Page 7 | Please tell me I did the right thing not giving change to this man.

WildFlowerBees · 11/10/2021 20:49

I once bought hot food and dog food for a homeless man asking for money saying he was hungry, when I tried to give it to him he gave me some vile verbal abuse about wanting only money. I think twice now before giving anything.

ilovesooty · 11/10/2021 21:00

@Orla1970

Some of the language on here describing fellow human beings is truly awful. Many many people end up on the streets and with a drug/alcohol issue because of significant trauma in their life. Not many people think when I grow up I’d like to have a heroin addiction and be homeless. Often it’s a combination of complex factors.

If you don’t want to give people money that’s your personal decision of course but all the names and derogatory language is unnecessary. This assumption that everyone is a scammer is way off too. If you don’t want to help. That’s your choice. Just try to be kind. Kindness costs nothing

Agreed. Behind most heroin addiction I worked with lay complicated bereavement, family breakdown or abuse. So many comments coming from ignorance.

Eralos · 11/10/2021 21:04

You’re overthinking. Nothing really happened, a beggar asked for cash, you said no, he was fine about it. What else is there to think about? Don’t stress yourself over a non event.

ilovesooty · 11/10/2021 21:04

@WiddlinDiddlin spot on.

XenoBitch · 11/10/2021 21:11

@WildFlowerBees

I once bought hot food and dog food for a homeless man asking for money saying he was hungry, when I tried to give it to him he gave me some vile verbal abuse about wanting only money. I think twice now before giving anything.

Last week, I was approached by a man begging for money outside of a shop I was about to go in. He was after food. I offered to buy him a sandwich, and he said no, he wanted a takeaway. I said I didn't have the cash for that, and he told me to go to a cash point! He would not let me get past him, so stupid me ended up giving him a few quid. The staff in the shop said he had gone in there and was harassing customers too. It left me shaken up.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 11/10/2021 21:14

I was caught once - a bloke in apparent distress, asking for a couple of since he needed to get to the other side of London to see his sick child.

I was 99% sure it was a scam, but give him the £2 anyway.

Just a few days later I was on a bus with my sister, when I saw him getting on - he sat several rows in front of us.

He got off before we did, and en route to the exit gave me a very direct, very long stare - something between amusement and contempt. It said, ‘Yes, I took you for a mug - you know that and I know that, and if you think I’m remotely sorry, you’re even more of a mug.’

I won’t say I’d never do the same again, though, just in case….

HeartsAndClubs · 11/10/2021 21:16

I reckon if that's your option for earning income, your life is probably pretty shit - even if they have a roof over their heads, earning money by constantly approaching people and 9 x out of 10 being ignored/told to fuck off/abused.... thats a shite way to live. Where do you draw that line? I reckon working in a scamming call centre is probably a bit shit and they may live in poverty etc, do you think that means we should be polite and even give to the people who ring up claiming they’re from the inland revenue and need you to pay them some money?

the “oh they may be really down on their luck” is so incredibly naive. We even had a thread here once where a poster had received a message from someone she’d befriended on holiday about 10 years ago who was asking for money because his child had died or something. The amount of people saying “you were likely the only person he felt he could contact,” right. After Ten years? Get real. It was batshit.

TractorAndHeadphones · 11/10/2021 21:23

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

I was caught once - a bloke in apparent distress, asking for a couple of since he needed to get to the other side of London to see his sick child.

I was 99% sure it was a scam, but give him the £2 anyway.

Just a few days later I was on a bus with my sister, when I saw him getting on - he sat several rows in front of us.

He got off before we did, and en route to the exit gave me a very direct, very long stare - something between amusement and contempt. It said, ‘Yes, I took you for a mug - you know that and I know that, and if you think I’m remotely sorry, you’re even more of a mug.’

I won’t say I’d never do the same again, though, just in case….

That would scare me though! I wouldn't really care if people took my money and left, never to be seen again, but to have them recognise me really freaks me the fuck out

gingergiraffe · 11/10/2021 21:42

I once stood just outside the entrance to a mainline train station. A well dressed man carrying a copy of the Times was approaching people, asking for a few pounds as he had lost his wallet and needed to catch a train home. He looked and sounded genuine. After a while he walked away from the station, and walked back towards it a little later to resume asking people for money. I imagine many people would have been taken in by his hard luck story and he would have made some decent money.

Chouetted · 11/10/2021 21:49

Useful to know: people who've genuinely lost their wallet can get assistance from the ticket office. There's a special procedure they can follow for ringing up a friend or relative and getting payment from them.

Fraine · 11/10/2021 21:51

@WildFlowerBees

I once bought hot food and dog food for a homeless man asking for money saying he was hungry, when I tried to give it to him he gave me some vile verbal abuse about wanting only money. I think twice now before giving anything.

I think it’s a bit off expecting him to eat whatever you give him.

I ask if they want a sandwich or a drink.

Last time I went to KFC to get a Twister wrap for £1.99 and a young homeless man asked for some money, so I gave him £2. He said he wanted a doughnut. I suggested he get something more filling before I could bite my tongue. He said he didn’t have enough.

I did feel bad afterwards that I didn’t give him a fiver, but I wasn’t even spending a fiver on my own lunch.

Regularsizedrudy · 12/10/2021 17:53

This is just part and parcel of leaving the house isn’t it? This interaction wouldn’t even register in my brain for more than a minutes thought

CaptainNelson · 12/10/2021 18:01

I can't believe how many posters are so harsh towards homeless people. So what if the £2 isn't for a train ticket? So what if they buy a can of beer? God, we live in a country where it's actually quite hard to become homeless; these are people who have absolutely nowhere to turn. Read what Raynor Winn has to say about this.

janice511 · 12/10/2021 18:03

Our local man asks 'any spare change, I'm short for the rent on my room' week in week out🙄
Just dont engage with them, dont look or speak, police visited my daughters school and told them.about one 'homeless' beggar who lived in a big house in town with his partner and was very well off!

Pythonista · 12/10/2021 18:03

@CaptainNelson

I can't believe how many posters are so harsh towards homeless people. So what if the £2 isn't for a train ticket? So what if they buy a can of beer? God, we live in a country where it's actually quite hard to become homeless; these are people who have absolutely nowhere to turn. Read what Raynor Winn has to say about this.

Read the thread. People are slagging off scammers and those who pretend to be homeless. Those are the people who make it harder for the genuine ones

Mesoavocado · 12/10/2021 18:30

There is a large organised scam of “homeless” in our local city. They are brought in daily and dropped off in various parts of the city and then collected again.

I therefore find it hard to trust who is truly homeless and who is part of the scam. I have in the past bought a jacket for a young lad during winter from a charity shop that he was sat outside of which he was thankful for

cherish123 · 12/10/2021 18:37

Nope. You were right not to. He didn't sound like someone who had genuinely lost their wallet.

PartyStory · 12/10/2021 18:40

Read the thread. People are slagging off scammers and those who pretend to be homeless. Those are the people who make it harder for the genuine ones

Exactly. No one is complaining about someone homeless just asking for money. Some people have said they don't give directly but that's their choice.

What people don't like are fake sob stories that make them feel like their kindness was taken advantage of or when the person who approached them is rude/entitled or feeling like they were specifically targeted.

I don't care what a homeless person spends their money on but I don't like being led to believe it's for one thing when it's for another. That's a scam and many of the people doing this are not homeless.

I know desperate people will do desperate things but it's not great to be be the victim either and can make the victim less likely to help in the future. Both parties need to maintain respect for the other.

carsonsmummy14 · 12/10/2021 18:43

@Kaceya2230

I've heard many times that people have had other people approach them in the street asking for money for a train fair or what not and often it's a scam. Never experienced it myself until today... possibly!

In a town centre, I popped into boots and I noticed a man sitting on the bench outside. I only took notice because he had a super cute dog with him. The guy looked pretty normal. As I left the shop he asked if I could help him - he was £2 short on a train fair and asked if I could spare a pound. I said no I'm sorry I don't carry change.

I did have change but in my purse I had money from my grandma for something. Some money for other things. I was worried if I opened it and he seen the notes I had I may be a target. I don't actually usually carry any cash but today I did have some on me for once!

But he was really nice. He just saying okay thank you and I went on with my day. He wasn't persistent or pressuring. Have I just ruined someone's day by not giving him any money?

To add the train station is quite a distance from where he was sat down so didn't sound convincing.

Would you have given change?

I work in a city centre I think I've become a bit hardened to it all now. Won't be long before they get card machines to accept "change" the ways things are going though. The disappointment when they realise that everyone uses card these days.

People asking for cigarettes as well. Pretty sure the "regulars" all talk as once you've given one to one of them, they all look out for you. I opened a new pack yesterday and within seconds one was there "you haven't got a spare cig I could have, have you?". I said no and she just looked at me and my pocket as if to say 'you have!', so I followed it up with "well, not spare anyway." I felt absolutely horrendous for being so rude but its got to stop. It has to! It was getting to the point where I was buying 20 a day (£55 a working week) to smoke about 5 a day!

Someone asked me for 20p towards a hot breakfast. I offered them a greggs meal deal (bacon or sausage barm with a brew)... the answer? "Oh no, I want a full English" and looked at me like I was mad! This same man asks me 3 or 4 times a day for "pennies towards " - he obviously doesn't recognise me.

Both husband and I donate to a different charity once a month. That's our part done as far as I'm concerned and I'm glad I'm finally bold enough to say no to these people. Guilt or no guilt.

ALongHardWinter · 12/10/2021 19:20

I don't give money to anyone in the street who asks me nowadays. I have in the past,and in my experience,they never leave you alone from then on. There was one guy who sat in the same place in my local high street,all day,every day,and to start with,I did give him a quid now and again because he was pleasant enough. But after a while,he started coming out with a sob story every time I passed him. His mobile phone had been stolen, someone had mugged him and taken all his money, someone had nicked his sleeping bag. Every single time.
Eventually I told him nicely that I couldn't afford to give him any more money,but still he tried his luck from time to time. And still I kept saying no, knowing that if I gave anything to him 'just one more time',he'd start again in earnest. Thankfully now,after 2 whole years(!) he finally seems to have got the message. But I've learnt my lesson and don't give money to anyone now.

ALongHardWinter · 12/10/2021 19:24

carsonsmummy14 Omg I know exactly what you mean about cigarettes! Thankfully I managed to quit smoking just over a year ago,but back when I did smoke,it got to the point where I wouldn't smoke in the high street any more, because I was getting sick of people approaching me for a 'spare' cigarette. Honestly, it got beyond a joke. I think my record was 4 different people asking me in the space of one cigarette!

Morgysmum · 12/10/2021 19:28

You did right, I don't feel comfortable opening my purse in public. Like you I don't carry change, but even if I did I wouldn't have done, I think if I take my purse out I might get mugged.
I have given someone in this situation 20p before, but it was what I had in pocket. But it more than likely went on towards a cheap can of cider or for a fix.

jakkijax · 12/10/2021 19:32

Nope... your money. You earned it. He wasn't in danger. So Nope.

Smashingspinster · 12/10/2021 19:35

Had a friend who had been heavily into drugs in her youth - one of her friends begged every day at the station for a few quid because he was short - he was always clean and well dressed and tried to pass for a student so people were more likely to give him money. I hate it when beggars have pets. I get it you need companionship etc but it is not much life for the pet.

MeredithGreyishblue · 12/10/2021 19:36

@Orla1970

Some of the language on here describing fellow human beings is truly awful. Many many people end up on the streets and with a drug/alcohol issue because of significant trauma in their life. Not many people think when I grow up I’d like to have a heroin addiction and be homeless. Often it’s a combination of complex factors.

If you don’t want to give people money that’s your personal decision of course but all the names and derogatory language is unnecessary. This assumption that everyone is a scammer is way off too. If you don’t want to help. That’s your choice. Just try to be kind. Kindness costs nothing

This.

And often the same people who talk about needing a glass of wine / gin after looking after their kids or a long day at work. They "deserve" the gin and a bit of pleasure but the poor sod sleeping rough with maggots in his feet* somehow doesn't.

He doesn't deserve any money because he'll only spend it on wine. [{ here's your mirror }]

*seen with my own eyes on a young guy with absolutely no hope left in his body through years of abuse and neglect