MIL and Dog

[LadyGAgain]

Firstly have to say that I have a very lovely MIL. We have a great relationship and I don't ever want to upset her.

Before covid she got a puppy. She's worked very hard to train him. He is a big dog (similar to a large labradoodle). He is very lovely natured. Loves the kids. Soppy.

We work hard and have worked hard to have a nice home. New sofas were delivered recently. The children have their toys of course to play with. We have a cat. This is (IMO) important.

Now my AIBU and to ask for advice. Christmas is approaching. On one of the celebratory days we will host the wider family here and I don't want her to bring the dog. My reasons for this are 3 fold. 1. We have a cat and she has never been around a dog.

1. He jumps on sofas and will need to go out for the toilet and I don't want muddy dog on our floors/sofa.
2. He still picks up things in his mouth and I don't want kids toys and our shoes in his mouth.

AIBU? How do I get over this and if I can't get over it, how can I gently explain this to MIL as I don't want to upset her. This dog is her life. Please help me. Thank you.

Your DH should do it for a start. Has she got anyone else she could go to who would host the dog? Could you go round hers?

And you're right. The cat is important.

The cat is your saviour. Just say sorry it will be too upsetting for the cat.
However I think you need to be aware this will be really inconvenient for her and create a real practical problem. It's not likely she will be able to sort out dog care at that time of year.
And who is the main benefactor.... It's your precious sofas.
How much damage can a good natured dog actually do on one day visiting...

Blame the cat.
However, she will probably struggle to find anyone to have the dog so you will have to accept she might not be able to come

This is one of the myriad of things people should consider when getting a dog. She needs to accept that some things are difficult as a dog owner, life changes. This is an occasion that she needs to accept I’m afraid as you have every right to say no.

Yeah blame the cat. That’s more than fair enough.

If she lives close by then she can leave the dog for a few hours.

I’d get DH to be very clear Dog does not have an invite and will not be receiving an invite as you are a dog free household.

Has it never been to yours before?

Would it be possible to keep the dog in only certain areas of your house so he can’t jump on the furniture? At the end of the day, you’re not unreasonable to say you don’t want the dog there, but your MIL then probably won’t be able to come.

@Hothammock

The cat is your saviour. Just say sorry it will be too upsetting for the cat. However I think you need to be aware this will be really inconvenient for her and create a real practical problem. It's not likely she will be able to sort out dog care at that time of year. And who is the main benefactor.... It's your precious sofas. How much damage can a good natured dog actually do on one day visiting...

How much damage can a good natured dog actually do on one day visiting...

There speaks someone who has never had a "playful" young labrador.

I think it’s fine to say the dog can’t come....can you visit her in the morning so she can she her GC .....That way she will have had some company on Christmas Day....because if she’s anything like us she won’t leave the dog on his own

I think you'll find kennels are still working over Christmas

... and yes, blame the cat

Do you host as in overnight guests or will be more coming for lunch and the rest of the afternoon?

Do you have a secure garden that can be accessed from the main area of the house? If so I'd let the dog be outside. Alternatively, Can you not cover your sofas for the day and instruct the kids not to leave toys on the dog shelf? The cat can go outside or upstairs, surely. Stairgate to separate.

I doubt she will be able to come if she can't bring the dog. It sounds a bit mingy to say you can't bring dog to me.

The cat is the only valid reason to ask, imo.

The going out and coming in with muddy paws can be managed. The mouthing things is your own hang up. Him picking up the kids' shoes is really not an issue.

A stair gate that keeps him out of the room with the new sofas in would be fine.

But Christmas is not the time to introduce a dog to your cat. Hopefully she will understand that.

But you're going to need to work this out oin the long term. You love your MIL and the dog will be part of her life for a long time. Start to ask her how she thinks this can be managed. Presumably you're not going to be asking her to never bring the dog to your house?

Actually if he's walked on the pavement he won't even have muddy paws.

I think you're thinking the worst. Is your mum's house covered in mud? Are her sofas minging? If not, then neither will yours be in the space of a day.

You don’t need multiple reasons. Saying you don’t want it in your house is fine.

But focus on the cat if that’s easiest.

The dog isn’t her life. She has a son, a daughter in law and lovely grandchildren who were in it first.

If they’re not worth it, on Christmas Day, you can’t help her.

Will she want to bring the dog? Knowing you have a cat? If you think she might, ask DH to speak to her about it, you know we love the dog, but no sure how the cat will behave so better you leave dog at home etc. But obviously if this is the case she won’t want to stay more an a couple of hours.

How far away does she live?

Do you have a utility room or porch?

Is the dog fairly calm now or still a big bundle of energy?

But at the end if the day, you have a cat & it's your house, if you say no to the dog coming she'll have to make an alternative arrangement for it, come for a period of time it can stay home alone or not come.

& I love dogs! (But I love cats too! & it's your cats home!!)

Hopefully a lot of these thoughts would have already crossed her mind, but if she lives near you she can leave the dog at home, it baffles me that so many dog owners expect their dogs to go to without a second thought - I saw this as a dog owner for many years 😁.

Have your DH start the conversation of 'Mum, what are you doing with the dog for Christmas?' gets the conversation started and all plans done now so suprises on the day, the cat will be your saving grace in this so blame it all there 😁.

Excuse the appalling typos!

I have a nervous rescue cat. No dog sets foot in our house. DM has, once, stopped by and stayed on the patio with her dog, she wouldn’t dream of bringing the dog in to our cats home.

Get DH to tell her she is welcome for the celebration but the dog needs to stay at home.

Without any of the other concerns, I wouldn't have someone bring a dog into my house when I have a (scaredy) cat.

Do you have a garden at all? Would it be possible for her to bring the dog, and it to have shelter in a garden shed, see the kids and have cuddles? Just thinking having the shed open like an optional kennel, protection from the elements...?

You’re not unreasonable. I love dogs but you get to say who comes in your house. The cat is very important here! Just be prepared that she may say she can’t leave the dog so can’t come or that she’ll only come for a shorter time. Hopefully no drama required.

We have a dog who can’t be left alone for very long so for something like this, if she couldn’t come, then we couldn’t either. I’d absolutely understand though.

It sounds like she would just be coming for the day??? If she lives close by can you incorporate a walk for the dog into the day. Eg she comes to you for present opening and breakfast without the dog then you all take dog for a walk then come back to yours without the dog and have Christmas lunch. Or some variation of this.

And I agree it’s is DHs job to tell her