Daughter refusing to wear most of the clothing she owns

[Pinklilly123]

Is this normal?

She’s 7. Won’t wear jeans (mostly as they aren’t comfortable which I understand), won’t wear anything too girly or flowery, no dresses or skirts. She puts them on and changes her mind. It’s honestly infuriating me! She begs me to buy things in shops which I will because I just want her to wear something that isn’t a holey pair of leggings in black or grey and a grey or black hoody. She won’t wear anything but this even to parties. I buy stuff they she removes the tags and never wears it. We try it on first if we can before buying but some changing rooms remain closed so that’s not easy. I replace leggings often but realistically they get worn a few times and they end up with holes or stains even m&s or gap ones. Her much loved hoody’s are so worn they make her look unkempt. Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal for a 7 yo? My friends girls are into pretty dresses still and will wear anything. Her style is so particularly it’s driving me around the twist not to mention all the wasted money and bags of practically brand new clothes I’ve given away to friends and charity shops

DD was a bit like this. She's rejected structured fitted clothing for tracksuits, leggings and t-shirts. She often shopped (and still does!) in the boys section because she said the clothes were more comfy. She was out of "girly, sparkling" stuff by 8 years old. Her secondary school uniform is quite fitted so it's heaven to her putting on comfy relaxed clothes after she comes home. My daughter loves oversized baggy jumpers!

Yes my DD is just like this (age 8 but a longstanding thing!). She is particular about materials and shapes and hates labels. It's been years since she wore a dress or skirt. She likes clothes from gap, who do a nice soft boxy t-shirt range which is not quite cropped but similar style, have no labels at the neck and come in a variety of colours and patterns. Also a good selection of leggings and hoodies. She picks online and send anything back she doesn't like. We don't often shop in person as she needs plenty of time to try on and think about it!

Have you considered that she may have sensory issues? I'd definitely do some investigations. Especially if you notice that she prefers baggier, second hand clothing as it's not touching her skin and feels softer. Also, when next out shopping, see if she gravitates towards fluffy tops/jumpers. Does she even like wearing jumpers? My sensory sensitive child prefers cardigans because she can keep it open at the front. Tbh, when I read your post I immediately thought of my DD who started behaving very similarly around about 7 yrs of age, she's now 10. She always was a little different as a small child.

My daughter is the same so I only shop with her and let her pick stuff , still sometimes we end up with new stuff just grown out of without her wearing it . She has no sensory issues or sen that's just her style . She likes being comfy and to be honest I can't blame her

My eldest daughter always preferred leggings too, now at 10 we have also ventured to the dizzy heights of jeggings and cycling shorts too 🙌🏼
Leggings/tracksuits/hoodies/longline t-shirt’s are all in fashion now and you can get slightly smarter ones
This isn’t a hill I ever chose to die on

That's girls for you.

My youngest was and still is horrendous about feel, texture and look. She buys loads online and sends it all back again..........

DH is exactly the same, and has an almost empty wardrobe as things have to "feel" right. Which is very very little. I could say it drives me mad but I get to use the space

Tbh I was very much like this myself, except I'd only wear jeans! I never ever wore dresses or skirts until I was about 17. Had a favourite few bits that I wore all the time.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, as long as she has some smarter stuff she can wear when actually needed.

This sounds kind of like me, I always buy things I 'love' then never wear them

I also love a baggy hoody, although I don't mind a bit of color.

Stop taking her shopping. Listen to what she likes and will practically wear. Leggings and hoodies in subdued colours, fine.
For winter just make sure she has a warmer version (ski pants?' And a heavier fleece in the same colours.
If she wants to choose for herself, point her at the H&M website or whichever.

I think she’s old enough to be told no the next time she nags you for stuff. And have the reasoning explained to her.

My 8 year old likes leggings (ideally black), tshirts (these he's open to some kind of design), and hoodies (ideally black).

I get supermarket leggings - especially the thick ones that are out now it's winter, which cost about 3 quid, and either patch or replace them as he wears them out. Same with hoodies.

I don't worry about it - at some point he'll change his fashion choices, and until then at least it's easy shopping.

My little girl is only 2 and is very fussy about clothes, will only wear leggings also, I find next to have the thickest ones that actually last. She won't let me wash or brush her hair 🤪 and don't think it's a padding phase unfortunately!

I think if you examine this you'll find it stems from your stereotypical ideas of what a girl should do. Unless you were posting about getting your son's to wear starchy shirts for smartness at the same age you should consider whether it's coming from a gender bias.

Absolutely nothing wrong with her wearing leggings and hoodies. This was what I wore as a child along with cycling shorts in summer and ripped jeans (not artfully ripped, I climbed up a tree ripped)

If you wouldn't try and wrestle ypur boys into uncomfortable clothing for no reason you shouldn't with girls.
No wonder so many girls are rejecting their femaleness at the moment when people seems to think being a girl is synonymous with having uncomfortable, impractical clothing you can't do anything in.

Leggings are great for being active imo, even better than jeans. Have lots from the girls section for Ds as they are often softer and brighter colours.

My 7 year old DD is fussy too. She won't wear jeans and will take against things for no real reason sometimes. I buy her big bundles of good quality second hand things from Ebay etc and the bits that she likes go into rotation - the bits she doesn't go in the charity/hand me down pile. It is really annoying, we're already on our second attempt this month at a winter coat that she will wear. I do think she's particularly sensitive to collars, seams, hard-feeling things etc.

DS was a lot like this and if I'm understanding correctly, your frustration is that sometimes she wants you to buy something that when you do she then subsequently refuses to wear it? We had that a little, but I started being quite strict in that I'd take him shopping and tell him that he could choose things, but then he had to wear them. And I'd insist he tried them on in the shop before I purchased!

I also limited what I bought in that he tended to prefer to simply rewear the same few things over and over again.

The good news is that as he's got older, his ability to manage the sensory issues is significantly improved. We bought jeans for the first time this weekend, which is a major breakthrough for us.

@Bear2014

My 7 year old DD is fussy too. She won't wear jeans and will take against things for no real reason sometimes. I buy her big bundles of good quality second hand things from Ebay etc and the bits that she likes go into rotation - the bits she doesn't go in the charity/hand me down pile. It is really annoying, we're already on our second attempt this month at a winter coat that she will wear. I do think she's particularly sensitive to collars, seams, hard-feeling things etc.

A quick comment on coats - DS has significant sensory processing issues and DD has, I suspect, some very very mild ones. Coats are a huge issue because they're so restrictive. This is especially true for sensory children who are a little on the larger side (which is common, for reasons I've never understood).

DD has had a series of Michael Kohrs coats, purchased cheaply from TK MAXX as they offer her far more moveabiility. For DS, I've bought those puffer-style coats from Mountain Warehouse or Trespass and sometimes they do a hardier coat that's still very soft. Trespass this year less good than Mountain Warehouse (or at least, in our local store) so it's worth checking both. We've got one of those two-in-one fleece/rain coats from Mountain Warehouse this year which will be fine except for the absolute depth of winter, when he'll revert to his Trespass coat from last year which still fits.

These adjustments have completely changed the coat buying and wearing experience for us.

Mine has sensory issues (no leggings, no trousers as she can't stand the feeling of the waistband) and is similar. Nowadays I help her go onto eBay and search for clothes she likes the look of. She'll wear almost anything if it's yellow and if she's chosen it herself.

Sympathies, anyway. I have taken so many outgrown, unworn clothes to the charity shops over the years. But she will wear the same two items till they're nearly in tatters.

My dd was exactly the same. From about 7 (now 10) very picky about what she would wear & would choose skinny jeans and plain T-shirt's. I think I also made the mistake of giving her too many choices with what she wore and what I bought. She is getting better and will wear things of more variety. She will still have the occasional strop when I remind her to wear the things we have bought that she has chosen herself but does wear them.

Next do a range of long jumper dresses made out of hoodie material.

They do lots of designs so there is something for everyone.

My daughter has also taken to loose corduroy dungarees and even loose dungaree dresses with leggings, so now looks like a funky art teacher aged 8

She absolutely will not wear jeans or dresses so I've let her find her own style and she looks super cool (or I think so anyway).

Clothing and food are some of the only things they have control of in life. Both of these were more of an issue with our first (pfb) (we had a nothing touching on the plate stage, a swishy skirt phase etc etc), by the time number 2 and 3 came along we were a lot more go-with-the-flow and it’s definitely easier for everyone. As long as food is balanced and health even if odd combinations/limited rotations then it’s good enough, same with clothing I think. It gives them a little bit of independence in their own life and avoids drama.

She's 7. She wears what you tell her to wear

Not RTFT but M&S and Gap leggings are not great quality (despite not being particularly cheap) - they do not last and go see through at the crotch area very quickly.

Try H&M lined ones, they lasted much longer for us and likewise for Uniqlo

Buy her the things she likes, I honestly can't understand why you're persevering with clothes she doesn't want to wear. She's picking things up in the shop to please you, then when she gets them home she just can't bring herself to wear them. Stick her in leggings and hoodies and let her be happy!

I'm really surprised at how many people think children should just wear what they're told. I suspect therefore that there are people all over town who are judging us because we absolutely do not believe in forcing children to wear what we tell them to outside of for specific events (school, for example. Or I made DS wear a smart shirt when attending a wedding). I ban certain items completely or for specific occasions and make recommendations at others, and of course, anything we buy has to fit within our budget etc but the DC largely choose their own clothing. Why on earth would you insist that they wear things that meet your preferences instead of theirs?

I would stop giving in to the demands and just buy her basic leggings, joggers, t shirts and hoodies.
I agree. Stop pandering.