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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband won’t take time off for sick child

221 replies

Exhausted111 · 31/10/2021 14:42

AIBU?? Our son has tested positive for covid so needs to isolate for 10 days. Both me and my husband work, him full-time and me part-time (Monday/Tuesday). I’m a teacher so don’t have access to holiday days. My mum who normally does childcare for us is also positive for covid.

My son’s isolation will hit both my work days for this week and next. I think we should both take two days off - one of us this week, one of us next. My husband seems to think I should do it all. My headteacher is very reasonable but understandably likes to see that we’re taking turns in time off for sick children.

My husband is shouting, screaming, calling me all the names under the sun as if this is my doing, and I can’t help but feel he’s being utterly childish and selfish. I believe I’ve brought this on myself because I’ve fallen into the ‘part-time’ trap of working outside the home yet still taking on all the responsibilities as if I were a stay at home mum so now this situation has arisen, he can’t believe he’s being asked to take time off work. I 100% cannot see this from his point if view at all, can anybody help me she’d light on why he this I this is reasonable?!

OP posts:
SoniaFouler · 31/10/2021 14:44

My husband is shouting, screaming, calling me all the names under the sun as if this is my doing

Are you planning on staying with him for much longer?

nurserypolitics · 31/10/2021 14:44

He's a prick. That's all I have.

I think the decisions you need to make medium term are:do you want to go full-time and do you want to separate? Someone shouting and swearing at me but be a huge thing in my relationship. We split lockdown work like a team. He clearly doesn't view you as an equal. Not sure how you get through next two weeks but I'd say time for some serious thinking about the next 20 years.

endofagain · 31/10/2021 14:44

"My husband is shouting, screaming, calling me all the names under the sun as if this is my doing, and I can’t help but feel he’s being utterly childish and selfish".

He is.

missfliss · 31/10/2021 14:45

I think he is wrong on the childcare 100%.

Regardless of that though he is 'shouting and screaming and calling you every name under the sun'

That is unhinged, abusive and definitely NOT ok.

Comedycook · 31/10/2021 14:46

He sounds awful....refusing to take time off is bad enough but screaming and shouting at you over this is horrendous

VampireVicki · 31/10/2021 14:46

He's a dick.

What are you going to do about it?

coconutpie · 31/10/2021 14:46

YANBU.

I think you should consider leaving that abusive prick of a husband though.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 31/10/2021 14:48

Wow!

Are you OK?

His reaction is so off beam it's quite extraordinary!

3luckystars · 31/10/2021 14:48

Does he usually react like that when he has to help out?

SnugKnights · 31/10/2021 14:49

Time to put your foot down, he needs to look after his child at least 2 of those days and I’d tell him if he raises his voice or calls you names again, he’s gone…

ProfessorInkling · 31/10/2021 14:50

Why is he shouting and screaming at you? Is that normal?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 31/10/2021 14:50

He doesn't believe he has any responsibility to be a parent to his child and is outraged at your suggestion that he should take care of his child.

Sceptre86 · 31/10/2021 14:50

Yanbu and of course you know that. There is a bigger issue at hand, one which if you don't return to this post then you want to avoid. That is how you ended up being married to an arse. I work part time, my dh works full time, normally we would take a day off each if one of our children is sick. Since he has been working from home more he will often take both the days I work off so he can take care of the sick child. Or if he has a lighter day, in terms of meetings he will supervise the child. You have set yourself low standards if you are willing to accept his behaviour. You deserve better as do your children who will see their dad shouting and swearing at you. Don't let his behaviour be normalised in your household!

MissBPotter · 31/10/2021 14:50

He won’t even take ONE day off per week? What does he do that makes him so special that covid and isolations have no impact on him? Not sure why you’re getting verbal abuse over this either.

Fadingout · 31/10/2021 14:51

The way your husband has spoken to you is appalling!

Is your husband deep in a project that he can’t be away from work? Is he always quite so vile?

How is your mum? As they’ve both got covid could she still have him?

NuffSaidSam · 31/10/2021 14:51

He is massively unreasonable.

You should look into either counseling or divorce. He sounds like an absolute dick.

Rheia1983 · 31/10/2021 14:52

Your husband not stepping up for your sick child is terrible.

Him screaming at and insulting you is even worse.

Why are you in a relationship with him?

GreekGod · 31/10/2021 14:53

YANBU he is definitely unhinged but (no excuse for his behaviour) why is he shouting and screaming at you ? Is he about to get fired ? Is he worried about losing his job ? There is no excuse for his behaviour but my BIL got fired last week and my SIL and BIL are convinced its due to the fact that BIL had to self-isolate several times this year and management were not happy about it , apparently no-one in the office self-isolated as much as him. He had no problems with them pre-covid

AlexaShutUp · 31/10/2021 14:53

Yes, obviously you should share the childcare.

That isn't the real problem here, though, is it? Your husband is shouting and screaming and calling you names because you have asked him to do something that he doesn't want to do? Does he often react like this? What are you going to do about it?

movpov · 31/10/2021 15:06

I think you have a bigger problem than who's taking time off. Apart from the fact his behaviour is abusive, is your son old enough to be aware of this and why his dad's behaving in this way? I'm sure he feels great knowing he's not worth taking a few days off for.

He's showing you who he really is and that he doesn't respect your job or contribution. Is he abusive and selfish in other ways?

Lysianthus · 31/10/2021 15:13

You could tell him what contact time is, and how it works in practice.
Sorry not helpful, but he is so out of order, and so so wrong. Hope he can get a grip soon.

Longdistance · 31/10/2021 15:19

Your dh thinks he’s special as he works full time and you’re just the menial. What was he like during lockdown? Do you really want to stay with someone like that?

NothingSafe · 31/10/2021 15:24

My husband is shouting, screaming, calling me all the names under the sun as if this is my doing

Your husband is verbally abusing you because he's expected to do bare-minimum parenting.

ChewChewPanda · 31/10/2021 15:28

I think you are being very fair to offer to cover half when in practice this means you taking off 50% of your working days in the time and he would only be taking 20% of his and he (presumably) has holiday days which also make it easier. You are also covering the days you’d not be working. He is a complete arse not to see this and yelling and screaming magnifies that about 100%.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 31/10/2021 15:28

He’s be out the door if he had spoken to me like that, why does he believe that it’s solely your responsibility to look after your sick children, he’s a man child and an abusive prick to boot!