Page 3 | You're not going out wearing that

bigbaggyeyes · 2021-10-10T08:47:41+00:00

A quick aibu. My 13 yr old dd is going out shopping (big indoor retail park) with her friends for the first time today. She wants to wear a short, strappy dress with trainers and a zip up hoodie type jacket, dress is similar to the one in the link below, but white with blue flowers on it. She's tells me the usual 'everyone is wearing the same' but I'm not convinced. Aibu to tell her to put a pair of jeans on? Or should I bite the bullet and let her wear what she wants? https://m.shein.co.uk/SHEIN-Crisscross-Back-Ruched-Dress-p-3026908-cat-1727.html?scici=Search~~SuggestionSearch~~1~~Strappy%20White%20Dress~~SMSearchWordsSuggest~~0

BarefootHippieChick · 10/10/2021 10:47

I get it, I have teenage girls, sometimes you just have to let them wear what they want and they'll soon realise it's not as great as they thought (ie, skimpy dress in October equals freezing cold arse all day). Bodycon dresses are very 'in' for this age group currently, next year it will be something else. I don't police what my kids wear now they're growing up as I went out in practically nothing as a teen sometimes, so it would be completely hypocritical. And frankly, some of the comments on here about women 'sexualising' themselves....A decent man would never sexually harass anyone. A non decent man wouldn't care if women were dressed in skimpy dresses or jeans and a jumper, they'll just take the opportunity whenever and wherever.

Crimeismymiddlename · 10/10/2021 10:48

If she put on thick tights and a coat over the hoody it would be fine-they all seem to dress like this now.

CouldWeStartAgainPlease · 10/10/2021 10:48

The dress is designed for an adult woman to make an adult woman look sexy. That's great! Fair play to any woman who wants to wear it and feel fantastic.

It's not for children.

FreeBritnee · 10/10/2021 10:49

Let’s reframe this somewhat. How are eighteen year old males meant to distinguish children from adults when kids are out wearing lots of make up, sexy dresses and potentially saying they are far older than they are? I have two boys and this scenario worries the he’ll out of me.

Nosilayak · 10/10/2021 10:49

My son's girlfriend, aged 17, wears exactly the same kind of outfit. They went to a city shopping the other day on the train, then came back here at night. She was full of a cold and looked freezing and I couldn't believe what she was wearing but apparently it is the fashion.

RosiePosieDozy · 10/10/2021 10:51

Nope. A thirteen year old of mine wouldn't be going out in that. It's not a dress for a child. There are short dresses that are appropriate for 13 year olds but definitely not that one IMO.

thehairyhog · 10/10/2021 10:51

'And why did you let her buy it if you didn’t want her to wear it?'

I think this is the pertinent point. I think it's ok to say no to buying some types of clothes but it's a bit much to then police when and how she wears it. At 13 with a hoodie and trainers this really isn't that bad, nothing to do with being 'cool'.

Marvellousmadness · 10/10/2021 10:51

Way too young to be waring that! a dress like that would come with way too much (unwanted) attention. Seems more appropriate for an early 20 something girl. Not a newly teen.

RJnomore1 · 10/10/2021 10:52

Well @FreeBritnee sureky the conversations your sons will have as they get to know the girls will reveal all. Where they work, interests, exam results and so forth.

Why would they need to know if a random group of girls are 13 or 18?

Thatsplentyjack · 10/10/2021 10:52

I dont think that's too bad with a hoodie and trainers. I mean how short is it on her? Showing her arse cheeks while walking?(yes, I have seen that a few times recently. Two of them were going to school, and that was was uniform!) Not appropriate for anyone at anytime.

RJnomore1 · 10/10/2021 10:53

Also let’s NOT reframe a conversation about female clothing to make them responsible for males acting like human beings.

BarefootHippieChick · 10/10/2021 10:53

@FreeBritnee

Let’s reframe this somewhat. How are eighteen year old males meant to distinguish children from adults when kids are out wearing lots of make up, sexy dresses and potentially saying they are far older than they are? I have two boys and this scenario worries the he’ll out of me.

I guess it depends on the situation. Presumably those 18 year old males are out meeting girls at pubs, clubs and parties. Most 13 year old girls won't be in that kind of environment. And a bunch of 13 year olds out shopping will be loud, giggly and immature - very different to girls just a few years older. Boys should be able to tell the difference.

Mamette · 10/10/2021 10:54

@FreeBritnee

Let’s reframe this somewhat. How are eighteen year old males meant to distinguish children from adults when kids are out wearing lots of make up, sexy dresses and potentially saying they are far older than they are? I have two boys and this scenario worries the he’ll out of me.

I think an 18yo boy knows a group of 13yos in the shopping centre when he sees it. Or hears it, first, probably.

The OP’s DD didn’t say she wants to wear this dress to a club with a fake ID. She wants to stand around the mall with 20 of her mates dressed identically.

Thatsplentyjack · 10/10/2021 10:55

@FreeBritnee

Let’s reframe this somewhat. How are eighteen year old males meant to distinguish children from adults when kids are out wearing lots of make up, sexy dresses and potentially saying they are far older than they are? I have two boys and this scenario worries the he’ll out of me.

Why do they need to know? Are men just constantly on the look out for women to try and pick up?

Rosebel · 10/10/2021 10:56

I'm not really sure. I let my 15 year old wear something similar when she went out with her friends recently. But then she's a couple of years older.
I try not to sound like my dad who used to ask if I was wearing a skirt with my belt (I leave that to my husband).
If I was really against an outfit I wouldn't have let her buy it.

Mamette · 10/10/2021 10:56

Oh x-post @BarefootHippieChick 😂

Gardenlass · 10/10/2021 10:57

Gardenlass
Regardless of unwanted male attention, the dress is unsuitable for a 13 year old.
How?
It looks far too adult for a 13 year old. It's a pity you can't see that.

Thatsplentyjack · 10/10/2021 10:58

Seriously, it's very very rare that a 13 year old girl could pass for 18, even if they do lie about it. Just because they say they are 18, your ds would be under no oigation to then have some sort of sexual contact or any type of relationship with them.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 10/10/2021 10:58

That style dress is awful for a 13yr old regardless of where she's going.

neededafart · 10/10/2021 11:00

That dress is completely inappropriate for a 13 year old on a shopping trip. Yanbu.

I'm usually on the side of letting kids express them self and at that age choose their outfits. In this case I'm on your side !

MrsMcGarry · 10/10/2021 11:00

Does it matter whether your son knows if the girls he approaches are 13 or 18? Surely he would be acting respectfully towards them no matter what age they were? Surely...

Katjolo · 10/10/2021 11:01

100% not appropriate

Thatsplentyjack · 10/10/2021 11:02

Bloody hell it's not like she's donning the fish nets and the knee highs to go to the shopping shopping center. She's putting on her trainers and a hoodie. Do your 23 yearnolds never wear shorts and vest tops in the summer?

FreeBritnee · 10/10/2021 11:04

At 14 I was out clubbing with adults wearing small black dresses and lots of make up. I was also working and mixing with adults in a restaurant pub so similarly acting like a much older girl than I was. Because of this I was placed into lots of very worrying situations with males who assumed o was far older and I was very, VERY lucky I wasn’t sexually assaulted (I came very close while abroad and the male in question was absolutely furious when he found out my real age)

I’m trying to raise my boys to be very mindful of consent but obviously young girls looking and acting older is a real concern to me. I honestly didn’t know that thirteen year olds were out there looking like the women from Love Island. Now I know that I’ll adjust my mindset once again.

CaptSkippy · 10/10/2021 11:04

I can't believe some of these responses here.

Yes, in an ideal world kids could play naked outside in the summer and they would be perfectly safe. But that's not the world we live in. People are preying on kids in a sexual way. It is not the child's fault nor the parents.

However, if you can do something to reduce the changes of your children getting preyed upon, why would you not do it? Children don't understand the world as well as adults do. It takes life experience to develop that kind of understanding and we all know that not everyone is nice or cares about children's well being.

A 13 year old needs more protection than a 16 year old and an 8 year old needs more protection than a 13 year old. That's just the way it is.