Telling my child to be quiet on holiday

[Ohhappydays123]

Name changed for this as it’s outing. On holiday - all inclusive family resort, nothing too fancy, very popular destination. My DC (4&9) went in the swim up pool around midday but the section by our room was in the shade so they moved round the corner to be in the sun. They were on the side playing with toys. After about 5-10 minutes, some ladies who were on sun loungers near them got up and I saw one say something to DC4 and put her finger to her lips.
They were walking out of the pool area and as they walked past me I said “sorry, are they too loud for you?” She said “yes, I told him. It’s like he has a speaker inside.” I apologised. And then cried.
My DC are loud. I spend half my life asking them to be quiet and reminding them that sometimes we need to be quiet out of respect for other people. I’m a considerate person and try so hard to make my DC behave in the same way. I’m hormonal, the whole holiday experience has been pretty stressful due to Covid and it just pushed me over the edge.
But later on I though that actually, was she right to tell my DC to be quiet? It’s a family resort FFS! It wasn’t very early or very late and they weren’t even being THAT loud. I always make sure I remind them when they are.
I’d never dream of telling a stranger’s children to be quiet in this situation.
AIBU to think she shouldn’t have said anything?

I had to google swim up rooms too. And now I've seen the pictures, it's clear that your kids shouldn't have been hanging out outside this woman's room and being loud.

If she just shushed them nicely and joked with you about your DS, then you've nothing to complain about. Others (possibly me) might have been a bit sharper with them.

There is a kids’ pool but we’ve paid for a swim up room and want to use it!

Fair enough but get your kids to swim up to their own room and not invade other people's space.

The woman sounds like she was a bit annoyed by their exuberant play but I don’t think it’s rude to tell noisy children to be a bit quieter.

I don’t really understand the set-up but do you mean they were playing outside her room rather than yours? I think that’s where you’re in the wrong and rather than cry, acknowledge the minor mistake you’ve made and then move on.

Everyone has paid to be away on holiday and some people’s (unrealistic) expectations won’t be met in full and they’ll come home just as miserable. Chill out and try and enjoy yourself.

For safety and for courtesy, your children should be at your swim-up area. And if that is too cold, then you should take them somewhere else to play. A 4 year old shouldn’t be anywhere near a pool without an adult at their side

@Alwayswantedasmegf

Yes. At a pool side

This is a swim up pool. Outside her room!

As long as she wasn't rude to them and said it politely, seems fair enough if they were outside their room.

It’s hard to know without actually hearing… children are loud, yes, but some have a whole other volume setting on a while other level. I work in a school and the amount of children with no SEN that can’t seem to regulate their own voice volume seems to be increasing. We’ve recommended a few get hearing tests but their ears are fine. They work with a partner and literally shout at the person who is right next to them - not angrily, that is just how they talk! These are kids aged 7 - 11 and they remind me of when my son was a toddler and obviously was a bit oblivious to how loud he was but grew out of it. You’re 4 year old I can understand maybe, you’re 9 year old not so much. But again it depends on how loud they really were. I would certainly expect a certain level of loud at a resort.

The done thing with swim ups is that you use your own section, if yours is in the shade, ask to move rooms.

You're going to seriously fuck people off letting them play outside their rooms.

Tbh this time of the year unless you're long haul the pools are always freezing.

In a swim up room the only part of the swim up they should be in was outside your room.

By being outside their room they where basically in their pool for that alone yabu.

You admit your children are overly loud again yabu.

The woman was rude. She told OPS kids off. Personally I wouldn't. I would speak to the parent directly.

Fingers on lips to a child you don't know... and then saying to OP it's like he has got a speaker inside of him.

That is rude the woman made her point and she didn't need to be rude to OP.

There's adult only resorts... its a hard one to judge as many people go to family resorts and moan about noise level. Look on tripadvisor there's tons

The swim up pools are not really for loud play - I have no idea how loud they are but right by someone's room, they might have a point.

As to those saying why book a family resort well actually most resorts accept children in the popular med destinations- the resort I'm going to has 6 pools of which 3 are adults only including the swim up pool (only for that section which is 12+ only). There's a huge difference between wanting strictly adults only and not wanting loud play by your terrace. A child of 4 should never be in the pool without adult supervision even if they can swim

I was walking my dogs close to my house a few weeks ago & there were a couple of young girls, maybe 7ish, running around a green area shrieking & screaming as kids do. I told them to be quiet a) because it's annoying b) their behaviour was frightening my dogs c) neighbours house face this green so they too would have had an earful of girlie screams.
Sorry. Not sorry. Just because they're your kids, doesn't mean everyone is going to tolerate hours of screaming at the pool. We all go on holiday to relax, to recouparate. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Main pool you'd have a point, but I'd be fuming if kids were being really noisy right outside my room in a swim up pool and would ask them to move or be quiet.

If it's a family resort, there are child-free pool times. Outside those time, you expect children in the pool. Children + pool = excited noise.

But do teach your children through play activities how to vary their volume and have language for different volumes - whisper, quiet voice, inside voice, outside voice, emergency voice etc.

Is it advertised as a family resort or is it just a resort which permits children?

Generally speaking I think if your DC were making an enormous noise it was perfectly fine for her to ask, as long as she was polite about it.

For those who don’t understand what a swim up pool is…

They were in the swim up part to HER room?

Then that's a big no, you don't go in that area of someone's room , it's an unwritten rule that you use your own and your own garden/deck. You can swim in the whole pool.

It's unfortunate that yours was shady, people request certain rooms when booking as they know where the sun will be. A bit like booking a room with pool view etc

If kids were loud outside my room like that, I'd shush them too. I know kids make noise but not right outside someone's room. This is why many choose rooms away from pools, walk ways etc.

In a swim up pool your children should be by your room, not unsupervised by someone else's room. If they are exceptionally noisy on top of that, I'm not surprised the woman spoke to them- in fact, she sounds to have been very restrained!

If the pool is like that picture is it not then treated a bit like an extension to your patio, so you wouldn't be too impressed if a couple of children came up and played right outside your patio, when they had their own space to play. Also I would assume that is an area to relax/cool down. The main pool and the kids' pool is where children can go and be as noisy as they want

She asked him to turn the volume down. That's not rude.

I don't think the woman was being unreasonable. Your children were encroaching into her space. Just because its a family resort doesn't mean people should expect no respite from noisy children. Even people with their own children want this at times, for children's naps and so on, and it's not unreasonable to want the swim up pool directly outside your room to be a bit quieter. Your children had options after all, play quietly where they were, or play noisily elsewhere. Unfortunately they couldn't have everything they wanted on that occasion without annoying someone else.

@Ohhappydays123

Name changed for this as it’s outing. On holiday - all inclusive family resort, nothing too fancy, very popular destination. My DC (4&9) went in the swim up pool around midday but the section by our room was in the shade so they moved round the corner to be in the sun. They were on the side playing with toys. After about 5-10 minutes, some ladies who were on sun loungers near them got up and I saw one say something to DC4 and put her finger to her lips. They were walking out of the pool area and as they walked past me I said “sorry, are they too loud for you?” She said “yes, I told him. It’s like he has a speaker inside.” I apologised. And then cried. My DC are loud. I spend half my life asking them to be quiet and reminding them that sometimes we need to be quiet out of respect for other people. I’m a considerate person and try so hard to make my DC behave in the same way. I’m hormonal, the whole holiday experience has been pretty stressful due to Covid and it just pushed me over the edge. But later on I though that actually, was she right to tell my DC to be quiet? It’s a family resort FFS! It wasn’t very early or very late and they weren’t even being THAT loud. I always make sure I remind them when they are. I’d never dream of telling a stranger’s children to be quiet in this situation. AIBU to think she shouldn’t have said anything?

They were being loud in your neighbour’s bit of the pool. You’re lucky all they said was for them to be quieter - some resorts will kick you out for doing that.

Some people, and I include adults in that appear to have no volume control. I was sitting in a lovely coffee shop recently, enjoying my coffee in the normal hustle and bustle of a busy coffee shop. Until two guys sat at the next table and one proceeded to yell at the other. Except this was obviously normal volume to him. Very very annoying. It wasn't as if they were conversing across a huge outdoor area, they were sitting at a small table, indoors.

There used to be a kid in my estate and when he was out playing, he could be heard all over the place. He could wake the dead, he was so darn loud. Thankfully they moved out.

OP, I have never been in a resort with a swim up pool, but I presume the idea is that you use yours, not the one outside someone else's room. The lady said it nicely, she wasn't mean about it. A lot of us are overwrought after the past eighteen months, and relieved to be getting our lives back at last, so that's probably why you took it to heart a little more than normal.
Keep them to your own area, they are old enough to understand that, and relax and enjoy your holiday.

Tresspassing into your neighbours pool I mean.

On a separate point should a 4 year old be unsupervised in a pool?