Telling my child to be quiet on holiday

[Ohhappydays123]

Name changed for this as it’s outing. On holiday - all inclusive family resort, nothing too fancy, very popular destination. My DC (4&9) went in the swim up pool around midday but the section by our room was in the shade so they moved round the corner to be in the sun. They were on the side playing with toys. After about 5-10 minutes, some ladies who were on sun loungers near them got up and I saw one say something to DC4 and put her finger to her lips.
They were walking out of the pool area and as they walked past me I said “sorry, are they too loud for you?” She said “yes, I told him. It’s like he has a speaker inside.” I apologised. And then cried.
My DC are loud. I spend half my life asking them to be quiet and reminding them that sometimes we need to be quiet out of respect for other people. I’m a considerate person and try so hard to make my DC behave in the same way. I’m hormonal, the whole holiday experience has been pretty stressful due to Covid and it just pushed me over the edge.
But later on I though that actually, was she right to tell my DC to be quiet? It’s a family resort FFS! It wasn’t very early or very late and they weren’t even being THAT loud. I always make sure I remind them when they are.
I’d never dream of telling a stranger’s children to be quiet in this situation.
AIBU to think she shouldn’t have said anything?

They shouldn’t have booked a family resort if they didn’t want to listen to kids playing. Just ignore her

Ignore her. Don’t book a family resort if you don’t want to be around families!
Don’t apologise.
Don’t be a people pleaser- the woman was rude why should you be feeling bad!

You say yourself they are loud. And you are their mum, so you are probably used to it and perhaps downplaying it a bit.
Yes it is a family friendly resort but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have manners.
Just keep an eye on them - maybe a bit closer as it sounds like they were around the corner from you - and enjoy your holiday! Don’t be upset about it, try not to take it personally.

I think it depends, the swim up pools tend to be quieter in my experience. Were they right outside someone's room? I think if I had a swim up room and someone's kids decided to play outside my room rather than their own it would annoy me slightly. Was there not a kids/family pool they could have played in/next to?

If she says he's like he has a speaker inside, then he's he was too loud.

Everyone wants to enjoy a holiday. If you spend half your time asking your kids to tone it down, you know they are too loud.

The lady asked him to shooosh, he did, that's the end of it. It doesn't appear she was rude or threatening in the absence of a parent (being round the corner is fine, just means you weren't there for the noise!).

Disagree. I think it's perfe try fine and helpful to ask a child to be a bit quieter. Even their mum thinks they are loud. They don't listen when she tells them to tone it down. They must listen to another grown up. It takes a village and all.

Try not to let it ruin your holiday. Maybe avoid playing in the swim up pool and head for a bigger kids pool instead?

@Pancakeorcrepe if anything I’m probably over sensitive to it. I have tinnitus so loud noises are uncomfortable and I feel like I’m constantly asking them not to be so loud.
I think my main problem is taking it personally so I’ll take that on board!

I don't know tbh... Was she rude or aggressive towards him?

I don't think, even at a family resort, it's that bad that they told them to quiet down a bit..? I definitely wouldn't have cried if mine had been told to quiet down, especially since you say you're doing it yourself all the time. Mine are loud too. Sometimes they do need to be reminded that people might be upset by loud noise.

That said, I'd never be mean to a noisy child, so if she was unpleasant then clearly that isn't nice or called for.

Is it a resort with different pools for different experiences? I went to one where the swim up pool, because of its proximity to people’s rooms was quieter (although not silent) and there were a couple of other pools for kids/families with slides, music etc where the noise wouldn’t be an issue

If all she did was fingers on lips as a reminder to be a bit quieter it was fine. She didn't yell at him or was unkind to him from the sounds of it.

@Hellocatshome they were outside her room and I was going to ask them to come back but it was cold in the shade. And they weren’t in their garden, they were on the opposite side of the pool.
I don’t know how these things work, so I just let them play and I was keeping an eye on them.
And actually when we got back from the afternoon activities a bit later, they were on the beds right outside our garden.

YANBU. DD has ADHD and spends her entire life being told to be quiet. By a pool, daytime, family resort, not that loud? I'd have not apologised, I'd have asked why she didn't speak to me. Strangers don't tell my child off unless it's dangerous or I'm not there.

Kids in a pool on holiday are going to make noise.
Unless they were screaming their heads off or splashing water on people outside the pool they were doing nothing wrong. Normally happy child having fun in a pool noise is fine

Your children went near up to other people and started being loud, they weren’t unreasonable to ask them to be quiet. Your reaction is disproportionate though, no one did anything wrong, and your children were fine.

If it was a swim up pool off of the rooms then it was very bad form to let Dc make loads of noise in her bit.
If this was in the main pool then she should expect the noise.

Can I just add that they were not out of sight or far away from me. They’d just moved away from being directly outside our room. There is a kids’ pool but we’ve paid for a swim up room and want to use it!
Nowhere on the information or rules for use does it say about age limits or being quiet. Just says hours for use (which we were within).

I also think that as they'd moved to be by the sun - they were no longer right by your room, so perhaps you weren't in the best place to be hearing how loud they were?

Family friendly resorts obviously come with expectations of noise - however that's not an excuse to let kids being as noisy as they possibly can to the detriment of others.

There's nothing wrong with asking people (and children!) to be quieter in a shared space, especially if it was done politely (no shouting or swearing etc!)

Sounds like she was being nice and not aggressive. If she mentioned he sounds like he has a speaker inside then the noise must be excessive. Outside her room is not on either in fairness.

It’s daytime at a family resort with excited kids on holiday, noise is to be expected.

Nowhere on the information or rules for use does it say about age limits or being quiet. Just says hours for use (which we were within).

There doesn't have to be a written rule for everything. The lady wasn't angry or rude she just requested them to quieten down which they did. I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill tbh.

I think it's fine if she asked him to play more quietly, in a nice way. Not ok if she was stern with him, she should've come to you.

She chose a family resort, children make noise. If you've got a screecher it's polite to try to keep the noise down a bit (although I do sympathise, some kids screech and I'm sure it's very wearing for their parents constantly trying to keep them to a normal child volume).

Use it as a life lesson, you ask them to think of others and not be too loud, they were too loud and the lady called them out on it. Mummy was right, we have to respect others type of conversation. I don’t think a family resort means you can just do what you want with no regard for others, they were being annoying and the lady gently reminded them. Mine always listened to others and would be upset they had been “told off” as they would see it whereas they would merrily ignore me. The lady was perfectly entitled to do what she did. You said yourself they are loud then got upset when someone else thought the same, you have rather over reacted I think.

As with children in gardens, there's reasonable, expected children noise and then there's loud children noise that's not considerate to others. If you're saying your children are loud (and you're used to them), then to most people it's probably unreasonable noise levels.

Just because it's a family resort doesn't mean that unlimited noise is to be expected. They asked your DC to quieten down, your DC weren't near your or your room, maybe it'll do your DC good to start showing consideration to others.

Depends on the precise set up, but I’d say generally with a swim up pool, it’s not ideal to let your kids set up and play directly opposite someone’s room.
A main family swimming pool is different.