Page 2 | MIL and Dog

LadyGAgain · 2021-10-30T08:43:16+00:00

Firstly have to say that I have a very lovely MIL. We have a great relationship and I don't ever want to upset her. Before covid she got a puppy. She's worked very hard to train him. He is a big dog (similar to a large labradoodle). He is very lovely natured. Loves the kids. Soppy. We work hard and have worked hard to have a nice home. New sofas were delivered recently. The children have their toys of course to play with. We have a cat. This is (IMO) important. Now my AIBU and to ask for advice. Christmas is approaching. On one of the celebratory days we will host the wider family here and I don't want her to bring the dog. My reasons for this are 3 fold. 1. We have a cat and she has never been around a dog. 2. He jumps on sofas and will need to go out for the toilet and I don't want muddy dog on our floors/sofa. 3. He still picks up things in his mouth and I don't want kids toys and our shoes in his mouth. AIBU? How do I get over this and if I can't get over it, how can I gently explain this to MIL as I don't want to upset her. This dog is her life. Please help me. Thank you.

tinselvestsparklepants · 30/10/2021 10:33

Can you not invite them both over for an afternoon to try it out? May not be as bad as you think and you'll have a much nicer Christmas. Firm rules from the get-go - dog doesn't go on furniture but in its basket. Dog has paws wiped as it comes in / has an older towel to run over. Dog has high value chew which keeps him busy for a long time. Children don't fuss him. I think maybe you're just expecting him to be a nightmare whereas if MIL keeps an eye on him then it should be fine.

Suzi888 · 30/10/2021 10:33

Is it all day or just a few hours? Could she go to yours and leave the dog alone for a few hours? Has she even asked to bring the dog?

Your cat will be an issue and I think it’ll be your get out.
Alternatively your MIL will need to host everyone instead, problem solved!

Suzi888 · 30/10/2021 10:36

I’ve got a lab- I don’t think I’d feel comfortable thrusting him on anyone. Plus he has a high prey drive and would go after a cat and has done (in the garden) doesn’t bite them chases them and sniffs them.

A big dog is A LOT of dog to contend with.

PaddingtonStareBare · 30/10/2021 10:36

@tinselvestsparklepants

Can you not invite them both over for an afternoon to try it out? May not be as bad as you think and you'll have a much nicer Christmas. Firm rules from the get-go - dog doesn't go on furniture but in its basket. Dog has paws wiped as it comes in / has an older towel to run over. Dog has high value chew which keeps him busy for a long time. Children don't fuss him. I think maybe you're just expecting him to be a nightmare whereas if MIL keeps an eye on him then it should be fine.

The idea is nice, but a cat lives there and it's their territory, I wouldn't have a dog in my house if I had a cat, only as I know the revenge for having a dog on the house would be in my shoes the next morning!

lifeinlimbo2020 · 30/10/2021 10:44

@C8H10N4O2 🤣🤣🤣 very true. Mine has stopped this sort of thing now having just turned three.....

lifeinlimbo2020 · 30/10/2021 10:46

If I had a cat, which I used to, it would be obvious that a dog wouldn't be able to come round as it would scare the cat. My best friend has two cats and I would never bring the dog to her house as it's just obvious it's a bad idea. If she's in walking distance from you or doesn't drink she can always go back and take the dog for a nice walk half way through the day.

Chocolatewheatos · 30/10/2021 10:49

That's a pretty standard request surely she'll at least ask and you can just say "oh no, DDog wouldn't be able to come, we have the cat remember?"

Beautiful3 · 30/10/2021 10:52

I would never have allowed a dog in the house with the cat. That reason is enough to say the dog can't stay, because of the cat. But it does mean that she may only come for a few hours, as she'll need to get back to let her dog out. If she lives quite far, then she may not come because of this. So be prepared. Also best if your husband talks to her about this.

FictionalCharacter · 30/10/2021 10:59

I'm gobsmacked that anyone would expect to bring their dog if they're invited to someone's house. Is this a thing now?! I'd never assume that if I was invited to someone's home for dinner or for the day, my dog was invited too. That just seems really weird.
Since we adopted our elderly rescue we've been restricted in when and for how long we can go out, but that's part of dog ownership.
Does she have a neighbour who could pop in once or twice to let him out and feed him? Or one of their kids? Teenagers like to earn money, even at Christmas!

samesign · 30/10/2021 11:06

I think you might be over worrying, the cat will just move away and hide from the dog, you can make sure the dog doesn't jump on furniture and hopefully if she's a good owner she wouldn't let it do that in someone else's house, she maybe more relaxed about it in her own home, just a thought.

MsSquiz · 30/10/2021 11:12

We have 2 cats and all of the in laws have dogs. They know they can't bring their dogs to our house without it even needing to be said.

I would get DH to just say "so obviously the dog won't be coming on Boxing Day to ours. It wouldn't be fair on the cat and obviously things will be very busy. I'm sure you understand" and leave it at that.
If she then chooses not to come, it's her decision

TheGirlCat · 30/10/2021 11:15

How far away does she live? Because if it's only a day visit surely the dog will be ok at home during the day. Does she work? If so what does she do when she's at work? Or out at the movies or something?

Pumpkinsondisplay · 30/10/2021 11:16

Keep some blame for mince pies and chocolate coins..
And toys with small parts.
.
Never see our dcats at Xmas tbh!! Far too many comings and goings...

RedCarsGoFaster · 30/10/2021 11:19

Why not just keep the dog out of living room - baby gates are good - and keep all toys in there for one day?

Gate on stairs, keep cat away from him etc.

If he's never seen a cat, be might be absolutely fine - but I get why you don't want to risk it. We have two dogs and a house cat, so had to deal with this for them to live together, plus we have friends with dogs that aren't cat friendly - we just put a stair gate up.

Ask around for gates. I appreciate you might not want to go to all this effortlessly to host her though, but it would make the day easier all round. No decent dog owner leaves their dog for more than about 4hrs, so it would restrict your day with MIL.

billy1966 · 30/10/2021 11:20

YANBU.

Leave it to your husband to sort out.

His mother.

rookiemere · 30/10/2021 11:20

Is her dog crate trained ? Is there not some compromise whereby she can bring the dog if it's kept in the kitchen or garden in its crate ?
How far away is she - if it's less than an hour she should be able to leave a two year old dog for a few hours on its own, if it's used to it.

ThinWomansBrain · 30/10/2021 11:21

I take my cat about with me lots - but if people don't want to host her, that's fine.
I probably visit less, or day visits only, but not offended.
cats are more sufficient at being left at home on their own though.

NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 30/10/2021 11:22

"The cat is the only valid reason to ask, imo.

The going out and coming in with muddy paws can be managed. The mouthing things is your own hang up. Him picking up the kids' shoes is really not an issue."

Speak for yourself. I don't want a bloody dog slobbering all over my house and things. She'll have to stay home or put him in kennels but her son should be dealing with it.

ThinWomansBrain · 30/10/2021 11:22

& my cat would be upset by having a dog in the flat, even if kept separate - it's her home.

LaetitiaASD · 30/10/2021 11:22

@Hothammock

The cat is your saviour. Just say sorry it will be too upsetting for the cat. However I think you need to be aware this will be really inconvenient for her and create a real practical problem. It's not likely she will be able to sort out dog care at that time of year. And who is the main benefactor.... It's your precious sofas. How much damage can a good natured dog actually do on one day visiting...

Large amounts to the mental health of the cat owners within 5 seconds of walking through the door would be my guess.

IslaPineappple · 30/10/2021 11:23

The cat said no, sorry

CoolOven · 30/10/2021 11:24

I think you might be over worrying, the cat will just move away and hide from the dog
I think that's an over simplification. The cat's territory is invaded. It will be caused unnecessary stress. And maybe pee and poo everywhere. It's very unfair to a cat, to introduce a bouncy dog into it's safe space.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 30/10/2021 11:24

I agree with other people who find it baffling that dog owners seem to think its ok to take their pets anywhere.

My cousin has a dig and we rarely see her except for a few hours near her house as she can't leave it too long. Yet she wouldn't expect the fog t be allowed into my cat filled household.

Just explain that Dcat won't take kindly to a dog in their space and preemptively thank her for understanding.

TheGirlCat · 30/10/2021 11:28

@RedCarsGoFaster

Why not just keep the dog out of living room - baby gates are good - and keep all toys in there for one day?

Gate on stairs, keep cat away from him etc.

If he's never seen a cat, be might be absolutely fine - but I get why you don't want to risk it. We have two dogs and a house cat, so had to deal with this for them to live together, plus we have friends with dogs that aren't cat friendly - we just put a stair gate up.

Ask around for gates. I appreciate you might not want to go to all this effortlessly to host her though, but it would make the day easier all round. No decent dog owner leaves their dog for more than about 4hrs, so it would restrict your day with MIL.

No decent dog owner leaves their dog for more than about 4hrs

Seriously? So no dog owner actually works and has a job to go to? Even 9-5? A dog can be left all day and should be if there is a back yard and it has a dog kennel. If what you're saying is true, no working family would own a dog. People seem to baby dogs far too much these days. Where I am dogs live outside (usually fenced properties here) and have their water bowls and food bowls and yard/garden to run around in/do it's business. I don't know why the UK seems to be so different from every other country that they can't leave a dog animal for more than 4 hours.

TheGirlCat · 30/10/2021 11:30

@FictionalCharacter

I'm gobsmacked that anyone would expect to bring their dog if they're invited to someone's house. Is this a thing now?! I'd never assume that if I was invited to someone's home for dinner or for the day, my dog was invited too. That just seems really weird. Since we adopted our elderly rescue we've been restricted in when and for how long we can go out, but that's part of dog ownership. Does she have a neighbour who could pop in once or twice to let him out and feed him? Or one of their kids? Teenagers like to earn money, even at Christmas!

I'm gobsmacked that anyone would expect to bring their dog if they're invited to someone's house. Is this a thing now?! I'd never assume that if I was invited to someone's home for dinner or for the day, my dog was invited too. That just seems really weird.

It does seem to be on this site I've noticed. Very bizarre and odd behaviour. I wouldn't take my cat to someone's for the day, so why would I take my dog. I really don't get it.