Private schools worth it?

[Anon2136]

I’m really torn on whether to put my DD in private school. She’s in year 2 and the private’s near us start from year 3. We can afford it, We’re not super rich but both working and in good enough jobs although we will have to cut back on some things but money wise yes it’s doable. Also I will have to keep working I enjoy working but sometimes I wish I could cut my hours and be at home more. I’m really torn on what to do. Im going around in circles I keep convincing myself that her primary is good enough but then something happens then I think private might be worth it. I’m not sure what to compare it with but for example she very rarely has her homework marked by teacher and it’s frustrating as we spend all weekend doing the homework.

Please be kind and obviously give me differing views but no attacking. I actually asked same question couple of years back but got attacked by people being really nasty and done comments were awful that in end I just didn’t read anymore. I’m hoping this time I can get some useful advice. Any cons to private you can think of please tell me.

Thanks in advance for any useful advice I get.

I went to a GDST private school for secondary after going to an excellent local primary. For me private school was pretty life changing and opened up opportunities I could never have had in the state system - I was quite academically gifted as a teen and the private school arranged the lesson timetable (!) so I could do 5 A-levels, I also got a fully funded scholarship to study abroad for a year. There's no way I would have had access to those opportunities otherwise. BUT I know that some classmates hated school, particularly if you were dyslexic or dyspraxic the school really was not good at bringing the best out of these students. Basically if you were good at sport or academically talented the school gave you so much, if you struggled they were not good at supporting. Don't know how universal this is but i suspect in the private system with entrance exams etc there will always be an element of it.

I am always surprised by the number of posters that feel only private secondary is worth it and primary is a waste of money
I think it’s more to do with the fact that most people get richer as they get older, thus are more likely to afford private secondary school when they’re several years older and been promoted a couple of times. Also the kids who are going to be bad people haven’t reached that stage yet in primary school, they’re merely naughty and can be coped with. Whereas by secondary they’re likely to have become seriously problematic.

I've had 2 daughters go to Russell Group unis. Both A/As at GCSE & A level. Both at uni with many private school kids and both have always wondered why people privately educate when you can end up at the same place without it.*
Because when they leave university and start applying for jobs, the private school kids are more likely to get hired. Partly because their rich school friends daddy owns the company.

If it is the extra curricular activities then it is worth looking at what is already available in the local area. Our county music service runs Saturday morning music schools which start from a very young age. There are also sports clubs, theatre groups etc.

It doesnt all have to be through school and in fact I think there is a distinct advantage in them not being through school as it gives a different friendship group. Small class sizes etc are lovely if everyone is getting on but rather less lovely if there are friendship problems.

State primary. Start doing the grammar prep in year 5. You can do it at home if they’re biddable.

I'm always a bit puzzled by the parents who say 'my state-educated DC ended up at the same uni as private school DC so what was the point of private?' as if education is an end-game rather than a day-to-day experience.

My DC went private because I wanted them to be in an environment where it was cool to succeed. When DC got good marks they got the genuine respect of their peers. They weren't sneered at or bullied or ridiculed for being swotty or teachers' pets.

And FWIW when one was diagnosed with quite complex SEN he got outstanding support at no extra charge. At state school I was told perpetually he was lazy.

These threads are bonkers. Every single thread turns in a 'State schools are better'

But honestly every one knows they are not. Its bizarre. State schools are in a shocking state.

Its exactly the same as private health care. Yes you get the same NHS doctors (sometimes) but you get much better standard of care.

I absolutely agree with PP about academic outcomes being of minor importance to me. Independent school gives space and time to children.

Private school has given my DS the confidence to research and give an assembly (for example) to younger children, to perform in front of the school, to play instruments and in an ensemble. He is proud to do well and there's a culture of success and aspiration. Teachers are accessible. I email and they call me back at a time that's convenient to me.

In state school he couldn't access learning because there was so much disruption and chaos in a class of 30 high-need children. At his independent Primary there were 7 kids in his class and now at independent Secondary there are no more than 15, reducing to no more than 10 when he enters Senior school in year 9.

For DS, the experience has been richer, calmer and more exciting. He copes now. That's worth everything.

@Flubbah

I am always surprised by the number of posters that feel only private secondary is worth it and primary is a waste of money I think it’s more to do with the fact that most people get richer as they get older, thus are more likely to afford private secondary school when they’re several years older and been promoted a couple of times. Also the kids who are going to be bad people haven’t reached that stage yet in primary school, they’re merely naughty and can be coped with. Whereas by secondary they’re likely to have become seriously problematic.

Affordability is not the same as value for money though. Completely agree that most people are more likely to have the funds as children are older but that does not make the early years less significant to spend on.

Don't agree with children being bad people - in my experience of private (acknowledge this may not be the case across the board), there is zero tolerance for disruption so being 'naughty' is not an option. (As a separate note, I don't believe children are inherently naughty - if NT, issues can be addressed with a supportive school and parents working together, ND issues are more complex to address but they are certainly not naughty either). If they have consistently been in this environment, they will know what is expected of them by the time they reach secondary

@Evesgarden

These threads are bonkers. Every single thread turns in a 'State schools are better'

But honestly every one knows they are not. Its bizarre. State schools are in a shocking state.

Its exactly the same as private health care. Yes you get the same NHS doctors (sometimes) but you get much better standard of care.

State schools, to me, are better because they have all the families in who choose state schools.

My kids would have been private school kids if they'd gone to private school.

I wanted the best for my kids. They got the best.

@charliesbookmarker it's 'hear, hear!'. As in: 'listen to what this person is saying', so you're agreeing with them.

@notsureconfused 'would have been worth it'.

@Evesgarden 'you're too late', not 'your'.

Grammar is usually irrelevant but I find it amusing on here - you are parents who clearly care about education, yet don't know simple grammar? What if your child asks you for help with their homework?

I think education should be equal and therefore would never place my children in private schools. Having said this we have decent schools as our catchment and have the opportunity as parents to get involved if there were things we wanted changed/involved in. My husband is a lecturer at a very good university and the private school children are often very academically excellent but don't always have a wider idea of how most people live, can be entitled and it's just not the ethos we want for our children.

@honkytonkheroe

I've had 2 daughters go to Russell Group unis. Both A/A*s at GCSE & A level. Both at uni with many private school kids and both have always wondered why people privately educate when you can end up at the same place without it.

Because there are too many variables affecting achievement and as the excellent @WombatChocolate pointed out what’s right for one family may not be for another.

Around here parents pay through the nose to get into the catchment area of the very good state schools, club together to pay for activities. It’s a state school in name but the demographics of the catchment area have made it such that you’re not going to find many (or even any) disruptive children as parents are quite involved.

Meanwhile in a ‘mixed’ area of London the state schools were dire, lots of teachers’ time spent on handling disruptive students/discipline rather than actually teaching. Lessons catered to the slowest (many were so behind) that the bright ones got bored.

Finally a lot of private schools offer things like good wraparound care which make financial sense for working parents.

A lot to consider and very very individual. And as mentioned some state schools can be as ‘exclusive’ as private school. So no moral superiority there.

the private school kids are more likely to get hired. Partly because their rich school friends daddy owns the company don’t be daft,

There was a thread recently "if you went to private school what do you do for a living" or something close , the majority are working standard jobs .
Some become high earners some don’t.

@Merryhobnobs

I think education should be equal and therefore would never place my children in private schools. Having said this we have decent schools as our catchment and have the opportunity as parents to get involved if there were things we wanted changed/involved in. My husband is a lecturer at a very good university and the private school children are often very academically excellent but don't always have a wider idea of how most people live, can be entitled and it's just not the ethos we want for our children.

You can’t really claim to stand by your principles - unless the state schools around you are sure and you still send your kids to them with no extra tutoring or anything else.

*dire!

@rrhuth

Lol!

We've put my son through private primary.
He's high functioning ASD and ridiculously bright but struggled in larger groups of children when younger due to social issues.
He's really excelled at the private primary - not just academically, but socially too.
We did not put him into private primary to gain a place at the private secondary - we did it because at the time, it was the best fit for him.
He's now in a class of 25 (year 6) and much better equipped to deal with it.
We're considering the private school his primary feeds into and a state school for next year.

@Flubbah

The benefit of private school is it’s a self selecting sample. All the kids have parents who work and earn enough to pay fees. It automatically rules out kids from bad families, uneducated, on benefits, problems like drugs and alcohol, crime, etc. As a minimum your child’s friends are guaranteed to be middle class.

This attitude alone makes me want to send my DD to a state secondary, regardless of the benefits of privates (which I won't deny are real).

The idea that you rule out drug and alcohol problems or dysfunctional famiily dynamics by making people pay for education is laughably naive.

Also the idea that "guaranteeing your child's friends are going to be middle class" is some sort of badge of honour... where to start...

The nice middle class children at my son's private school were to the most part awful, bullying young people who were very intolerant of differences and needs.

State schools, to me, are better because they have all the families in who choose state schools

Rrhuth so you’re saying all parents at state schools could have sent their children to private schools but they chose state schools?
Are you sure about that?

@Evesgarden

These threads are bonkers. Every single thread turns in a 'State schools are better'

But honestly every one knows they are not. Its bizarre. State schools are in a shocking state.

Its exactly the same as private health care. Yes you get the same NHS doctors (sometimes) but you get much better standard of care.

@Evesgarden

It's just not as simple as you're making it though.

As another commentator pointed upthread, there's some data that suggets that a private education at best adds about one grade overall to the average child's A level results.

Of course its not necessarily always as simple as this and private schools can and often do give children other advantages including smaller class sizes, better resources, more individualised focus and sometimes better pastoral care.

But its not as black and white as every private school will always be better as a default than every state school. State schools are not all shocking, they are very varied indeed depending on where you are and in quite a lot of areas state schools are better than many privates. In many cases middle class children with ambition and ambitious parents at state schools outperform their peers in the independent sector.

It's very nuanced and very much down to each individual child/family and the school they attend.

This is a sensitive area some would say a highly political area where emotions run high on both sides. But it doesn't help anxious parents to present these cartoonishly simple perspectives on the situation.

@thepeopleversuswork there’s also the more insidious exclusion of kids from good state schools by rich parents buying up houses in catchment areas.
Not related to the OP but as much as the idea that ‘all private schools bad’ is laughable so is the idea that ‘state schools provide an equitable education’.
Not if everyone comes exclusively from surrounding naice MC area…

MN cliches abound in this thread.

• state school kids are tutored. WRONG. Maybe some. But not all (not us or anyone we knew). And besides some private kids are tutored on top of their expensive education.
• private parents make sacrifices. No. They make CHOICES. Quite different.
• We want the best for our DC. Doesn't everyone? It's just that not everyone can afford it
• state educated students are ill-mannered. Errrr no!

I'm sure there are cliches on the other side. I am less able to comment on them, although would be happy to have them pointed out