Private schools worth it?

[Anon2136]

I’m really torn on whether to put my DD in private school. She’s in year 2 and the private’s near us start from year 3. We can afford it, We’re not super rich but both working and in good enough jobs although we will have to cut back on some things but money wise yes it’s doable. Also I will have to keep working I enjoy working but sometimes I wish I could cut my hours and be at home more. I’m really torn on what to do. Im going around in circles I keep convincing myself that her primary is good enough but then something happens then I think private might be worth it. I’m not sure what to compare it with but for example she very rarely has her homework marked by teacher and it’s frustrating as we spend all weekend doing the homework.

Please be kind and obviously give me differing views but no attacking. I actually asked same question couple of years back but got attacked by people being really nasty and done comments were awful that in end I just didn’t read anymore. I’m hoping this time I can get some useful advice. Any cons to private you can think of please tell me.

Thanks in advance for any useful advice I get.

Here for a flaming perhaps. Having sent DC to private primary and secondary I would say move at secondary, unless you have good grammars.

Exactly, if the worst came to the worst, you can downsize.

The sibling I mentioned could have done that. They have 2 large houses, they just chose to keep them and move the kids’s schools rather than rather than sell. They were at boarding school though so we were talking 120k+ a year.

But I still at some level find it nauseating

Peopleversuswork if that’s how you feel, plus the fact you don’t approve of private education, then why on earth are you considering it for your dc?
You sound like a massive hypocrite.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

School is also more than just academic education and I think that private school is better all round, including for manners, etiquette, extra curricular and attention to the emotional needs of the children.

Conversely re SEN I’ve actually heard state schools are vastly superior in that field.

I disagree. It's not the 1920's! Children in state schools are likely to be equally polite!

I went to private school and the people I met we're no more polite or proper than the people I met in real life.

Many private schools have comparatively higher rates of drug use. Eating disorders can also be a massive issue.

I'm not against private school at all. I'm considering it for my own children. Not all private schools are posh and I can assure you that my teenage friends swore, smoked and had under age sex as much as the state school kids did!

OP, my children have been right the way through independent schools, and it has nearly killed us financially - but it has been worth it. However, it was a no-brainer for us as everyone in my and XH's family went through the independent system, and I was quite happy to have a small house, not go on holiday, have one ancient rust-bucket family car etc. Only 9 more months to go until the final DC finishes...

@Andante57

I still think that people need to admit that a lot of these schools have entrance exams so less able dc just can’t get in hence their better results

Lucentblade it’s hardly a secret that many private schools have entrance exams.

I agree to an extent, but you don't have to be a genius to pass the entrance exams for most private schools. Yes some are super selective but many are strapped for cash these days and need to fill their places.

Also, you don't see many under achieving private primary school children not make it into the associated senior schools or sixth forms.

I imagine the OP may have left ages ago but if Woodford is where you are aiming - I'm assuming the other Redbridge schools plus the local independents - Bancrofts, forest, Chigwell. All are completely accessible from a state primary into 11+ - it is just the toss up of time - prep will prepare them within school - non prep you'll need to either do it yourself or get a tutor -even just timed exam practice is needed for the brightest and it isn't covered at state. So it depends - enter at 7 save the stress cost 30k or enter at 11 but accept you need to have 6 months continual drip feed prep on top of school (unless a feeder independent).

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

This isn't correct though. State Schools absolutely do pick up the slack in this respect

This has not been my personal experience in life. I have a lot of friends and have been to uni and worked in offices etc and anecdotally the people who were privately educated are always far more polite. That’s just my personal experience and I’m willing to accept that there will be an element of bias there too but I’m just saying.

I too have friends, I too went to uni, I too work. At no point has it ever occurred to me to correlate somebody's manners and politeness with their educational background. I could also counteract your anecdote with the amount of people I've worked with that have been privately educated and been utterly appalling in their attitudes including my current boss but in my view that's down to them as individuals rather than the school they went to 20 years ago!

I will always object to the idea that state school = poor manners. For a start, schools get judged on it by ofsted. They simply aren't "allowed" to ignore poor behaviour. I've been doing the rounds on open evenings this year while I look for a school for my daughter, every single one talks about high expectations where manners are concerned. Another anecdote, some of the loveliest and most polite children I've worked with have had some of the worst parents 🤷‍♀️

I send my child to a private school- because they are happy, not being bullied and the school is delivering me a happy thriving child who is growing into a lovely adult. The school suits my child.

I do not need a financial return on "my investment" and to be honest I find those comments offensive.

I was state and always said no to private, until my child was having the crpa being bullied out of them and the teachers did not have the time to give a shit about yet another child. Had not noticed in the melee of the class that they were struggling to read, was dropping far behind and did not have the resources to help.

Horses for courses - would have stayed state if it had fitted but it did not. An unhappy crying failing child is a disaster and if you have the resource to fix it, then why the hell wouldn't you. What they do in the long term is to be honest irrelevant - a happy content child at whatever level they end up at is more important.

( I am the high achieving 3 degree adult - it suits me but not everyone)

@Andante57

But I still at some level find it nauseating

Peopleversuswork if that’s how you feel, plus the fact you don’t approve of private education, then why on earth are you considering it for your dc?
You sound like a massive hypocrite.

I am. That's why I said I was in my post.

It's having a bit of self awareness.

What has my grammar got to do with this thread at all? How can you base your judgement on my ability to help my child with their homework on a hastily tapped out reply on my phone? I was trying to help the op by sharing my experience. What are you doing?

Hmmm...I do tend to agree with @WombatChocolate and @MojoMoon.

My son left a state junior for a year to attend private school but, at that particular one anyway, it was very much a self-made new money environment. I met a lot of hairdressers anyway!

He eventually returned to his original state school as we were convinced he was actually mixing with more intelligent children there. But he became incredibly confident which has lasted and this thread has got me thinking.

I grew up with a lot of privately educated people and, regardless of grades, almost all started their own, successful businesses. I think that's what a private education gives you - confidence.

@Hosum I’m still here! Sorry it’s just a lot to read and consider do I haven’t responded to any recent posts. Im definitely reading everyone’s opinions and taking on all the advice. Thank you everyone for your input, I am still 50% 50% about my decision do this is really helping.

Yes we’re in Redbridge but problem is the state primaries that are amazing and outstanding are over subscribed and impossible to get into. My DH Went state and his primary is amazing but we will never get in as out if catchment and numbers are ridiculous e.g. over hundred on waiting list!

DD is in a fairly new primary but as it’s a religious based school the catchment is wider hence we got in. The state primary that are in our catchment are awful - the KS2 results are horrendous and data shows below and we’ll below average.

The primary she’s in is also oversubscribed mainly due to being a religious school. I’m not bothered about the religious aspect, only sent her here as our local one has awful ks2 results.

Apologies for all typos. * do = so

The other thing I am considering is once she’s older we have lots of grammar schools in area so that’s a possibility. I have no idea where to see their data as they don’t publish it.

One negative adjective if grammar I feel is the single sex education. I don’t really want DD to have any issues going to single sex school. Maybe I’m not thinking clearly but I feel single sex education has more cons than pros.

Our boy is on private primary school, as it suits us best for a lot of reasons
-Mixed and non religious (rare in South dublin)
-No uniform
-Sports every day
-Small classes
I'd think I out what individual schools offer rather than just thinking private/public. I know a Eton style public school wouldn't be for us.

@Anon2136

The other thing I am considering is once she’s older we have lots of grammar schools in area so that’s a possibility. I have no idea where to see their data as they don’t publish it.

One negative adjective if grammar I feel is the single sex education. I don’t really want DD to have any issues going to single sex school. Maybe I’m not thinking clearly but I feel single sex education has more cons than pros.

I agree - another can of worms entirely!

I do want you to bear in mind generally that home remains the biggest influence on a child's educational outcomes. So if you are motivated your child will be. Conversely if you're not and perhaps feel you lack educationally your child may benefit from an uplift elsewhere. There were lots of kids at my DC's comp who would have done far better if their parents had been able to afford private. For mine I think it would have made no difference grades wise (since they literally aced everything that was put in front of them). But perhaps it would have given them extra confidence and would definitely have given them better contacts. Also we found that Oxbridge prep was non existent at DC's (now failing) comp. DS had to muddle through all by himself.

I am currently doing some open days to consider year 3 entry. I’d ideally not go private yet for financial reasons but fully intending to for secondary. The biggest differences as far as I can tell

• much better music provision, opportunities for orchestras etc
• sport at our state school is good but would be better at the private as can access so many facilities
• smaller class sizes
• less behavioural issues.

It is the latter that will swing it for us tbh. I’m keeping an eye over year 1 but there are a number of aggressive boys in my daughter’s class and I feel like if it’s bad when they’re 5 I’m worried it will get worse as they age.

For me, independent is largely about extra curricular opportunities at secondary level if the independent school fully supports your child’s talents. On academics alone, if you have an academic child, grammar all the way or great comprehensive that streams well.

But if you have an academic child who also really needs their extra curricular talent supported fully in school eg music, a particular sport, art, particular strong drama then it can be worth it but you have to really question in detail the provision the independent actually provide.
At primary, a good independent will introduce to a wide range of extra curricular activities but let’s say you have a talented dancer, unlikely to be supported fully.
One of mine had anxiety in large lovely primary so went independent from year 3. It was worth it for him because they had that extra time for him to build his confidence, nurture his musical talent, encourage drama, actually were able to get him to do sport. But my two confident all rounders who push themselves- state absolutely fine and I don’t expect academic outcome to be any different anyway.

Most children arent talented but enjoy extra curricular activities. My DCs enjoyed their extra curricular activities because they werent school based. A completely different set of friends all focused on the particular activity. This is great for the shy or underwhelmed child.

My dd is YR1 at a prep. I disagree that a bright child will excel anywhere. If the environment is not conducive to supporting a bright child then they will not excel. My dd is at a very academic prep school and the amount of individual attention she gets, it's worth every penny. She is also a very anxious little girl and they are really helping her with this. She is slowly becoming so much more confident and loves the environment. For me the smaller class sizes was also a big factor.

As mentioned by PPs, I think it's meaningless to just compare the typical private v state factors. You'd do much better initially comparing the state schools available to you with each other.

There are two secondaries in our catchment area and my son didn't get his first choice so spent Y7 and Y8 at his second choice before securing a place at the better school from Y9.

The difference between the two is almost like comparing state and private in terms of grades and behaviours. It's sad really as they've pumped a lot of resources into the lesser school, but it's primarily doing badly because it's in a catchment area with a lot of social housing, and the better one is in a much more affluent area.

didn't send DS until we had 4 years' fees in the bank , I know few , even those who can comfortably afford it , do this. One couple started the moment they found out they were expecting.
It’s wise to always keep a couple of years worth of fees in advance as safety measure if suddenly , schools fees go up , redundancy , debts or anything like this,

I haven’t met anyone who has made extremely drastic measures like what is perceived sometimes on MN, sacrificing heating, eating baked beans on toast just to able to send their DC to private , wonder if its sometimes a bit exaggerated ?

@queenofarles

didn't send DS until we had 4 years' fees in the bank , I know few , even those who can comfortably afford it , do this. One couple started the moment they found out they were expecting. It’s wise to always keep a couple of years worth of fees in advance as safety measure if suddenly , schools fees go up , redundancy , debts or anything like this,

I haven’t met anyone who has made extremely drastic measures like what is perceived sometimes on MN, sacrificing heating, eating baked beans on toast just to able to send their DC to private , wonder if its sometimes a bit exaggerated ?

They always drive old bangers too. Not something I've witnessed at the school gates of our local non selective private.

There were cars of all sorts at our London Day School. Ancient volvos, people carriers of all ages, minis, fiat 500s, the gleaming German estates, sports cars in the summer (usually driven by a middle aged dad), often a BMW Estate bought new when the boy was 7 was still going when he went to uni. Not forgetting the 5/6 year old hatches driven by the nanny.