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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You're not going out wearing that

220 replies

bigbaggyeyes · 10/10/2021 09:47

A quick aibu.

My 13 yr old dd is going out shopping (big indoor retail park) with her friends for the first time today. She wants to wear a short, strappy dress with trainers and a zip up hoodie type jacket, dress is similar to the one in the link below, but white with blue flowers on it.

She's tells me the usual 'everyone is wearing the same' but I'm not convinced.

Aibu to tell her to put a pair of jeans on? Or should I bite the bullet and let her wear what she wants?

m.shein.co.uk/SHEIN-Crisscross-Back-Ruched-Dress-p-3026908-cat-1727.html?scici=Search~~SuggestionSearch~~1~~Strappy%20White%20Dress~~SMSearchWordsSuggest~~0

OP posts:
Blankspace4 · 10/10/2021 09:49

At 13 she is still a child so should be following your instructions. I don’t think a skimpy dress like that is appropriate for a day at a shopping centre (especially in October)

TamponSupport · 10/10/2021 09:50

It's about 6 degrees where I am, so I'd object on the principle that she would freeze and be miserable all day.

Fallagain · 10/10/2021 09:51

I can’t see the dress due to a big pop up.

What is your problem with the outfit?

Original poster
bigbaggyeyes · 10/10/2021 09:51

Thank you @Blankspace4 that's my thoughts too.... she's normally a ripped jeans and T-shirt kind of girl so seeing her in that was a shock Grin she's just come down in a pair of jeans so we met all good.... such a mind field around letting them make decisions and still Jodi get what's right for them

OP posts:
parentinghelp1 · 10/10/2021 09:51

YANBU I would tell her to cover up too

Sliceofrice · 10/10/2021 09:53

At a family party last night, all the teen girls were wearing that combo. It's likw the bodycon has been handed down from siblings and cousins and is making its second round with 12-18 year olds.

ineedsun · 10/10/2021 09:54

Yes, I went out to a big entertainment park yesterday and most of the teen girls were dressed like this. I noticed because I thought a) they must be bloody freezing b) I remember when I used to go out in clothes which were inappropriate to the climate because I looked amazing c) I wish I could dress like that now.

They looked so much better than the ones wearing jeans with the fronts missing.

Blankspace4 · 10/10/2021 09:54

@bigbaggyeyes I’ve definitely seen girls wearing similar to the original outfit when 16+, so I get the style she’s referring to - it’s like the skimpy dress is cancelled out by the hoodie and trainers, but the age is the real issue for me. I’m glad she listened to you! Over time her style will change I’m sure so maybe you can shop together (online or in person) and find some stuff that allows her to find her own style but that you don’t feel is totally inappropriate!

Rupertpenrysmistress · 10/10/2021 09:55

It is what a lot of girls are wearing and as you say covered up with a hoodie. My dd also 13 nearly 14 wears dresses that length but not with the same top (more covered) but they seem to keep their hoodies on.
If my dd was wearing the dress alone I would say no, but mine covers up. As an aside why did you let her get the dress if you now don't want her to wear it?

FreeBritnee · 10/10/2021 09:56

That dress looks like a stripper dress to me so I would have absolutely had a problem with that on a 13 year old.

IfImLyingImDying · 10/10/2021 09:56

What are you worried about exactly if she does wear it?

sociallydistained · 10/10/2021 09:57

I’m a nanny with a just turned 12 year old child. The evening before her day off at school she was preparing what to wear to town the next day for meeting friends and came down in a dress similar to ask my opinion. I was really shocked and she was shocked that I was shocked 🙈 I just calmly pointed out it felt a bit over the top for going into town and also wouldn’t be warm. She did keep asking me why and in the end I think she wore mom jeans and a top! But it isn’t her usual style at all so i imagine she just wanted to fit in and same with your daughter. Bless them!

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 10/10/2021 09:59

YANBU. I wouldn't let her either. Awful dress for anyone let alone a 13 year old.

SequinnedShawl · 10/10/2021 10:01

That style of dress is totally unsuitable for a 13 year old!

Ponoka7 · 10/10/2021 10:02

I'd have a chat with her on how to handle unwanted attention. That included older lads. Give her the confidence to assertively challenge someone. I knew my 13 year old DD's friends enough to ask what they were wearing and give safety chats, like not leaving each other etc. Girls should be able to enjoy how they look and their bodies.

GetDrunkWithMe · 10/10/2021 10:03

I wouldn't of let my child buy that dress to begin with not at 13!

SometimesRavenSometimesParrot · 10/10/2021 10:04

YABU but I don’t believe in policing outfits unless they’d attract a public indecency offence or are unsafe (e.g lots of fringing to go rock climbing) What exactly are you worried about happening if she wears the dress? And why did you let her buy it if you didn’t want her to wear it?

Fdksyihfd · 10/10/2021 10:05

I’ve seen a lot of 13 year olds wearing stuff like that; when my mil suggested that a dress my DD13 wanted to buy was too short she ferociously questioned her on why she should care what others thought and why she should dress a certain way so that men don’t look at her and why it’s a girls responsibility to dress a certain way and not a man’s responsibility to not stare. I could totally see her point

Gardenlass · 10/10/2021 10:10

Regardless of unwanted male attention, the dress is unsuitable for a 13 year old.

EllieSattler · 10/10/2021 10:10

@Ponoka7

I'd have a chat with her on how to handle unwanted attention. That included older lads. Give her the confidence to assertively challenge someone. I knew my 13 year old DD's friends enough to ask what they were wearing and give safety chats, like not leaving each other etc. Girls should be able to enjoy how they look and their bodies.
Unwanted attention? I remember vividly being groped by passing schoolboys as a teen when I was wearing the fugliest massive chunky jumper, jeans and DM boots. If she attracts unwanted attention then it won't be due to a short skirt.

Anyway the local secondary school girls wear their PE uniform in on PE days and the skirt is far shorter than the one on that dress.

Mrgrinch · 10/10/2021 10:12

YANBU. It's all well and good the 'cool' parents letting their children wear what they like, but I don't think a 13 year old needs to go shopping dressed like a young woman would on a night out down the town.

FeatheredHope · 10/10/2021 10:15

Sorry to not be a cool mum, but there’s no way in hell my 13 year old would be going out in that (especially to go shopping in october).

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 10/10/2021 10:20

I wouldn’t have bought a dress like that for a child let alone let them wear it out.

MrsMcGarry · 10/10/2021 10:21

I genuinely cannot believe the level of Puritanism here.

Rather than slut-shaming a 13 year old who simply wants to wear clothes she looks and feels good in, talk to your sons about not being entitled to grope women or girls no matter what they are wearing.

Why are we surprised that so many girls grow up to be women in controlling relationships when they grow up with parents who think they have a right to control what they wear.

furbabymama87 · 10/10/2021 10:22

Men and boys give unwanted attention to girls whatever they're wearing but it's naive to think that dress wouldn't get more attention than jeans and a jumper. I wouldn't allow my daughter to wear that.