Telling my child to be quiet on holiday

[Ohhappydays123]

Name changed for this as it’s outing. On holiday - all inclusive family resort, nothing too fancy, very popular destination. My DC (4&9) went in the swim up pool around midday but the section by our room was in the shade so they moved round the corner to be in the sun. They were on the side playing with toys. After about 5-10 minutes, some ladies who were on sun loungers near them got up and I saw one say something to DC4 and put her finger to her lips.
They were walking out of the pool area and as they walked past me I said “sorry, are they too loud for you?” She said “yes, I told him. It’s like he has a speaker inside.” I apologised. And then cried.
My DC are loud. I spend half my life asking them to be quiet and reminding them that sometimes we need to be quiet out of respect for other people. I’m a considerate person and try so hard to make my DC behave in the same way. I’m hormonal, the whole holiday experience has been pretty stressful due to Covid and it just pushed me over the edge.
But later on I though that actually, was she right to tell my DC to be quiet? It’s a family resort FFS! It wasn’t very early or very late and they weren’t even being THAT loud. I always make sure I remind them when they are.
I’d never dream of telling a stranger’s children to be quiet in this situation.
AIBU to think she shouldn’t have said anything?

@2021namechanger

For those who don’t understand what a swim up pool is…

That's how I pictured it alright. I have never been to one.

@toomuchlaundry

On a separate point should a 4 year old be unsupervised in a pool?

Definitely not.

@milkyaqua

She asked him to turn the volume down. That's not rude.

They were walking out of the pool area and as they walked past me I said “sorry, are they too loud for you?” She said “yes, I told him. It’s like he has a speaker inside.” I apologised.

OP maybe has over thought it. She has been courteous and it does sound like she would have spoken to her DC... the woman was rude

My kids are quite loud, one in particular, and I'm actually quite grateful if other people call them out on it - it helps to show them that I'm not lying/mistaken/old-fashioned when I say that it is rude to others around us.

It is perfectly acceptable to ask other people's children to be a bit quieter if they are just outside your room - family resort or not. It doesn't seem that she was nasty to them at all. How on earth is that rude!?

DCs often ignore parents' pleas, but if a stranger tells them off it often makes more of an impact on them and they might make a bit more effort. Use the experience to ram home the less they need to be bit more considerate sometimes.

*lesson

I would not have accepted this. It's a family resort where kids are allowed to have fun. And be loud. If the moaners had wanted peace, they should have chosen an adults only holiday.

There's adult only resorts... its a hard one to judge as many people go to family resorts and moan about noise level. Look on tripadvisor there's tons

I don't mind families on holiday, especially given I'm on holiday with mine. I do mind excessive noise, families with no consideration for others, and families who think that life is a free for all to be as loud as they like.

The OP's children were outside someone else's room and were being loud. I would imagine the people who told OP's children to be quiet were quite happy knowing there were children on the resort, just didn't want someone else's kids playing loudly outside their room.

I don't know who is in the wrong or who is in the right here. To see a positive side to this, it might be a good thing that the lady spoke with your son. Maybe he will be quieter in thr future? Sometimes children listen to a telling off from strangers more so than when their parents tell them off. Sorry you are upset though OP

Nc fail I think OP.

Post a pic of said pool

@LolaSmiles OP broached the woman first and said sorry! Then the woman went on to describe her child like a speaker.

OP apologised what more do you want? OP obviously felt bad after.

There's adult only resorts... its a hard one to judge as many people go to family resorts and moan about noise level. Look on tripadvisor there's tons

Adults only is much more expensive. Me and DH only did it for our honeymoon as a treat - if we could have afforded to we would have done it every time before we had DCs.

Just because it’s a family resort doesn’t mean holidaymakers aren’t entitled to enjoy their party. Too noisy outside somebody else’s part of a swim up pool is really inconsiderate. I imagine you are desensitised to the noise (I feel I am to my very loud DC) but if they are away from you and closer to other holidaymakers they need to either quieten down or else you need to keep them closer to you and not annoying others.

the woman was rude

I don't think anyone was rude in this instance. A little boy was extra loud, as the OP says he tends to be, and a woman asked him to quieten it down, using a universal symbol. She didn't tell him to shut the fuck up. She was pleasant to the OP, and frank. Water and concrete and surrounding buildings tend to magnify sound. No-one should have to just grin and bear it. The OP apologised, the little boy meant no harm. I see no rudeness anywhere. Feelings are raw, but no harm has occurred to anyone at all. And a small lesson may have been learnt by the little boy.

[quote Alwayswantedasmegf]@LolaSmiles OP broached the woman first and said sorry! Then the woman went on to describe her child like a speaker.

OP apologised what more do you want? OP obviously felt bad after.[/quote]
OP only approached the woman first because she'd seen her put her finger to her lips to the DCs. The woman, presumably knowing that, explained why she'd shushed them. All perfectly reasonable imo.

I think it's unacceptable to let your children use the portion of the pool directly outside someone else's room.

I don't think it's a big deal though. Please don't let it spoil your holiday

@OverTheRubicon

My kids are quite loud, one in particular, and I'm actually quite grateful if other people call them out on it - it helps to show them that I'm not lying/mistaken/old-fashioned when I say that it is rude to others around us.

This!

There is a kids’ pool but we’ve paid for a swim up room and want to use it!

I imagine that’s how the women felt too having paid for a swim up room you don’t expect to have someone else’s kids there playing and being loud. Oh and FYI just because you booked a family friendly hotel it doesn’t mean all the guests have to put up with screaming kids.

I voted YNBU, because I was picturing a normal pool in a resort. I've never heard of a swim up pool. My first thought was that there was a swim up bar in the pool. Now that I understand what it is though, I don't think your kids should have been in someone else's space, but it sounds as though the lady handled it fine. I don't think this is a big deal.

I think you were really unreasonable to let them play by their room and for your 4yo to be out of reach of you in a pool.

It being a family resort doesn’t excuse bad behaviour that’s upsetting or disrespectful to others from other peoples children.

Other guests are entitled to their holiday too.

I cannot even imagine when I was that age being allowed to behave in such a way that another adult had to intervene to allow them to enjoy their holiday. I’d have been read the riot act my my mum.

Incidentally she was kind and dealt with it well - she was hardly screaming abuse at them - she politely told them to be quiet as they were disturbing her.

Imagine thinking the solution to kids disturbing others with their behaviour is that those people need to be in an adult only hotel rather than people correcting said behaviour.

@SantasLittleHoHoHo

I also think that as they'd moved to be by the sun - they were no longer right by your room, so perhaps you weren't in the best place to be hearing how loud they were?

Family friendly resorts obviously come with expectations of noise - however that's not an excuse to let kids being as noisy as they possibly can to the detriment of others.

There's nothing wrong with asking people (and children!) to be quieter in a shared space, especially if it was done politely (no shouting or swearing etc!)

This .

She was fully within her right to tell them .