today because it is so easy to find soft stretchy comfy things, leggings and jersey tops and dresses in natural fabrics — so different to the scratchy uncomfortable 80s outfits I remember wearing, all heavy jeans with loads of seams, polyester mix blouses with high collars and acrylic jumpers which sparked with constant static electricity!

If you want hoodies and sweatshirts that don't bobble then I recommend Benetton- those things go through the washer and dryer infinitely without dropping colour or bobbling. The Next boys skinny joggers - 3 pack about 20£ are great too. Nice deep pockets and good cuffs. Zara kids are good too. Just shop more from the boys section, honestly I nearly have a seizure in most girls sections- the colours, the frills, the glitter!! Oh and the horrid slogans on everything about dreaming and being kind... too much.

Obviously if your girl likes that stuff then its great but if you have a little goth in training then go for the boys stuff.

I don't really have much more advice than you've been given - but I also have 1 dd and 3 ds's. Compared to her brother's she's just very much always known her own mind - about everything! I think it's almost a bit of a shock to the system.

In your position I would just stop buying the things that she doesn't like. But better quality leggings and hoodies, and see how she feels about that. Id also stop making a big deal out of it all.

My DD doesn't do floral either. I let her pick things on Amazon because she won't wear a thing l pick for her. I think it's a control thing although l never intended to be controlling - she knows her own mind.

Is she overweight OP? Sadly around this age I started to realise I was chubby and had a lot of issues around clothing. Sorry to make the suggestion but it's just worth considering if it's a self esteem issue.

I would just not take her shopping as no point if she won't wear the stuff. I'd buy multiples of what she'll actually wear. No point in loads of stuff going to waste!