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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed DH is going on a stag weekend to Amsterdam?

926 replies

JinglyJangly · 10/12/2007 18:57

DH is going on a stag weekend after Christmas to Amsterdam and too be honest, I am not too happy about it. I have heard what really goes on and why men go there, i.e. sex shops, brothels, live sex shows etc.

The blokes he is going with are a bunch of knobs. I have heard the majority of them frequent these types of places (only from what DH has said).

DH went on a stag weekend to Edinburgh a few years back and the guy who's stag party it was, was well up for visiting a brothel and guess what? he is going on the stag weekend to Amsterdam .

AIBU to be annoyed about him going? I am feeling a bit down in the dumps today and keep thinking all sorts about what they will get up too.

Whatever happened to guys going for a few beers at the local? It seems the norm for stag weekends to be held abroad nowadays. WHY is that?

OP posts:
StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 11:50

Yes shag stag weekend completely different than the rather sedate programme of cultural events I took dd to a few years ago, for example

EricScrooge · 13/12/2007 11:57

'Sex starved'?

Well - now it all becomes clear.

They will be jumping on the first lady says hello to them then.

sparklyjen · 13/12/2007 11:59

In my opnion you are not being unreasonable.

I trust my dp 100% and I know that if he did go on one of these stag weekends he would not touch another woman.

However, I don't feel that visiting strip clubs or sex shows or looking at the women in the windows with anything other than compassion and sympathy is appropriate.

A, it would be disrespectful and unfaithful to me and B, more importantly, I would hate to think that he would treat women as objects in this way.

A propotion of the women in the red light district are there against their will, and I don't believe it to be a small proportion. I cannot understand how anyone with a conscience could use them as entertainment.

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 12:00

yy

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 12:00

yy

contentiouscat · 13/12/2007 12:02

JJ - glad you and DH sorted this out, obviously your marriage works like mine, we discuss our concerns and come to a compromise, I am sure if he really had to go he would have put your mind at rest.

I have to say I didnt see your post before it was deleted but one of the other posters was being very obnoxious (I would have said so but someone beat me to it )

I agree if someone wants to cheat they can do it anywhere, I also agree some people are far more inclined to cheat than others but I do think it is more likely to happen where you have the mix of anononimity, peer pressure and alcohol. From that the literal brigade will assume our husbands have alcohol problems, are weak and we are mad women who lurk behind bins when our husbands go out .

My husband doesnt trust me 100% and I dont trust him 100% but it really isnt a "problem" as such because it is such a tiny part of our relationship - we go out without each other, we have our "own" friends of both sexes. I would never assume it would "never" happen, life throws a curve ball at you when you are least expecting it - hopefully it wont ever happen but if it does at least I have never put him on a pedastal he is not perfect or infallible and neither am I.

The relationship threads are full of trusting women who had great husbands, who were great fathers and they thought would "never" do it. You want to trust your OH 100% - good for you, its just not how we are.

harleyd · 13/12/2007 12:03

sex starved?
any wonder they are all going to jump on the first available prostitute

really cant believe this is still going
the dh will go on the weekend, whether she likes it or not
he will get pissed, throw up, pass out, have a great weekend
come home to the missus, she will huff for 3 days and then they will settle into normality again
surely

EricScrooge · 13/12/2007 12:11

I think i have already said this - but i have been to one strip club on a stag and it wasn't very nice at all. I do agree that these places are nasty.

The women look like cheap bimbos and were being ordered about by an older woman like they were sheep, zeroing in on the ones they thought would give them the most money.

It was all very seedy and uncomfortable.

But the rest of the guys enjoyed themselves. Drinks flowed, female forms were admired and we all went on our way without flesh being touched and it was all forgotten about in the whirl of boistrous behaviour that followed.

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 12:24

All sounds a pretty pointless way to spend some time

contentiouscat · 13/12/2007 12:55

Harley - her husband said on Tuesday that he didnt want to go and was going to text the stag

I suspect that if her hubby's friends werent complete knobs she wouldnt have been so worried!

harleyd · 13/12/2007 12:57

lol, i guess i missed that bit in all the 900 posts

MellowChristmasEveryone · 13/12/2007 13:00

Oh thank goodness for that I missed that bit too.

No idea why!

QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 13/12/2007 13:12

Is he not going?
Nearly 900 posts trying to reassure OP all will be well, in various interesting ways, and he is not going, wuhei!

Star, I wish I know who you are without your christmas cloak, sorry for insinuating trip trap, I was rather narky actually thinking you were some newbie, wasnt I?

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 13:13

Were you?

Rest assured I didn't notice

Love Cam xx

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 13/12/2007 13:26

In my opnion you are not being unreasonable.

"I trust my dp 100% and I know that if he did go on one of these stag weekends he would not touch another woman.

However, I don't feel that visiting strip clubs or sex shows or looking at the women in the windows with anything other than compassion and sympathy is appropriate.

A, it would be disrespectful and unfaithful to me and B, more importantly, I would hate to think that he would treat women as objects in this way.

A propotion of the women in the red light district are there against their will, and I don't believe it to be a small proportion. I cannot understand how anyone with a conscience could use them as entertainment"

Excellent post SparklyJen.

OP posts:
sparklyjen · 13/12/2007 14:56

Thank you

Meeely2 · 13/12/2007 15:40

And thats a wrap folks! hooray!

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 13/12/2007 15:45

Yes Meely2. Hooray after 900 odd posts my DH has decided he doesn't want to go to Amsterdam anyway, and I am more than happy about his decision, because had he gone his bags would be packed when he got home.

OP posts:
harleyd · 13/12/2007 15:46

good god i thought it had died
so had he went you would have threw your toys out of the pram and kicked him out?

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 13/12/2007 15:51

Yeah harleyd that't about right and book an appointment at the GUM clinic for sti checks.

OP posts:
harleyd · 13/12/2007 15:54

dunno what else to say really
speechless lol

SueBaRoomForAMincePie · 13/12/2007 16:01

lol, JJ. I was talking about this with Dh the other night, and he reminded me that he'd been invited to a stag party in Amsterdam and had refused. His exact words - "Ain't nothin' good going to come from that"

bossykate · 13/12/2007 16:02

is he a blues singer?

SueBaRoomForAMincePie · 13/12/2007 16:04

why yes, bb, he actually sang it to me while perched on a stool behind a microphone, having not shaved for two days.

Original poster
JinglyJangly · 13/12/2007 16:05

exactly Sue.

OP posts: