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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

926 replies

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 18:57

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

OP posts:

JodieG1 · 10/12/2007 19:35

As much as everyone says if someone will cheat they will cheat regardless, I don't entirely egree with this. If the setting is right and they're all having a laugh in some sex place then I think it's far easier to go along with what others are doing because of peer pressure and no doubt having a few drinks.

peacelily · 10/12/2007 19:36

I heard all about the lap dancing club he went to on his own stag do.

But it was in Blackpool so I wasn't too worried...

moondog · 10/12/2007 19:37

Why,are there some strict morality codes operating in Blackpool??

If he want to get his knob out,he'll be able to do that pretty much anywhere...

Original poster

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 19:38

Exactly what I am saying JodieG1. I am not a jealous person and have no problems with him going out with the lads or on stag dos but knowing what Amsterdam is like, and what his mates are like, I am a bit worried.

OP posts:

scanner · 10/12/2007 19:39

My dh has been to a stag do in Amsterdam and I knew he could be trusted, I just don't get this idea that it's Amsterdam's fault or the friends or the beer. I agree with Madamz - he's either into monogamy or not.

peacelily · 10/12/2007 19:39

I was thinking more about the calibre of the lap dancers TBH!!

CloudAtlas · 10/12/2007 19:39

Amsterdam is properly sleazy, and if the guys he is going with are inclined towards paying for sex, then I can see why you wouldn't want him to go. I would feel exactly the same way.
However, you can't stop him going, like you say he does what he wants. However you can explain to him how it makes you feel; humiliated, hurt, betrayed etc etc. Just guessing as this is how I would feel. In the end, if he wants to go, he needs to be able to go, and with your blessing. If you married a scum bag, then you will find out sooner or later.
My DB knows people who go to Amsterdam for the "girls", it is obviously notorious for it, but tbh if they went to any other city they could entertain themselves in a similar way if they so desired.

PortAndLemonaid · 10/12/2007 19:40

Your DH sounds as though his head is screwed on properly. I think you should trust him. Yes, that kind of thing does go on in Amsterdam, but it's not compulsory. My DH has been on stags to Amsterdam and the most he's got up to is trying to keep the groom from getting into too much trouble.

(I may or may not be a loony, but I don't think this is evidence one way or the other)

moondog · 10/12/2007 19:40

I didn't find Amsterdam sleazy at all.It's more like a 6th form common room with loads of overgrown schoolboys smirking and pointing.

If you want really sleazy, come up to the quay of my town at about 12:00 pm on a Saturday night...

tribpot · 10/12/2007 19:43

JJ, Amsterdam is absolutely not what you describe, even though it can be for them as like that kinda thing, a category your DH's mates may be in.

If you think there is a risk he will visit a brothel and actually do the biz with a prostitute, you have a major health issue on your hands apart from anything else. I'm pretty sure the ladies are regularly tested but even so. And that's notwithstanding the issue of your life partner shagging some random woman for cash.

If it's 'just' the live shows and visits to the brothels for non-shagging purposes, I would be deeply unimpressed if I had a partner who wanted to do that. I do have a friend in Holland who is a thoroughly decent guy and he went to a brothel for his friend's stag do. He said it was awful, all these poor ladies desperate to get you to sleep with them cos they obviously only earnt what they got 'on commission', if you know what I mean He said the whole thing was very upsetting. If that's your dh's plan it's just plain cruel, as well as sleazy.

If it's the pubs and red light district as spectators, it's really not that bad, even though you are perfectly reasonable in not seeing it in the same light. When I lived in Amsterdam I virtually never went into the red light district as it was too icky.

At a minimum I would want a grand weekend away myself in return for agreeing to this! Even if it's something nice like a spa trip or something.

CloudAtlas · 10/12/2007 19:45

........did you not see all the overgrown school boys smirking and pointing then paying for sex??? I think you may have missed something Moondog.
These women make their money through selling sex, they're not there as decoration!
It is completely possible to do non sleazy Amsterdam, it's a fab place with loads of nice bars, clubs, shopping and markets, but that doesn't sound like your typical stag night agenda!

lennygirl · 10/12/2007 19:46

Message withdrawn

Original poster

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 19:47

CloudAtlas.
I agree they can get it anywhere but Amsterdam is nortorious for sex.

I have heard Prague is the new Amsterdam these days. DH missed out on a stag do there (his sisters DH) as DS was due at that time.

OP posts:

tribpot · 10/12/2007 19:51

It's not "notorious" for sex, I managed to live there for the best part of two years without having any at all

They do have different laws about prostitution, as they do about soft drugs. I personally would put Amsterdam on my list of preferred destinations for a hen do (if I divorced dh and got married again, which might be a bit extreme) and I would hope no-one was thinking "trib's off for a bit of rough and tumble in the brothels". Having said that, your dh's friends sound in a different category entirely. You need to feel relatively comfortable about what's going to happen, as well as possibly be a bit realistic about what a bunch of lads will get up to on a stag weekend.

CloudAtlas · 10/12/2007 19:51

My DH went to Prague for a stag do a couple of years ago, and that does not surprise me at all. I can really see your predicament. I don't trust my DH and have literally NO idea how he would behave on a stag do in a place like Amsterdam or Prague, and yes, people can say until they're blue in the face that you have bigger probs then a stag weeken if he's like this, but this is missing the point! Hope he sees how much it is upsetting you and decides not to go!

Original poster

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 19:54

Of course its notorious for sex why the hell do men go there? (Prague is also a popular choice for the same reasons as Amsterdam). Why not France, Spain or more sensibly somewhere in the UK.

OP posts:

madame · 10/12/2007 19:56

I would give him your blessing to go, he will just get drunk and end up being sick probably...
My dh has been on so many stag doo's I have lost track all over the world! I would not dream of suggesting he couldn't go as he is his own person and we respect that in each other.

I would just add you could wangle a nice pampering weekend for you and a girlfriend at a nice spa when he gets back

Original poster

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 19:56

thanks CloudAtlas. I hope he decides not to go too.

OP posts:

tribpot · 10/12/2007 19:56

Hey, lots of people go there for lots of different reasons. You are overreacting to what is a popular destination for people, I personally love Amsterdam. You know your dh and his mates best of course, but if they had gone to Paris or Barcelona I think your fears would be similar.

lizandlulu · 10/12/2007 20:08

for me it is not about wheather he would cheat or not as i trust my dh totally. i think if he was in any knd of situation where there was a possibility of cheating on me he would run a mile scared stiff!!
he went on a stag weekend to dublin with 2 other blokes and i didnt mind one bit.
what i do mind is that he gets really mardy and grumpy if i want to go anywhere.
my best friend would like to go to ibiza before she hits 30 and we are planning to go next year, just for 2 nights. he wont even discuss it and says i am not 'allowed' to go.
well i am putting my foot down. if he can go wawy with his mates, so can i.

MotherFunk · 10/12/2007 20:13

Message withdrawn

lizandlulu · 10/12/2007 20:24

maybe people are being stereotypical about amsterdam, but i doubt they have chose to go there for the architecture!!
more like to get pissed and perv!!
i wouldnt mind if my dd did do that. as he says, 'you can look but you cant touch'

lizandlulu · 10/12/2007 20:25

sorry, dh!!! not dd!! yes i would mind if my daughter went there!!

MotherFunk · 10/12/2007 20:26

Message withdrawn

lizandlulu · 10/12/2007 20:27

no, but it sounds like this mans mates are

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