Private schools worth it?

[Anon2136]

I’m really torn on whether to put my DD in private school. She’s in year 2 and the private’s near us start from year 3. We can afford it, We’re not super rich but both working and in good enough jobs although we will have to cut back on some things but money wise yes it’s doable. Also I will have to keep working I enjoy working but sometimes I wish I could cut my hours and be at home more. I’m really torn on what to do. Im going around in circles I keep convincing myself that her primary is good enough but then something happens then I think private might be worth it. I’m not sure what to compare it with but for example she very rarely has her homework marked by teacher and it’s frustrating as we spend all weekend doing the homework.

Please be kind and obviously give me differing views but no attacking. I actually asked same question couple of years back but got attacked by people being really nasty and done comments were awful that in end I just didn’t read anymore. I’m hoping this time I can get some useful advice. Any cons to private you can think of please tell me.

Thanks in advance for any useful advice I get.

Hi OP

The thing is, private schools are not all the same. Eton gets discussed (on here and elsewhere) as the main example of a private school but actually very few are similar to Eton.

What is it that you would like from your daughter’s school? You’ve mentioned that you would like to see evidence that her homework is marked (fair enough). What else?

Why not visit a couple of the schools you are interested in and see if you like what you see. Talk to a few parents whose children go there. If you come out still undecided then it isn’t the right school - you really should be enthusiastic about it to justify sending your daughter there.

There’s an assumption that people who send their children to private school are enormously rich - this isn’t always the case but allow for a 5% annual increase in the fees.

Thank you @CruCru. I’ve spoken to so many parents and been to open days. They all tell me their kids are happy and love it but I suppose at that age most kids are happy at their schools as they don’t know any different.

I can’t explain it very well but I always feel there is a toxic environment in her school e.g. staff turnover is extremely high. Kids don’t have basic things like an apron so she would come home covered in paint - I actually bought her one snd she takes to school so this was sn easy fix but I don’t have anything to compare this with. School is relatively new so has no data for me to look at which adds to the anxiety.

@CruCru is your child at private? If so what would you consider the Pro and cons?

I myself went to private school (primary & secondary) and my husband also did (primary only) and we've always thought we would send our DD and any subsequent children to private school if we could comfortably afford it. This is factoring in the additional costs for "extras" - musical instruments, uniforms that can only be bought at the school shop and not supermarkets and trips etc (skiing, theatre etc) that private schools tend to offer. Essentially, we don't want to be able to just about to afford for her to go to private school but not be able to enjoy all the additional aspects that come with it.

I think it all depends on the child as an individual - a bright, hardworking child is always going to do well at any school most likely but if there are particular interests: art/music/sport/drama that you'd like to nurture, private schools often offer the facilities to explore these plus some more one on one time with teachers as the class sizes tend to be smaller. Though the same can be said for small village schools for example.

I think it's very much a personal decision for you and your child but certainly not one you should feel guilty about. I know I was very lucky to attend private school and am grateful to my parents for the sacrifices they made for me do so and I loved my time there but that is only my personal experience!

I totally get the dilemma here and what stands out to me is if you were at home more - I think that would benefit your daughter (absolutely not criticising long hours and hard work) but I noticed when I was part time I was able to spend so much more time with our children.

What I would say is look around at other state schools first and use extra money on tutoring or hobbies (eg music or whatever)

That is my gut feeling here. Maybe that particular school isnt the right fit but don't rule our others.

Yes, yes and yes again. We took our son out of state primary at the beginning of year 4 before every mote of confidence and enthusiasm was battered out of him by the deprivation, high needs and low aspiration surrounding him. He couldn't access any supported learning or resources because he was high functioning asd and there were so many peers more needy and challenging. I think I cried almost every day on the drive home for 3 years. Then we bit the bullet and moved him

Lovely, tiny independent primary. Like a big family. All of the children played and bonded together. His soft skills, confidence, motivation, self-belief all rocketed. There was space. There was time. He could be a child away from SATs and tick boxes. If it was a beautiful afternoon they'd pop off to the beach in the school's minibus. He skipped, he sang, he excelled.

We were lucky in that his little school was very unpretentious, ordinary parents with noone up their own arses. Lots of different nationalities and ethnicities too, so DS had a far richer experience than at his previous monocultural school.

I know our experience is only one viewpoint, but I am so thankful we made the decision to go private.

Out

I went to a decent state primary and a private day school (academically solid but not fancy IYKWIM)

I don't think I would have gained anything from a private primary - there was no noticeable difference between the kids who came in at Y7 from private and state primaries.

The only reason to put a child that age in is to 'buy' a place in a school that it feeds into.
There's far more effective ways of preparing them for secondary schooling than that

I think you just have to treat each school on its own merit, and each child. Our non private primary school has been phenomenal and that's down to the staff. One teacher in particular I will remember and be grateful for, for the rest of my life.

Older DS is at a brilliant non private secondary school. Perfect for him. He has every opportunity to succeed and he loves it there.

Find the right school for the right child. If that's private and you can afford it then so be it.

Prioritise the teachers. If they are good, and well looked after, that's the most important thing.

@MrsSamRowley thank you so much for your insight. Can I ask how you DH found adjusting from private primary to state secondary? As that’s another factor we thinking of.

Thanks @Crumblinginside yes I suppose we could do tutoring that’s a point. I just feel so guilty that even tho we can afford it I keep making ridiculous excuses like “it will be less holidays or cheaper holidays” and “will she get spoilt”. I know I’m being ridiculous but I just need to fully know if private is worth it or not, won’t know till she goes. I’m an anxious person so makes it harder!

I've personally been to both, and I've also worked as a teacher at both.

IMO you're wasting your money sending your child to a private primary school. The standard of education is much higher in the state sector and the standard of teaching is much better.

However, from 11 onwards, I would fully support a private school especially if your child is middle of the road academic and unlikely to be top set in state.

If you're frustrated by your current school, by all means move. But you really don't have to spend the money now. You'd be better saving that and spending it later!

[quote Anon2136]@CruCru is your child at private? If so what would you consider the Pro and cons?[/quote]
My children are at a private school but if I’m honest, I would struggle to give the pros and cons compared with a state school because they’ve been in a private school since Reception (so I don’t have any recent, first hand experience of a state school).

We chose my children’s school because we utterly loved it when we looked round (and still do). We looked around a bunch of schools when my oldest was 2 or 3 and it was the one that fitted us best.

It doesn’t sound as though you are pleased with the current school. Is it worth looking at other state schools as well as private ones? This may not be a state vs. private issue.

One thing to mention is that, even if you are paying school fees, you will not be able to dictate how the school is run or how the teacher manages his or her classroom. I’m sure this is obvious but I think this comes up quite a lot in private schools.

It's impossible generalise. There are private schools and private schools. They are not automatically all better, academically or pastorally, than state schools. By going private all you really guarantee (generally) is smaller class sizes and more resources but that't the only constant.

Some private schools really prioritise excellence in all areas, in some basically you're just paying to be around a lot of posh kids.

It also depends hugely on your child and their personality, their academic ability, their peer group and where you live.

In some areas a private education is probably the only option for a good education. In others, many state schools are on par with or even better than the privates so you are literally pouring money down the drain.

If your child is very bright and motivated and has a similar peer group, private may be a complete waste of money. If your child has particular needs or is struggling in their peer group it may be the best money you've ever spent.

You really need to do some proper research into this and ask yourself what you really want from it. Are you doing it because academic excellence is really important to you? Or because your child is sensitive and struggles in larger, more anonymous environments? Or are you doing it because you want your child only to associate with certain other types of children?

This is a personal view and others might disagree but I think private primaries are largely a waste of money. At that age its about socialisation and pastoral care. All you're really doing by going private is guaranteeing they will only be around other fairly wealthy kids (which I personally wouldn't want but you might). At secondary level it becomes a better investment, based on where you are etc.

Personally I think private primary isn't necessary - private secondary yes but hugely depends on her ability - when she's only in year 2/3 now it isn't necessarily going to be apparent whether she's going to benefit from it yet

@Anon2136 I think in all honesty he did struggle to adjust from one to the other (a bit like Will from the In Betweeners) but he did go from quite a "posh" private school to a comprehensive so I think it was quite a jump! Would secondary private education not be an option?

Interesting about what the other posters say about private secondary education being more important than private primary as I'd say the opposite. I think the start it gives you is massive and I was way ahead of some of my peers that had been to state primary schools in terms of spelling, grammar and written work in Year 7. Even managing a scholarship to my secondary school which was a big help to my parents so worth considering that as a possibility!

Thank you all. A lot to consider. I was planning on private primary and then if she can get in grammar secondary. I just feel at primary the foundations are layer out and she will do better, but I might be thinking about this wrong. @CoastalWave think you said you’re a teacher - what’s your opinions on grammar schools? We have lots of grammar schools in our area

It is much better imo from the point of view of individuality.
A good private school will really find out what your child is good at and work with them to shine on that.
State schools have so many children in a class its just hard for them to do the individual stuff so well.

Everything @SqueakyPeaks said! Not an ounce of regret sending my children to the small independent school we've chosen.

Both my children were private from reception and the wonderful early start they had was priceless. They adored the small class sizes and individual attention and really flourished. It was also invaluable in keeping my career on track as I wasn’t hemmed in the start and finish of the school day (they tend to offer excellent before and after school care if required). One child is still in primary and the other now in a super selective state grammar school (which I expect was helped by these ideal early conditions - sorry in advance for ‘buying this privilege- I absolutely recognise this).

I would consider secondary school now though - the fees for secondary, plus all the extras are considerably more than primary so if you were content with the primary school she is at, but recognise that things would be tight, then hanging on until secondary school might be sensible. Unless you are are close to grammar schools, where small classes might help navigate the 11+ process.

@Hotgotthetrots what are your opinion of grammar schools? We have Woodford county for girls right around the corner from us.

I sent my children to a private primary school because I thought it was wonderful and there were so many opportunities. My daughter especially had a fantastic education but the head teacher changed soon after my son started. It all went downhill from there.

Secondary for him was a total disaster, destroyed his mental health and I pulled him out and sent him to a state school.

He didn't do very well in his GCSE's and expectations were low in his state school, but he was no longer suicidal.

I guess what I'm saying is that you really cannot generalise, it depends on the school, the child and the situation might change even after they start there.

In my opinion the right private school is definitely worth it. Our eldest went all the way through.
Sadly we are no longer able to afford it for our younger children. They are in a lovely state primary school but it just doesn’t compare to our experience with the private sector.

We moved ds at 8 from state primary to a sought after London day school. He's 26 now. He was very behind when he arrived. We switched because he was not being stretched and for specialist teaching: maths, science, English, geography, French and Latin/ancient history.

DD stayed happier at primary until 11. We had two disastrous years at a SW London holy grail CofE and switched her to a middling private Surrey school at the beginning of Y9. She was behind in maths, French and science.

Both children went to Oxbridge, as did DH from a local comp. I went to a private school but dropped out of uni. We came to it with very mixed feelings.

Ultimately I think privately educated children will be broadly better educated setting aside qualifications. We also found behaviour was dealt with. However that comes with the caveat that it is affordable. Outgoings for ds were 8.5k at 8; 21.5k at 18. Scrimping and being at the wrong end of the scale don't help either.

They may exist but I have never seen a really good state primary. The ones labelled outstanding by Ofsted that I saw were all fairly dire.

At secondary level, however, good grammars and good privates are pretty equal, the difference is only in funding levels and facilities.

Ime selective prep schools offer a far better educational foundation than anything on offer it the state system, so I would be inclined to go private at prep level, then see if she gets into a grammar.

If you are not in a grammar area like Kent, the state school will not prepare her for the 11+, so you would have to pay for tutoring anyway.

Prep schools prepare their students for state and private 11+ as a matter of course.