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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

926 replies

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 18:57

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

OP posts:
slim22 · 11/12/2007 07:31

This let's get out of control stag and hen night thing is so pathetic!

That said, I would not stop my DH from going. I trust him and expect he would just lurk for good fun. It would really be unfair.
I lived in Amsterdam and TBH I know of very few grown up men who actually get aroused by the sight of that abject display of flesh. You would really have to be desperate or hallucinating.
They go in the red light district for freak show sightseeing, a visit to a sex shop (You might get a present ), a visit to a coffeeshop and then move on for drinks.

Relax and book a eurostar daytrip to Paris for the January sale!

slim22 · 11/12/2007 07:48

I had not read the posts and not commenting on trust issues etc...each to their own.

Just want to add in defense of Amsterdam: What makes it sleazy is the hordes of immature mainly Brits who descend on the town friday night and binge 'till they get back on the train sunday night.

The only time you see locals in that area is for queen's Bday when everybody goes on a 24h bender.

What you should tell them: watch their back because in that part of town, there are dealers and small time criminals who make a good living assaulting pissed tourists.

branflake81 · 11/12/2007 09:08

I can't believe people say their other half wouldn't be "allowed" to go - how can you possibly stop them? It's their life!

PortAndLemonaid · 11/12/2007 09:11

You know, agalch, it's just possible that the rest of us also know some blokes who can tell us "what really goes on on these stag do's", including the general attitude of "what happens in [name of city] stays in [name of city]".

And still, yes, I trust my DH. He works long hours and is away a lot with work; if I couldn't trust him to behave for one weekend's stag do out of my sight there wouldn't be much future for our marriage anyway.

agalch · 11/12/2007 09:19

Long lasting relationship? We have been together for 20 years so we must be happy enough hey??

kslatts · 11/12/2007 09:25

I think YABU, assuming your dh wouldn't have a problem with you going away for the weekend. My dh has been on a couple of stag weekends and because I trust I don't mind, the destination wouldn't make any difference. I have also been away for the weekend with my friends to Majorca and dh didn't mind.

ExDhsNutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 11/12/2007 13:37

I don't think the OP has a general problem with a stag weekend reading between the lines.

What if her OP had said 'I don't want my dh to go visiting brothels with these other men who I know will be doing that'?

I suspect many of us who do trust our dh's and would be happy with them going on stag weekends would not be happy about the idea of them visiting a brothel even if he didn't actually shag any prostitutes? No?

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 13:44

You are right - I don't have a problem with DH going on a stag w/end.

What I a bemused about is how many of you say you know your DH's did not/would not visit a brothel, and how you trust your men 100%. How do you know what your men get up to when they are away? I am sorry to say but some of you are very naive.

OP posts:
mrspnut · 11/12/2007 13:53

I know what he gets up to because he tells me, he's also a terrible liar and feels strongly about being honest.

I'm not naive, nor do I think every bloke is like mine but I do trust him not to do anything to hurt me as he trusts me not to do anything to hurt him.

Jackstini · 11/12/2007 13:53

JJ - did you speak to DH about your fears last night?
TBH yes I do think YABU but maybe you have deeper reasons. DH & I both go away on our own with friends and I would never dream of telling him where he can and can't go - as I wouldn't accept him telling me either! (Would you?)
He has been on a stag do to Amsterdam and some of the blokes there did visit brothels - he didn't. He also ignored the 'you can't phone the missus whilst away' rule and called me every day. Some of the people that went were complete knobs, that dean mean he felt he had to suddenly act a twat too.
Yes they all got very drunk and some got stoned. He came home with nothing worse than a headache and a big bunch of wooden tulips for me!
I hope you can either take a deep breath and tell him it is up to him if he goes, and you trust him - or, talk about why you don't.... good luck

Jackstini · 11/12/2007 13:55

And I don't feel naive in the slightest - just very lucky. My dh can't lie for shit!

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 13:56

I did manage to speak to him & he said he is not too fussed on going really & is going to text the stag & let him know .

OP posts:
agalch · 11/12/2007 14:01

Glad the outcome is good for you JJ.

It is possible to be in a long term relationship with someone without them wanting to piss off to the Dam for a stag weekend.

Oh and for the record DH also expressed surprise that a bunch of men would want to go there for a stag weekend and said he can't imagine that they would be going for the scenery or tulips

contentiouscat · 11/12/2007 14:02

I wouldnt want my hubby to go, I think a beered up group of blokes and peer pressure can lead them to do things they would never choose to do normally.

Amsterdam IS beautiful but they are not going to watch the diamond cutting are they.

If my hubby went he would be using condoms with me until he had been tested for everything going and had clear results back.

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 14:04

Glad someone agrees with me. I would do the same contentiouscat.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 11/12/2007 14:08

I think it is worrying that Op's dh is friends with a "bunch of knobs".
I agree with Moondog, the worrying underlying issue is that she doesn't trust him.
I don't care what other men do. I don't worry about dh doing the same. He is his own man.

Jackstini · 11/12/2007 14:11

JJ - glad it turned out ok for you but gutted that you and CC would feel you had to test your dh's for STI's if they go away.
Something not right there

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 14:14

Well we have to put our health first Jackstini. Trust goes out the window when they go to Amsterdam.

OP posts:
contentiouscat · 11/12/2007 14:14

Ahh well I remember being at a Christmas party a few years ago where one of the directors wives was telling us how her hubby was away regularly on business and she trusted him implicitly, he would never cheat...we all knew he was shagging the MDs secretary.

Sorry im not a romantic...been there had the t-shirt and got over that one. I trust hubby as much as I would trust anyone but im a realist.

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 14:17

I am a realist too CC, some of the women on here are clearly not.

OP posts:
ExDhsNutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 11/12/2007 14:20

Gosh jj and cc I think that is quite harsh to demand condoms and tests for STIs - I think if I did that to my dh he would be really insulted that I went THAT far with my mistrust!

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 14:23

Not harsh at all - just being practical .

OP posts:
Oblomov · 11/12/2007 14:25

JJ "trust goes out the window, when they go to .... Amsterdam", down the road for a paper.
No, trust is trust. Either you do or you don't.
I am really shocked that you don't trust your husbands.

Oblomov · 11/12/2007 14:27

I agree with mrspnut, I am not so naieve, to think that every man is like my dh.
Just wondering why you are with a man, you don't trust ?

OComeOLIVEfaithfOIL · 11/12/2007 14:29

my dh has gone for stag do's to Amsterdam etc

doesn't bother me in the slightest

I trust him 100%

"I wouldn't let him go", what would you do, tie him up like a dog?