Daughter refusing to wear most of the clothing she owns

[Pinklilly123]

Is this normal?

She’s 7. Won’t wear jeans (mostly as they aren’t comfortable which I understand), won’t wear anything too girly or flowery, no dresses or skirts. She puts them on and changes her mind. It’s honestly infuriating me! She begs me to buy things in shops which I will because I just want her to wear something that isn’t a holey pair of leggings in black or grey and a grey or black hoody. She won’t wear anything but this even to parties. I buy stuff they she removes the tags and never wears it. We try it on first if we can before buying but some changing rooms remain closed so that’s not easy. I replace leggings often but realistically they get worn a few times and they end up with holes or stains even m&s or gap ones. Her much loved hoody’s are so worn they make her look unkempt. Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal for a 7 yo? My friends girls are into pretty dresses still and will wear anything. Her style is so particularly it’s driving me around the twist not to mention all the wasted money and bags of practically brand new clothes I’ve given away to friends and charity shops

And I agree with pp suggestion of keeping a new pair of leggings/leggings etc for 'best'. There are also lots of embelleshed sweatshirts etc that she could have for e.g. christmas or a party and potentially still feel comfortable.

Sounds like a good resolution OP. The asking for stuff and then not wearing it sounds annoying, but sticking to stuff she likes wearing sounds good- nought wrong with leggings and a hoody unless you feel there's more to it.

Maybe she'd be happier with something like this for best?

www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-partners-sequin-star-sweatshirt-black-multi/p5641607?sku=239883965&size=8-years&s_ppc=2dx92700064771236541&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclid=CjwKCAjwiY6MBhBqEiwARFSCPoolHBy1t3SoajXCv3hKs6mt0oVPSWh7QqaQyXyqX3cqK2NP0vA4HxoCRu8QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I found as well it helped not to take DD with me shopping. She will see things she likes the look of and so wants, but realistically the feel of them isn't nice enough to wear longer than a few minutes.

@authenticforgery

Is she overweight OP? Sadly around this age I started to realise I was chubby and had a lot of issues around clothing. Sorry to make the suggestion but it's just worth considering if it's a self esteem issue.

It is an interesting perspective thank you. No she isn’t overweight. I would say more average than anything in terms of size.

Dd at 7 was similar - I just bought her what she wanted to wear and as long as it was weather appropriate, fit properly and didn’t have holes, was happy with that.

However…..now at age 9, its a lot trickier. I tried just letting dd live in leggings/t shirts/shorts but then she would see her friends at weekends in trendy clothes (not dresses) and get upset.

So we went shopping for trendy clothes, she tried them on, wanted them….then ended up never wearing them.

Underlying all of this is a growing awareness that her body is changing (she wears those little crop top bras under her clothes now) and she is becoming more self-conscious of her appearance.

So I gently ask her if she’d like to get some clothes from time to time and don’t give her a hard time when she isn’t brave enough to wear them. It just isn’t as easy as ‘just let them wear what they want’ anymore. Dd doesn’t really know what she wants.

If the leggings are looking scruffy after a few wears you might be washing them too harshly/often. My DD5 wears mostly supermarket leggings and they have lasted well overall I think. Lighter colours don't get the faded look like dark ones do. DD likes her leggings to be looser so I have to buy them a size larger. They go through phases and fancies.

Yes, I think it’s probably very normal - my own Dd does this too but it’s still VERY annoying!! They will especially refuse to wear the really beautiful more expensive clothes you’ve bought for them!! 🙄

@SushiGo

Does she have sensory issues?

Try cutting out all the tags and buying second hand clothes - some kids prefer the softness of previously worn clothes.

That was the first thought that came into my head, sensory issues.

My DD (13) has sensory issues and is so fussy re clothes. She also agrees to things I buy but then won’t wear them. I am learning though how to help her feel comfortable. Buy everything too big. No tight waist bands, cuffs etc. It is v hard when we need to be dressy as I can’t get her out of hoodies and tracksuit bottoms. But I just let her dress down because she feels awkward enough in general without making it worse.

My DD is like this, similar age, just likes sporty neutral-coloured clothing - lots of leggings, joggers, hoodies etc in black and grey. We have lots of pretty things, jeans, dresses etc sitting unworn. I dont mind, that's her style. I just got her a bunch of stuff that fits that style but is a bit nicer, with stars for example, from Gap (everything on sale online at the moment, cant afford their full prices)

Buy boys pull-on combat trousers and more leggings. Maybe buy some pull on trousers. It could be a sensory issue but it could also be they just like being comfy and don't want to be girly. I started buying boys clothing for mine as it was so much comfier and sensibly designed. Also far cheaper! John Lewis used to do very smart leggings in a variety of colours too.

PS Love Leggings kids leggings are a bit thicker than normal ones. Gap athletic leggings are fairly thick.

Is she having sensory issues? That might be why her soft old clothes are comfy for her. Just try very soft new clothes.

This is really pretty normal for that age. They start to assert their own preferences but also sometimes the look of something is nice but it’s not that comfortable to wear. Just say you’re not buying anything else. Why would you? I wouldn’t worry about her looking unkempt but I wouldn’t waste money on any new stuff if she reverts to the usual comfy clothes.

Mother to 2 daughters here... Just like my two at that age. One of mine had a favourite pair of knickers and she used to wear them for days putting clean ones in the wash so I wouldn't notice. We had really issue with what they perceived to be itchy clothes and scratchy labels, although I couldn't see anything wrong with them. They also used to love things in the shop and then not wear them, resulting in me passing things on unworn.
It used to do my head in.

If I were giving my younger self some advice it would be don't waste time and money on shopping, you don't need to go out at the start of a season and buy new clothes. The weather is fairly similar all year, just add and remove layers as needed.

When you do need to replace things do it with similar items to things they wear and don't go mad they wear the same few outfits all the time anyway.

It's all about choosing your battles, as long as they are clean and warm your job is done.

Good luck

I hated girly things as a kid and still do but also sounds like could be some sensory issues there.

OP 2 of my favourite photos of my eldest daughter are her 4th birthday party where she was dressed as superman and her 5th dressed as Darth Vader! It was and still is all leggings, jeans, hoodies etc., youngest daughter came along and the complete opposite 😊

I think this is normal. I'm guessing she likes the look of certain clothes so she begs you to buy them. They probably feel OK when she tries them on but then she finds they're not comfortable enough for every day, all day, wear.
I have clothes like this and I keep them in my wardrobe for occasional wear. The difference is, I'm not going to grow out of them! It's frustrating for us as parents when our kids do this because they grow out of them when they've only worn them once so it's a waste of money.
I think i'm learning which clothes are like this for my kids - definitely anything with sequins - they like the look of them but always complain they are itchy and refuse to wear them!

My granddaughter is rather like this. She won't wear "girly" clothes or what she perceives to be "girly" colours and, up until now, has worn what I consider to be more akin to the sort of clothes that boys wear.

She really only wears trousers and shirts or jumpers although she is beginning to choose items which look not quite so masculine.

Having had this sort of issue with my daughter, who often wanted to wear the same clothes over and over again to school, I would say don't agonise too much about it. When I look back I realise I over-reacted to this sort of thing and it made my daughter even more obstinate. It also damaged our relationship because everything turned into a battle. I wish I had been more easy going and accepting of my daughter's rather eccentric ways.

I'm sympathetic to your dd because I live in jeans and sweatshirts and don't even own any 'pretty dresses. Some girls (and women) just prefer comfy, practical clothes and colours that don't draw attention. I doubt you'll change her, so I'd just buy her what she likes to wear. I can't see why leggings would be more likely to get holes or stains than dresses or any other clothes, but at least they are fairly cheap to replace.

Yea it's a normal phase they mostly all go through, I've had to stop buying for 8yr old, she has enough and if she doesn't like it, tough, she picked it and liked it when bought so she can wear until outgrown, it is hardwork tho.. good luck

All of mine live in joggers/leggings and hoodies. I can get the two year old to wear cute cardigans but she won’t wear dresses. No clothes are wasted because I only buy them things I know they will wear.

My DD sounds like yours with challenging behaviour, sensory issues etc. She's now 12 and had been diagnosed with ADHD. I would investigate this early. I left it a bit late and it's really affected her self-esteem. I should have done it before I did, but I kept thinking it's just her age etc.

DD1 was similar. Everything she found nice and comfortable she wore to death. Dresses were a no go zone past aged 9 and anything uncomfortable or fussy was cast aside. She’s 18 now and still the same. Lives in men’s clothing like t-shirts, joggers and hoodies. I had to accept it as this was just her and her personality. She’s happy so that’s all that matters!