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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me I did the right thing not giving change to this man.

207 replies

Kaceya2230 · 11/10/2021 13:58

I've heard many times that people have had other people approach them in the street asking for money for a train fair or what not and often it's a scam. Never experienced it myself until today... possibly!

In a town centre, I popped into boots and I noticed a man sitting on the bench outside. I only took notice because he had a super cute dog with him. The guy looked pretty normal. As I left the shop he asked if I could help him - he was £2 short on a train fair and asked if I could spare a pound. I said no I'm sorry I don't carry change.

I did have change but in my purse I had money from my grandma for something. Some money for other things. I was worried if I opened it and he seen the notes I had I may be a target. I don't actually usually carry any cash but today I did have some on me for once!

But he was really nice. He just saying okay thank you and I went on with my day. He wasn't persistent or pressuring. Have I just ruined someone's day by not giving him any money?

To add the train station is quite a distance from where he was sat down so didn't sound convincing.

Would you have given change?

OP posts:
WellLarDeDar · 11/10/2021 14:03

There were loads of scammers like that in the town centre I used to live near. 'i need a train ticket to get home' or 'i need a taxi to go see my sick mum in hospital'. I think they try to take you by surprise so you don't really think about it until after.

LaetitiaASD · 11/10/2021 14:04

There is no obligation to give money to anyone or anything, so of course you did the "right thing". Better to say you didn't do the wrong thing.

I feel bad when I don't give to beggers or buy from big issue sellers - but I think everyone should choose a handful of charities, give what you can afford and want to give, and then simply say no to pretty much everyone else.

LaetitiaASD · 11/10/2021 14:06

@WellLarDeDar

There were loads of scammers like that in the town centre I used to live near. 'i need a train ticket to get home' or 'i need a taxi to go see my sick mum in hospital'. I think they try to take you by surprise so you don't really think about it until after.
It's not really scamming though is it? It's begging, and a beggars job is to say whatever bollocks that they can say to get cash.

It's the public's job to decide whether they wish to give to someone who might need it for food or a hostel, and might simply need it for hard drugs.

Sirzy · 11/10/2021 14:07

I would have done the same as you and have in the past. He may well be genuine but I wouldn’t feel comfy getting my purse out like that.

AmanitaRubescens · 11/10/2021 14:07

He had that cute dog with him for a reason Smile

rbe78 · 11/10/2021 14:07

I think 'scammers' is a bit of an OTT description - it's just a classic line from people who beg. You don't believe the reason they give, they know you don't believe it - it's your choice whether you give them money or not (knowing that is almost certainly not so they can catch the bus to see their poor old mum who's in hospital).

SirenSays · 11/10/2021 14:08

I'd have given him the change but I'm probably in the minority that would here on MN, judging by how these threads usually go.

Lavender24 · 11/10/2021 14:10

Don't feel bad. Even if he was genuine you aren't obliged to give him money.

FinallyHere · 11/10/2021 14:11

IMHO, giving the money to an organisation who can help directly is a better use of resources. We have a 'homeless project' in our town, who provide a whole range of services themselves (food, showers, clothes) and act as a hub to provide GP, chiropody, referrals to hostels, housing etc.

We support the project rather than giving cash to people on the street.

UnsuitableHat · 11/10/2021 14:15

You aren't obliged to give anyone money. I sometimes do and sometimes don't - like you it often depends if I have change to hand - and I don't give myself a hard time either way.

SpangoDweller · 11/10/2021 14:15

Agree with PP that even if you had “ruined someone’s day” by not giving them money, it doesn’t matter because there is no requirement or obligation on you to do so.

astoundedgoat · 11/10/2021 14:16

In the gentlest way possible, that's a lot of headspace for not giving money to someone begging!

£2 is not going to help him. If you're genuinely worried, set up a direct debit to Crisis. It will do a lot more good for homeless people in this country.

SylvanasWindrunner · 11/10/2021 14:16

It's a classic begging tactic. It used to be 20p for the phone box in the days when people used phone boxes! I guess inflation has hit.

Original poster
Kaceya2230 · 11/10/2021 14:17

He didn't give the impression of struggling. It was very strange. He was very well dressed, clean etc, his dog looked super healthy! Trying not to judge someone by the way they look though! I think I would be more likely to help if he like he was genuinely struggling! He seemed really nice too. When I walked past him again he was still sat there and talking to others. I feel people are stopping to speak to the dog too - the dog seemed super friendly so was probably making people stop! It is the type of town where you'd generally stop and chat to people to - especially if they had cute dogs! 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Kaceya2230 · 11/10/2021 14:18

I did have change but said I didn't. I had cash on me for different things - I'm usually cashless but didn't want to be a target getting my purse out. Not used to carrying cash either! 😏

OP posts:
Tal45 · 11/10/2021 14:19

Of course it's a scam if they're lying about what the money is for -because it's dishonesty to get money out of you and that's what a scam is. They could easily just say 'can you spare any change please'.

Pythonista · 11/10/2021 14:19

We get them all the time - you did the right thing.

Giving them money means they keep doing it

Hoolihan · 11/10/2021 14:19

Where do you live that this is such an unusual occurance that you've taken the time to post about it?? I sometimes give in these circumstances, sometimes not, depending on lots of factors.

I wouldn't say it's a 'scam' either, it's just bog standard begging.

Pythonista · 11/10/2021 14:22

@SirenSays

I'd have given him the change but I'm probably in the minority that would here on MN, judging by how these threads usually go.
Actually most if MN seems to think that you shout give scammers money on the off chance they are genuine.

They also see no issue in shoplifting or scamming benefits

YouTubeAddict · 11/10/2021 14:23

I never hand over cash.

Blossomtoes · 11/10/2021 14:24

@SirenSays

I'd have given him the change but I'm probably in the minority that would here on MN, judging by how these threads usually go.
I would too and I know I’m a soft touch. I bought a young guy a train ticket to get him home not long ago, as in physically bought the ticket and saw him get on the train. I can’t pass a woman begging either, I always think “There but for the grace of God ….”.
HeartsAndClubs · 11/10/2021 14:25

yes it’s a scam. They’re not outright asking for money, they’re using tactics of deception to obtain it,i.e. scamming. Just because it’s only £2 doesn’t make it less so.

I never give money on the street to anyone, or to those people who get on trains and claim that they just need a warm bed for the night and could anyone possibly spare them anything…. In fact TFL have warnings all over the underground about them.

I would rather give to an organisation than change to someone on the street. If they’re going to be using it for their next hit there’s no way I would A, want to fund that, or B, want to be responsible for funding the hit which killed them if it did.

Tilltheend99 · 11/10/2021 14:29

You are being reasonable to not give any change if you didn’t want to but you are being unreasonable to assume that if he sore your notes he was going to rob you.

He probably didn’t need change for the bus as wasn’t near a bus stop. A few times I have come across people genuinely needing money for train/bus over the years some examples are tween/teens, people with learning difficulties, elderly woman. Would hope people would use common sense as there are times when people genuinely need a helping hand.

jimmyhill · 11/10/2021 14:31

They're always £2 short for the train. Never £20 short for the train. It's odd.

Pythonista · 11/10/2021 14:32

Most of the time it's women asking because they know that people will feel sorry for them.

Keep giving scammers money and they keep asking for it.