Please tell me I did the right thing not giving change to this man.

[Kaceya2230]

I've heard many times that people have had other people approach them in the street asking for money for a train fair or what not and often it's a scam. Never experienced it myself until today... possibly!

In a town centre, I popped into boots and I noticed a man sitting on the bench outside. I only took notice because he had a super cute dog with him. The guy looked pretty normal. As I left the shop he asked if I could help him - he was £2 short on a train fair and asked if I could spare a pound. I said no I'm sorry I don't carry change.

I did have change but in my purse I had money from my grandma for something. Some money for other things. I was worried if I opened it and he seen the notes I had I may be a target. I don't actually usually carry any cash but today I did have some on me for once!

But he was really nice. He just saying okay thank you and I went on with my day. He wasn't persistent or pressuring. Have I just ruined someone's day by not giving him any money?

To add the train station is quite a distance from where he was sat down so didn't sound convincing.

Would you have given change?

It used to be 20p for the bus.
That's inflation for you.

@Kaceya2230 You can never really tell but if it's a matter of pennies or a few pound coins that the giver can afford, does it really matter?

I just think if it's genuine then I've helped someone get home, and if it's not then what does it really matter? The person is still usually desperate and it doesn't harm me to handle over a couple of quid

This ^^

I remember the look of relief and gratitude when I gave the man the loose change from my pocket, and the way he thanked me so whole heartedly.

It didn’t really matter at that point whether he needed it to get the bus home, or to buy a coffee, or to put some change in his heating meter. The fact is he needed a handful of 20p coins I didn’t need, and I was able to help him out of whatever tight spot he was in.

It’s highly likely he needed it for a bus, but it was also a bitterly cold winter’s day. If he spent it on a hot drink or soup or used it towards something that made his day feel a bit less awful, I don’t think anyone should judge.

I've given people small amounts of money when it's obvious for m being behind the in the queue that they have just realised they haven't got quite enough, or need to pay for the loo or in the old days when they'd ask for change for the phone and offer you the pound.
This is none of those things.

I most often don't have actual change with me, but I'll give people the odd few pound and donate to Shelter and Pathway. There's a lovely lady who sells the Big Issue in Paddington.

I know the theory that it does more harm than good, but ĺI'm a bleeding hearted liberal. I feel awful walking past holding £2 in my hand when someone could be so desperately in need - I'd probably just spend it on a Costa.

Meh. I’d have given him it. If someone is short of change it helps them out, if they are desperate enough that this is their only option for cash, it helps them out.

You can decide for yourself whether you do or not.

Nah.
My sister had a boyfriend back in the day who did that, amongst many other similar things. Bus/train/ etc
Bloody scam. Give money to homeless charity instead.

My attitude towards this is that you can never really be sure of someone's circumstances - they could be genuine or they could be lying through their teeth to get what they want.

If someone asks me for change and I have some to spare, I give it to them. It's not for me to judge what they do with it after that. The point is that I can afford to be without it and if I take them at fave value they can't. If you wont miss it, I don't think it matters what happens after it's left your hands.

I very rarely carry any cash these days and often wonder how many people who rely on the kindness of strangers are alot worse off in a world where fewer and fewer people are carrying pocket change.

I wouldn't get my purse out or my phone if someone asked to borrow it as I would be worried about it getting snatched.

I can’t believe that there are people who say they don’t care if they’re paying for someone’s next drugs hit.

Quite apart from the fact that next hit could be the one that kills them, by contributing to it you are also contributing to the drug trade, and everything associated with that, such as trafficking.

So do you just object to human trafficking on occasion then but not when you’re paying for it through some beggar on the street?

There are plenty of homeless charities out there if people want to give to those.By giving money you are often making things worse for those people on the street because many of the shelters won’t accept them if they’re high or drunk.

If you have known people who are actual scammers it does colour your outlook Spiderinawingmirror, doesn't it?

I have had relatives who are drug addicts and no I wouldn't choose to give them money funnily enough. 🤷Don't think it makes me hard hearted or selfish but yes I do use my judgement in who to give to.

First time I heard the 'I need the bus money to get to my sick mum in hospital', I walked to the ticket office and bought a ticket. Dropped it off on my way home, and the guy just looked at it, and then looked baffled at me

I never hand over cash. There are so so many ways to pay for something these days, cash is almost never required. Even if you have lost your card, you can make payments on your phone and some banks allow emergency withdrawals with no card, you can also reverse charges and phone a friend and get them to give you card details to pay online etc.

I give to homeless charities who can provide more effective support.

wow - first time ever of being approached for cash in the street - that's amazing! Daily occurence here (unless I don't go out)

Replied I didn't carry cash to someone last week and they produced a card terminal

I gave some money once to a guy doing the whole need a quid to buy a train ticket thing. Not particularly believing his story, just sorry if did it without thinking as I had a lot on my mind that day.

Later that week, same guy stopped me again, clearly didn't remember me (and why would he?), needed money for a train ticket again, but different sob story and different destination. I politely declined.

It is undoubtedly a tale which is common amongst beggars.

As to if YABU or YANBU depends on your outlook.

Personally, I prefer to have standing orders to Shelter and to Crisis and to Trussell Trust (I'm sure there are plenty of others you can choose) who not only provide practical support to those in need, but also campaign to try to change the world so that no-one needs to beg or sleep rough or use foodbanks.
Other people think that keeping some coins in a pocket for when you walk down the High Streets / past stations etc, you have some money to give, and, if it goes on alcohol or drugs that is the choice of the recipient (well... maybe not choice, if they are addicted...but that is another debate).
Neither is 'unreasonable'. It is up to each individual to do what they prefer to do.

In my town, he should head to the nearest Aldi. He would have his 2 squid in under a minute. It's rich pickings when they park themselves at the shopping trolley return area 🤑
They must earn a bloomin' fortune!

The other day I accidentally tried to enter the exit door of a supermarket I hadn't visited before and immediately a young woman came up to me started on a weird emotionless monologue. Something about money and a hostel (oldest story in the book). Clearly thought I must be new and gullible. Taking what she said at face value, I told her that I thought she should contact the police.

She then got annoyed and asked why I listened to her if I wasn't going to help. I pointed in the direction of the police station (and conveniently a police car approached the junction near us just then) and told her that if it was a real story, she'd go to the police*.

She then stormed off calling me stupid. I called after her "And you sound like a fucking scammer!". Not my finest moment but I don't appreciate being called stupid for offering genuine help. I would have accompanied her to the station and paid her hostel if it had been a real story. Even knowing that I knew her story was fake, should could have just thanked me and moved on.

*I know there are valid reasons for not wanting to go to the police but she could have either explained these or politely left the conversation if that was the case.

I think people’s replies are very much based on where they live and frequent.
The city dwellers obviously have a thought out strategy for dealing with daily requests for money.
I’m like the OP, I live quite rural and the small towns I frequent don’t appear to have beggars.
However, quite a few years ago now, we were staying in Manchester as a holiday flight was from there. We walked up one of the main streets in the evening and the amount of absolutely destitute people sleeping in shop doorways in the winter time was overwhelming. Many of them looked so grey and Ill it was very distressing. They were not begging, in fact I thought many of them looked dead.

I was so shocked, I had rarely seen a beggar or homeless person, but in Manchester there were people bedded down in almost every shop doorway on a very long street. I have never forgotten it. How did our country come to this.

It’s a shame but you’ve got to be careful these days. Scammers ruin it for the genuine folk unfortunately

Plenty of compassion forghose who deserve it, but that doesn't include drug addicts IMO. Homeless people can claim benefits you know, even with no registered address. They can learn to budget and make sensible choices same a everyone else.

Some people can't do those things without significant help and support which may not be forthcoming - or if it is initially, may not be maintained. Or perhaps they can do those things if, for example, mental health issues are well managed, if they're not...

And of course self-medication exists, especially if their illness, or previous experiences, mean they're unwilling to engage with services. The combination of mental health problems and substance misuse can also mean neither service will engage with them.

I always keep a few coins in my pocket for rough sleepers and buskers.
I just think they are all someone's son or daughter.

I'll never forget an item on Richard & Judy where they had parents talking about what it's like to have a child in addiction. One parent was saying how they'd tried everything, everything and eventually realised they had to let their child hit rock bottom. He said every time you give a quid or a sandwich to someone on the streets you are prolonging the agony. If you want to support, give direct to the charity.

I don't give money on the street and I also don't give the time (if not wearing a watch). Too many tales of someone grabbing for your purse or your phone (if giving the time) whilst your guard is down and you're distracted getting them out.

Oh god, that's awful! There is a high Amount of homeless men and woman (mainly men though) in my nearest town (actually live in a village) and I've always found them to be lovely and never expect a thing! I'm sure the guy you had the experience with is just in the minority!

Yes, that's not the usual experience. Usually they are very polite. I didn't even mind the storming off, I just didn't like the way he offered to accompany me to cash machine.

I think it's really sweet that it's playing on your mind when most people don't give this a second thought.

There's no way of really knowing whether or not he was genuine.

I recommend giving some money to a local homeless charity instead. They are the best placed to help people like him and will already be doing good work to provide services he will (hopefully) be able to access.

This way you know that your money is going to help a worthwhile cause and can be sure it's not a scam.

Look into small homelessness charities in your local area, rather than the larger ones like Shelter. Then you know they are really making a difference near to you and to people like him.