Telling my child to be quiet on holiday

[Ohhappydays123]

Name changed for this as it’s outing. On holiday - all inclusive family resort, nothing too fancy, very popular destination. My DC (4&9) went in the swim up pool around midday but the section by our room was in the shade so they moved round the corner to be in the sun. They were on the side playing with toys. After about 5-10 minutes, some ladies who were on sun loungers near them got up and I saw one say something to DC4 and put her finger to her lips.
They were walking out of the pool area and as they walked past me I said “sorry, are they too loud for you?” She said “yes, I told him. It’s like he has a speaker inside.” I apologised. And then cried.
My DC are loud. I spend half my life asking them to be quiet and reminding them that sometimes we need to be quiet out of respect for other people. I’m a considerate person and try so hard to make my DC behave in the same way. I’m hormonal, the whole holiday experience has been pretty stressful due to Covid and it just pushed me over the edge.
But later on I though that actually, was she right to tell my DC to be quiet? It’s a family resort FFS! It wasn’t very early or very late and they weren’t even being THAT loud. I always make sure I remind them when they are.
I’d never dream of telling a stranger’s children to be quiet in this situation.
AIBU to think she shouldn’t have said anything?

When kids reach a certain age, there is nothing wrong with adults correcting their inappropriate behaviour, unless of course they have additional needs, wherein I would expect the kids to be near their parents, or guardians, or for you to have explained they have additional needs and therefore they will carry on and the complainers can lump it. But from what you've said, they don't have additional needs. Kids need to respect their elders. Sometimes kids forget and get carried away and there is nothing wrong with another adult correcting them. It's best they learn that now, and good on for the women telling them to be quieter. Of course you can expect some level of noise at a family resort, but that doesn't mean kids need to go feral.

for you to have explained they have additional needs

I'd assume DD might object to me sharing her confidential medical information with randoms. Particularly as many of the people I would have to explain it to don't believe in additional needs and/or invisible disabilities.

Kids need to respect their elders.

No they don't. They need to be considerate of everyone else. Age doesn't command respect. I'd think all the recent sex abuse scandals would have cured people of the idea that it's good for children to blindly listen to and respect older people.

Ah Op, don't beat yourself up about it. The lady obviously wasn't that put out or she'd have spoken to you. She just quietened them down a little bit. Enjoy your holiday.

I really don’t think anyone on this thread can comment properly as it all depends on how loud he was being

Normal child chatter and laughter - she was being unreasonable
Boisterous repetitive shouting - she was being reasonable (given she wasn’t nasty about it)

Lesson for me, never book a swim up pool. I hadn't considered that other people could come a socialise basically at my door, kids or adults.

@minipie do you know what a swim up pool is? Would you like children who aren’t yours basically sitting on your balcony?

Look, I am in the camp of everyone should presume that kids and adults have additional needs or are neurodivergent, but also assume respect for their own auditory/sensory needs, but if someone told my child to be quiet and they have nonapparent needs I would totally tell that person. Unfortunately, the world is still very much neurotypical favoured. There is no shame in additional needs, and the more people are made aware of the normality of it, the better. Oh and its not medical information - additional needs aren't necessarily medical at all. For example autism. People don't HAVE autism, they ARE autistic. Many additional needs a are caused by the fact that this society won;t allow for it or cater for it. Which is why I said, parents/guardians should be near a child with additional needs, unless they are considered able to deal with the societal expectations of them.

@MrsTerryPratchett

Kids need to respect their elders.

No they don't. They need to be considerate of everyone else. Age doesn't command respect. I'd think all the recent sex abuse scandals would have cured people of the idea that it's good for children to blindly listen to and respect older people.

You can respect your elders, and also respect your own personal space and know what is appropriate. You don't need to throw the baby out with the bath water.

I think YABU sorry. Swim up pool, you should use the section by your own room only. The people next door might have booked a swim up room because they didn't want to be round the main pool with noisy kids!

It's a shame your room is in the shade and I'd probably see if you could switch rooms.

Yabu
Sounds like she told the kindly to be quieter and they were outside her room

@NotQuiteHere

Is there such a thing as "naturally loud children"? Being loud is usually a learned behaviour, it comes from a few sources. Mostly from school where they try to shout to be heard, but also from families where they do the same thing just because parents do not want to listen to them. And being loud can be unlearned, but an adult dealing with that type of behaviour (a teacher, a parent) should be persistent.

I was wondering the same thing!

@MrsTerryPratchett

Kids need to respect their elders.

No they don't. They need to be considerate of everyone else. Age doesn't command respect. I'd think all the recent sex abuse scandals would have cured people of the idea that it's good for children to blindly listen to and respect older people.

100% agree with this and been saying this since I was about 8! I never understood why someone deserves respect just because they haven't died of old age yet...respect is to be earned.

And it is not to be confused with being considerate or courteous or being sensitive to the needs of others.
But nobody's opinions or needs are more important or valid simply because they are older.

Main pool- noise more acceptable and expected, though if my dc were shrieking loudly (or any type of noise) I would tell them to be quiet, same way I would in my own private garden. Kids get overexcited and need to be reminded to quieten down (within limits).

Your dc making loud noise right outside another persons swim up area is not acceptable. That's why people pay extra/ for a bit of privacy. It's unfortunate your bit of pool was not in the sun at that time but really that's just tough. If I was trying to enjoy quiet time and had a few random kids outside my patio area being really loud (and probably splashy) I would've probably politely reminded them that there area was over there >

For all you peeps confused by respecting your elders: elders have been around a lot longer and therefore usually know a lot more. You can respect yourself and also respect yourself, the concepts arent mutually exclusive.

@doyouwantachuffedybadge

For all you peeps confused by respecting your elders: elders have been around a lot longer and therefore usually know a lot more. You can respect yourself and also respect yourself, the concepts arent mutually exclusive.

I'm not confused. I just don't agree.

Communal pool, out of order. A swim up outside their room though, no they were perfectly fine to say shush.

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba And it is not to be confused with being considerate or courteous or being sensitive to the needs of others. But nobody's opinions or needs are more important or valid simply because they are older.

Agree with that. However there are a huge number of posters here who are essentially saying the opposite, and that 'kids being kids' have to take priority - that despite the fact that she had paid for a swimup room, she left the room, the only thing she indicated to the child was a 'quiet' hand motion. Saying to op about the loud speaker was a little rude, but I'd suspect she was already fed up and that's why she was leaving.

My own kids are loud and one has ASD and less social understanding, so I do have sympathy, but also spend a fair bit of time making sure that their (loud) enjoyment doesn't ruin anyone else's

I thought with a swim up pool you use the part outside your own room, not outside other people's rooms.

So if your part was too shaded for them they should go to the main pool, not okay outside someone else's room.

Most people book a swim up room for some privacy.

They could have moved and sat elsewhere. They could have spoke to you.

From what I can gather they were sat outside/by their own room and their own swim up pool.

The OP's children were right by other people's room and pool instead of their own.

You said you are trying to get your kids to think about others. I would use this lady as an example of how their noise can be inconsiderate and annoying for other people. " Even that lady had to tell you to quieten down a bit, you are too noisy "
To go back to your Aibu. I think you are because they had gone from your area to right outside hers to play and be loud as people are clearly trying to relax.
I also think YABU to cry over it. The lady didnt rant at you, she didnt even complain to you. She just asked your noisy kids to quieten down a bit which sounds fair enough. If you find them loud you can bet your last quid other people will find them x10 timed minimum louder!

I had never heard of a swim up room.
You learn something new every day.
What resorts have nice ones ?
Sorry for the thread hijack.

@2021namechanger

For those who don’t understand what a swim up pool is…

Thanks. I had no idea what a swim up pool was, and thought it was like one of those river rapid things were there is a bit of flow and you go sort of, gently whizzing along 🙄

@CrumbsThatsQuick

Disagree. I think it's perfe try fine and helpful to ask a child to be a bit quieter. Even their mum thinks they are loud. They don't listen when she tells them to tone it down. They must listen to another grown up. It takes a village and all.

Agreed

I think that the assumption with a swim up pool is that younuse the bit directly outside your room.

So they were in the wrong to swim elsewhere in the pool.

She didn't tell them to go away. She simply politely asked them to be quieter