Irritated that my mum and partner are going for Christmas dinner alone ..

[Helloitsmepickle2016]

Context - we have always spent Christmas together , my mum , her partner , me my husband , my 4 year old , my sister , and my mums partners kids. My mum loves the hustle and bustle of it all and thinks the world of her grandson and has always loved being with us on Christmas Day.

This year she has said she is going for a meal just her and her partner as they’ve said they need a break from it all.

Aibu to think that Christmas is about all being together and spending time with family and the ones you love ? Not to get away from family for a break?

This is a reverse, right?

I can see why you're disappointed...to be honest she could go for a meal anytime with her partner surely? Look, obviously it's her choice, but would she come over afterwards perhaps for a drink with you all or come before the meal to exchange gifts?

It’s not a reverse, I am her daughter

We once had a Christmas with DFIL because he was getting on a bit and just wanted quietness. It was fine for that one Christmas I would not worry she wants a quiet time.

Maybe she doesn’t enjoy the hustle and bustle as much as you think she does.

Just because she loves a busy Christmas most of the time doesn't mean she has to do it every single year.

I know I'm going to be extremely unpopular this year because I won't be hosting, I refuse to spend all of Christmas Day in the kitchen and miss my kids open most of their presents. It's stressful and not enjoyable at all.

Out of interest, who hosts every Christmas?

Does she usually go to your house or is she left to host you all? Maybe she's not as thrilled as you think about spending the day with so many people. She's free to spend Christmas as she wishes. Her plans sound bliss tbh.

They can do what they like for Christmas.

Offer to host then if you're so set on having all the family together.

Otherwise I don't bloody blame her for wanting a year off.

Oh is this a reverse? Boring.

No, you’re being ridiculous. I do every other Christmas ‘off’ because frankly if I had to do the ‘hustle and bustle’ of Christmas at my or DH’s family’s behest every year is become a Jehovah’s Witness.

We take turns to host.

Maybe she's suiting herself for once

I dont understand why you’d begrudge her a Christmas with her partner. It’s really selfish to expect her to always fit in with your plans.

I would love to just go out for a meal for christmas and see the grandchildren for a bit in the morning so I think yabu

Did she host or did you? If she has always hosted and is tired perhaps it's time you host? If you hosted then invite her either before or after their meal or for the next day.

Maybe this is her way of saying it’s your turn to host?

I love the hustle and bustle. I go totally OTT and have the whole family: grandparents/aunts/uncles siblings and cousins. But it is a huge amount of work and very expensive.

I hope at some point, when they have their own families, one of my DC will pick up the batten!

@Helloitsmepickle2016

We take turns to host.

OK so why can't they take turns in deciding what type of Christmas they have?

Personally with a small child a chilled Christmas day in your own home sounds much nicer for the child. After all the build up Christmas day for most 4 year olds is very overwhelming.

Don't be such a brat, she's doing something nice for her and her DP.

It’s her choice to make. Maybe like a lot of people she’s had a draining year and wants a relaxing Christmas.

Good for them!

They are fully entitled to have Christmas on their own, as we all are. We are making it a quiet one at home as we loved it last year.

However, I struggle to see a grandmother not wanting to spend their Christmas with their grandchild. That might be a first for me.

"Aibu to think that Christmas is about all being together and spending time with family and the ones you love ? Not to get away from family for a break?"

She wants a change. Let her try something different.
You'll still have a nice Christmas.

Good on her. I hope they have a fantastic time. 🎄

Maybe her partner doesn’t love the hustle and bustle of Christmas?

We do massive family Christmases. Usually 20-24 people.

My SIL absolutely loves it. Loves the noise, the chatter, the lack of elbow room at the table and everything that goes with it.

Her partner absolutely doesn’t love it. He loves it being just the two of them, a quiet meal later in the evening and a very chilled out day.

So they alternate because they love each other and both want the other to have their favourite Christmas. People in relationships compromise - it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

How do you think this would go if this was a mum pissed off that her daughter was choosing to have a quiet family Christmas with just her household?

You are so out of order here.