Private schools worth it?

[Anon2136]

I’m really torn on whether to put my DD in private school. She’s in year 2 and the private’s near us start from year 3. We can afford it, We’re not super rich but both working and in good enough jobs although we will have to cut back on some things but money wise yes it’s doable. Also I will have to keep working I enjoy working but sometimes I wish I could cut my hours and be at home more. I’m really torn on what to do. Im going around in circles I keep convincing myself that her primary is good enough but then something happens then I think private might be worth it. I’m not sure what to compare it with but for example she very rarely has her homework marked by teacher and it’s frustrating as we spend all weekend doing the homework.

Please be kind and obviously give me differing views but no attacking. I actually asked same question couple of years back but got attacked by people being really nasty and done comments were awful that in end I just didn’t read anymore. I’m hoping this time I can get some useful advice. Any cons to private you can think of please tell me.

Thanks in advance for any useful advice I get.

Old Cars and canceling holidays I can understand, it’s the going whiteout essentials that are WTF to me! .
There is a huge difference between switching to Lidl for a weekly shop and only being able to afford value beans and spaghetti hoops for dinner.

I agree. If a family can't afford decent food due to school fees, they can't afford the school fees. We were at the unostentatious end of things at the gate because that's who we are. Nobody needed to know that DS's fees were paid up front at 13. I'm not sure of the correlation between appearances and secure finances to be honest.

Honestly not really worth it. I'm saying that as a teacher both in state schools and private. And also as a parent who has had children in the state and then private system
Providing they are likely to be in top sets they will be with well behaved kids and learn well

Providing they are likely to be in top sets they will be with well behaved kids and learn well

And if they’re not?

We’ve used both. Very good state and academic private

I think it’s worked well for each child

Both do well with grades but quite different personalities and one child’s best school (loads of clubs, go go etc) isn’t for the other

They always drive old bangers too. Not something I've witnessed at the school gates of our local non selective private.

Depends what you mean by old bangers but mines a 13 reg vauxhall and DSs best mate is a 14 reg Skoda Citi thingy. My other friend is a 2015 mini. Very few have cars on finance, which is more what I think people mean; my friends husband pays £600 for his Merc, that's more than our fees. They complain they can't afford private school yet pay out for a very expensive car and expensive holidays. Those sorts of people are annoying!

That's fine when they are settled @maddy68. In dd's state secondary they were not settled in Yr7 and only for English and maths in Y8. Meanwhile behaviour in every other subject was atrocious.

DD left at the end of Y8 and many others slipped away too where parents could afford it. There were two or three girls who were cleverer than dd and who stayed. They did not get into Oxbridge. DD did, as did many of those who left for the private sector. Work that one out. Teaching was poor; pastoral was poor. Very sought after school.

In terms of worth, it is also a good idea looking at the cost of moving to the best state school catchment area. Yes, the mortgage will be more but once DCs finish school you will have the house to sell. £20,000 per year buys a lot of extra mortgage. Alternatively buy a bit extra mortgage and look at the cost of providing the extra curricular activities, wrap around care, tuition.

The advantage of not tying into school fees is that if there is a change of circumstances at least DCs wont have to change schools with all the disruption that entails.

@Anon2136

The other thing I am considering is once she’s older we have lots of grammar schools in area so that’s a possibility. I have no idea where to see their data as they don’t publish it.

One negative adjective if grammar I feel is the single sex education. I don’t really want DD to have any issues going to single sex school. Maybe I’m not thinking clearly but I feel single sex education has more cons than pros.

Totally. This might be controversial but I don't see a place for single sex education in 2021, it's an outdated concept. I've seen the argument that girls do better academically at girls schools. This might be true (questionable), but from a social point of view how can it ever be a good/healthy thing? The U.K. has some of the strongest equality legislation in Europe, so how on earth is single sex education still an option?

Interesting. I want single sex education for both of my children. I went to a private single sex secondary and I am very glad I did.

I had no issues moving on to university and.mixed classes/halls.

Totally depends on child/circumstances/what state options are available to you. I have two in a brilliant private which is pretty crippling financially - whilst we’re able to (just!) afford it we make big sacrifices elsewhere in order to be able to. We don’t have anywhere near the type of lifestyle some families at the same school have and sometimes I think how much less stressful our lives would be without the financial pressure. BUT, it’s been worth every penny for our kids IMO. They’re thriving academically, very happy socially and a wealth of extra curricular options available to them.

That’s not to say that it wouldn’t be the same in a state school of course, and of course there are dozens of crappy private schools that aren’t worth the money! I also worry about how their environment is so privileged (and thus foster entitlement etc) but it’s about balance and the school does a lot to try to prevent ‘spoilt rich kid’ attitudes. Unfortunately our local state options (we’re in London) aren’t brilliant. I have a friend that had to pull her kids out of our school and go to nearest state, and she says the thing that strikes her most is the general attitude towards learning from many of the kids. It’s just not seen as ‘cool’ to excel academically, and this attitude seems to filter up even to the brightest kids. That’s one school, and grammar schools are obviously very different, but I wouldn’t be thrilled with that. I think if you can afford private and your local state option isn’t great, go for it.

I’ve got to share my experience OP. We live in an affluent area (just about managed to afford our flat I must add) where we have a choice of 3 outstanding primary and two outstanding secondary schools (full disclosure: I work in education and am a big advocate of state schools. No one in my family or DHs has been to private school, we’ve still done well, etc.). Anyway, I’ve got a DC who is incredibly sensitive- needs handling with kid gloves. He's been okay in the small babies/young toddlers class at the nursery he’s attended from being 3 months old but after moving up to the older class (3-5 year olds), he had a huge personality change. He regressed emotionally, developed strange behaviours suddenly that had me questioning ASD, etc. I contacted the nursery, mentioned my concerns and realised they just weren't interested so we decided to move him to another setting except there were no spaces available anywhere (waiting lists of 18 months+) locally. The only other nursery place that was available where we live was at a private prep school and I can't tell you how grateful we've been for fate steering us in this direction- my child is back again. He's got a spring in his step and is loving what the prep school has got to offer. No more ASD-like behaviours (random vocalisations, spinning around, walking on his tiptoes, refusing to engage with others, wanting to play on his own or having huge tantrums)- he’s happy because he’s getting what he needs emotionally and developmentally from the new school because they’ve got smaller class sizes and generous adult:child ratios where staff are able to focus on individual children. They also follow the Children’s lead so the children get the curriculum geared towards their interests, etc. We will never be able to afford private secondary school fees and this prep school is really going to stretch us financially (we’ve had to cut back loads and even then, we just about break even each month) but if my child goes through school feeling happy, calm and content, then that’s all that matters.

I must add, the local schools are only outstanding where we are because of the intensive routines the children have after school/on weekends with extra tuition, clubs, activities, etc. We’re in an area where the parents are fully clued up when it comes to education so they put the effort in and state schools build on/add to that.

Go with what feels right for you and your child. I’ve had to eat a massive slice of humble pie since my DS started the new nursery because I’d been vehemently opposed to prep/private/grammar schools prior to my child attending one.

@GnomeDePlume

In terms of worth, it is also a good idea looking at the cost of moving to the best state school catchment area. Yes, the mortgage will be more but once DCs finish school you will have the house to sell. £20,000 per year buys a lot of extra mortgage. Alternatively buy a bit extra mortgage and look at the cost of providing the extra curricular activities, wrap around care, tuition.

The advantage of not tying into school fees is that if there is a change of circumstances at least DCs wont have to change schools with all the disruption that entails.

I looked into moving into an equivalent house as ours to guarantee a place at a so called good State Secondary Firstly school fees are cheaper, secondly we love our house and area an thirdly the school actually isn’t that great after all

@Anon2136

The other thing I am considering is once she’s older we have lots of grammar schools in area so that’s a possibility. I have no idea where to see their data as they don’t publish it.

One negative adjective if grammar I feel is the single sex education. I don’t really want DD to have any issues going to single sex school. Maybe I’m not thinking clearly but I feel single sex education has more cons than pros.

I think there are far more cons than pros to co-ed personally.. Particularly in the age of #everyoneisinvited.

I went to single sex schools until sixth form and I always knew loads of boys if that’s what you’re worried about.

@Hoppinggreen that's fine, you looked and decided the option wasnt for you. Doesnt mean it isnt worth thinking about especially if there are multiple children to consider.

[quote GnomeDePlume]@Hoppinggreen that's fine, you looked and decided the option wasnt for you. Doesnt mean it isnt worth thinking about especially if there are multiple children to consider.[/quote]
Complete agree but it was still cheaper and easier for us to send 2dc Private for Secondary than to try age find one of these Excellent State schools people talk about.
I suppose being in Yorkshire where fees are £10k per year rather than per term helps too!!

Op not all dc love their schools no, so if dc are saying that, then that's good.

Much comes from atmosphere, and the tone the head sets as pp says that can change unfortunately. However it's about so much more I think it's about atmosphere, cosy, nurturing, bullying etc.

Location is really important , I'm at a private school but live in a less desirable area.

Ideally I would prefer to move to a nice area and access the great schools within that area, as in middle class nice areas the state primary schools run like prep schools in terms of aspirations , PTA and extra curricular . You could also then get a tutor for 11 plus , would you consider moving

Hi everyone.

My daughter was in state school until year 3, it was a lovely outstanding school. School was for children 3-18. One day I went to pick my frinds daughters from her school, it was an independent school. When ı went inside the school and when ı watched the kids ı coudnt believe. There were so much difference. Kids was so polite nice and respectful. That day I decided to put my daughter to private school. Its not all about the edaction or grade. Behaviour, personality and facilities has vital role. My daughter is riding horse, learning spanish italalian mandarine, playing chess tennis and swimming really well. Those are all because of the private school. She tried every kind of sport, enstrument, she visited many places with her friends. What I ask more?