You're not going out wearing that

[bigbaggyeyes]

A quick aibu.

My 13 yr old dd is going out shopping (big indoor retail park) with her friends for the first time today. She wants to wear a short, strappy dress with trainers and a zip up hoodie type jacket, dress is similar to the one in the link below, but white with blue flowers on it.

She's tells me the usual 'everyone is wearing the same' but I'm not convinced.

Aibu to tell her to put a pair of jeans on? Or should I bite the bullet and let her wear what she wants?

m.shein.co.uk/SHEIN-Crisscross-Back-Ruched-Dress-p-3026908-cat-1727.html?scici=Search~~SuggestionSearch~~1~~Strappy%20White%20Dress~~SMSearchWordsSuggest~~0

@FreeBritnee

Let’s reframe this somewhat. How are eighteen year old males meant to distinguish children from adults when kids are out wearing lots of make up, sexy dresses and potentially saying they are far older than they are? I have two boys and this scenario worries the he’ll out of me.

If your sons are unable to distinguish between 13 and 18 year old girls you would be right to be worried. A 5 minute conversation should've enough to tell.

Ask your sons to check ID if they need to, the onus is on them 🤷‍♀️

Ask your sons to check ID if they need to, the onus is on them

True. This would take a few seconds to check so there's no excuse. It's a well known fact that underage kids sneak into bars/pubs, so adults need to be extremely vigilant when it comes to having sex with people who look young and make sure that they have properly established someone's age.

What I've learned from my daughters, is that they are strong.

I've warned them, they've learned, and they will wear what they want to, be who they want to.

They're not ignorant. But they're not going to kowtow to ignorant bastards who want to put them in a box, be they their sons, fathers, or mothers.

@achainisonlyasstrong

I think this dress on a thirteen year old with hoodies and trainers would look OK! It's just a short dress. I also think that teenagers who wear short dresses may just be interested in fashion and looking good. Short dresses don't just equal I want male attention. Sometimes they just look good. Also if you can't wear short dresses as a teenager, when can you wear them? Generally not suitable work attire. Think it's a bit narrow minded to think girls in short dresses are just doing it to attract male attention! Maybe they are, but maybe they are just doing it because it's fashion! And I think that definitely goes with op's 13 year old daughter. Also this dress worn by a 13 year old would look very different than when a 18 year old is wearing it.

Exactly - it ends up looking like the girls I referred to before - the young teens wearing them but not really knowing why and feeling self conscious tugging and pulling at clothes . At least an 18 year old has the sense and the sass to accept why she may get looks . An 18 year old may have more to put in it but it is preferable to seeing little girls in clothes like this .

@MrsMcGarry

I genuinely cannot believe the level of Puritanism here.

Rather than slut-shaming a 13 year old who simply wants to wear clothes she looks and feels good in, talk to your sons about not being entitled to grope women or girls no matter what they are wearing.

Why are we surprised that so many girls grow up to be women in controlling relationships when they grow up with parents who think they have a right to control what they wear.

This 1000000% this

She’ll be far too cold in this weather in that!!!

But, from a “moral” point of view, don’t see why she shouldn’t wear it. With a hoodie and trainers. The issue is with anyone looking at a 13 year old through “sexual” eyes.

A solicitor welcoming you to discuss a legal matter in his jogging bottoms you'd think was acceptable? Well I can assure you there's many people that wouldn't and rightly so. In professional services you should look professional.

Another bullshit judgement. Based on really old fashioned thinking and completely at odds with where business is trying to move. What you wear doesn't affect who well you do your job.

You really wouldn't question your doctor say there on a Halloween costumes? Don't be stupid

Having been around children's hospital last for 12 years with my daughter and seen doctors and nurses dressed in all sorts of costumes and found them more than capable of doing their job with a silly costume on, no, it wouldn't bother you. I dare say if you were having a heart attack, the last thing you'd be worried about was what the doctor was wearing.

That you judge is your problem, not theirs.

I guess the judicial system is full of people wearing silly outfits 🤷‍♀️

I’m trying to imagine a policeman wearing that dress and me taking him seriously though. I don’t think I would.

@BoredZelda of course it's only me that makes these judgements that's why every professional Jon still requires people to wear suits to work isn't it?!!!!!

You sound really daft!

Its october. Can we at least accept that it's not really weather appropriate? I wouldn't let a kid of either sex wear shorts either, because it's not warm enough.

I also agree with pp, its not just about whether its skin tight or showing a lot of skin. That's clearly what I called (age 18) a "going out out dress". Its socially recognisable as a dress for parties/clubbing. 13 year olds are too young to be going clubbing so many adults will perceive it as too grown up a style on a child. In the same way that many people think little children dressed in very very formal clothing is overkill (think little boys in suits etc).

Children's clothing should be primarily functional and comfortable, that dress looks neither.

You are right op. Its our job as parents to protect them as long as possible.

1. She's 13 and does not need to be serialised by anyone.
2. yes, men shouldn't be making comments or be a danger and we as women shouldn't feel like we can't wear what we want. However, waling out in dresses like that at 13 is not going to fix the problem or teach men not to do these things. This is an education problem. But for the time being you teach her when it is appropriate to wear something like this and to minimise her risk.
3. it's bloody freezing!
4. she should respect her body. Flaunting it does not equal respect. She is too young to be doing this. Looking after your body is respecting it.

I personally cover up and feel empowered by it. I don't need to show my body to feel empowered because I don't need pic validation from either men or women. This is what we should be teaching our kids

Sexualised* not serialised

Cupcakeschocolate
I cover up my body because it's cold and I respect my own need to stay warm .

True confidence isnt flaunting your body for yourself rather than others, it's not attributing such huge value to appearance (beyond health aspects of appearance) and placing higher value on comfort and function.

Yabu. At 13 let her choose.

Teenagers don't feel the cold.

Let her rock on. Adult men need to be teaching each other that lusting after children is revolting.

@Joystir59

Teenagers don't feel the cold.

😁 I think I was about 27 when I suddenly thought, it's below freezing tonight, maybe I'll take my coat out clubbing 😁

@BoredZelda

Like it or not sexual clothing gives off sexual vibes and people will judge as a result of it and make assumptions.

Like it or not, people can wear clothes and not give a crap what assumptions others make. Your judgement is your problem, not theirs.

But very difficult for a 13 year old to hold this line. The theory is fine but that's not how it ends up.

But very difficult for a 13 year old to hold this line. The theory is fine but that's not how it ends up

So we are expecting kids, young girls to modify their behaviour because of how other might perceive them? I thought that kind of bullshit was on the way out.