Private schools worth it?

[Anon2136]

I’m really torn on whether to put my DD in private school. She’s in year 2 and the private’s near us start from year 3. We can afford it, We’re not super rich but both working and in good enough jobs although we will have to cut back on some things but money wise yes it’s doable. Also I will have to keep working I enjoy working but sometimes I wish I could cut my hours and be at home more. I’m really torn on what to do. Im going around in circles I keep convincing myself that her primary is good enough but then something happens then I think private might be worth it. I’m not sure what to compare it with but for example she very rarely has her homework marked by teacher and it’s frustrating as we spend all weekend doing the homework.

Please be kind and obviously give me differing views but no attacking. I actually asked same question couple of years back but got attacked by people being really nasty and done comments were awful that in end I just didn’t read anymore. I’m hoping this time I can get some useful advice. Any cons to private you can think of please tell me.

Thanks in advance for any useful advice I get.

I would take a private pre prep and prep over almost every outstanding primary. So many outstanding primaries are factories for SATs with big classes and are at the utter whim of the government.

All the best op

Choose the school that’s right for your daughter. My eldest struggled in primary and we moved her to a small independent school it wasn’t about result and was gentle for her. Many of her friends went on to private secondary or grammar schools, a few went to state (as did she). The switch from private to state secondary was fine - again we choose a school that was right for her. My younger daughter stayed at state school throughout and she is very bright (not to compare her to her sister they different children) and so far isn’t lost in the system and I have no regrets about not sending her to private.
For me it’s about finding the right school, my eldest could have gone to grammar but she would have been somewhere at the bottom of the class and that would have affected her confidence. It’s about finding what works for her - as an average student she sat somewhere in the middle /top sets and coped well.
Look at the bigger picture and go visit the schools.

I spent the weekend with some old uni friends of my hisband's and their wives. Four couples. We were the only ones not to have paid private. And the only ones in a financial position to retire. Our children also did the best academically (lower than average comp not mythical leafy comp or grammar). So in a sense no, not worth it. But I think the children of one of the couples gained something g else - a confident sense of entitlement which my you g adult children don't have and perhaps (or perhaps not) would have gained from private. Who knows? My point is that I can only speak personally and on the basis of results - in our case it would not have been worth it.

Knowing exactly what location your in op. I would say that while there are a number of private schools in the area they vary grately.
I know of people happy at the mentioned grammar but it does attract quite a specific section of society which might be something to consider if you haven't already looked into it closely.

We did private for our eldest until year 4, then moved somewhere with good state schools. Youngest has only done state.

For primary, I wouldn’t bother with private unless you have a specific need. My eldest needed small classes where the teachers could help with her emotional responses. The youngest is totally different.

Academically, we have found little difference up to year 4 provided that the teachers differentiate. The problem comes when you get a high proportion of the class who are less engaged or didn’t learn the skills needed for reading/maths. That creates a drag on progress since the teacher is spending a lot of time trying to push those children up towards literacy/numeracy. Teachers only have so much time.

From year 4 we supplement with outschool and other home based opportunities. In school DD has been told (by us) to focus more on improving in the areas she finds hard (art, sports).

A bonus to no longer paying for school is that I am a better mother. I’m not as stressed and don’t feel so much like I’m on an endless hamster wheel of needing to work harder just to keep up with costs. The children see me more and benefit from that.

For secondary, we I tend to use the good state school nearby. However, we are aware that a shift to a private may be necessary if the state school does not turn out as advertised. But that will be more affordable here anyway (fees are lower for even the more academic schools).

Your primary education is much much more important than parents generally believe. I say this as a secondary teacher. I once worked at a very large comp that had several feeder primaries and you could pretty much pick out the incoming year 7 who had been to one of them, in particular. They were all very well mannered, and VERY enthusiastic about learning. The school was renowned for instilling a curiosity and love of learning. These children outperformed others throughout their secondary years. Primary is VERY important.

That does not mean that a private primary is necessarily better than a state one. But, if you do find a private one that ticks all the boxes, the money will be worth it.

I am always surprised by the number of posters that feel only private secondary is worth it and primary is a waste of money. My opinion is the total opposite for reason a few posters here have mentioned.

Primary are the most significant years for a child; they are so heavily influenced by school and their peers. A good school will not only work on socialising but instil a good work ethic and responsibility into them at this stage. A selective prep not only has children all of similar ability but also benefits from small class sizes, specialist teachers and facilities. Children are encouraged to speak in front of the class and school from Reception. Disruption is addressed immediately and resources are adequate for this so teaching time is not lost. Add the value of this daily from 4 years old until 11 and it goes much further than a state school with tutoring and after school activities ever will.

We have chosen a private selective prep because DD was really eager to learn at nursery. After viewing our state options, I did not feel the able children were stretched much, there was not much in terms of specialist teaching and I did not want for her to be in school for 6 hours each day and then have to do the actual work and activities in the evenings when a prep covers it all in the school day. Good wraparound care means I can work longer hours if I choose.

I think what you learn at home is a million times more important than what you learn in primary.

DH teaches in a private (well actually it's a very old, public) school. Our children got free places there and we turned them down to attend the very lovely but average local High school. They were so happy there. We just didn't want the pressure of private school and they wanted to have local friends.
No regrets at all, they are doing their dream careers and wouldn't have chosen different ones had they attended private school.

I guess it works for some and not for others.

Kollamoo, it’s easy to say that you’d always choose a Prep, if first of all the fees are totally irrelevant to you and so even if there is only a small gain, or avoiding of an exam factory, the gain or avoidance isn’t costing you anything in the way of lifestyle.

It’s also easy to say this if the PQreps are good near you. Actually, lots of Preps are closing down. There are huge numbers of tiny ones which struggle for numbers and have had a lack of investment for many years and poor teaching. Some people are still paying for them, but often they are worse than the state schools round the corner from them.

It really is never that private is always better. So many people on this thread seem to suggest ANY private would be better, just by nature. Some wouldn’t even consider a state school…..but they have zero idea of what they are like now or what the private schools are like or what ‘better’ might be in specific terms or for their child. They’ve just decided anything that is state based can’t be good.

I think there are often good reasons to choose a private school. Sometimes a child might struggle in a state school class of 30 or has some extra needs which might (or not) be met better in a smaller class. Sometimes the local Indepependent is one of the few top flying schools in the country and it’s the right environment for a particularly bright or certain type of child. Sometimes the local state school genuinely is very poor. But very often too, the independent is mediocre and that’s then a very expensive £25k…..unless you have loads of cash and won’t miss a penny of it and it’s not really about choosing for the same of education but other concerns that are somehow important and drive you towards private at all costs.

@Flubbah

The benefit of private school is it’s a self selecting sample. All the kids have parents who work and earn enough to pay fees. It automatically rules out kids from bad families, uneducated, on benefits, problems like drugs and alcohol, crime, etc. As a minimum your child’s friends are guaranteed to be middle class.

You what? Do you really think there are no drugs in private schools? Or mental health problems? Or parents who do dodgy deals? Conversely do you really think it's good for a child only to mix with naice MC children? Your assertions are unpleasant, and you may be in for a nasty shock one day

I think you also need to consider how much the fees increase as the child gets older, year 3 fees were significantly less than year 13 fees ime. Also are there/could there be siblings to pay for too?

@Flubbah

The benefit of private school is it’s a self selecting sample. All the kids have parents who work and earn enough to pay fees. It automatically rules out kids from bad families, uneducated, on benefits, problems like drugs and alcohol, crime, etc. As a minimum your child’s friends are guaranteed to be middle class.

I went to a private school and can confirm this is a load of nonsense. We all knew of other private school children involved in drugs and crime, there were children there on bursaries from working class families too.

Generally the parents are invested in the child's education and there is zero tolerance for class disruption which has significant benefits but you cannot buy your way out of your child falling in with the wrong crowd and you are very naive if you ever thought you could.

Just to say the children involved in drugs were not those who were working class families on bursaries. Both were supposed to be a separate point!

@WombatChocolate

Kollamoo, it’s easy to say that you’d always choose a Prep, if first of all the fees are totally irrelevant to you and so even if there is only a small gain, or avoiding of an exam factory, the gain or avoidance isn’t costing you anything in the way of lifestyle.

It’s also easy to say this if the PQreps are good near you. Actually, lots of Preps are closing down. There are huge numbers of tiny ones which struggle for numbers and have had a lack of investment for many years and poor teaching. Some people are still paying for them, but often they are worse than the state schools round the corner from them.

It really is never that private is always better. So many people on this thread seem to suggest ANY private would be better, just by nature. Some wouldn’t even consider a state school…..but they have zero idea of what they are like now or what the private schools are like or what ‘better’ might be in specific terms or for their child. They’ve just decided anything that is state based can’t be good.

I think there are often good reasons to choose a private school. Sometimes a child might struggle in a state school class of 30 or has some extra needs which might (or not) be met better in a smaller class. Sometimes the local Indepependent is one of the few top flying schools in the country and it’s the right environment for a particularly bright or certain type of child. Sometimes the local state school genuinely is very poor. But very often too, the independent is mediocre and that’s then a very expensive £25k…..unless you have loads of cash and won’t miss a penny of it and it’s not really about choosing for the same of education but other concerns that are somehow important and drive you towards private at all costs.

Yes I was definitely going from the angle of if it is affordable.

The exam factory is reason enough for my stance. I’m not sure I agree that ‘very often’ independent is mediocre though - parents would soon be onto the school if that was the case.

If money no object, my preference would be:

1. Pre/prep independent suited to the child.
2. Home ed
3. state school

Hi OP,

I moved from a very expensive private primary school to a state primary school at the age of 8 and it honestly saved me, as I was being very badly taught and was just going down the drain at the expensive school.

However, I think that was just those two individual schools and there is no way that you could really generalise.

I mean there are great private and great state schools, just as there are bad schools in both sectors too. All you can do is visit and judge as well as you can.

A relative of mine spent years doing catch-up lessons for kids who were struggling in maths at secondary and she said it was uncanny how she always got the kids who were in the maths class of the not-so-good teacher at the private secondary school, but none of the kids who were lucky to get the good teacher at the state secondary. She said that all you can do is look at the individual schools and look at how the kids are doing, both academically an emotionally.

In my local area, the the thing I've noticed is that families where both parents have very intense jobs tend to use private schools, and those where the mum doesn't work or works part-time often use state schools. Not exclusively though in either direction. My friends who use private schools have frustrations, just as the state school parents do.

Sorry that it's hard to decide. I'm a parent of a secondary kid too and it's so hard to look on if they're having a hard time, and not to know what to do.

I suppose it depend s on the child...my cousins are druggie due to being at private school and access to drugs. My dsis and I went to a normal school and done very well as have our friends at the school. I don't think you can compare... You choose what's right for your child

I have worked in schools and have lots of friends teaching in different schools. One of the main differences re public v private is class size. In a private school, there were 12 kids in a class, most if not all, had private tutors on top so the kids understand very quickly what is being taught to them and you can get through the lesson much quicker. There is less admin for a smaller class (planning, marking, reports etc) so the teaching staff could do it all properly.

In a state school there were 30 kids in the class, 14 of whom had SEN. Most of the lessons were spent on crowd control so it was impossible to get through the material at the same pace at all. The admin side was insane so most teachers would cut corners here and there. This is more to do with class size than teaching ability, so perhaps you could look at some nearby village schools and see if there is one with smaller class sizes.

The other main difference of course is resources. It is much easier to have the latest tools and tech and resources and extracurricular provision when the school has £££.

One con of private primary is that there is a big emphasis on entry exams for secondary schools. Secondary schools tend to be selective, whereas primary are not. Lots of parents can get obsessed with their child getting into a particular secondary school, but some kids (however much money you throw at them) aren't academically bright and will not get in. The kids feel the pressure. The teachers are also under pressure to make sure the kids pass entrance exams so there are a LOT of practice papers and teaching to pass exams whereas in state schools, it can be a bit more child-led.

You learn more at school than just your lessons though, you are also learning how to navigate socially, and in private schools, you may not have the same exposure to social diversity. Ultimately, I know plenty of privately educated people in very normal office jobs and plenty of state educated people you are high flying in their career.

Maybe look at village schools and explore private music/language lessons if you want to supplement her education.

I knew a few parents who removed their kids from private pre-prep to the best performing local state primary three hundred yards away to save money when they were seven, but almost all returned to private. Why? Class sizes, no languages taught, no organised sport or music, and a generally low level of expectation and aspiration. They returned to be taught more faster and then usually sat the 11+ and ended up at the local grammar schools.

As my local vicar (formerly a primary school teacher) said, "Ah yes, where they are still taught to read fluently and do maths, rather than discovering it".

DC1 has thrived after we moved from state Reception to private year 1. I found a school with a lovely school ethos and the facilities are great too. The teachers (there are 3 qualified teachers and 4 TAs for 38 children across the year group) are fantastic and the curriculum is broad and what I'd have expected for year 7+ (e.g. learning 2 languages, English and maths are taught in sets, science lessons are in a lab, specialists teach dance and art etc).

However, I wouldn't have chosen to make the move if it was at the expense of something else that benefitted the family more broadly. I don't just mean holidays, but general life experiences (like plays, books, trips, tutors, hobbies), as those things enrich life even more than schooling.

Only you can decide how much of a stretch it would be.

Just be aware of fee hikes (higher than inflation and needed to counter some initiatives like the higher employer NI that's around the corner). Also, uniform lists are extensive. I think year 1 cost £700 in uniform and sports kits. Also, the school holidays are 18 weeks versus 13 weeks, so you need to factor in the cost of childcare that you can't cover with your annual leave.

Very poor state school till 6 and then put in private.
Private primary was OK - better atmosphere and holistically superb. Lot going on in the family and with eldest at the time. Do I think it was the right school - no but it was better than where he was. Not a high flyer in the private school and labelled earlier on - which I disliked. But a happy child compared to where we were.

Now in private secondary and omg the right place, right decision, happy child who is currently predicted 8/9 for GCSE, which no one would have thought possible. This school gets my child, brings out the best and has all the other stuff which is giving him the motivation to finally succeed. It is not cheap - but I am happy, we have finally got it right.

It depends so much on the school, and the child

Our local private school has lower exam results than the local state school, same size classes. I think people just go there for the status of private school

And, my boys are at a non selective state school. They have pupils from a variety of backgrounds. I think that's a good thing (although I have previously been shot down here for saying so)

A pp said upthread that private schools do well, but state schools produce more exceptional candidates overall, without mentioning that only 7% of children overall are privately educated. That leaves 93% from whom to select the mega stars, which I hardly need to point out, is the vast majority. But I would put serious money on the megastar performers from the state sector being first or second generation immigrants, rather than white British.

Struggling with this myself. DD goes to a lovely infant school (currently year 1) and we are very happy with it, but I have heard that the middle school (from year 3-6) is not that great.

I'm tempted to put her in private school from year 3 but we have decided that we will only do this if it will make her life (mostly current life) better. We are not particularly near to any decent, co-ed private schools. I refuse to send my daughter to a single sex school and ideally I will not want to put my just turned 7 year old on the school bus at 7:30 each am and then not have her home until 4/5 at the earliest each day. That would not have made me happy as a child and frankly it sounds exhausting for everyone! Very conscious of not putting too much pressure on her.

If we feel we need to then we will go private, but would rather hold off until she's age 10+, unless of course the local middle school is absolutely dire.

The question is not should she go to private its is there a local school which suits her nearby. Unless you think she has developing special needs save your pennies and re think private for high school.