Please tell me I did the right thing not giving change to this man.

[Kaceya2230]

I've heard many times that people have had other people approach them in the street asking for money for a train fair or what not and often it's a scam. Never experienced it myself until today... possibly!

In a town centre, I popped into boots and I noticed a man sitting on the bench outside. I only took notice because he had a super cute dog with him. The guy looked pretty normal. As I left the shop he asked if I could help him - he was £2 short on a train fair and asked if I could spare a pound. I said no I'm sorry I don't carry change.

I did have change but in my purse I had money from my grandma for something. Some money for other things. I was worried if I opened it and he seen the notes I had I may be a target. I don't actually usually carry any cash but today I did have some on me for once!

But he was really nice. He just saying okay thank you and I went on with my day. He wasn't persistent or pressuring. Have I just ruined someone's day by not giving him any money?

To add the train station is quite a distance from where he was sat down so didn't sound convincing.

Would you have given change?

This kind of thing is very common and I HATE saying ‘no’ but I do remind myself that homeless charities invariably advise us to say no in these circumstances (and instead to donate directly to the charities).

I would have given him the £2. I'm not in town often but when I am I always give when approached or give to the homeless etc. But no of course you're not obliged.

I wouldn't call this a scammer at all. He was a beggar. They often say they need it for a journey or a meal. And beggars can be well dressed. Don't worry - why should you give him money? I'm sure he asked dozens of people and got the money. Sometimes I give them money sometimes I don't. I know it goes on drugs or alcohol which is bad but there's a part of me that thinks "Whatever gets them through the day"

@LaetitiaASD

There is no obligation to give money to anyone or anything, so of course you did the "right thing". Better to say you didn't do the wrong thing.

I feel bad when I don't give to beggers or buy from big issue sellers - but I think everyone should choose a handful of charities, give what you can afford and want to give, and then simply say no to pretty much everyone else.

Big issue sellers are genuinely homeless, it is a way for them to earn money without begging and at the same time have access to help and support. I buy the big issue when I see a seller (it also has some very good thought provoking articles).

I rarely give money directly to people these days (and certainly not if they’re using an animal in that way too) but if someone says they’re hungry, or obviously looks it, then I’ll offer to get them the food they want, or if someone says they need a train fare and I have a prepaid Oyster card on me then they can take that. It’s harder when they look immaculate and come up with a ruse because i don’t want to insult them by seeming to question it. These things do stick with you though, I’m surprised it’s only your first encounter. I was in a rush and just said ‘sorry no’ to a distressed woman last week as soon as she came at me and opened her mouth, felt so shitty afterwards that there was a 0.1% chance she was going to ask me for genuine help :-S

You can never tell. Once me and my sis was in town and a very well dressed old man suited and booted like he was going to a wedding. Claimed to homeless and was asking for money.

Either way OP there's so many you can't give every single person money.

I feel the same about the purse thing though sometimes I want to give but don't want my purse to be snatched.

I once gave £5 to a woman who imho was probably going to spend it on heroin. But she needed to get through the day & that's why I gave it to her.

I'll buy people food or a hot or cold drink rather than give money, but I always ask what they want first. If they only want cash I usually decline. One guy wanted a sandwich but he wanted me to eat with him, so we had lunch in a Pret together and shared stories of our families. He was headed for Gregg's but I steered us into Pret.

Let's hope one of you who do not give ever end up where these people are. Begging is a criminal offence so they have to ask for something that doesn't seem like vegging. Bus or train fare is an obvious answer. Giving 50p is a, way towards a, hot meal, a up of coffee or a bed for the night. And doesn't break the bank. I worked for moew than 25 years with homeless people Inc rough sleepers. Many are clean and well spoken, some have dogs. But a kind word and a small token should never be too much to ask. A tiny minority may be scamming you. The majority only want what you have and may be trying really hard to get there. They do not need a kicking.

@Mirw

Let's hope one of you who do not give ever end up where these people are. Begging is a criminal offence so they have to ask for something that doesn't seem like vegging. Bus or train fare is an obvious answer. Giving 50p is a, way towards a, hot meal, a up of coffee or a bed for the night. And doesn't break the bank. I worked for moew than 25 years with homeless people Inc rough sleepers. Many are clean and well spoken, some have dogs. But a kind word and a small token should never be too much to ask. A tiny minority may be scamming you. The majority only want what you have and may be trying really hard to get there. They do not need a kicking.

And the one who followed me around town demanding £20 because I had been stupid enough to give her a couple of quid a few times?

The cute dog was probably stolen and kept in horrible conditions when not begging. We had a huge ring if beggars last year that kept the dogs (expensive fluffy pedigree types) locked in trailers on the back of their mobile homes (not homeless either) when not at their post but as they were provided with food and water the SSPCA couldn't act. Keep your money on your pocket

@Mirw

Let's hope one of you who do not give ever end up where these people are. Begging is a criminal offence so they have to ask for something that doesn't seem like vegging. Bus or train fare is an obvious answer. Giving 50p is a, way towards a, hot meal, a up of coffee or a bed for the night. And doesn't break the bank. I worked for moew than 25 years with homeless people Inc rough sleepers. Many are clean and well spoken, some have dogs. But a kind word and a small token should never be too much to ask. A tiny minority may be scamming you. The majority only want what you have and may be trying really hard to get there. They do not need a kicking.

I don't want my 'small token' to be the £2 that, after begging all day, affords them that bottle of whiskey that kills them.

Similar thing! apparently he had lost his train ticket. I had a bus tripper ticket but was almost home, id just got off the bus and decided to walk the rest of the way, so offered him the ticket not really legal but nobody would have known. I then had to endure a verbal rather blue tongue lashing by the little shit. He then asked someone else and was offered another bus ticket, he stormed off most perturbed

Buy the dog a treat next time, that's what I do

I give money if its easy to get out

OP, you sound very young. So here's some helpful advice.

Never, ever give money to homeless or beggars in the street. If they look genuine, cold, hungry etc offer to buy them a takeaway cup of soup, a Big Mac, a sandwich or whatever is available at a nearby shop.

Every town has a homeless project which supplies them with everything they need. They beg in the street mainly to collect enough money to get a "hit" of some toxic drug, which only perpetuates their poor situation in life, or booze, then they get drunk and either hurt themselves or create an unsafe atmosphere for lone women walking past.

If it's on your conscience donate a few pounds a month to the local homeless charity.

PS in my more naive days I gave £20 to a woman begging and she must have followed me home without me noticing, because after that she kept banging on my door demanding more money.

I've had a few of these. One asked for £5 for the tube as she was short. Gave her 10 and she literally went to the person right next to me and did the same. Felt so foolish.
Another was begging on the district line, a lady opposite me gave him a few coins and he say "come on, you can do better than that". I kid you not, she got a note out of her purse for him. Then came over to ask me and got nothing.
Another one was a guy being dropped off from an audi outside Sainsbury's by his partner, gave her a kiss, went to the boot and took out an old worn coat and sat down by the entrance to beg as she drove off.
Helping is one thing, being taken advantage of is another.

Let's hope one of you who do not give ever end up where these people are. Begging is a criminal offence so they have to ask for something that doesn't seem like vegging. Bus or train fare is an obvious answer. Giving 50p is a, way towards a, hot meal, a up of coffee or a bed for the night. And doesn't break the bank. I worked for moew than 25 years with homeless people Inc rough sleepers. Many are clean and well spoken, some have dogs. But a kind word and a small token should never be too much to ask. A tiny minority may be scamming you. The majority only want what you have and may be trying really hard to get there. They do not need a kicking. and it’s this kind of attitudes that helps scammers to prosper.

And the scammers really are the majority not the minority.

Every town has homeless shelters where the homeless can get a bed for the night. Often people offer to buy food which is rejected in favour of cash.

Nobody should be giving cash and thus fuelling the drugs trade and everything which goes hand in hand with that.

It’s sad that anyone has become dependent on drugs, but we shouldn’t be contributing to it.

I once came over all Lady Bountiful and bought a sandwich for a young woman who was begging. I thought she might be veggie so got cheese and salad. She opened the bag, sniffed and said'I prefer ham' and gave it back to me.
Taught me a lesson. I don't give money to beggers now.

Tbh I never give to beggars, there are so many in London I would be cleaned out in a week, they all have mobile phones cigarettes and booze - which I can't afford, and I think men have a cheek asking any woman for money when we earn less, also I've had some very nasty experiences with abusive men who wobt leave me alone or call me names, why would I reward such toxic male behaviour - I give them all a wide berth

I’d have to give them whatever I had just in case it was genuine.

I was thinking what I’d do if I was short of money or in a situation where I did genuinely need money. We constantly hear of folk needing soup kitchens, food banks etc
Life is not good for some people. I’m sure their ambition was not to be begging.

@Dnaltocs

I’d have to give them whatever I had just in case it was genuine. I was thinking what I’d do if I was short of money or in a situation where I did genuinely need money. We constantly hear of folk needing soup kitchens, food banks etc Life is not good for some people. I’m sure their ambition was not to be begging.

That's fine, just know that whilst you are being kind, you are adding to the problem of people being harassed by these scammers

@VladmirsPoutine

I give a bit of change as and when I can. It's not for me to police what homeless people do with the money I give them. If I were homeless I'd probably want to buy a drink too.

Haven't RTFT, but this is my feeling too.

This is what my father told me, and it's been my guide since then (although I never give what I cannot afford)..."Better, in the end, that it is on his conscience to take what he did not need than it be on mine that I did not give what I easily could have."

But not everyone one feels like that.

And, @jimmyhill , it isn't odd at all. Too easy to say, "I don't HAVE 20 pounds. Most people will have 2. You ask for what is easy to give.