Private schools worth it?

[Anon2136]

I’m really torn on whether to put my DD in private school. She’s in year 2 and the private’s near us start from year 3. We can afford it, We’re not super rich but both working and in good enough jobs although we will have to cut back on some things but money wise yes it’s doable. Also I will have to keep working I enjoy working but sometimes I wish I could cut my hours and be at home more. I’m really torn on what to do. Im going around in circles I keep convincing myself that her primary is good enough but then something happens then I think private might be worth it. I’m not sure what to compare it with but for example she very rarely has her homework marked by teacher and it’s frustrating as we spend all weekend doing the homework.

Please be kind and obviously give me differing views but no attacking. I actually asked same question couple of years back but got attacked by people being really nasty and done comments were awful that in end I just didn’t read anymore. I’m hoping this time I can get some useful advice. Any cons to private you can think of please tell me.

Thanks in advance for any useful advice I get.

One DS is at a small prep school. He joined in year 4 from a state primary with c 35 children in a class and he is now one of 13. He was behind when he started and catching up now.

We send him there for more attention, not having disruptive children in the class and after school activities (which are all included in the price).

Most of the other children there had also started at state primaries. They tend to be a bit more sensitive than the average child. The parents are fairly down to earth doing the best they can for their children.

We pay c £12kpa. There are some schools which cost a lot more but eg are feeding to highly-academic senior schools.

I don’t know about primary age but the thing that has leapt out at me recently is that the teenagers/young adults I know who attend(ed) private schools seem more confident, comfortable in their own skin and able to happily have a conversation with adults at ease.

I keep thinking what an advantage these kids are at when attending interviews as they know how to present themselves well.

Equally though, there’s a comprehensive down the road from us that seems to manage to achieve the same but I really think they’re the exception rather than the norm of state secondaries.

Best money I have ever spent - it has been tough my son hasn’t excelled academically but he’s a great well rounded chap with a fantastic attitude and great mates. He has loved his school days but honestly in a state school he would of been in the bottom sets with low level disruption if you xaa as b do it do it !

The people I ve met who’ve been to a private school are confident and well educated- send your child to a private school

No two private schools are the same. Why not visit all the possible schools, state and private and see which one seems to best suit your daughter, then go for the right school, and if it happens to be private, be glad you can afford it. Though bear in mind you need to be able to afford it for all DC not just one or there will be recriminations about favouritism.

TBH, we didn't think private was worth it for primary so saved the money for secondary which was incredibly well worth it for us and our DC because the ideal school for them happened to be nearby.

The main "con" is of course the cost and the future increases which can be steep. What about any subsequent children?

On the pro side, both mine went to private schools and it's the intangible benefits that really show years later. They have manners and a "polish" that is noticeably absent in their friends who went to the local state schools.

We wanted DD to be educated in an all-girls school that taught the sciences as separate subjects for GCSE and avoid that ridiculous "girls" subjects and "boys" subjects that is still so prevalent. She also wanted to take an extra subject in addition to the usual set of GCSEs and the teacher whilst unable to timetable it formally offered lunchtime and after school coaching for her and another girl who wanted to do the same. I doubt that would have been possible under the state system.

Hi @Anon2136 I had my children in private school. In my experience it just felt like I was lining the pockets, everything was dressed up - it began with "we cook meals fresh on site" to actually the meals being left overs from a local university.

There was basically no fun allowed... and if your child behaved like a typical 5 year old then you, as a parent, would be told off.. but if your child sat with a straight back all day and only spoke when spoken too - great!

My eldest daughters experience was fine, but the education was no different to state schools so I found it was 30k that could be spent on other family things and put them into a state school where they are both thriving. They actually like being in a class of 30 just as much as they liked being in a class of 10.

I'm excited to send my children off to a STEM school when they hit secondary. Very modern, all about the future rather than the classical educational system.

It depends, as others have said.

Be aware though, that private school confidence can work both ways. I’ve met many private school kids - moving into undergrad - who are, frankly, insufferably smug with misplaced confidence in their own abilities. Give me a sparky comp kid any day of the week.

If you have the money you should send. To private school for prep and secondary IMO. It’s a no-brainer for me. But DH and I were educated privately all the way through and our children will be

This has been asked so many times before.

Broadly speaking, on a wide level looking at millions of children, typically the privately educated do better than the state educated. However, many many state educated children do better than many privately educated children.

Yes, you can only choose the value and costs for yourself. You need to compare the private school YOUR child would attend with the state school THEY would attend and see how different those particular 2 schools are.

You have to decide what the ‘cost’ of the benefit is. This depends on how much the fees will mean in terms of life sacrifices for you firstly. If the fees are a drop in the o Dan and very affordable with no imaoct, the ‘cost’ is low to you. This makes it more ‘affordable’. If however the fees mean you can’t have holidays, or you worry about your boiler breaking down, the ‘cost’ is much higher for you. If you’re in the latter group and the orivate school is only slightly better than the state school available to your child, then the cost of choosing orivate becomes astronomical, in terms of the cost to you and the very limited gain.

If you are loaded and the state school where you live is truly dire and the independent is the best intbhe country, then the ‘value’ is high. Firstly it is very affordable, but also the ‘gain’ of private compared to state in this case is huge.

Most people don’t know the answers to these questions fully. They often can’t judge actually how much better the private school might be. They struggle to find ways to measure it accurately. Many don’t actually know many facts about the local options at all, but instead work in a prejudiced about state schools or private schools that might not be borne out in their locality. They also struggle to think fully about the longer term implications of fees….how rapidly they actually rise, ir the jump at secondary level, ir forget about factoring in impact on pension payments, retirement etc too.

For most people, private education is a luxury good and it’s not affordable and even if it can be stretched to isn’t good value. That’s because their income isn’t sufficiently high to make the fees unnoticeable, and also because many orivate schools are not substantially better than their local state schools. They might be better, but the small amount if gain is extortionately expensive in terms of the cost and true impact on most families, apart from those who are terrifically wealthy.

It depends on school. All you can do is see if what the private is offering is worth it to you. If it’s only for 3 years with a view to grammar then you need to ensure it preps for grammar.
My DD went to a private primary. She’s now in state grammar. For us it was worth it and set her up well.
Pros were small class size 15, traditional with emphasis on basics so a strong foundation, prep for 11 plus in school day - they did VR from year 3 I think. It set her up for good study habits - structured homework, formal exams. Lots of extras like compulsory instrument. Emphasis and opportunities for public speaking they did ESB, poetry vanguard. She speaks extremely well with confidence - that’s probably most noticeable difference. They had a language teacher. Very working parent friendly - longer school day, didn’t shut for snow etc.
But fees were low as in north (they are £7000 a year at todays rate - a year not a term) so for us we felt well worth it. DD is Year 11 and often talks fondly about primary and how it set her up. Most children went to grammar or comprehensive, only a few stayed private at 11. It was a nice experience for parents and children.

Depends on the schools on offer.
My DC got places at a good State Primary so they went there followed by Private from Y7 onwards. We are very happy with our decision because
The State secondary on offer is awful
The dc have a wider range of friends
They were much more streetwise than most of their peers in Y7
They were generally more understanding of differences in income etc - didn’t assume everyone could afford things

The other thing though is that their school is very very close to use which made the decision even easier as they have no long commute to school and have local friends

For primary unless your local state school is completely dire I don’t think private is worth it. One major factor (and done thing I wish we had known at the time) is that private school, because it has no geographical catchment, means friends (and therefore play dates, parties etc) are from a v wide area and rarely local. That means a lot of driving etc and no local friends to hang about with as they get older. We also found joining local groups like brownies difficult as most other girls went to school together and the private school children were called “posh” and found it difficult to integrate.

Educationally senior school does make a difference with smaller classes and more opportunities for sports, trips, music, drama etc

If your child is bright and motivated, send them to your local school and support your local school. Being privately educated means kids grow up thinking everyone is as well off as them. Can you tell I think it's an extremely unfair system?

Our reasons: small class sizes, homework set and marked, nurturing atmosphere, strong focus on reading and STEM, no SATS and lots of opportunity for music/drama/public speaking.

Also, there is a woeful lack of choice locally. There are two faith schools and a huge academy. I don't like any of them. We actively dislike religion and we don't want our children exposed to strong RC/CofE beliefs. The huge school is a five form entry and I have spoken to.people who work there. They don't choose to send their own children.

@Mojoj I think that’s quite a sweeping comment about privately educated kids. They are not stupid, they largely realise quite how privileged they are. Most parents remind them of that regularly !!

Don't send your kid private thinking if you put him through primary he'll be clever enough to get into Grammar school. If they aren't Grammar school material, private primary isn't going to make them so.

I was privately educated from the age of 10. Much smaller class sizes, teachers who were genuinely invested and interested in each and every pupil. It gave me a lot of self assurance and self confidence from a young age.

Interestingly both our DDs attended an all girls' grammar school which was essentially an Exam Factory. Both our girls were taught how to ace exams, but neither of them is anywhere near as self assured as I was at their age.

No all private schools are great OP but if you do your research and you find a fantastic one its a brilliant foundation for secondary learning so that when they do reach secondary school they can flourish rather than having to go back and learn simple stuff like times tables, spelling, comprehension ect. Also look at the stats for how many children leave school not being able to read and write properly - there are just too many kids in state school classes

Our prep is worth every single penny.

[quote VanCleefArpels]@Mojoj I think that’s quite a sweeping comment about privately educated kids. They are not stupid, they largely realise quite how privileged they are. Most parents remind them of that regularly !![/quote]
Here here!

We moved my son to private school in year 6. I don't think it would of been worth it in earlier years (dependant on what your current school is like) but we thought it was worth it from year 6. His original primary was very focused on the SAT'S and that's all they concentrated on all year. They didn't do SATS at his private school which just freed up so much time for learning more interesting things, going on school trips etc.

Btw I mean this kindly, and not with a bitchy tone but it was very obvious at private school which children had been to a state school previously. I think the early years are v important and I think there is a huge different even at the pre-prep level. Class sizes, video updates for parents of progress every 6 weeks, curriculum evenings for 4 year olds, spelling, one on one focus for each child, reading and writing, music and sports opportunities amongst other things. It’s a completely different system snd I think people get a huge chip on their shoulder and make sweeping statements about how there’s no difference etc but there is and it’s obvious from statistics. There are exceptional state schools and there are also appalling private schools but I just mean in general/on average here.

OP I think your too late tbh, if its a decent prep or Indi they will already be about a year behind.

A strong foundation level of education is absolutely needed to flourish in secondary schools - which many state primaries just can not give to being over subscribed/underfunded

I was talking with a friend about this. He was thinking of putting his kids into private school and worked out it would cost £150-£200k. That’s based on not boarding but including all the costs for uniform, music lessons, school trips etc. He was asking whether that was the best way to spend the money or whether saving that amount and giving to the child at an appropriate point in the future (deposit for house, funding to set up a business etc) would be if more use to them.

I know people who have gone to private school and it has given them a great start in life so they went on to achieve more than they would have done with state school options that were available to them. But I also know people where they would have come out in a similar place from state school and the equivalent investment in them as an adult would have been far more valuable.

Only you can tell how well your child will fare in the state school near you.

@notsureconfused

We moved my son to private school in year 6. I don't think it would of been worth it in earlier years (dependant on what your current school is like) but we thought it was worth it from year 6. His original primary was very focused on the SAT'S and that's all they concentrated on all year. They didn't do SATS at his private school which just freed up so much time for learning more interesting things, going on school trips etc.

Tbh you probably missed the hard work in year 5. In private schools the Childs leaving destination is already decided at this point - especially in prep.