Telling my child to be quiet on holiday

[Ohhappydays123]

Name changed for this as it’s outing. On holiday - all inclusive family resort, nothing too fancy, very popular destination. My DC (4&9) went in the swim up pool around midday but the section by our room was in the shade so they moved round the corner to be in the sun. They were on the side playing with toys. After about 5-10 minutes, some ladies who were on sun loungers near them got up and I saw one say something to DC4 and put her finger to her lips.
They were walking out of the pool area and as they walked past me I said “sorry, are they too loud for you?” She said “yes, I told him. It’s like he has a speaker inside.” I apologised. And then cried.
My DC are loud. I spend half my life asking them to be quiet and reminding them that sometimes we need to be quiet out of respect for other people. I’m a considerate person and try so hard to make my DC behave in the same way. I’m hormonal, the whole holiday experience has been pretty stressful due to Covid and it just pushed me over the edge.
But later on I though that actually, was she right to tell my DC to be quiet? It’s a family resort FFS! It wasn’t very early or very late and they weren’t even being THAT loud. I always make sure I remind them when they are.
I’d never dream of telling a stranger’s children to be quiet in this situation.
AIBU to think she shouldn’t have said anything?

I don’t know about the hotel you’re in but when we’ve had swim you rooms before, you stay in the bit in front of your room. I’d have been a bit cheesed off if someone came and used “our bit” IYSWIM? Realise your set up may be different so apologies if so.

Impossible to say without knowing how loud they were.

Talking/laughing = normal and expected. Shrieking/shouting (persistently) = unacceptable unless it's a designated children's pool or area.

People in a "family" resort need to be considerate of all ages - 'family' doesn't just = children.

Swim up pools are a little different if near rooms but no yanbu. If they don’t want noise, they shouldn’t book a family resort at half term!!

@Ohhappydays123

Can I just add that they were not out of sight or far away from me. They’d just moved away from being directly outside our room. There is a kids’ pool but we’ve paid for a swim up room and want to use it! Nowhere on the information or rules for use does it say about age limits or being quiet. Just says hours for use (which we were within).

Oh come on, you can't just rely on 'the rules.' Some things aren't written down because they are just normal decent expected behaviour which shouldn't need clarifying. It probably doesn't say 'please don't urinate/defecate/have rampant sex/throw washing up liquid to make a bubblebath in the pool' in 'the rules' but that doesn't mean you can do it!

You shouldn’t have apologised to this woman at all if you feel your child wasn’t making that much noise.

I hate to sound very MN but can you do a diagram?

I've seen very many set ups with swim up rooms.

I think whether she was being unreasonable to shush them really depends on their position in relation to the ladies expectation of privacy based on the set up.

Swim up rooms I've seen if you are poolside not by your room then your in someone else's space. They all have steps from the balcony/patron into the pool which is shared directly from each room.

I think it's fine. The other woman sounds nice - what she said to you was actually quite humorous, it sounds non-judgemental to me. It's not like she asked you to keep them closer to you or said that the kids were behaving badly.

[quote ImUninsultable]@CheltenhamLady

Yes. Another poster said that the other women should have moved and sat somewhere else. The poster you quote was replying to them, asking why should someone move from their own room. The children were outside their room, as in the room belonging to the other woman.

OP, you were wrong. With swim up pools, you do not play outside someone else's room. They've paid for that bit. Use your own swim up bit or go to the main, family pools.[/quote]
Ah right sorry, I misunderstood. The OP had stated the children had moved outside the woman's room. I agree the women shouldn't need to move.

OP I dispair eading you justfying how loud your kidsa re and how you have taken it personally.

We all live on this planet WE all have had Covid to deal with.
Most of us have hormones, or difficult issues to deal with.
The lady asked your noisy kids to play quietly without upsetting them.
Nothing wrong there.
Your kids are not perfect being because NO-ONE is.
We all need some tolerance and also some consideration.

Let your kids learn to play happily without so much noise.
Watch other families and observe are all loud?

We need to learn to live together.

@PamsSpam

They were at a pool at a family resort and kids are loud there. If it was another situation/place then I might have agreed, but I think at a family pool, kids get overexcited and loud? I’m sorry you felt upset about it and cried and the speaker comment was utterly unnecessary. I think providing kids are quiet in the right situations then that’s fair enough. At a family resort by a kids pool I bet lots of children scream and squeak and shout all day long.

It wasn't by a kids pool though? OP actually said "There is a kids’ pool but we’ve paid for a swim up room and want to use it!." Google what a 'swim up' pool is. It was a separate semi-private pool, away from the kids or main pool, right outside the woman's own bedroom.

I think the women was correct. They moved because they wanted to be in the sun but didnt want to stop loudly chatting outside someone else's room. What if the women had someone who was sleeping?

How would you feel if outside your room at say midnight someone was talking very loudly and generally be an annoyance?

The fact that you say they are loud means for others they are very loud and probably rather annoying.

My SIL a few years ago insisted that her sleeping baby be allowed into an adults only restaurant. She was refused and promptly went in and asked the people eating (it wasnt a big place) whether they would mind.....

Is the swim up lifeguarded?

@NotQuiteHere

Is there such a thing as "naturally loud children"? Being loud is usually a learned behaviour, it comes from a few sources. Mostly from school where they try to shout to be heard, but also from families where they do the same thing just because parents do not want to listen to them. And being loud can be unlearned, but an adult dealing with that type of behaviour (a teacher, a parent) should be persistent.

This is nonsense.

Of course some children are naturally loud. Mine was. Just as some are quiet leg-clingers. We've worked with her and she's actually quite quiet now. But children don't come as blank slates.

@PamsSpam

They were at a pool at a family resort and kids are loud there. If it was another situation/place then I might have agreed, but I think at a family pool, kids get overexcited and loud? I’m sorry you felt upset about it and cried and the speaker comment was utterly unnecessary. I think providing kids are quiet in the right situations then that’s fair enough. At a family resort by a kids pool I bet lots of children scream and squeak and shout all day long.

But it wasn't a famiy pool or children's pool. It was a swim up pool and they were outside the other women's room.

@DameMaureen

I think people need to google what a swim up room is. If I had kids yelling outside mine I would be pissed off too .

This. I have to admit that I had to google as I'd never heard of them, but surely the set up is such that you splash in your bit or swim on by?

I'd imagine kids playing in someone else's zone is an etiquette breach even before you get to the noise levels.

So are they loud or are they not? You seem to acknowledge that they are and then say 'they weren’t even being THAT loud.'
Family resort or not, kids need to learn about keeping the volume down a bit.

I'm on the fence.
The way you described her interaction it seems she wasn't being nasty to your kid so I think you both handled it well on the spot.

I get that you felt bad after that and also felt angry. It's s not nice when others "tell off" our kids however gently or courteously - it still smarts. You feel bad, guilty, hurt etc. it's quite shit. Especially when you spend your life telling them off for the same thing!
Although I have had occasions when a stranger stepped in because they saw I was struggling and I would've built a shrine to them I was so grateful for the help!

I genuinely think she was simply assertive and not judgemental. You said yourself that they are loud so I can't blame her for asking to take it down a notch.
One of my kids' friend is so loud he'd be my first pick for a buddy when I'm lost in a raging snow storm. His pitch and volume are insane. no off button either. lovely kid, absolutely unbearable shrill voice. He could be employed as an ambulance siren. what can you do?

I'm sorry you are upset, it's a tricky one.

BTW, did your kid listen to her? if yes then pay her to keep telling them to be quiet!😉

Were they playing away from where you were sitting though? I don't think I'd appreciate someone else's kids playing near me if there were no parents in sight, especially if they were being very noisy. There's nothing wrong with having respect for others, family resort or not.

@RedCarsGoFaster

If she says he's like he has a speaker inside, then he's he was too loud.

Everyone wants to enjoy a holiday. If you spend half your time asking your kids to tone it down, you know they are too loud.

The lady asked him to shooosh, he did, that's the end of it. It doesn't appear she was rude or threatening in the absence of a parent (being round the corner is fine, just means you weren't there for the noise!).

I disagree. What pool side do you go to where kids are not loud? FFS.

If the woman didn't have kids perhaps she had forgotten what's it's like or doesn't know.

Honestly OP. Don't let some random woman pull you down.... what a cheek she actually said yes!

There's hotels with adults sections why book a family resort if you have no kids with you. I too as a mother would find it loud

So they were outside someone else’s room?!? Being really loud.

It’s not a big deal. Just tell them
Not to do that in future. It’s really annoying. Mid afternoon some people want to have a nap.

You did ask her in all honesty! Swim up pools are meant to be slightly quieter too.

I go to adults only resorts for this very reason. Your children are excited and on holiday. Unless they're screaming non-stop at the top of their lungs I don't think it's fair to ask them to be quiet. The other guests should have chosen an adults only hotel if they didn't want to hear children enjoying themselves.

@PamsSpam

They were at a pool at a family resort and kids are loud there. If it was another situation/place then I might have agreed, but I think at a family pool, kids get overexcited and loud? I’m sorry you felt upset about it and cried and the speaker comment was utterly unnecessary. I think providing kids are quiet in the right situations then that’s fair enough. At a family resort by a kids pool I bet lots of children scream and squeak and shout all day long.

They weren't in the main pool though. Athens were outside the ladies room satbon the side of the swim up pool that belongs to the ladies room

Even in a family resort being noisy outside people's rooms at a swim up pool is not reasonable.

Get them to play outside your own room or move to another pool that is not right outside peoples rooms.

PEOPLE PLEASE READ THE THREAD!

The kids were NOT outside their OWN room in the swim up pool, they were outside THE WOMAN'S room making a racket.

Go in August I say this as I have 2 laid kids. We are going to holiday village turkey in August next year.