MIL and Dog

[LadyGAgain]

Firstly have to say that I have a very lovely MIL. We have a great relationship and I don't ever want to upset her.

Before covid she got a puppy. She's worked very hard to train him. He is a big dog (similar to a large labradoodle). He is very lovely natured. Loves the kids. Soppy.

We work hard and have worked hard to have a nice home. New sofas were delivered recently. The children have their toys of course to play with. We have a cat. This is (IMO) important.

Now my AIBU and to ask for advice. Christmas is approaching. On one of the celebratory days we will host the wider family here and I don't want her to bring the dog. My reasons for this are 3 fold. 1. We have a cat and she has never been around a dog.

1. He jumps on sofas and will need to go out for the toilet and I don't want muddy dog on our floors/sofa.
2. He still picks up things in his mouth and I don't want kids toys and our shoes in his mouth.

AIBU? How do I get over this and if I can't get over it, how can I gently explain this to MIL as I don't want to upset her. This dog is her life. Please help me. Thank you.

I have 3 cats, and in addition my DH is allergic to dogs. So we absolutely can’t have dogs come here. It means that my DSis and her family can’t come and stay with us, as their DDog is very anxious and can’t go into kennels. We have to stay with them instead.

Your MIL knows that you have a cat, so she will understand. But it might well mean that she can’t stay with you for very long, if she has to leave her dog behind. (Depending on how far away you are from her.)

Given latest OP, it's clear MIL is hinting she wants to bring dog into your home that day and into your rescue cat's territory.
She lives 10 mins drive away!

No reason for her to bring DDog along. Easy for her to pop back home to feed & walk him

DGS can see DDog out on walks and at Grandma's house.
Zero reason to upset your cat for.

@FOJN

Your house, your rules. Your MIL can chose how she deals with those rules.

With regard to mess I think you maybe in for a shock with your cat. I currently have a dog but have had a cat in the past and in my experience the cat was much more destructive and messy than the dog. Some (not all) cats will still claw furniture even if there are scratching posts in every room, they shed hair but are less amenable to grooming and cats do not wipe their paws when they come; look forward to small muddy paw prints on your sofa. My dog loves to be brushed, waits to have his paws wiped or washed before he comes inside and knows his seat on the sofa is the one with the blanket on it. He'll even let me know he needs to go out if he's going to vomit, the cat, not so much!

Thankfully cat (been here 4 months) is gentle, doesn't scratch, doesn't jump on kitchen work surfaces and loves the kids more than me. She's a great rescue

Play her at her own game. Tell your dc you have had a long chat with dcat and it has expressed that sadly mil's ddog won't be welcome at your home..

@Pumpkinsonparade

Play her at her own game. Tell your dc you have had a long chat with dcat and it has expressed that sadly mil's ddog won't be welcome at your home..

I'm trying to play nice. We do have a really lovely relationship. I'm going with my earlier plan. I think!!!

We have 2 cats and it would be a cold day in hell that I would allow a dog to darken our doorstep

I’ve got a cat and two dogs, if someone else’s dog came over the cat just makes himself scarce. Not a big deal.

@bozzabollix

I’ve got a cat and two dogs, if someone else’s dog came over the cat just makes himself scarce. Not a big deal.

That's because your cat already lives with two resident dogs!

It's very different reaction from a cat who doesn't live with dogs already, to have dig in their home leaving its dog smell everywhere in cats territory . Behaviourally cats are likely to become anxious and insecure at this and later may go round marking everything (male and females) females )

OP doesn't want MILs dog inside her house anyway, there's no reason for DDog to have to come in OPs house so why take the risk of distressing or unsettling resident cat?

Why is it up to you to explain this to your MIL? Get your DH to do it.

My plan would be to ring her and say that Husband will run her home after lunch to take the dog for a good walk with her. Husband would also be bringing small children on this walk so that I could have an hours peace and eat chocolate.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Why is it up to you to explain this to your MIL? Get your DH to do it.

He thinks I should not worry. Have dog here and it will all be fine. And I guess in my more rational thinking, he is correct!

@Disfordarkchocolate

My plan would be to ring her and say that Husband will run her home after lunch to take the dog for a good walk with her. Husband would also be bringing small children on this walk so that I could have an hours peace and eat chocolate.

I like this plan!!

I absolutely adore my MIL and she also has a very similar, bouncy, friendly, happy and messy breed. I ask that she checks the dog to a kennel for her visits or keeps the dog outside and makes sure to take it for walks so it doesn't go bananas. My other half is very fussy about his sofa and she brings up herself without being prompted that other peoples pets can be an inconvenience. She is more than understanding and accommodating,as it sounds like your MIL.

Give your MIL the benefit of the doubt if you otherwise get on very well. Just chat to her honestly - say you're a bit worried about the cat and (while it's not the end of the world) am a bit mindful of the new sofas- would it be possible that she do XYZ solution instead- don't go overboard keep it chill. Don't let her miss Xmas over this if your relationship is good presume the best :) good luck!