You're not going out wearing that

[bigbaggyeyes]

A quick aibu.

My 13 yr old dd is going out shopping (big indoor retail park) with her friends for the first time today. She wants to wear a short, strappy dress with trainers and a zip up hoodie type jacket, dress is similar to the one in the link below, but white with blue flowers on it.

She's tells me the usual 'everyone is wearing the same' but I'm not convinced.

Aibu to tell her to put a pair of jeans on? Or should I bite the bullet and let her wear what she wants?

m.shein.co.uk/SHEIN-Crisscross-Back-Ruched-Dress-p-3026908-cat-1727.html?scici=Search~~SuggestionSearch~~1~~Strappy%20White%20Dress~~SMSearchWordsSuggest~~0

Everyone really is wearing this at the moment. I see young teenagers with everything hanging out every day and it baffles me. I am just grateful I don’t have teenage daughters.

It's the sort of thing I used to wear on a night out clubbing with the intent to attract men. It's a bit much for wearing shopping and at the age of 13, but if she's wearing it with a hoody and trainers not so bad, maybe with some leggings underneath? I think it's better than wearing the tiny lycra shorts that are underware length with cropped jumpers exposing the entire abdomen which is what girls aged 8-15 seem to mainly wear around here.

@Thatsplentyjack

Bloody hell it's not like she's donning the fish nets and the knee highs to go to the shopping shopping center. She's putting on her trainers and a hoodie. Do your 23 yearnolds never wear shorts and vest tops in the summer?

I don't think the OP is questioning the trainers and hoodie. It's the dress she is concerned about. And the child isn't 23, she's 13.

I'm actually really surprised at the answers here. I'm usually very much a prude when it comes to skimpy clothing, just because I think there's no need rather than trying to avoid male attention, but I just can't see the problem with this.

I’d say it’s impractical for October and she can wear something over her legs.
What 13 year old doesn’t need parents?

@FreeBritnee

Let’s reframe this somewhat. How are eighteen year old males meant to distinguish children from adults when kids are out wearing lots of make up, sexy dresses and potentially saying they are far older than they are? I have two boys and this scenario worries the he’ll out of me.

Are your sons able to talk? Presuming they can, I suggest they learn to ask someone how old they are and also have a good understanding of the law surrounding consent etc

Honestly I've seen some shite on here but please please stop blaming girls/women for men behaving poorly.
Educate and inspire your sons people!!!

In theory I’m in the camp of body autonomy and letting girls dress themselves.

In practice, 13 year old girls don’t understand how creepy, lecherous and predatory some adult men are to young girls.

So yes I would not think it’s a suitable outfit.

I don't think it's appropriate for a 13 year old child

Oh god I used to wear dresses like this! Oh to be young again

I don't understand how she has the dress if you don't like it. How did she buy it?

It's fuck all to do with slut shaming, it's about not participating in sexualising of children

Who’s sexualising her though? You are, and then telling her she should cover up. That’s the definition of slut shaming.

@FreeBritnee

Let’s reframe this somewhat. How are eighteen year old males meant to distinguish children from adults when kids are out wearing lots of make up, sexy dresses and potentially saying they are far older than they are? I have two boys and this scenario worries the he’ll out of me.

If you’ve been teaching them that a certain kind of dress or lots of makeup equals consent, then you’re right to be worried.

In any event, it’s not the child’s, or any other’s, responsibility to make sure your sons as adults don’t have sex with children.

@FreeBritnee

Let’s reframe this somewhat. How are eighteen year old males meant to distinguish children from adults when kids are out wearing lots of make up, sexy dresses and potentially saying they are far older than they are? I have two boys and this scenario worries the he’ll out of me.

😯😱🙄. Teach your sons about consent. Makeup and dresses are not an invitation for sex.

@MrsMcGarry

I genuinely cannot believe the level of Puritanism here.

Rather than slut-shaming a 13 year old who simply wants to wear clothes she looks and feels good in, talk to your sons about not being entitled to grope women or girls no matter what they are wearing.

Why are we surprised that so many girls grow up to be women in controlling relationships when they grow up with parents who think they have a right to control what they wear.

Finally a comment that makes sense!

I’m not a ‘cool’ parent by any measure but I’d let her wear this.

The only skin on show is her legs which she would show if she wore her PE kit, so unless you are part of a religion that encourages girls to cover up then I don’t see it as a big deal.

If she gets cold it’s her own fault.

I’ve worn a lot of things in my time but no way would I let a 13 year old girl wear that with a hoody or not. For me if the dress was a bit longer, not quite so clingy and not as cut away then I’d allow it. More sporty I mean. And no I’m no Puritan either.

My mum made me a dress shorter than that for a party, I was 14. I wouldn't have worn it to the shops or Saturday job, tho I never went anywhere without false eyelashes. Sounds like you have found a sensible solution, they are nearly grown but still need to fine tune it. We often looked like dogs' dinners. Those were the days!

It looks like something older teens 18 or so, may wear, not your dd's age. I admit, I am not a fan of it, looks flimsy and cheap and tacky. She was smart not to wear it, though mom jeans sounds a wee bit extreme! 😂
Maybe take her out to choose an age appropriate version of her vision, with better quality materials.

The dress is fine worn with trainers and a hoodie. She's 13. She's playing with fashion, let her enjoy it. She's a kid. Do empower her and her friends to look after themselves and each other whatever they choose to wear.

I usually go with the ‘needs to be weather appropriate’ as my first line in defence. Worst case put on something equally as skimpy and ask if you can go with her?! Friend did this and it worked a treat😆

Why does she even own a dress like that?!

That's a dress for a woman (or at least an older teen), not appropriate for a 13 year old child.

Of course women should be able to wear whatever they want and stay safe. But wearing an adult outfit is likely to attract the kind of attention that might be OK for an adult/older teen, but isn't OK for a 13 year old. Your daughter probably doesn't understand this.

@Ponoka7

I'd have a chat with her on how to handle unwanted attention. That included older lads. Give her the confidence to assertively challenge someone. I knew my 13 year old DD's friends enough to ask what they were wearing and give safety chats, like not leaving each other etc. Girls should be able to enjoy how they look and their bodies.

Absolutely this.

@GemmaRuby

In theory I’m in the camp of body autonomy and letting girls dress themselves.

In practice, 13 year old girls don’t understand how creepy, lecherous and predatory some adult men are to young girls.

So yes I would not think it’s a suitable outfit.

“Creepy, lecherous and predatory” men don’t care what clothes your 13 year old is wearing. They’re just as likely to be interested if she’s wearing her school uniform as she is wearing this dress.

Your dd is right, lots of 13/14 yr old girls are wearing short, tight dresses with hoodies and trainers. It’s almost like a weekend uniform if you go to town shopping. Whether you let your dd do that is up to you clearly, but what she chooses to wear does not make her more vulnerable to creepy men.

I think the issue is rather why she can't wear what she wants. Is it because of unwanted male attention? If so then there's a problem with how men and boys perceive girls.

I don't really like the dress tbh but at the same time it's normal behaviour for that age to want to wear something short - they all roll up their school skirts.