Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me I did the right thing not giving change to this man.

207 replies

Kaceya2230 · 11/10/2021 13:58

I've heard many times that people have had other people approach them in the street asking for money for a train fair or what not and often it's a scam. Never experienced it myself until today... possibly!

In a town centre, I popped into boots and I noticed a man sitting on the bench outside. I only took notice because he had a super cute dog with him. The guy looked pretty normal. As I left the shop he asked if I could help him - he was £2 short on a train fair and asked if I could spare a pound. I said no I'm sorry I don't carry change.

I did have change but in my purse I had money from my grandma for something. Some money for other things. I was worried if I opened it and he seen the notes I had I may be a target. I don't actually usually carry any cash but today I did have some on me for once!

But he was really nice. He just saying okay thank you and I went on with my day. He wasn't persistent or pressuring. Have I just ruined someone's day by not giving him any money?

To add the train station is quite a distance from where he was sat down so didn't sound convincing.

Would you have given change?

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 11/10/2021 15:16

He just used a different way to beg is all.

It's not a crime to give money to beggars any more than it is to choose not to. It's what is on your conscience that they prey on :)

Original poster
Kaceya2230 · 11/10/2021 15:31

@Idony

You could hang around all day and meet 12 people all a couple of quid short for the train. And they have been for twenty years.

Common scam, ignore them.

First time I've actually experienced it mhself!
OP posts:
icedcoffees · 11/10/2021 15:32

@VladmirsPoutine

I give a bit of change as and when I can. It's not for me to police what homeless people do with the money I give them. If I were homeless I'd probably want to buy a drink too.
The vast majority of them won't actually be homeless.

It's well known that many "beggars" go home at the end of the day.

Onesailwait · 11/10/2021 15:36

There is no right or wrong. Homelessness is a huge problem in the city I live in. When I leave my office to get coffee or lunch I probably pass 20 people asking for money within a few blocks. Sometimes I give cash, sometimes I'll buy them a drink or some food, sometimes I have nothing to give. If you can afford it & you want to give then do that if you can't &.don't then don't.

valadon68 · 11/10/2021 15:39

You might like an old film called Reinette and Mirabeille, OP - one of the four segments talks about this very thing! (It's a very charming film too otherwise.)

FateHasRedesignedMost · 11/10/2021 15:42

I wouldn’t have got my wallet out, no.

If I’d had a random coin in my jacket pocket I may have given it to him.

I once had a man stop me outside a shop and ask if I had a spare 50p for the bus as he was stranded. As luck would have it I had a few 20p coins in my coat pocket so gave him those. He was very grateful and kept thanking me, so I think he was genuine. This was about 5 years ago when most buses didn’t take cards or notes so I assumed he was short of change for the bus and in a hurry. I can’t think what else he’d want 50p for and he didn’t seem at all disappointed that I had coins in my pocket.

Hoolihan · 11/10/2021 15:42

I actually couldn't give a shit if I give someone a fiver and they spend it on smack. Many street homeless have been through the system multiple times over and are realistically not going to recover from what's happened to them, so if it helps them get through the day then it's not for me to judge imo. I also give to, and work for, a homelessness organisation which does good work with those less entrenched.

FluffyWhiteBird · 11/10/2021 15:42

There used to be one of these people in my street. Went from normal looking friendly faced, convoluted story about needing "just 10p more for the bus" to visit a sick relative, to having the front teeth change into rotten brown stubs and asking for "spare change" with a dead eyed stare, then hanging around on the corner advertising her wares to every passing male driver, all in the space of a few months. I didn't give her money and I don't regret it, I'm not willing to find somebody's drug habit. I doubt the sick relative existed. Amazing how they never have any friends or family who could lend them bus fare or offer a lift to the hospital.

Hoolihan · 11/10/2021 15:43

@icedcoffees well known by Daily Mail readers yes

HoneyRose87 · 11/10/2021 15:48

There’s a guy that asks for money outside a shop near the city centre every week, it’s always for something different. Sometimes it’s £1, other times its £2.

Echobelly · 11/10/2021 15:50

No, don't feel bad I don't give any money to these 'I'm just a bit short for...' people. Nb, I do give money to homeless people, but I am suspicious of people trying to invent spurious reasons.

diddl · 11/10/2021 15:50

I wouldn't want to be opening my bag & fumbling in my purse for change tbh, that's what would put me off.

It's a while now since I have carried anything but my debit card.

noworklifebalance · 11/10/2021 15:50

In the 1980s my aunt came to stay with us in London from abroad (and looks & sounds foreign). She lost her ticket whilst in the underground and had to ask people or money for her fare for the remainder of the journey. I wasn’t a child so I don’t know whether this type of begging was common place then but even if it wasn’t, it was the 1980s and not an easy time to look/be foreign. She was very grateful for the goodwill of those strangers.

Onesailwait · 11/10/2021 15:50

@FluffyWhiteBird Wow Your compassion is outstanding. I hope you or someone you love never find yourself on the skids.

icedcoffees · 11/10/2021 15:51

[quote Hoolihan]@icedcoffees well known by Daily Mail readers yes[/quote]
I've never read the Daily Mail Hmm

Lately it seems that "you must be Daily Mail reader" is just a lazy way to bash people who disagree with you.

It's not a "Daily Mail" thing to know that some beggars are con artists and scammers who go back home each night. There have been documentaries and investigations about it.

noworklifebalance · 11/10/2021 15:51

Posted too soon. I am torn every time about
the right thing to do.

AdaColeman · 11/10/2021 15:54

You were lucky that the cute dog didn't jump up and lick your face!

noworklifebalance · 11/10/2021 15:55

I actually couldn't give a shit if I give someone a fiver and they spend it on smack. Many street homeless have been through the system multiple times over and are realistically not going to recover from what's happened to them, so if it helps them get through the day then it's not for me to judge imo. I also give to, and work for, a homelessness organisation which does good work with those less entrenched

@Hoolihan - yes, this is what I often say & feel. Who am I to judge what they do with the money and I am sure I would want to the same if I was in their position? As they say, but for the grace of God…
(in case anyone says, it’s the sentiment - I am not religious)

jb7445 · 11/10/2021 15:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

keepingmumred · 11/10/2021 15:57

I would have given him the change if I had it

keepingmumred · 11/10/2021 15:57

He's not going to attack you for your purse in a busy street. So yes yabu

Hoolihan · 11/10/2021 15:58

@icedcoffees ok could you provide some evidence that the 'vast majority' of beggars aren't homeless and go home at night then? Since this is so well known.

FluffyWhiteBird · 11/10/2021 15:59

[quote Onesailwait]@FluffyWhiteBird Wow Your compassion is outstanding. I hope you or someone you love never find yourself on the skids.[/quote]
Plenty of compassion forghose who deserve it, but that doesn't include drug addicts IMO. Homeless people can claim benefits you know, even with no registered address. They can learn to budget and make sensible choices same a everyone else. The woman I mentioned wasn't homeless anyway.

CurryLover55 · 11/10/2021 15:59

It’s train fare misses point of thread…….

CurryLover55 · 11/10/2021 16:00

Why didn’t that show in italics?