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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

926 replies

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 18:57

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

OP posts:
Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 14:32

Who said they "wouldn't let him go"? DH is free to do as he pleases, however, I have voiced my concerns about him going to Amsterdam or Prague in particular. He said he is not that bothered about going anyway.

OP posts:
OComeOLIVEfaithfOIL · 11/12/2007 14:33

the 2nd post in

Oblomov · 11/12/2007 14:38

Prague is lovely.
If you don't trust him, there is more chance of him having an affair at work, at the gym, or when he picks your child up from school, with one of those 'yummy mummies' no ?

Oblomov · 11/12/2007 14:39

is it actaully a concern of yours that your dh would be unfaithful ?
Why ?

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 11/12/2007 14:44

There are no yummy mummies at DD's school and he doesn't go to the Gym.

I just wonder why men choose to go to Amsterdam or Prague for a stag w/end (we all know about the live shows/brothels/sex shops etc), when they could go somewhere in the UK. The only reason I can think of is for sex.

OP posts:
cestlavie · 11/12/2007 14:46

Just as an aside, I actually went to Amsterdam for my stag weekend with about 12 mates.

For the record, we all somehow managed not to go to any strip shows, sex shows or brothels but instead had an absolutely fantastic time getting drunk, smoking dope, going on barges, playing pool and going clubbing. Also, somewhat strangely, none of the other guys' wives or girlfriends had any problem with them going either.

I'd also say that having been on, hmmm, let's see about fifteen stag weekend with many different groups of guys, inside and outside of the UK, whilst I've ended up in plenty of strip clubs (which DW knows about and doesn't have a problem) I'm yet to see or hear about any guy being unfaithful in any way.

Oblomov · 11/12/2007 14:50

JJ and you don't think that these things are just as easy to find in London, Manchester, Brighton, or anywhere else in the UK ?
You seem to be missing the point. The point is that we were shocked/sadened, by your lack of trust.

Jackstini · 11/12/2007 14:52

JJ - I am a realist too - been there and worn the t-shirt of an unfaithful dh. Got rid and now very happy with a faithful one

manchita · 11/12/2007 15:05

I don't think my dp would want to go on one of these misogynistic stag nights-strippers and sex shows-yuck!!!!

becklesparkle · 11/12/2007 15:10

I would not want my DH to go either JinglyJangly. What is wrong with a few beers at the local or off to a club a bit further away if you want to do something different. It is a Stag weekend so I doubt that sightseeing (as others on here have suggested) will be high on the agenda. As you also know what these guys are like I can see why you are annoyed.

I doubt my DH would actually get up to anything but TBH I would still worry and be very very unhappy about the whole thing.

tori32 · 11/12/2007 15:12

YABU because you are basically saying you don't trust him. If you did trust him then you wouldn't need to imagine what he will/ will not get up to. I would have no problem with DH going because we both know he wouldn't do anything hurtful.
I think you must have underlying issues

tori32 · 11/12/2007 15:18

jinglyjangly If you have never been to Amsterdam you wouldn't understand the attraction other than those you mention. However, its a lovely city, very chilled out, and he is probably safer there than anywhere else in the UK, where he would possibly end up knifed, bottled etc.
They probably want to go and spend relaxing days smoking dope in an environment that accepts it and not have to look over there shoulders constantly for aggressive brit yobs while they enjoy a night out.

egyptianprincess · 11/12/2007 15:20

my own DH went to Amsterdam for his stag do and had a blast..i didnt even ask him what he got up to (in my view i didnt really need the details) but I know that although he may have gone to some of these live shows he would never have been unfaithful. sometimes you just have to let boys be boys i think.

InnAFull · 11/12/2007 15:21

Totally disagree that he is 'more likely to have an affair with someone close to home or a yummy mummy' - IMO he's more likely to think a quick fling with an anonymous prostitute miles away from home surrounded by sympathetic mates is much less likely to have any annoying little long-term effects than getting into a relationship. And then the door is open for him to say 'oh it was just sex, it didn't mean anything, everyone was doing it, it wasn't like I talked to her or whatever, what are you making a fuss about?'

That's not to say he WILL do it and let's give him the benefit of the doubt and say he WON'T, but I can quite see the OP's concerns and those of you who say she has no right to demand that he not go are missing the point - he is of the type who WANTS to go with this 'bunch of knobs' to a place where they are likely planning to do knobbish things, and I don't think she's being unreasonable to be unhappy about it and to prefer him not to go.

MotherFunk · 11/12/2007 15:27

Message withdrawn

cestlavie · 11/12/2007 15:31

...and incidentally if you trust someone, you trust someone.

Trust is unequivocally NOT "I trust her so long as I can see where she is exactly is and what she's going". What trust unequivocally IS is "I trust her even though I know she's going to be drunk with friends in a club with blokes trying to flirt with her".

If you think he's going to be led astray simply by being with people you don't like you don't trust him. Trust is unqualified or it's not trust.

Oblomov · 11/12/2007 15:33

JJ's dh is friends with a " bunch of knobs".
they probably will cheat. But is he not man enough to say no.
And why is he friends with a bunch of knobs ?

Oblomov · 11/12/2007 15:35

The OP is in denial. She can not see what many posters have pointed out to her.
She does not trust her dh and she has underlying issues.
The whole stag do, is not the issue here, it has just bought it to light.
sorry was that a bit harsh ?

bossykate · 11/12/2007 15:36

innafull, i think you have hit the nail on the head.

YummersBrandyAndMincePies · 11/12/2007 15:39

JJ - firstly let me say i totally empathise with your predicament as i would be exactly the same if it was my dp. But i have to admit some of the other posters have a point, perhaps this is raising a deeper issue of trust which is irrespective of time or place? To be honest it's bringing up these issues for me just thinking about your situation. I know the guys he's going with don't exactly sound mature, but lets' face it a lot of men dont exactly have mature friends. If he's anything like my dp and his friends they're the same lads he went to school with etc... But what is it about your dh in particular that makes you think he could/would cheat on you? (besides being male of course! but that's a whole other thread...)

harleyd · 11/12/2007 15:40

havent read it all
but to the op
yabu
whats the big deal
he will go and have a good weekend
and will come back to you at the end of it

if the shoe was on the other foot, you would want to go, wouldnt you

dh will be going to my brothers weeklong stag do in aiya napa
i will be going to hers in ibiza
cant see any problem

OComeOLIVEfaithfOIL · 11/12/2007 15:51

stag do in aiya napa [shudder]

even the name makes me want to vomit

Oblomov · 11/12/2007 15:51

lets not lett JJ go for a drink with her friends.
God, we couldn't unleash her at her works Christmas party.
God forbid, who knows what she could get up to ?

And take this with a pince of salt, I don't even know that JJ works. But for gods sake, have you heard yourself. This is getting ridiculous.
Women you are not allowed out.
Anywhere.
No more mumsnett christmas do's.
Incase you cheat.

WestCountryLass · 11/12/2007 15:52

My DH went to Amsterdam because he is a DJ and went because there was some fab rave technofest going on and it was too good an opportunity to miss. Too be honest, I KNOW DH could not have visited a lady of the night because he caned so much coke he wouldn't have been able to get a stiffy

PS. For all of you anti the Dam, why don't you go there and see for yourselves???

harleyd · 11/12/2007 15:53

lol