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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling my child to be quiet on holiday

214 replies

Ohhappydays123 · 25/10/2021 16:29

Name changed for this as it’s outing. On holiday - all inclusive family resort, nothing too fancy, very popular destination. My DC (4&9) went in the swim up pool around midday but the section by our room was in the shade so they moved round the corner to be in the sun. They were on the side playing with toys. After about 5-10 minutes, some ladies who were on sun loungers near them got up and I saw one say something to DC4 and put her finger to her lips.
They were walking out of the pool area and as they walked past me I said “sorry, are they too loud for you?” She said “yes, I told him. It’s like he has a speaker inside.” I apologised. And then cried.
My DC are loud. I spend half my life asking them to be quiet and reminding them that sometimes we need to be quiet out of respect for other people. I’m a considerate person and try so hard to make my DC behave in the same way. I’m hormonal, the whole holiday experience has been pretty stressful due to Covid and it just pushed me over the edge.
But later on I though that actually, was she right to tell my DC to be quiet? It’s a family resort FFS! It wasn’t very early or very late and they weren’t even being THAT loud. I always make sure I remind them when they are.
I’d never dream of telling a stranger’s children to be quiet in this situation.
AIBU to think she shouldn’t have said anything?

OP posts:
Michaelangelo467 · 25/10/2021 16:51

They were being very loud and you did nothing about it. She addressed it in a nice way and joked to you about it. She handled it perfectly. Why didn’t you do something beforehand?

AspCommie · 25/10/2021 16:51

I think it completely depends on how loud they were being.

If they were laughing/talking then fine.

But if they were screaming/shouting I think it's fine for someone else to ask them to keep it down a bit, as long as they were asked politely and nicely.

Dixiechickonhols · 25/10/2021 16:53

Normal kids noise to be expected but you yourself say he’s loud. The lady sounds like she was nice about it. Children can have fun but still be considerate of others. I wouldn’t dwell on it.

Bookworm20 · 25/10/2021 16:53

Honestly don't worry. She just put her finger to her lips and asked him to play a bit quieter by the sounds of it. Assuming she didn't yell at him. And you apologised and she said he's like he has a speaker inside. Did she say that scornfully or nicely? As that makes a difference I think.
Its a family resort so kids noise is expected. As long as he isn't yelling at the top of his lungs all day long I can't see the issue. Just remind him not to shout and don't worry about it if he forgets every now and then.

And I'd say fine to swim where the sun was, you're allowed to use the whole pool surely, not just the bit by your room.

LIZS · 25/10/2021 16:53

You are aware they can be loud but did not ask them to tone it down when they moved. The others have paid for their holiday too. Just accept some consideration of other holiday makers is required.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/10/2021 16:56

They were being very loud and you did nothing about it.

That's exactly what the OP DID NOT say. She said that they weren't even being that loud.

KatherineSiena · 25/10/2021 16:57

I think she was perfectly entitled to ask them to be quiet. Irrespective of whether it was sunnier by their room, I really wouldn’t expect or like someone else’s DC shrieking by my swim-up room/access.

TheFairyCaravan · 25/10/2021 16:57

They were being loud, by your own admission, in the ladies’ swim up pool? That’s really unreasonable, family resort or not.

Chocolatewheatos · 25/10/2021 16:57

they were outside her room
Yeah sorry I think thats really rude. You paid for your section of pool. She paid for hers. Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable if a group of teens came and hung out outside your room playing music? You should keep them outside your room or in the kids pool, not taking over everyone's private space.

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 25/10/2021 16:58

Family resort doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask a loud child to be quieter. Especially in front of someone else’s room. Even though there is not explicit rule about being quiet… it is called manners.
I have one loud child and I know how annoying it is to keep asking him to be quieter but the alternative is not to just ignore the noise and annoy everybody else around.

Artie30 · 25/10/2021 16:58

Ignore. They shouldn't have booked a family resort if they don't like noise. I do get it op, my two are naturally loud too. I am constantly telling them to quieten down. I am sure they have annoyed people before but thankfully no ones told them to be quiet that I know of!

They could have moved and sat elsewhere. They could have spoke to you.

BringMeTea · 25/10/2021 16:59

You are in the wrong here OP. Family resort is irrelevant.

CheltenhamLady · 25/10/2021 16:59

I think that when you have young children you get used to their noise.

Yes, it may be a family resort but presumably, they too wanted to use their swim-up pool in the way they wanted (to relax quietly)and your children were making that difficult. I don't think that is unreasonable.

The woman seems to have acted very nicely towards them, and really, it is your job to ensure they are not disturbing others.

TheFairyCaravan · 25/10/2021 17:00

They could have moved and sat elsewhere.

Why should they? The children were outside their room.

SnarkyBag · 25/10/2021 17:03

Rude to let them play outside someone else’s room especially when you already know you have loud kids. They’ve also paid for a swim up pool so reasonable to expect some space from others especially noisy children.

Family friendly resort doesn’t mean kids get priority to be as loud as they like.

2021namechanger · 25/10/2021 17:04

@Artie30

Ignore. They shouldn't have booked a family resort if they don't like noise. I do get it op, my two are naturally loud too. I am constantly telling them to quieten down. I am sure they have annoyed people before but thankfully no ones told them to be quiet that I know of!

They could have moved and sat elsewhere. They could have spoke to you.

Why should they? At a main pool it’s a bit different, but kids being loud in the swim up outside your room is taking the piss a bit.
DameMaureen · 25/10/2021 17:05

I think people need to google what a swim up room is. If I had kids yelling outside mine I would be pissed off too .

CheltenhamLady · 25/10/2021 17:06

@TheFairyCaravan

They could have moved and sat elsewhere.

Why should they? The children were outside their room.

No, the poster says they were outside the other room where the woman was. They had moved from outside their room to remain in the sun.
TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/10/2021 17:07

I wouldn't worry about it, and I don't think there is any need for your tears. You say they are loud, and you asking them to keep it down has not proven effective...let this lady have a try.

onceandneveragain · 25/10/2021 17:07

Yeah I agree with others - if it was the main pool fair enough, but they were outside their room! Just because it's a family friendly holiday doesn't mean everyone wants lots of noise at all times. They could have their own (older or quieter kids) which mean they couldn't go to an adults only place. Or perhaps they just thought 'normal children playing noise, fine, we can always go to our room to get away from it all,' rather than 'incredibly loud noise and when we go to our room they follow us!'

Some kids are just much louder than others (whether naturally or because parents are less strict - or both), and yes, sorry, it's often annoying.

If she'd shouted at your kids and made them cry that might be a different story but it sounded as though she was as nice as she could be. And perhaps it might even help - kids often don't listen to mum but now another adult has told them they are too loud they might take it in a bit more?

NotQuiteHere · 25/10/2021 17:07

Is there such a thing as "naturally loud children"? Being loud is usually a learned behaviour, it comes from a few sources. Mostly from school where they try to shout to be heard, but also from families where they do the same thing just because parents do not want to listen to them. And being loud can be unlearned, but an adult dealing with that type of behaviour (a teacher, a parent) should be persistent.

SeasonFinale · 25/10/2021 17:08

The OP says hers kids are loud. Someone politely asked them to play more quietly. They didn't ask them to go away or worse they merely requested they play a it quieter which I assume they then did. Therefore it is somewhat of an overaction when by your own admission your noisy kids were asked politely to keep the noise down. It doesn't sound as they were aggressive to the kids or to you so I think it was a non issue. I have no problem asking kids to do the same or even telling them to stop doing something either dangerous or naughty. Indeed if they were round the corner she might have assumed there wasn't an adult around

PamsSpam · 25/10/2021 17:08

They were at a pool at a family resort and kids are loud there. If it was another situation/place then I might have agreed, but I think at a family pool, kids get overexcited and loud? I’m sorry you felt upset about it and cried and the speaker comment was utterly unnecessary. I think providing kids are quiet in the right situations then that’s fair enough. At a family resort by a kids pool I bet lots of children scream and squeak and shout all day long.

TheFairyCaravan · 25/10/2021 17:10

@CheltenhamLady from the OP’s post at 16:42

they were outside her room

ImUninsultable · 25/10/2021 17:11

@CheltenhamLady

Yes. Another poster said that the other women should have moved and sat somewhere else. The poster you quote was replying to them, asking why should someone move from their own room. The children were outside their room, as in the room belonging to the other woman.

OP, you were wrong. With swim up pools, you do not play outside someone else's room. They've paid for that bit. Use your own swim up bit or go to the main, family pools.